Beta reader: Actualize (a member of the SpaceBattles forums)
He felt something pierce the skin of his neck, something... like the beak of a Nevermore, maybe. The pain felt so real, even though it could be nothing more than an illusion, that it almost caused him to lose his grip on his sword.
Almost.
He knew he was prepared for this; he had all the skills and experience necessary, but all those experiences seemed to slip out of his mind and disappear.
Suddenly, he was no longer Jaune the Hunter, but nothing more than a child falling from the sky.
Just like before.
No. No, no, no, no more.
Just barely, he managed to block the memory that was about to leap to the surface of his mind. The memory in which
a cascade of blood falling on him, defiling his soul.
he lost everything. Almost everything.
He felt something tear his hood, and this time it was definitely not an illusion. The world circled around him two times. He was vaguely aware that his trajectory had changed, but he was more focused on nausea, on the howl of the wind in his ears, on the feeling that everything in him was collapsing like a house made of glass.
He was so scared and nobody was there to help him. There was no hand to tightly grasp. Could it be true? Could it be happening again?
Even through the mist of fear clouding his mind, he realized he was descending.
Shortly after, his back hit the trunk of a tree and his body shook back and forth as if he were a jack-in-the-box.
Silence. The only sounds he heard were the murmur of the wind between the trees and his own breathing.
With his eyes narrowed, burning for some reason, he looked up.
A spear stuck in the wood, not a Nevermore or some other creature of Grimm.
That was all, his fearsome enemy. How humiliating.
Thankfully no one had seen him. No... that was not entirely true. Ozpin and the faculty must have been watching the students through cameras. It was very unlikely that they would not have witnessed his... relapse.
He ripped the lance from the wood with one hand, and threw it aside.
He fell on his ass, like some kind of rookie.
He tried to stand up and succeeded, but barely. He felt like an unstuffed straw doll. No, better not beat around the bush, better not continue lying to others and to himself: like he didn't have a soul.
He felt tears slide down his cheeks, and this time he did nothing to stop them. He could not.
He trembled pathetically, like a small child. At some point his knees failed him.
He tried to control his breathing without much success.
He tore out pieces of earth with both hands as if the ground were the inside of his skull, as if it were his memories, as if he could pluck them out, abandon them, bury them forever.
Useless. Everything was useless.
How could anyone escape from themselves?
(you have to promise me that...)
He put both hands on his head, squeezed hard. Yes. That was all that mattered.
The promise. His oath.
He rose to his feet, though with effort. And to avoid falling, he had to lean on the tree with one hand.
Without realizing it, his gaze fell back on the spear that had brought him here.
That was Pyrrha's weapon. No doubt.
He had never seen her in person, but last night, while investigating the girl, he had found several images of the weapon and a few videos of Pyrrha's fights. That's why he was so sure. A weapon like hers was unmistakable, and even more so because of how she used it.
She had to have done it on purpose. That was unquestionable. But why?
Not only did she seem indifferent when he threatened to kill Weiss, unlike Ruby, but now she wanted him to be her partner. What was going through that girl's mind? She must be crazy.
Just like you.
Jaune grimaced.
His thoughts were intrusive, sharp as broken glass. It was better for him to avoid them, to concentrate on what he had to do, step by step. Otherwise he would be lost.
If he stayed here much longer, that girl would find him. He walked in a random direction, with his mind blank. His body felt heavy and did not respond properly, as if it belonged to someone else.
No one knew where the soul was kept. So who could assure him that his soul was still inside his body?
A branch grazed his cheek, and he was surprised to find that he was bleeding.
He had lowered more than his guard.
He stopped, took a deep breath, and concentrated on erecting his aura around himself again; making sure that it did not collapse easily.
"The soul... " he murmured as if there was someone listening to him.
He carried on.
As soon as he came out of the undergrowth, he found what he feared most.
Pyrrha looked happy. Her eyes were wide, her smile was even wider. She looked as if his arrival had filled a hole inside her. Yeah, there was no reason for her to be happy, but she was, no doubt about it. Or at least she was good at pretending to be. His reaction was just as predictable, but he tried hard not to let it show on his face. She is a valuable ally, he told himself, not entirely convinced that it made putting up with her worthwhile.
He looked at her from the corner of his eye.
He didn't know what to think of her, what was true and what was a lie. As was natural, for he did not know her, but…
But what? What?
He found it hard to believe that her sadness, like she was going to start crying at any moment, was not genuine.
"You're angry, aren't you?" Pyrrha asked.
What a question.
"No, I'm not. Just surprised. But in a good way. Looks like we're partners now. But let's stop and talk when we're done with this, okay?"
He started moving again immediately, without giving any explanations or orders. He had the feeling that if he looked at her face one more second he would do something that both of them would regret.
"Jaune, wait..."
She grabbed him by the shoulder.
Jaune pushed her away, snarling like a cornered animal.
"Don't touch me!"
Pyrrha backed away. She looked frightened, even hurt. He couldn't understand the reason. She raised her hands up in a placating gesture.
"I'm sorry. Let me explain. You seemed... you seem like the only person in Beacon willing to see me as I am. I promise you that I will be a good partner. I will make it up to you."
She had opened an old wound at the worst possible time. He couldn't think clearly, and even less because he was concentrating most of his efforts on suppressing memories that he wished he could forget forever.
"Jaune?"
He knew it, but it wasn't so easy to pull back. Yes, he knew he was broken, damaged, soiled. That he was not a normal person.
"Jaune? Are you all right?"
He looked away.
Because of shame. Or something close to fear.
He felt less human. And there was nothing strange about that, because after all he wasn't entirely human, but it affected him in ways he couldn't describe.
He assumed that was because he still had hope, deep down.
"No. I'm not all right." His mouth was dry. "But you don't really care about that."
Fuck.
Pyrrha cowered as if he had hit her.
"That's not true. Jaune, I..."
But she couldn't even find the words to justify herself.
Bullshit. You're going to pay for this.
"You say people put you on a pedestal. That you want to feel like a normal person again and live a normal life. That's bullshit. You're not willing to get off the pedestal, to get rid of the typical attitude of a person who's used to getting what they want. For you... For you we are all extras in the play of your life, aren't we?"
Pyrrha's eyes shone with tears.
"Don't look at me with those eyes! You don't have to cry, because this time you're going to get away with it too. As long as I end up next to Ruby, I don't care about the details. I can accept that."
"I'm sorry. I... I didn't want to, I didn't think that..."
"Save your excuses. I'm not interested." He took a breath. He noticed there was a knot in his throat. "Follow me, and try to keep up."
Fortunately, she didn't insist. Maybe because she had realized that there was nothing she could say to change his mind or that he was right about. He didn't know and didn't care much about it, either.
Ruby was running through the trees like a red comet. After her, as always, a trail of rose petals marked her path.
Few Grimm had the speed to catch her when she used her Semblance, which was perfect, because she didn't want to waste time fighting. She had more important matters to attend to, like making sure her stay in Beacon wasn't ruined by ending up paired with a complete stranger.
They were sisters after all, but teaming up with Jaune wouldn't be bad wasn't a bad person, despite the first impression he had given her. Though she could not relax at all when she was near him. Maybe that was what they called "butterflies in the stomach".
She couldn't know. She had never felt this way before.
She stopped suddenly.
What was love, anyway? What was the difference between loving your parents and loving a boy? Where was the boundary line? Sex? She liked Jaune, but she wasn't sure she wanted to do that kind of thing with him. Or with anyone, for that matter.
Ruby shook her head vigorously, like Zwei after someone finally managed to bathe him.
That didn't matter. Not at this moment.
She was in the Emerald Forest in Beacon, in the middle of the initiation test.
No matter how much she trusted her abilities, it was not good to get lost in her thoughts and drop her guard. Lack of attention could be costly to anyone. Even her.
She thought she had heard... Yes, there, a growl among the trees. She was under no illusions that it was an ordinary animal. She recognized the tone, the volume, the various qualities of its voice. And she would not mistake it for anything in the world.
It was an Ursa.
Several, she corrected herself. And in the next few seconds she realized that there were even some Beowolves among them.
She took out Crescent Rose and unfolded the weapon, holding her with both hands. Why was she getting nervous?
She was good. Very good.
Not as much as she could have been, she had to admit it, as her father had refused to let her go hunting with him or her uncle until later than usual. But although she was perhaps being a bit arrogant, she would bet that very few of the candidates had as much real experience as she did.
But she already knew why.
She wasn't focused, in the right state of mind. Life and death battles were not unusual for her, but these strange feelings Jaune had provoked were.
So it was normal for her to be a little distracted.
But now she had to concentrate. She couldn't waste time, but she had let the situation progress to the point she probably wouldn't be able to evade them all and escape even with her incredible speed. She would have to fight to avoid taking unnecessary risks.
In any case, this was her job.
It was what she lived for.
For you, mom, she said to herself. She stabilized the grip of her Crescent Rose. For you.
The Grimm came out of the forest, surrounding her. She judged without stopping to count that there were more than a dozen of them, grunting and howling wildly. Their eyes shone with rage, with a desire to kill. The red flashes they gave off were like blood streaming from a wound.
Ruby waited no longer. She attacked.
They made their way through the woods.
Pyrrha proved to be agile and perfectly capable of keeping up with him, at least after they recovered her spear. They had lost about ten minutes on it, but had already made up for the delay. So he was satisfied, more or less. Also, she hadn't spoken since they had set out, and that was good. He had a headache and he had not yet managed to control his breathing completely, so he did not need her to make things harder for him.
They had not yet encountered a Grimm, somehow, even though Pyrrha had to be emitting a lot of negative energy.
Perhaps
He didn't care about this. Unlike many of the candidates, who in the end were nothing more than children, he had nothing to prove. So he should stop thinking about it, it didn't make sense.
Do you feel guilty?
Jaune grimaced.
He was not normal, and so he was not able to understand normal people, neither their happiness nor their sadness. He existed because of and for Ruby, so he had to be happy when she was happy. And if something bad happened to her, his duty was to wipe that mistake off the face of the earth.
Pyrrha was not necessary for his mission, so he did not have to worry about her. And even if he cared... even if he cared, what could he say or do?
Nothing. Of course.
It was better to remain silent.
"Jaune... Before, you looked at me as if you were frightened." She pursued her lips. "Why did you...?"
"I'm not afraid of anything, but... what you did with the spear awakened bad memories. And don't ask me any more questions. Even you should know that there is a limit."
Pyrrha sighed heavily.
"I'm really sorry."
"I know," he said slowly and after a while. Because he judged it to be true.
The temple they had to find turned out to be ruins. The dust and debris spoke of a world they had never known. For a moment, he wondered what would remain of his world a hundred or a thousand years in the future. But it was an absurd question for someone who was not even truly alive. That had neither past nor future.
On small platforms placed in a circle lay the relics: simple chess pieces.
Two of them were missing. Which had to mean that two pairs had passed through here.
Jaune bit his lip.
At this point, he could only hope that neither pair included Ruby. He had hoped with all his heart to meet her along the way, but thinking about it, it was quite unlikely in a forest of this size.
He sat down on the stairs.
Ozpin had not mentioned anything about a time limit, he was certain of that, so he could afford to wait.
"That girl, Ruby... Are you in love with her?"
"What?"
"I just wanted... to wish you luck." She no longer avoided his gaze. She had recovered quite quickly from the shock, although not completely.
"Love? Don't compare the way I feel about Ruby with something as vulgar as love. I don't want to kiss her, touch her, take her to bed, or anything like that. She is..." He clenched and opened his fists, frustrated with himself. "It's something more than that. Something more."
"You're here for some reason, aren't you? Because you can't imagine doing something else?
"Yes," she admitted, "I don't want to fight, but fighting is the only thing I'm good at. So I thought I would find myself among people like me."
Jaune nodded absently.
"I'm here for Ruby. Everything I do and say is for her sake. If I keep breathing, it's because of her too."
Pyrrha's expression changed, but he could not name what he was seeing on her face.
"What do you mean by that?"
He stood up, then ran a hand through his hair unnecessarily.
"I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. Don't say a word to Ruby."
"Whatever your opinion of me," Pyrrha replied, "you are my partner, and always will be. I would not betray your trust."
Jaune looked around. Silence, shadows dancing and twisting within the forest. Suddenly he was struck by the powerful feeling that he should be anywhere but here, but he had no home to return to. What use would it be to run away?
Going from nothing to nothing.
"Great," he muttered. Even he realized that there was something strange on his tone. But he didn't know the reason.