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There is a small but entirely irrepressible smile on Magnus' face as he lets his fingers lightly follow the patterns painted by the early morning sun on the covers over a still sleeping Alexander's chest.
He woke up a while ago to find himself curled along his boyfriend's – his lover's – side, warm and comfortable and just simply happy.
By magic, it has been a long time since he had this. Not just the physical intimacy of waking next to someone like this, but also the feeling of belonging here, of feeling entirely comfortable, like this is where he is supposed to be, no hurry to be anywhere else.
Because this one is Magnus'.
He smiles, heart swelling in his chest with pure, simple happiness, can't help but press a light kiss to the skin of Alexander's chest, feeling entirely peaceful as he indulges in simply lying pressed into his warm side, skin against skin, heartbeat under his ear, even breaths ruffling Magnus' hair.
He thinks he could easily, happily spend an entire day just like this.
Although, it isn't much longer until he feels Alexander starting to move slightly, clearly about to wake and Magnus merely stills his fingers, rests his hand fully on top of the covers.
There are a few more seconds of silence and then the arm Magnus is resting on moves to fully curl around his back.
"Morning," Alexander rasps.
Magnus' smile widens. "Good morning," he greets back, tilting his head slightly to look up at Alexander.
Who just smiles back openly, eyes still slightly bleary, his expression so absolutely comfortable and happy and content that Magnus immediately abandons any thoughts of asking him how he is feeling. It's more than clear by the expression on his face that Alexander feels nothing even remotely negative about what they did last night.
"Sleep well?" he just asks instead, pressing a kiss beneath Alexander's jaw before once more relaxing fully into his side.
Alexander sighs out happily, stretching slightly in the covers before his free hand comes up to cover Magnus' hand on his chest. "Better than I've slept in what feels like months. I honestly can't even remember the last time I slept this well."
Magnus immediately swallows down any and all rather lascivious remarks promptly springing to mind at that.
Comfortable with having taken the next step in their relationship or not, he should at least let Alexander get a little more used to having sex at all before Magnus starts with the playful teasing and suggestive commentary.
After all, it's not like they are in any sort of hurry. If Magnus gets his way, he'll have decades to introduce Alexander to anything and everything that's worth trying in the bedroom, starting with verbal foreplay all the way to anything not-so-vanilla Magnus has come across over the years.
But for now, he just presses a kiss to Alexander's chest, very effectively hiding his playful, possibly somewhat predatory smile.
A smile which then promptly turns sappily endeared when Alexander just reacts by pressing a sweet kiss to Magnus' forehead in return, arm tightening even further around him.
And of course Alexander would turn out to be all sweet and cuddly the morning after. Because, clearly, Magnus needed even more reasons to absolutely adore this boy.
Alec grimaces down at himself as he finally makes it back to the Institute, wanting nothing more than to take a shower.
His morning patrol shift that had forced him to leave the loft about two hours ago ended with him having to chase a demon through the sewers of New York. Something which certainly did nothing to improve his less-than-enthusiastic mood at having had to leave Magnus' place in the first place. Because Alec would much rather have stayed there. Would much rather have stayed with his warm and smiling boyfriend, looking all alluring and soft in his silk robe worn over pajama pants - opened just enough for Alec to see the marks he left on his chest yesterday - as he kissed him goodbye at the door.
Alec doesn't even try to suppress his grin at the mixture of excited giddiness and shivery heat cursing through him at the thought of his boyfriend.
He hasn't been able to really stop thinking about Magnus for more than a couple of minutes ever since he left the loft earlier, images from last night keep flashing in front of his eyes. Magnus naked and kneeling above him, Magnus with his skin flushed and sweaty spread out over the sheets below him, golden cat eyes almost glowing with heat and desire.
Alec shivers, licks his lips.
Yeah. He'd much rather be with his boyfriend right now.
Alas, he does have a job and quite a number of duties to attend to.
So, clean-up first, then work and after that he absolutely plans to promptly return to his boyfriend's place. He definitely wants a repeat of last night as soon as possible, is barely able to even think about anything else.
Of course, things don't quite work out according to Alec's plans.
Because, of course, today would be the day Jace finally chooses to seek him out for that conversation Alec has been trying to have with him for weeks now. A conversation that turns out just as painful as Alec had expected it would.
When Alec steps back into his room after his desperately needed shower, Jace is already in there, pacing slightly, clearly waiting for him.
Alec just raises his eyebrows at him but when it becomes apparent that Jace is not quite ready to actually talk yet, Alec just continues getting dressed. It's always easier to just let Jace sort out his thoughts in his own time rather than press him before he is ready.
By the time his parabatai finally speaks up, Alec is already trying to sort his hair into some sort of order. He scowls irritably at the longer strand of hair that just won't stay out of his eyes. It's becoming kind of unmanageable. Maybe it's about time he gets a cut again, maybe even cut it really short this time. That would save him at least a few minutes of time every morning.
Hm, come to think of it, is there any sort of rule about changing your look while in a relationship? Alec honestly doesn't have a clue. But having an actual discussion about his hair with his boyfriend seems utterly ridiculous as well.
"Clary agreed to give back the Cup," Jace finally speaks up, interrupting Alec's internal debate over whether he can just get a haircut without announcing it to Magnus beforehand.
Alec turns slightly, facing him, but waits for Jace to continue.
"She really just wanted her mother back," Jace adds on slowly, carefully, almost imploringly.
It's his attempt at justifying his actions in the aftermath, almost-but-not-quite apologies now that he already achieved what he set out to do.
It's so typically Jace that Alec can't help but smile slightly. His parabatai has been doing this since they were children. Stubbornly charging ahead, trampling over anything and anyone in his way, and once he gets what he wanted he promptly starts retracing his steps, going out of his way to try and explain his actions to others. And Jace's magnetism makes sure he's easily forgiven for the mess he created along the way. Alec certainly never managed to hold a grudge against him.
"I know, Jace," he just replies. But he doesn't continue, neither pointing out just how incredibly, irresponsibly selfish Clary and Jace have been acting in the past weeks, nor giving him the absolution Jace is so clearly hoping for.
Going by the frown on his face, his parabatai understands very well exactly what Alec is and also what he isn't saying.
There is some more silence as Alec waits for him to continue.
Because he knows that Clary agreeing to give the powerful artifact that never belonged to her in the first place back to its rightful owners now that it has become worthless to her agenda, isn't Jace's actual reason for seeking him out in the privacy of his room.
And as expected, Jace finally focuses on him fully. "That raid on Valentine's hideout. Did you know about it beforehand?" he asks.
"I did," Alec nods. "It happened quickly but I was involved in getting the intel, planning and getting the raid approved."
He is not going to lie to his parabatai just to make this conversation a little easier on them.
"And you didn't tell me," Jace continues, carefully, clearly trying to keep his tone, his expression neutral.
Alec just looks at his parabatai, not actually saying anything.
And he knows exactly what's coming next. Because they might not necessarily tell each other about every mission they are assigned to, but they are parabatai, so taking each other along for anything that might be a little more dangerous should go without saying.
It should.
It used to.
And yesterday, Alec didn't.
"We never go on raids without telling each other," Jace continues, still hesitant but something a little harsher, more accusing bleeding into his expression. "We are supposed to have each other's backs. What if you had gotten hurt?"
Alec remains silent, continuing to watch him, waiting him out, waiting for the question that this is actually about.
And finally, Jace's face contorts into something between uncertainty and anger and something almost like hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?" There is confusion and a whole lot of accusation in his voice.
Alec sighs out. He knows that this is going to be painful.
But he has never been the type to beat around the bush, so he replies honestly, "Because I wasn't sure I could."
A pause, as Jace clearly waits for Alec to continue. When it becomes clear that he won't, Jace takes a step closer, definite frustration in his eyes. "What sort of reason is that?" he demands. "Of course you could tell me!"
"No, Jace, I couldn't," Alec asserts, outwardly calm. "I couldn't tell you because I couldn't be sure you'd keep it to yourself."
Jace looks absolutely furious now. "What are you even saying?! I would never betray you! We are parabatai!"
"Yes, we are," Alec says, taking a step closer as well and putting every ounce of his conviction into his words. "You are still the person I look to first and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you would never truly betray me." He pauses for just a moment, braces himself. "But the past few weeks have shown me that there are some things you will put above our bond. The intel for this mission would have given you a choice between staying true to me or staying true to Clary. And quite frankly, I didn't like my odds in that scenario, seeing as I have yet to win even once when pitted against her." Alec pauses - angel, it hurts to say this - before breathing out again. "So, no, Jace. I couldn't tell you. This was too important."
Jace is staring, eyes wide, looking so startled and hurt, that something in Alec's chest squeezes and he wants nothing more than to erase that hurt.
But there's no use. Because what he said is the absolute truth.
"I, I would never- Alec, I would never- We are parabatai. We are brothers. How can you think I would ever go behind your back like that?" Jace looks almost desperate.
But Alec can hear the uncertainty in his voice, the hesitance, the guilt. And he even knows why it's there.
He raises his eyebrows at Jace, trying to mask just how much this conversation is hurting him as well. "So, if I were to ask you right now whether you and Clary have been planning something to take the Cup from the safe without my knowledge to prevent me from giving it to the Clave before she can use it to get her mother back, before she can use one of our world's most powerful artifacts for her personal gain, what would you tell me then?"
There is a pause.
And then Alec watches something in Jace's expression change, something just giving way, crumbling, leaving something else behind that is almost painful to look at. But despite the pain in his eyes, his parabatai just stares back at him, looking lost but not saying a word, his silence confirming Alec's suspicions.
Alec nods, disappointed but unsurprised.
Because he knows his siblings. Even if he hadn't already guessed they were scheming behind his back, them having stopped badgering him about Meliorn's freedom and the Cup was a dead giveaway that they had been planning something to take matters into their own hands.
But both of those problems have already been taken care of, so no need to make this entire discussion more painful than it needs to be by digging into open wounds.
Instead he says, calmly, quietly, "So, you see, Jace. I couldn't tell you. I simply couldn't trust that our bond would win out in your eyes as long as it also involved Clary Fray."
Silence stretches between them as Alec watches Jace blink rapidly, clearly trying to come to terms with what Alec is saying, finally taking two steps to the side and letting himself fall to sit at the foot end of the bed.
Alec watches him for a few seconds and then easily moves over to join him, sitting down right beside him. The minutes stretch, both of them clearly lost in thought.
They both know that their bond has changed. It's still there, still strong, still unbroken. But they lost something, lost some of that uncompromising trust and focus on each other that they had before.
"How did this happen?" Jace finally asks, almost sounding bewildered. "How did it turn out like this?"
Alec just shrugs slightly.
He is pretty sure that it was Clary's arrival at the Institute and Jace's absolutely unapologetic focus on her that lead to this but he already told Jace everything there is to say on that and now it's up to his parabatai to draw his conclusions from that, to decide whether he is willing to at least try for a balance between keeping their bond and keeping Clary, whether he will start mitigating some of his selective, willful blindness of the past weeks.
But pointing fingers right now, flinging around accusations isn't going to fix anything.
And, sure, Alec also had Magnus - he still doesn't want to imagine what all of this would have been like if he hadn't had Magnus - but in contrast to Clary, his boyfriend never once made him choose, not for anything, much less between things that are truly important to Alec. Actually, Magnus takes absolute care to never put Alec in a position where he would have to so much as pick sides, much less actually choose.
And Alec adores him for it.
By the angel, do I love that man.
He blinks. Wait, what? Did I just...?
Jace interrupts Alec's self-induced stupor before he has the chance to think on this particular revelation any further, eyeing him carefully, "You changed, Alec."
His brain is still very much trying to reboot, so he just looks at his parabatai and returns easily, "So have you, Jace."
Because that is just as true. They have both changed, and their bond changed with them. They both found something, found someone, and no matter how much the loss of trust between him and his parabatai may hurt there is also no way Alec would be willing to give up Magnus, even if it could restore their bond to what it was before.
He doesn't think there is anything in this world that would be worth losing Magnus to him.
And maybe that thought should scare him. But it just doesn't. It never has.
As cathartic as that conversation had been, despite knowing it was coming and even while knowing - hoping - that with both of them on the same page now there is a chance they might be able to fix some things between them again, it had still hurt.
And Alec makes it through the rest of the day by sheer force of will.
First he goes to find Lydia to make sure their stories match, something they simply hadn't gotten around to yesterday.
Because yesterday's success had definitely increased their chances for becoming Head of the Institute. More than that actually because to both of their surprise, right before they had stepped through the portal back to New York, Imogen had announced she would back their bid for sharing the Head position in front of the Clave, something Lydia and Alec hadn't even thought to include in their deal.
But the Inquisitor's support kind of makes them shoe-ins for the job.
Still, it's not actually official yet and without actually being able to talk about the Cup and everything else involved, explaining their sudden certainty about getting the position would be rather hard to do. Add to that all their other secrets and schemes, the fake ceremony for rooting out traitors, Meliorn's involvement in everything, the Cup's actual location that no one knows about...
Yeah, they really need to make sure they have their stories straight.
Lydia also informs him that the Clave has decided to order his parents back to Idris. But, quite honestly, the only thing he feels at the news is a sort of relief that he can finally stop worrying about having to avoid their repeated attempts to corner him, glad to be getting a break from their flimsy excuses and not-so-subtle attempts at revisiting the topic of an arranged marriage.
That's another thing to cross of his list of things he has to worry about.
The rest of the day turns out just as busy as he had suspected it would. He catches up on the truly astounding amount of paperwork that accumulated in his one-day absence and once more reorganizes the patrol schedule now that they won't have to include the search for Jocelyn Fray any longer.
He runs into Clary in the Ops center and nods at her thanks for bringing her mother back. He honestly cares little about her gratefulness, simply hopeful that with her personal agenda taken care of, there might be a chance she'll stop dragging his siblings into her messes. Well, one can hope.
Izzy comes looking for him between meetings and he easily accepts her gratefulness for Meliorn having been set free, but he is glad for the excuse of having to go on another patrol minutes later. Usually, he'd be happy to talk to her but Alec quite simply can't deal with another discussion like the one he had with Jace earlier right now, doesn't want to even consider whether Izzy of all people would have gone behind his back as well, would have truly joined Clary and Jace in their scheme.
Alec fixed everything before they could take matters into their own hands and now he will do his utmost best not to think about what they might have gotten up to if he hadn't.
And as soon as he can reasonably manage, as soon as all imminent crises have been resolved, he simply walks out of the Institute, makes his way to Brooklyn as quickly as he possibly can.
But, damn, that conversation with Jace had hurt. The expression in his parabatai's eyes as he finally realized what Alec had been trying to tell him for weeks now. That having his absolute trust betrayed several times, even if never truly broken, having his opinions discarded, having his loyalty questioned in favor of someone barely more than a stranger at that point, had simply been too much even for Alec's absolute devotion to take.
It had just been too painful to always look to Jace first, only to find his parabatai already looking somewhere else, at someone else.
So, Alec had adjusted accordingly.
And he had drawn these conclusions about their bond a while ago, but seeing the realization of those facts bleed into his brother's eyes... Alec's heart squeezes just thinking about it.
It's also one of those things he hadn't talked about to anyone before, not even to Magnus. Because he simply couldn't do that to Jace, couldn't speak these thoughts about their bond out loud for the first time to someone who wasn't Jace.
But now, Alec just wants his boyfriend, wants to curl up with Magnus, wants to be in the one place where he feels safe and warm and wanted and secure.
Wants to be somewhere where the world can't quite reach him if Alec doesn't want it to. Simply because Magnus will do everything in his power to make sure that it doesn't.
When Alexander gets to the loft, it takes Magnus one glance at the look in his eyes, to just drop everything he had been doing before, immediately making his way over to where he is standing in the doorway to his study.
He presses a light kiss to his lips in greeting, one of his hands cradling the side of Alexander's face, the other on his waist. "Hello, darling," he greets, voice quiet.
And Alexander sighs, pulls his face out of his hold, only to promptly bury it in Magnus' neck instead, one arm coming to tightly curl around his waist, holding him close. And Magnus simply returns the embrace, one arm around Alexander's back, the other one coming up to run through the hair at the back of his head.
They stand just like that for what must be several minutes and he can feel some of the tension slowly but steadily bleed out of Alexander's form.
Finally, there is a sigh, muffled against the skin of his neck and then Alexander is pulling back a little, head still resting on his shoulder, but enough to say, "I talked to Jace."
And Magnus immediately understands. He breathes out, his heart squeezing in empathic pain, as he tightens his embrace briefly, presses a gentle kiss to Alexander's temple.
Alec feels most of his remaining tension leave him at the warmth of the hug. There is just something about having his boyfriend in his arms that is soothing like nothing else. If he had a choice, he'd likely stay an entire day of just like this, tucked into his boyfriend's arms, feeling warm and secure.
"It went alright," he finally asserts, pulling back just enough to meet Magnus' eyes.
Alec can't even say he is surprised that there is nothing but absolute understanding in Magnus' eyes. Of course, Magnus would have figured out just how frustrated Alec has recently been feeling with his siblings and their gung-ho, devil-may-care approach to anything, trampling over rules and traditions and anyone standing in their way.
How disappointed and hurt he'd been when that turned out to even include Alec.
Of course, Magnus would have realized just how much of a toll that had been taking on Alec.
And, by Raziel, is he ever so grateful to have Magnus on his side, at his side. Grateful that of all people, his heart chose this man to fall in love with.
He blinks. There it is again.
And when Magnus tugs on him to move them over to the couch, sitting first to then pull him to rest against his chest, Alec just lets himself be held close, revels in the feeling of his boyfriend's magic joining in the warm, enveloping embrace.
Alec is good right where he is. And everything else will just have to wait for a while.
When Alec wakes the next morning, it's to Magnus sleeping mostly on top of him, face tucked against his neck.
And Alec can't help but bring up one of his arms to settle around Magnus' waist, but other than that makes sure not to move too much, not wanting to wake his boyfriend or make him move despite his slightly restricted breathing.
But going by the somewhat muted light filtering in from the outside, it seems to be pretty early in the morning still, so there is still some time until they have to start the next day.
He lets his thoughts drift. All things considered, yesterday had ended on a far better note than Alec had expected.
His discussion with Jace had actually gone quite well - as painful as the conversation itself might have been - and after cuddling with Magnus on the couch for bit, giving Alec all the time he needed to sort out his thoughts, they had gone out for dinner, just this little Thai place right around the corner from Magnus' apartment, nothing extravagant this time.
Alec quite simply didn't have any interest in going out somewhere fancy, much more interested in a nice dinner and then getting to come back here and maybe continue where they left off the night before.
Which they had. Angel, had they ever.
He feels a flush crawl up his neck at the images immediately flashing in front of his eyes.
Maybe it's actually a good thing Magnus isn't awake yet, lest he see Alec currently impersonating a tomato.
Alec just tilts his head slightly to tuck his nose into his boyfriend's hair, a giddily excited smile quirking his lips. Because despite all of this being so new to him, everything with Magnus is just always so natural and exciting and sensual and it never feels like Alec has to prove something to either of them.
Sure, there are mishaps but Magnus always seems to know exactly just what to do or to say to make sure that Alec doesn't feel bad or even self-conscious about it.
Which is something that definitely doesn't only apply in the bedroom but rather throughout their entire relationship, holds true for pretty much everything that involves Magnus in Alec's life.
Magnus, who has never asked him to be anything but entirely himself, who from the very start made Alec feel like – for the first time in his life – he could breathe freely. Magnus, who is always there when Alec needs him. Magnus, who seems to always think of Alec's comfort and happiness first, everything else second.
Magnus, who Alec is in love with.
He feels his smile widen ridiculously, eyes crinkling at the corners.
By the Angel, this is a sort of happiness, Alec didn't even know existed until he met Magnus.
He breathes out, lets himself relax into the feeling of strangely serene exhilaration, closes his eyes and buries his face further in Magnus' hair.
Because this right here, buried partially under his warm and sleep-heavy boyfriend, surrounded by Magnus' smell and the barely-there humming of what he has come to realize is his boyfriend's magic, there is quite simply no place on earth Alec would rather be.
He must doze off again, because he only fully comes to again when he finally feels Magnus stirring slightly on top of him.
There is a whisper of eye lashes blinking against the skin of his neck, a few seconds delay, before Magnus is moving slightly - as if to slide off of him – which only makes Alec tighten his arms around him.
"Morning," he just murmurs, letting one of his hands lazily run across Magnus' naked back once he is certain he got the message about staying put across.
"Good morning," Magnus replies, voice a little raspy, stretching slightly on top of him to press a warm kiss under his jaw before relaxing right back on top of him, face once more tucked against his neck.
And Alec shivers, a rather visceral sensual flashback of last night making his skin tingle with sudden arousal.
Yesterday, Magnus had clearly taken a sort of liking to his neck – or rather, to his deflect rune – and had delighted in discovering just which spots Alec is particularly sensitive in.
And now, feeling his warm breath curl across his skin immediately brings up images from last night, memories of heat and want and desire, intense and sensual and almost a little overwhelming, Alec in Magnus' lap, teeth sinking into the skin where his neck meets his shoulder in that exact same spot.
Magnus moves, pulling back slightly, clearly able to tell just what it is Alec is thinking about right now because when he untucks his face from his neck, there is a definite uptick to the warlock's lips, something playful and almost hungry in his eyes.
Alec only gets a quick look at the expression before Magnus is already leaning down for a quick, mostly chaste kiss.
Then - rather unexpectedly - Magnus is pulling away, suddenly moving to get out of bed.
Alec leans up on his elbows as he blinks confusedly after his boyfriend, who - just a few seconds ago - was lying all sleep-warm and alluring on top of him but is now sauntering across the room towards the ensuite.
But just as he reaches the doorway, Magnus turns slightly, glancing back at him over his shoulder. "Shower?" he asks, eyes full of heat, a coy, teasing smile on his lips.
And Alec is already moving, halfway out of bed by the time Magnus turns to disappear into the bathroom ahead of him, hips swaying, warm laughter in his eyes.
Yeah. As if Alec is ever going to be able to resist an offer like that.
A/N: So, yet another chapter that went just perfectly to plan… Yeah right XD This isn't even half of the plot that was supposed to be in this chapter and instead it kind of turned into pure malec fluffiness with loads of introspection about adoring each other. I was considering editing out some of the fluff so I could fit a bit more plot into this but then decided to just split the (by then 9k) chapter in two and keep it as is :) Would love to know what you think, especially about the conversation between the parabatai :D
And thank you so much for all your lovely reviews, they kept me so motivated for this fic despite the brief slump I fell into (#^^#)