Bear My Pain
Escapism- Rebecca Sugar
He didn't know how many days or weeks it had been since his capture. Every day seemed like a blur inside this cage. Shadow thought he knew darkness. Every night when he mourned Erica he was living in it. This was something different though. Alienated from everyone, constantly in pain from what he was being forced to do. Again and again, someone would come pull him from the darkness to fight for the entertainment of these monsters. At first, Shadow tried to fight them, he quickly learned that this was rewarded with being beaten and starved. His clothes gradually were reduced to ribbons then just his pants. Well not just his pants, they put a metal clamp around his neck that acted as a leash.
Shadow didn't think being in darkness so long then being introduced to the light would hurt so bad. Being out of the cage and into the light was worse than being in the cage. Blue diamond didn't torture him the way he thought she would. Instead she forced him to fight gem warriors of all size and make. Tanzanites, Amethysts, Carnelians, it didn't matter. Shadow didn't want to fight them, he wanted to be defiant and lash out against these tyrants. Not much he could do anyways his powers were being faulty. They didn't give him much of a choice in that matter.
Shadow tried to hide the light from his eye. Being paraded out here for all of them to gawk at was humiliating all he wanted to do was be in his cage. The only place where the noises wouldn't reach him.
"Shut up!" He screamed at them.
The audience in the stands roared in louder. They were here for him. The half gem half-human abomination that was all over the news. None of these high tier gems thought a thing could exist in this world, so when Blue diamond announced there was going to be a special event happening everyone was confused. None of these gems even knew what a human was. Just that they were weaker than their own race. Just things made up of skin and bones. He was a man amongst gem. Shadow was the freak in their eyes.
The gems exploded in cheer. Another day another fight. They watched the guards drag him out by his leash with a hooked pole. One of the guards tried to pull his hands from his eye and Shadow lashed out at them. That earned him a hit on his back with a de-stabilizer. This dome served as an arena for the fighter to fight gladiator type fights. From below he could see all the gems sitting in the stands above cheering for some action. They wanted to see him hurt, to see the blood run from his body and watch him suffer. Shadow was the most alien thing they had ever seen. The one-eyed man who tried to attack the diamond authority.
From across him a trap door hidden beneath the sand opens. From below rose two Amethysts.
Shadow wanted to curl up in a ball. Let those Amethysts stab him with their swords till his life withered away. The red sands of this arena would be a good resting place as any. If he was home Shadow would have liked to have been buried on some beach somewhere. Next to a coconut tree wasn't to much to ask for. Those calls for his blood fueled him every time though. No matter how long he was in the darkness, cold and starved. He remembered that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what he tried to think at least. How did he get here in the first place? Oh yeah, that's right, he murdered a man. Tore his arms from his sockets like a child to a spider. Shadow was no better than Yellow diamond who crushed blue Zircon or zapped yellow Zircon. The man couldn't even complain about what he was going through. This was the punishment he deserved. It would be easier if there wasn't cheering is all.
How long had it been since she was this close to him? It was the beach. The last memory of being with him was when she pummeled his face into the sand. If she had just waited to listen to his story. Then instead of staying to help him, she left him on that beach alone.
Jasper wanted to scream at him for being here. No matter what she did he would always find her. She probably guessed at this he wasn't actively looking for her, regardless he was still on this planet where she was. If homeworld wasn't far enough then nothing else could be. Her orange hand touched the glass of the dome. So close yet so far away. It wouldn't take much force to break through this glass and hold Shadow in her arms. Was it probably going to go like that? No, probably not.
She could still remember the first time she tried to get away from Shadow. It was a few weeks after he was put in the hospital after a gunshot wound. She was new to this whole caring thing back then. Shadow had gotten shot and ended up in the hospital, he recovered but she left him in fear of what she was feeling for him. Behold and come true Shadow found her months later. Jasper knew that no matter where she was Shadow would find her. She wasn't the type to believe in fate but him being here made her believe otherwise.
Shadow was down to the last Amethyst. Despite being tired and wounded he was still putting up a strong fight. Shadow fell back when her blade cut his arm. Blood ran down his arm setting off a frenzy in the stands. This was just pure gold to them. Jasper had no pleasure seeing him like this. Who was she to wish for something better for him though? Still, she couldn't help but stand on her feet and pray that he would be fine again. And he was. Just before the Amethyst went to plunge her sword into him he rolled out of the way and grabbed the other one's sword and came back with a horizontal slash. Cut the head from her neck cleanly.
Everyone went wild, whooping and hollering like a bunch of animals. Shadow laid in the sand hoping it would calm ache in his body. He just wanted to be away from the light and noise.
Blue diamond rose to her feet. Everyone went silent and kneeled to her. Being one of the strongest gems did that.
"The abomination won yet again," she spoke with her melancholic voice that could put anyone to sleep. "This thing has outlived his purpose for me so I will be granting a new reward for anyone who would accept the challenge. The human as your slave."
Blue diamond had the mic, she dropped it.
No one said anything at first, the prospect of having a human in their homes was outrageous. Whispers of confusion and questioning filled the air. There had never been something like this.
Out of all of them, Jasper was more shocked than anyone. She knew Blue diamond had to have a grudge against Shadow. To think that she would go further than what she had already done was just overkill. Knowing him he wouldn't last a day with one of these gems. What Blue diamond was doing to him now was icing on a cake compared to what they would do. This was her second chance to make things right. The thought of being close to him again made her hands shake. Was it fear or anticipation? If she was a bomb she would have blown up by now from all the pressure. Jasper tried to convince herself that what she would do tomorrow was for his benefit. Anyone could take one close look at the gem and know it was a damn lie.
Jaspers train of thought derailed when she heard his voice.
"Get away from me!" He shouted. Three Amethyst guards appeared with whips and a metal hook. The sight of the whips terrified him more than the swords. She could see him trying to summon his powers. She had almost forgotten that he had the ability to create lighting. The last time she'd seen it was when Lapis had tried to attack them. They were almost about to die then zap! Shadow's powers manifested.
Shadow threw his arm out palm open, nothing. It didn't take them long to beat him into the sand. With the hook connected to a loop in his leash, they dragged him back into his cage somewhere underneath the Coliseum. A perfect time to sneak in and speak with him.
Everyone disappeared the excitement was over. Jasper waited for the lights to go out to sneak in. She knew no one would be guarding him. A broken wounded human posed no threat to anyone in his cage. She made her way down a long flight of stairs. The further she went down the quieter it got. Gems were immortal beings that didn't need food or sleep. If you thought New York was the city that didn't sleep try a whole planet. No coffee required.
"What do you think he looks like?" A question her mind spawned up.
Jasper growled at her own expense. As much as she tried to block out the question they came in droves the further down she got.
The gem took a right down a long hallway. She knew she was going the right way, the smell of his blood filled the air. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity walking through this darkness she reached a metallic door. On the floor she could see spatters of his blood.
"Please be okay." She muttered under her breath. Jasper could still remember the first time she did this. On Pink diamonds zoo. They were in Korea for a vacation. Of course, Jasper had ruined it. Shadow ran away and that was the first time he met Steven universe. Wherever Steven was going Shadow had tagged along. Blue diamond was their and kidnapped him and Greg Universe. With the help of the Crystal Gems Jasper was able to save Shadow, she just wishes she had found him earlier.
Just like then Jasper walked through the darkness. No light guided her path to him though. Only the smell of his blood helped. She was a few feet from the cage when she saw him. Jasper could only tell that he was alive by the subtle beating of his heart. Shadow was curled up in a ball. His arms wrapped around his body to hug himself for warmth. Everything around him was made out of metal even the floor. Jasper could finally see the bruises that formed on his side. Jasper wanted to cry when she saw the lashes on his back from a whip.
Finally she was here next to him. Even if he was locked up in a cage it was better than nothing. Being this close put a fire in her body that she hadn't felt in a long time. Jasper reached through the cage with a hand. When she was inches away from him she pulled back. It didn't matter how long it had been he wasn't the same person she once knew. Jasper was the one that did this time to him. She was determined to fix it. Her fingers only brushed his body when he scampered backward frantically.
"No more I'll listen to y-" Shadow's word caught in his throat. He expected those Amethysts to go for another round at him. Instead, he saw something worse.
The one woman he thought he could depend on for anything. The one he came back to life for and bled for. Shadow glanced down, her hand extended out to touch him.
Jasper pulled her hand back. She didn't know what she wasn't expecting.
"Oh my hero? I've been waiting for you to save me from this dungeon. Please take me from this wretched place."
Or at least that's what she wished he said.
"You motherfucker."
Yeah that seems about right.
Jasper took a deep breath. She knew this was coming, it had been a long time since she heard him curse so shock settled in quick.
Shadow slammed the bars trying to grab her. Jasper quickly stumbled back out of his reach. Just like it did when he fought blue Pearl his eyes glowed a fiery amber color. He opened his palm and lighting sparked out.
Jasper rolled out of the way just in time to avoid it. When she came back up Shadow was on his knees breathing hard. He was putting too much pressure on his body.
"Shadow… I just," Jasper was at a loss for words. How could she saw anything with the way he was looking at her. Hate was the simplest way to put it. Shadow never looked at her the way he did.
When she thought he was doing better he reached up and grabbed her by the collar. He pulled her head in and at the same time headbutted her right in the nose. Since he was so weak he wasn't able to put enough force behind it to shatter her but enough to stun Jasper.
This time she did get mad. Jasper punched the cage bending a couple bars awkwardly. "Shadow I want to save you." When she spoke she did it calmly. No use in getting mad when she had no right to.
"You want to save me?" His voice started to rise. "YOU WANT TO FUCKING SAVE ME?" Shadow was so loud Jasper thought someone would hear them. The human slammed into the bars and gripped them so tight his hands turned white. One hand pointed to the strips of clothing he once had to wrap his right eye. "Look what you did to me Jasper!"
She tried to look away from what she had done. Jasper would never forgive herself. When he reached out to grab her by the face she flinched.
"You destroyed my eye Jasper! Left me half dead on that fucking beach," his snarl turned into a frown. "You pulled me out of a darkness I had known for too long just to put me back into it. Well, look at me now, straight thriving in it!" He let her go with a shove and took up his place back on the floor.
Jasper wanted to scream and cry out for him. Was his hate for her so strong that he didn't want to be saved?
"Blue diamonds going to kill you tomorrow."
"You've done more than she could ever do to me."
She guessed that really was it then. He didn't want to be saved. Shadow would rather die in this cage than try to escape. The orange gem didn't want to believe the strong man who had braved more than any other human she met would just die like this. The same human who almost got himself killed fighting an entire biker gang for her. He fought gem monsters to try and find her. Jasper destroyed the man she loved. All because she wouldn't listen. This time she would listen.
Jasper stood to her feet to leave. She looked back over her shoulder, he didn't move a muscle.
"By all that I am I will get you out of here." Jasper knew her promise sounded like shite to him. Whether he needed her or not she wanted him to know.
Shadow scoffed, he really didn't want to hear her voice anymore. "The problem with that is your not God Jasper. You can't save a dead man."
This time when they pulled him out to the light he embraced it painstakingly. The sounds of the gems in the stands were a distant noise. The Amethysts guarding him were shocked that he wasn't putting up a fight. It was almost boring to watch him like this. It didn't matter how he was acting, the show must go on.
Once again the crowd went quiet when Blue diamond rose to her feet. "Gems may I present you the abomination!"
The crowd went nuts seeing the matriarch.
"Today we have a special event. One of our own has volunteered themselves to take on the abomination. The prize will stay the same no matter the outcome. Watch this match and know the strength of the gems in our armies."
Shadow could hear the floor hatch opening up. It was no surprise at this point, he just wanted to get this over with.
Blue diamond waved her arm to the gladiator to fight Shadow. "I give you General Jasper of Yellow diamonds court."
Shadow lifted his head to see her. The last person he would think would be in this fighting ring with him.
"So you come here to finish me off." He growled between clenched teeth.
A statement she was expecting. Jasper didn't have much of a plan. All she knew was that if she didn't volunteer to this then he was as good as dead if someone else had.
She spoke in a hushed voice. "Shadow I'm going to get you out. Just trust me!"
Shadow opened both his palms. Lighting exploded from out of his palms striking the red sand. His anger fueled his powers to a point that when the lighting hit the sand it instantly turned into glass. "I did trust you!" He walked towards her slowly. With every step he his lighting struck out into tendrils that would reach her soon enough.
"Look where my trust got me Jasper." Shadow raised his hand slowly.
Jasper rolled out of the way. She knew his intent, the look in his eye gave it away. She summoned her crash helmet as she came to her feet. Shadow was already in front of her. She could barely bock all of his attacks. Shadow hit her in the gut with a punch that doubled her over. Shadow didn't let up and grabbed her by the helmet. His knee smashed into her visor creating spider webs in her vision. With her hand she shoved him backward.
"Shadow please-" Her head snapped back and her mouth opened to yell in pain. His lightning bolt wrapped around her body worse than any vice. She didn't know how she did it but jumped into the air infused with energy. With her comet charge she launched at him. Shadow didn't bother to evade he met her attack head-on with a lightning shield. Even if he had enough strength to summon a shield much less his powers his body was still too weak to hold back Jaspers attack. She broke through his shield and smashed into his chest.
Jasper breathed in heavily. The lightning bolt that hit her before still did enough damage to drop her on her knee. He was so strong. His hate for her was strong enough to charge his powers. Jasper felt sick to her stomach to be doing this. She knew that this was the only way to get him out of here though. If she could just beat him into submission Blue diamond would give him to her.
Shadow got to a knee himself. As hard as it was he wouldn't give up. "You broke my heart, Jasper. Broke it worse than anything else in my life." As painstaking as it was he got to his feet. His eyes didn't have a glow his juice was running out. It was just a spark in his left hand but from the looks of her, it was enough to finish her off.
Jasper let her beaten helmet disappear she wanted him to see her eyes.
"Don't do this Shadow. I know I messed up," Jasper walked towards him. "All I ever did was want to love you. We went through so much together in the span of time I was with you." Jasper was only a few feet away from him when she stopped. "You changed the way I saw things about Earth. Gave me a reason to believe in something more than the destruction of it. I'm torn every day by what I did. I know you'll never forgive me but I beg- Shadow I beg that you let me get you out. Let me do this for you."
Shadow looked up at the gems that plagued him every single day since being here. He was forced to fight for their entertainment. Blue diamond just sat on her throne eyeing him with prejudice, or sadness he didn't care. The man just wanted this to end. Shadow closed the distance between them. His final attack prepped to finish the fight. With his last tired breath, he let out a roar that echoed through the coliseum.
"No wait!" Jasper through her hand out to him. All was silent after that. For a moment she thought Shadow had poofed her. It was only until the audience exploded into cheers that she knew otherwise. When she opened her eyes Shadow was staring at her. He coughed and blood hit her face. Her hand had pierced right through his chest. When she saw his hand she noticed that he let his power die out before she even struck him.
"Why did you," Jasper didn't know what to do everything seemed to freeze.
"You wouldn't understand Jasper. Someone like you who has never felt death." Shadow gripped her by the arm and pulled it out of his chest. His body fell against Jasper, blood stained the diamond on her chest till he hit the ground.
"You know I don't think I told you I loved you," Shadow coughed up more blood onto his chest.
Jasper tried to grab him but he swatted her away.
"Why Shadow? Why did you do it! I could have gotten you out!" Jasper beat the sand with her fists in pain. Tears that she cried fell down on his face.
Shadow wanted to laugh at the irony. "Do you think that if I told you I loved you sooner that we wouldn't be here now. We could be in my apartment cuddled up on the couch. Laughing at the holes you keep putting in my walls. I would eat your horrible cooking and we could sleep all day."
"Let's go Shadow. We can leave this place just you and me. Start over and live happily," Jasper took his hands to her lips. "Please, Shadow we can do it."
Shadow had no more strength to argue. He was feeling sleepy now and there was nothing he could do to keep himself awake. It was time to go and he knew it, at least her face would be the last one he would see.
"Yeah… that would be nice wouldn't it? Maybe… just let me sleep on it- I'll give you an answer later." Shadow closed his eyes. All he needed was some sleep, that shouldn't be too much to ask for.
Poof!
Shadow was gone just like that. A puff of smoke. Jasper couldn't say anything. Blue diamond spoke and the crowd cheered for the victory. Jasper remained silent she was in shock. When she rose to her feet that was when she noticed something sticking out of the sand was a jagged crescent-shaped gem. Without question, she picked it up and hid it behind her back. No other gem had a shape like this. For once she actually felt hope. Jasper was getting another chance to make this right. This time she wouldn't squander it, she would save him no matter what the cost.