Doing Without Meaning

Fix You - Coldplay

Shadow back rolled after she had cut his cheek with her spear. Before he could even get up Pearl kicked him the stomach making him stutter backwards. Shadow dodged her spear again then came back at her with a series of punches and kicks. Pearl was too elusive for him and when he spun around to get her with a spinning hook kick she struck back with a kick across his midsection strong enough to send him off his feet. From the stands Steven and Connie watched the* fight with undivided attention.

Pearl summoned a second spear to fight him with because she knew she had riled him up. "Come on Shadow you can do better than that don't start getting weak on me now."

The man was on one knee trying to catch his breath she was really giving it to him this sparring session. Shadow chuckled when Pearl was trying to provoke him. "You know it's really cute when you try and talk mess." Shadow got to his feet and beat his fist in his palm sending off sparks of electricity. "You know when I win this you have to cook me dinner." A dark shadow grew over his face when he thought of whose turn it was to cook tonight. "Honestly I would rather not get food poisoning tonight…. Again." Shadow shivered when he thought of the meal Amethyst cooked last time.

Pearl blushed when she called him cute and tried to hide it with a comeback. "Shadow your mistake is that you think you've already won this battle."

Since Shadow wasn't angry he felt it easier to concentrate so as to not destroy everything. Normally that would be the case but not this time. He spun around in an arc and threw his right hand out unleashing a lighting bolt. Pearl black flipped over the attack and threw one of her spears at Shadow who easily deflected it with another bolt. Pearl ran at him faster than he thought she could and again was on the defensive. Pearl spun the spear over her head and came at him with a horizontal strike that he barely managed to block with a electric shield. Her eyes opened in shock when he summoned this new ability leaving her exposed. When she tried to follow up with a roundhouse he dropped low and hit her with a sweeping kick that took her legs from underneath her. Before she could recover Shadow was already on top of her with his fist raised to strike.

"Looks like I won." Shadow gave her a smirk. Shadow didn't realize what position they were in until Pearls cheeks started to turn blue. Shadow immediately jumped off of her. "Hey I'm sorry I didn't mean to invade your bubble." Shadow apologized.

The gem got up from the ground, you could tell she was still shocked at how close he was. She could still feel his warmth on her. "No it's fine Shadow you're fine. I ummm I'll get started on dinner." Pearl smiled at him then turned around running for the warp pad before things got any more awkward.

Steven came down from the stairs to Shadow. "Here you go Shadow." Steven tossed him a water bottle.

"Thanks little man." Shadow said with a smile.

Connie had came down from the stairs too she had stars in her eyes from the way Shadow fought she always loved to see his powers in action. "Wow that was so cool how you use your power Shadow it's seems like you're getting better."

Shadow rubbed his nose with a chuckle, he felt a little embarrassed. "Oh it's nothing. Honestly I don't like to use my powers unless I really need to. I still get nose bleeds when I over exert myself."

"You mean right now?" Connie pointed out.

Shadow touched his nose to see that his nose was really bleeding. He growled in irritation and used the black tank top he was wearing to hold back the bleeding at least till they got back.

Amethyst was the first one to see them coming back when they warped in from the warp pad. "Hey Shackster how did everything go?"

Steven and Connie ran off leaving Shadow with Amethyst and his bleeding nose. "Well I won but now I have a headache and a bleeding nose."

"Hopefully it's not enough to miss my cooking right?"

Shadow gave her a sideways glance. "Haha oh yeah… Totally forgot… Yeah Amethyst Pearl is gonna cook tonight so…?" He gave her the I don't know anything shrug because he didn't know what else to do.

She gave him a sideways look of confusion. "I thought it was my turn tonight. Well I guess you be missing my special. Mashed Pork Chops mixed in with something I found outside."

Shadow gave a blank expression. "I don't know how I'm going to survive without it." He said with all the monotonic tone he could muster. Shadow made his way over to the bathroom to take a shower and clean himself off. Ten minutes into the Shower and Shadow was feeling refreshed. The hot water washed the dirt and sweat off his skin leaving him totally clean and ready to begin his day. Actually Shadow didn't have much else to do. He spent four hours training with Pearl then after that he had nothing planned. Shadow slowly began to lean his face under the water letting the warmth cloud everything. He stood that way for a few minutes when he started to think about Pearl. How she felt when he was on top of her, the way her face turned a shade of blue or how she looked at him when she got up. Shadow couldn't help himself his thoughts were running. wild. He couldn't stop himself from embracing Pearl from behind to see the face she would make from the sudden contact. Or what she would say if he bit at her neck. That went on for awhile till he finally had enough restraint to bottle up the dirty thoughts of his and get out.

Shadow wrapped the towel around his waist and began to dry himself off. That was when he noticed something was missing. Shadow forgot to bring his clothes with him in the bathroom.

"Good job Shadow leave it to yourself to forget your clothes." Shadow smacked himself in the head from his own stupidity. Shadow crept up to the door and slowly opened it, the door made a loud squeaking noise that wasn't so very stealthy. Shadow took a moment, took a deep breath, then opened the door all the way just to walk face first into Garnet.

Now Shadow wasn't the one to piss himself when he was scared but honestly he would probably make an exception for Garnet. "Oh uhh hi."

It was hard to read her face when she had as much expressions as a rock. She looked him up and down, adjusted her visors then walked off. "Eat more." Was all she said before returning to her room in the temple. Really that was all she needed to say to leave Shadow feeling completely crushed. He lost a couple pounds due to the training so now he was back down to 150 but didn't see a problem with that. Still those two words made him feel insecure and he would probably drown his insecurities in a bucket of ice cream, flavor, shame. Shadow continued to sneak his way through the small house. Shadow finally spotted his clothes on the couch but not a clean shirt since they were still in the wash. He put on his sweatpants over his boxers and just relaxed on the couch. It was already five and nothing was going on. Not even Steven was in the house, no doubt hanging about out in town with Amethyst since she was gone as well.

Being by himself with nothing but the sound of his own thoughts to keep him company Shadow felt like he was going to get some peace and quiet. He leaned back with his feet up on the table trying to quiet his mind. Suddenly he felt someone get into his lap and grind on him. Shadow let out a breath of surprise and tried to open his eye to see who it was. Before he could a blindfold wrapped around his head blinding him.

"Okay okay enough with the jokes I'm-" He couldn't even finish the sentence before someone forced their tongue into his mouth. Shadow couldn't help but moan, it had been awhile since someone had kissed him like this. He couldn't help but melt under their tongue and found himself letting it happen. Shadows was about to move his hands to try and fight back but something wet was pinning his arms down. Their hands danced over his chest then came the small kisses from his neck down to his stomach making Shadow lose his mind he didn't know how much more of this he could take. The teases finally stopped and Shadow was shaking from the excitement of being touched in such a lustful way. Whoever it was began to grind their hips into him driving him mad. Finally from all the movement the blindfold fell from his face and Shadow was able to see.

"I've missed you Shadow." Jasper gave him a sadistic smile that set off every alarm in Shadows body. "What are you looking at me for like that. You look like you've seen a ghost." Jasper began to cackle so loud that he could feel his ears starting to ring then he finally woke up.

Shadow sprung up drenched in sweat. His breathing was rapid and he couldn't get his hands to stop shaking as he held his face in his hands. He couldn't get himself to calm down no matter how many times he whispered that it was just a dream, or a nightmare.

He must of been sleeping for a long time because their was no sunshine outside. His obvious observation was only solidified from the sounds of Steven snoring from upstairs in his bed. Shadow kicked his feet over and slowly rose to his feet. The dream was still fresh in his mind and it was making him sick that honestly if he had the ability, he would go back to sleep and do it all again. Shadow couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Jasper, she took his eye, left him for dead and yet, he still wanted to take her by the hand and do unspeakable things to her. Shadow couldn't help but chuckle at himself somberly. It had been months and yet he was still so fucked up. The weight of the darkness seemed to weigh him down and Shadow just kind of fell over and rested his back against the counter top. He held his knees to his chest and rested his face on his thighs, he just wanted to try and settle his shattered mind.

"Shadow are you okay?" Pearls voice cut through his thoughts like a butter knife.

Though he was awake he was still slow to respond. "If I said yes would you believe me?"

Pearl came around to meet him face to face. She knelt down in front of him, her face written with worry for him. "Don't do that to me Shadow, don't try and hide your pain. You can tell me anything." She placed her hand on his and honestly it was the affection Shadow needed but felt like he did not deserve.

Shadow had no strength to argue. "Jasper… I had a dream about Jasper. She was on the couch with me like old times and she was trying to make love with me."

"Make love?" Pearl asked questioningly.

Both of them were confused at this point then Shadow finally got why she seemed confused. "You do know what I'm talking about right?"

Pearl took a moment to think about his question. "You mean what Greg and Rose had?"

Shadow opened his mouth to correct her then thought about Steven. He decided to not try and fix that one but she was close enough. "You can say that Pearl. If you want to be more technical Jasper was trying to have intercourse."

The poor gem must of understood what that meant because her face darkened and she stumbled backwards. "Whatttt!" She exclaimed. "I know it was just a dream but why would she try to do something like THAT after what she did to you?"

"Pearl it was just a dream. Forget about it we didn't have this conversation. I would rather you not talk to Garnet about this discussion. The good lord already knows I have enough on my plate I don't need a light rock projectile holographic thing judging me." Shadow went to stand up but Pearl gripped his wrist before he could make off.

"Tell me more about this… intercourse."

Now every alarm in his head was going off. Shadow could not think up a reason why Pearl would want to know more about sex much less ask him for an explanation. Honestly if it was any other day he would be punching himself in the face but today he wanted to get a reaction out of her.

Pearl crossed her legs as he sat down and looked at him with fire in her eyes, tonight was get schooled night.

Shadow coughed to clear his throat of any embarrassment. "Well Pearl intercourse or sex is when one human of the same or opposite sex engage in a physical action that brings both parties pleasure through various means. Such as penetration, oral, or even just touching certain parts of the body that are sensitive in a sense. I'm making it sound way more passive than it really is." By the time Shadow was finished Pearls face was bluer than a brand new crayon. The gem had no idea what to think of this. Really his explanation wasn't even that bad compared to what someone else would have said, or the internet.

"W-well do you have to be in love to have intercourse?"

The question threw him off. "No not necessarily anyone can have sex and not be in love."

"So if you wanted someone but did not love them but you wanted to have sex with that individual what would it be called at that point?"

Pearls insistent questions were tiring. "It could be called a number of things and most not very nice. Not everything has to involve love in order to do it. You just do it. " He couldn't help but think back to Jasper when he spoke of love.

Pearl did that thing where she would put a finger to her chin thinking of what to say. Honestly I don't see why someone would have that level of trust with someone, to be willing to have a deep meaningful romantic moment like that without trust-"

Shadow grew irritated with her obsessing rambling and cut her off. "No Pearl! You don't need any of that bullshit. You can easily fuck someone with no connections no with strings. ." By the time Shadow had finished talking he had already had Pearl putting a hand to her mouth in shock. She wasn't expecting that kind of response not from him.

Pearl got to her feet and began to storm off. "I didn't play you for the type to think of someone else so callously Shadow." Pearl barely even made it two steps before Shadow grabbed her wrist this time and the gem wrenched her arm away back handing him in the face so hard his eye patch fell off his face. The gem from up when she realized what she had done.

"Shadow I'm sorry I-" Pearl fumbled with her words she didn't know what to say she had never done this to him before.

Shadow was still immobile he didn't know what to really do. When he finally managed to get motion to his body he put a hand to his face covering his eye. "No I'm the one that's sorry. I didn't mean to get so worked up so don't apologize." As much as she wanted to believe that she couldn't help but notice how his voice had a tone of venom in it. Both of them reached down to grab his eye patch but Shadow swiped it up first before she could get the chance to help him. Pearl watched as he put back on his eye patch slowly, as if putting it on seemed to hurt him.

Pearl was so lost in thought she didn't realize that Shadow was staring at her. "Do you want to touch it?" He asked already reaching out for her hand. Before she could even respond he had her hand in his guiding it towards his face. Now more than any other time in her existence she was paralyzed by the simple fact that this man wasn't the tough smart mouthed human he once was. Jasper took almost everything that made him love. Pearl could only realize this when she was this close to him holding his face where his eye use to be.

"Pearl why are you crying?" Shadow was so confused when tears began to fall down her face. He wiped away at her tears with a sad look on his face. "Please don't cry because of me." Shadow pulled her close into his arms.

Pearl wasn't expecting the tears or the embrace Shadow pulled her in for. When he did she could feel a sense of pleasure she hadn't felt in a long time. "Because I feel like I finally understand how you feel. I think I know how to help." Pearl remembered seeing it on one of Stevens shows he watched with Peridot. Her eyes slowly closed as her lips neared his. Pearl was almost there she tried not to hesitate but she was treading waters she had never touched before. So when Shadow could see what she was trying to do he let all his painful emotions go for one moment and replaced it with something else.

The two met each other's contact slowly and steadily. The inexperienced Pearl melted like butter underneath the Arizona sun. Shadow the more experienced one didn't let up, more like he couldn't; Shadow couldn't stop himself. Pearl could feel her knees give out from underneath her but Shadow held her tightly to his chest not letting her fall. The feeling of kissing someone like this set a fire in Shadows heart. Every small moan Pearl made excited him like nothing else. Even more so when he forced his tongue into her mouth.

"Sha- I've never-" Pearl tried force herself away but he was quick to advance on her before she could get a sentence out. In all the years she had been alive she could never recall the last time she felt something so explosive happening to her. Just the pleasure of him slipping his tongue into her mouth was making her lose her mind. Pearl gasped when she could feel his hands wrapping underneath her thighs then lifting her up onto the countertop. He didn't let up he settled his face between her legs kissing and sucking at her thighs slowly. Pearl didn't know what to do she had never had pleasure consume her like this before or ever. She laid back with her hand on her face trying to hide the shameful look from him . "Shadow I-I don't know how to do this." Pearl stuttered through her embarrassment. Her hands went down to his face so that she could look him in the eye. "Please Shadow love me like you did her."

His heart skipped a beat those words. Shadow stepped back away from her as if she was the plague. "I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this." Shadow kept stumbling back till he hit the wall and crashed to the floor.

"What do you mean Shadow isn't this what you wanted?" Pearl got off of the counter top as she was talking to him. It hurt that he had that kind of reaction towards her. She thought at this point that he could understand that this wasn't only for him, but for her.

"Pearl… I'm more fucked up than you think I am. I almost tried killing myself and when I still couldn't get past my anger I took to beating and getting beat in underground fighting. Lapis caught me and I felt so ashamed again. It's like a never ending cycle of shame and anger. Now I'm trying to push something onto you that you don't be understand. You deserve someone who can show you how to love not me."

Pearl dropped down on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "No that's not fair! I wanted to kiss YOU I wanted to finally be able to do something for you Shadow. You're always hurting, always fighting because that's what you did for Jasper." She gripped him tighter making him grimace. "I'm sick of looking at you from the background. That sad look on your face when you think nobody's looking hurts me because no matter how hard I try that face won't smile for me like you did for Jasper."

That was it the truth was out. Shadow pulled Pearl into another unexpected hug slowly. "All you guys have been the family I've needed. I know I may not smile like the rest of you guys do but don't think that me being around you guys has not helped me. I told you that I would try my best to do better Pearl, that wasn't just for me that was for my new family. I know I keep messing up but please let me get better with my own two feet. You don't have to waste your true feelings on me for the sake of my own broken heart."

Pearl didn't really know what to say at that point. Maybe there wasn't anything to say. So Pearl settled for the silence comfort of just being this close to him when everything was silent and unmoving. Yeah, she had no problem with this.

Author's notes:

Hey everyone thank you for reading the fifth chapter. It actually took me three days to type this one out because their was so many possibilites with this chapter that I really didn't know what to go with. I've been writing for a while that Pearl has had some interest for Shadow in the past and this is the first time that I've really acted on it and quite honestly I don't really mind it at all. When I was first introduced to Steven Universe my friend would always say that I'm a lot like Pearl and that I would like her character a lot. Of course I was the sinner who didn't really want to get into the show till I really got bored and decided to go with it. Almost a year later I'm glad I took that "leap" because here I am today, nine o'clock at night bumping some coldplay while its raining outside. I thought of doing a Pearl x Shadow thing for a bit because I love her character so much, with the things that Shadow has been through I felt that this hurt man in real life couldn't be with someone so innocent like Pearl especially for a topic like sex which I introduced in this chapter. I know many of you readers may have mixed opinions when it comes to sex and I respect that. If you've never had your heartbroken by someone else and felt that sex couldn't be nothing more than a lust without something special for it then maybe you wouldn't understand that point I was trying to get across. That's perfectly fine I pray that you never have to have your heart broken. Enough with my ramblings though I'll save more for another time. Again thank you everyone and please stay tuned for more Of Gem and Man.

P.S

Sorry for taking so long with the updates I've been waiting for new SU episodes to help me figure out what to do next and been brainstorming what to do for my next story. It's either along the lines of RWBY, Resident Evil, or Battlefield 4.

Shadow out...