A Prequel to Having It All - Robin dealing with his feelings as Regina gets married to David. Inspired by the song Marry Me by Thomas Rhett
Robin is out drinking, drowning his sorrows with one of the nurses and his mate Will. He's supposed to be taking his mind off of Regina, but it's not working and he can't stop thinking about her. Will had been subtly distracting him, but he now he's chatting up the cute blonde bartender and Robin can't help but think back to Regina.
He remembers when he saw her, that first day in med school. He was immediately struck by just how beautiful she was, and then she opened her mouth, telling a guy off and he knew at that moment he wanted to get to know her better.
She's his best friend, and that attraction has never faded, but she has someone and she's happy. He won't get in the way of it.
They were in all of the same classes in their first year of med school, being assigned by last name, he's an L and she's an M. She was getting over a break-up and so was he, so he waited, content with being her friend as they navigated their new reality as med students. What he didn't know was that his competition was also in their classes. David Nolan, he looked like Prince Charming and all the girls swooned over him. Regina claimed she didn't get it, that his looks were overrated and Robin didn't think much of it. That is until he saw them together at party, saw them kissing passionately in the corner, as he realized he waited too long.
He'd hoped it would flicker out but as Regina told him how sweet he was and that Robin would love him, his hope waned. Regina Mills and David Nolan, they were the power couple of their med school.
He thought he might have a chance after med school, if somehow they ended up in the same place, which they did. When David didn't get an internship at the same hospital, and they grew distant, he saw his opportunity coming.
Then he got the phone call, he could barely make out what she was saying at first but then he caught proposed and engaged and he knew he'd missed his chance. When he got the invite he knew it was too late. She'd always be the one that got away.
She's his best friend and he's not in love with her, but he's close. It's so hard because he wants her to be happy, desperately, but he wants her too, in a way he can never have. It hurts, and he knows he should take some space but the thought of staying away is torture. She asked him to be in the wedding party and for the first time he said to no to something she asked of him that she really wanted. He would have been one of David's groomsmen and he couldn't. He can't stand up there and pretend he's happy for David. He and David get along fine, really it's for Regina—if he wasn't so hung up on Regina he would probably like him more, they'd probably be a lot closer but it is what it is.
They are getting married tomorrow and every time he thinks of it, it stabs him right in the gut. But hopefully, hopefully, after that Robin will finally start to get over this. It's been five years of silent suffering seeing the two of them together. The only thing that makes it worthwhile is that David makes her happy, he's seen it first hand. It both hurts and helps. It's part of what makes this so hard because he knows he's the bad guy if he says anything. He can't say anything, he will not ruin this for her, he cares for her too much to do that.
Will starts making his way back over from that bar and that's good, that's what he needs a distraction from his thoughts and what ifs.
"Cheers mate," Will says passing him a dark shot. He takes it, doesn't care what it is and downs it. And oh, it's tequila, probably not the best to mix with the double whiskey he's almost finished but whatever. Really he could use another (or several more) of those shots, to turn off his brain. "So do ya wanna talk about it?"
He hasn't told Will how he feels about Regina, hasn't told anyone and won't, so he plays dumb. "What do you mean?"
"Rob, I know we've only known each other for about ten months but I notice things, I've seen the way ya look at her, I can keep pretendin' I dunno why we're drinkin' if ya wanna."
And shit, "Am I really that obvious?"
"Nah mate, ya good, I justa, I've been where ya are so I know."
And that he wants to know more about but first, he downs the last drop of his whiskey and stands up on shaky legs, an oh he's actually a bit drunk. "What can I get ya?" he asks Will.
"More of the same, and ey, another round of dem shots migh' be good yeah?"
Will guards their table while he gets the drinks. He can't carry four drinks sober, let alone in his tipsy state, so he runs the shots over and comes back for the drinks.
"Cheers," he says clinking shot glasses with Will. They both grimace a bit at the finish, Robin had asked if they had better tequila but no such luck. Whatever though, this will work.
He just needs to get his mind off of her, the one he will never have, the one he needs to be content with being her friend and friend only. He's letting go of her tomorrow, he has to.
"So tell me about this girl…" he says and lets himself get distracted by Will's sad story about Anastasia, who married another man and then changing completely from the woman he fell for.
It's a sad story, and all it does is remind him of Regina. She's beautiful, passionate, so smart, determined but fiery. She'll call you on your bullshit faster than anyone and he loves that about her. She's not perfect, no one is, but even the things that annoy him about her—how she stands up for herself against everyone but her mother, that she will just leave her garbage on his coffee table no matter how much he gripes, that she's so damn bullheaded you have to show her eight different forms of proof to get her to begrudgingly admit she was wrong—he would never ever change them.
"Ya gotta tell 'er mate." He shakes his head, he cannot do that, will not do that. "Don' be as dumb as me mate, you hafta know, or you'll always wonder."
"I can't…" shit there's a lump in his throat and no dammit, he is not going there. He lets out a shaky breath, "I missed my chance, come tomorrow I'm…" he lets out another, "I'm letting her g-go."
Will looks him over concerned and then bless him suggests, "More shotsss?"
Everything from that point is a blur. He vaguely remembers walking down to the karaoke bar and singing (oh god) melancholic country love songs with Will. It had been an interesting night, that's for sure.
His head is throbbing his whole body protesting the night before's poor choices. He wants to vomit and not just because today is the day. Thinking of Regina and David makes everything hurt more. He showers, cleans himself up, fills his flask with whiskey and takes a shot. Nothing like some hair of the dog, right?
His heart is aching as he imagines just how beautiful she will look. She'll have that radiant smile lighting up her whole face, the one that makes his heart flutter, but it won't be for him.
He puts on his black suit, black tie and tries to look anything but devastated and totally fails, great. He doesn't know what to do but he needs to pull himself together.
He's pacing around his place trying to think about anything else when his phone starts ringing. He knows before he picks it up and confirms it that it's Regina Mills, soon to be Regina Nolan.
"What's going on darling?" He asks in lieu of a greeting, it's her wedding day she wouldn't be calling unless something was wrong.
He hears her sniffle and oh shit. "I…" there's another sniffle and then, "n-evermind, this was stupid."
"Regina where are you?"
"T-he h-h-hotel."
"I'm on way darling, I'll be there in ten minutes okay, you sit tight."
He breezes past her mother, ignoring her protests when he arrives. He finds Regina alone, sitting, trying her damndest not to cry and he can't help but be struck by how stunning she is. Her hair is up an intricate bun thing and her dress is stunning. She has no makeup but she doesn't need it—he knows she'd disagree with that, but now is not the time for that, she needs to be comforted over whatever has her in this state.
"What happened?" he asks as he wraps his arms around her from behind.
She stands, turns to face him and buries her face in his chest and sobs. They stay like that, him running a hand gently down her back as she slowly calms down.
She pulls her face away embarrassed as she grabs for a Kleenex to blow her nose and, in true her fashion, drops in on the table behind her.
She sighs and hugs him again, "I was so happy everything was going perfect and then Mother got here and she said some things and…" she takes a shaky inhale, and shakes her head. God he hates her mother. "What she said isn't important but it just made me feel…" her voice drops so low he can barely hear her even though there's only a couple of inches between her lips and his ear. "... inadequate."
His belly burns with rage, fuck Cora Mills. "You are brilliant," he assures her, "David is so lucky to have you."
"Is he though? I am nothing special and he's perfect. He's kind, sweet, caring, patient, all the things I'm not."
"Darling look at me, you are something special. And you love him don't you."
She nods, "So so much."
"He's a damn lucky man to have you loving him, you hear me. You are all of those things you just listed except patient, and I and I'm sure David too, wouldn't have you any other way. You aren't the lucky one he is."
She smiles then and mouths a Thank you, before grabbing him for a tight hug. His breath catches because this is it. This needs to be his last moment of feelings of Regina Mills. He needs to let her go right here right now.
She pulls away and eyes him suspiciously, "Why are you crying?" Shit! But then she laughs lightly, "Who knew you were such a sap."
He chuckles, god if only she knew but this is good, is better, so he teases, "Someone's been rubbing off on me."
He earns himself a good slap to the arm for that and an indignant "Hey."
He sticks his tongue out at her and she laughs full bellied and it's stunning, but he can't be looking at her like this anymore. He indulges, one last longing look, and then he clears his throat looks away and asks, "Shouldn't you have a million people fawning over you right now?"
She snickers, "Just a makeup artist who will be here…" she looks down at the clock and gasps, "Oh, 15 minutes ago."
"I'll get out of your hair then," he says and presses a soft kiss to her cheek as he tells her, "Don't let her get you down again, okay?"
She smiles and nods and his heart aches but he keeps a smile plastered on his face.
He keeps that fake smile on his face all through the ceremony. She's gorgeous and he can't help but stare and decides tonight he can stare all he wants but that will be it. Once he's given himself permission he can't stop, because he knows he will have to after this night is over. He lets himself be touchy-feely at the reception, they always are anyway and he even gets a little bit flirty. They are all drunk so no one is the wiser.
He watches her and David kiss, watches her look at David with love in her eyes, the way he will never get, and tells himself to be happy for her. It's hard but he's glad he got to see it, glad he was able to be here for her. He will take the pain if it means he gets more time with her. He will replay these images over and over in his head, how happy she is, and he will get over her. She got married today and her daddy wasn't the only one giving her away. He will never mess this up for her, he's going to do whatever it takes to get over her, starting tomorrow.
It was easy the first two weeks when she was away. But when she got back he found himself saying tomorrow again and again. And then the tomorrows turned into next month until he started just telling himself he was over her. If he said it enough times one day it would become true.
It sort of worked, or at least he told himself it did. He still ached sometimes but he pushed it down, didn't let himself indulge. David was good to her, in the beginning at least, and he managed to transfer to their hospital as part of a merger in his residency. The three of them endured the long hard hours, traded horror stories and worked their way through the grind that is a medical residency. Robin saw a lot more of Regina because they both worked in general surgery, primarily in pediatrics together, often fighting over the same interesting cases. David was interested in neurosurgery, so their paths crossed less and less.
Somehow, they all got fellowships at that same hospital. He and Regina both in Pediatrics until she was stolen by Fetal halfway through. They were well on their way to becoming full blown surgeons. But while that happened, David became more and more obsessed with work and less and less interested in his wife. Regina pretended it didn't bother her, but Robin knew her better than anyone, and knew that it hurt her. She refused to admit it, threw herself into her work too, and while it was good her career, he could see the toll it was taking on her. That ache increased, the longing to comfort her, to see her smile.
He tried to intervene, tried to talk some sense into David, but he didn't listen, brushed off Robin's advice and suggestions that they take some time off together.
David insisted they were both busy and didn't have the time for that now and Robin wondered if they'd ever have the time.
It just got worse and worse and he watched them struggle, watched as David increasingly ignored her and how it slowly broke her.
Regina confided in him one night (right before everything got fucked up) that sometimes she wondered if it was all worth it, the long hours, the no life outside of work, the giving up on a family. He heard her voice catch on that last part and he told her being doctor didn't mean you couldn't have a family. She reminded him she didn't want to be like her mother, and that she wouldn't bring a child into a world where it wasn't its parents' number one priority. It was left unspoken who wouldn't make the child a priority.
"And besides," she had went on, "I'm not getting any younger."
He knew that feeling all too well, he had always thought he'd have children by now, but life and work got in the way and it just didn't seem in the cards for him, he could barely make a relationship work.
"My life hasn't exactly turned out how I thought it would either, but I think if it's meant to be it will happen for you."
"You know I always pictured you as a dad, and you'd be a good one."
He had shrugged, "I'm not so sure, look at me, 38 and single, I haven't been in a serious relationship since before med school."
She frowns, "What about that nurse what was her name?"
He shakes his head, "That was just sex."
"Oh."
"You would make a great mother Regina and… you deserve that."
She blushes cutely, "I love you for your faith in me but I'm not so sure."
"I am, and trust me, I know you."
She looks at him curiously and sighs, "You really do, don't you?"
"You are my best friend," he tells her and then finishes it with something he shouldn't, "And I love you so much. You are so brilliant and kind and passionate. David is an idiot for what he's doing to you. You deserve so much better. You should be the centre of someone's world. I just hate to see you like this and I don't know what I'd do without—"
He's cut off by their lips meeting. He has a moment of being frozen because this can't be real. It's when she begins to pull away that he regains his senses and kisses her back pulling her in close. It's like coming home, he pours every repressed emotion from the last 16 years into the kiss. It's the best kiss he's ever had and his hands come to tangle in her hair and it just feels so right. He can't believe he's waited so long for this, but now that he has it he's never letting go.
A "What the Hell?" startles them out of the kiss and then everything goes to shit.