Remind me again

Nohidea- falling down

"YOU LET HER DIE!"

The blows continued to rain down on him worse than the rain from the dark clouds. He refused to defend himself against the judgement that he had been counting down for a few months now since her death. Now that it had come he was so scared, he was scared that he would never be able to do the job himself. A kick to his face sent him spiralling across the muddied earth right in front of her tombstone. Erica Iris Killjoy now rested here six feet under because he couldn't just throw a damn fight. So when her father raged and beat on him he didn't do it out of pain he did it because his only legacy was dead and Shadow could have prevented it. "I'm… so-" Shadow's head bounced off her tombstone and he crashed to the ground.

Her father knelt down and gripped at his blood stained tux he wore. No tears filled her father's eyes just an emptiness that couldn't be filled. "Why do you get to live and not her? Please answer that question please!" He begged for an answer Shadow could not give.

And for that her father branded him a coward. A selfish coward who didn't have the answer as to why he couldn't have just thrown away his pride. Simply, a coward.

Shadow batted his eye as he came too. Everything was fuzzy then the ache came on making him groan. Shadow didn't even bother to try and move he was hurt badly, but not dead. He remembered jumping off of the arena, the sound of wind rushing past his ears, something slamming into him then just darkness. The moon was out so it had been quite some time since he had been unconscious. Shadow didn't even realize that their was a fire next to him and a figure sitting, staring at him.

Pearl.

Beaten up, bruised, tired Pearl looked at him with those damn eyes. Not a look of anger though, just sadness. Pearl broke the silence first cause she knew he wouldn't. "Why Shadow? Why would you try and… what were you thinking?" Her question hit him like a seven ton truck. Pearl couldn't help herself she was stricken with pain herself that no matter what they did he felt it was necessary to end his life to escape. Tears welled up in her eyes when he didn't answer and instead just took to staring at the fire. Tears began to fall she couldn't help herself. "What would I tell Steven? He thinks so highly of you and to see his face when I would have to tell him that you just tried to-" Pearl choked up from the tears. She kept trying to talk through it but couldn't, they were coming out of the waterworks.

As much as it hurt Shadow he managed to crawl over to her. Shadow didn't bother saying anything he knew no amount of words could fix what he had tried to do. So Shadow just laid down on his back next to her. Pearl hadn't noticed that he had moved so when she felt his fingers grab her hand she was more than shocked. Shadow couldn't look at her sad face without wanting to strangle himself, so he closed his eyes, letting the darkness behind his lids let him slowly drift away while Pearl calmed herself. Her soft slender fingers felt nice to him, like a little touch of heaven he didn't deserve.

"You know gems don't really have a fear of death. Our bodies are just light so if something was to happen poof, we just go back to our gems. For that reason we have no fear of death." Pearl let his fingers slip from his regrettingly. If she was honest with herself she would stay like this forever if that was an option. "You were the drunk one who tried to fight me. A human who fought battles knowing he wouldn't win and yet… you still continued to fight head on with no second thought. So why is it that you sit at a window for two months suffering, you don't let Steven heal your eye then you try to kill yourself. We may not fear death for ourselves but for those around us it's terrifying."

Shadow couldn't let her continue anymore. "... Beaten, broken, tortured, then broken again. You make me sound like a hero. I'm no hero Pearl, just a one eyed freak that thought he could love."

Pearl turned to Shadow. A sad smile grew on her face but it was the most genuine smile he had ever seen. "What I said wasn't about you being some hero Shadow. It was because despite this wolrd throwing their worst at you somehow you're still here, kicking and screaming. You don't have to do it with a smile on your face for it to be a victory, you've won." She didn't care how inappropriate it was she wrapped her arms around him with everything she had. Her face buried in his neck filling her with a warmth she hadn't felt in a long time. It was almost laughable, she couldn't tell if this physical contact was to comfort him or herself.

Shadow on the other hand was stunned to his core. He never expected that he would have a friend like Pearl to save his ass from doing probably the dumbest thing he could have ever done. Now she was here holding him like he could just crumble again any moment now. So when he hugged her back and the pain came back to remind him of that he took a deep breath and squeezed tighter. He knew the anger was still there underneath the momentary peace he was feeling but for now this was fine.

"Pearl?"

The gem finally realized what she was doing and let go of him. She could feel her cheeks heating up from the embarrassment it was so unlike her to act this way. The way Shadow looked at her with his dark determined gaze made her feel like melting.

"Uhh yes Shadow?"

Shadow didn't really know how to ask but he didn't care there wasn't much for him to lose. "I'll be better okay? I promise."

Something about those words made the gem smile. There was no doubt in her mind that he wouldn't make it through this. So Pearl didn't say anything. Her silence was his answer and he knew, he knew that she had complete faith in him.

Author's notes:

Hey everybody whats going on? I want to thank everyone who is reading this right now. Apologize for it being short I had already spent five hours on it thanks to other distractions like Pearl fanarts or my daughter stealing my headphones to jam out to some Shiloh dynasty with me. Its funny seeing a one year old wearing headphones just laying down listening to some chill music. Thank you for reading this and please drop a review or PM me anything. Stay classy people...