Chapter Summary: Morning comes with a countdown. Only minutes left after Levi is gone from his life. Is this the end for them?
A/N: This chapter is longer than the others, and one I really enjoyed writing. I've actually divided my whole story into three major arcs. And this chapter concludes the first arc of the story. I'm calling it the Shinganshina Arc! XD
Enjoy! ^_^
Mornings usually start with mom knocking outside my door and yelling at me to get up. That's generally after 8 on weekdays and 11 on weekends. So it's safe to say that it's an unusual start of the day for me today, as I wake up on my own and the clock reads 7:39. What's more, it's a weekend.
I look around. I'm leaning against the foot of the bed, legs stretched in front and head barely resting on the edge of the bed. My hands are sprawled on either side of my body, palms lying carelessly on the ground. I gather myself slowly while regaining consciousness and becoming aware of my surroundings. I sit up straight, twist my body left and right to get rid of any fatigue, yawn loudly, then get up on my feet.
The window beside my bed is still blinded. The only source of light in the room is the other window on the opposite wall, beside the rocking chair. Rays of sunshine descend into the room from outside, illuminating the space around. Tiny particles and dust are swirling around in the air, sparkling under the sunlight. I watch them with undivided attention for a while. Then something else catches my eyes.
My phone.
It's lying on the floor, at least most of it. The back cover has been detached and is currently lying almost half a foot away from it. I can't seem to find the battery. So I crouch on the floor and there it is. Under my desk.
While I retrieve all three pieces and put them together, I think back on last night. And I remember.
Mikasa's call.
Hanging up.
Throwing the phone on the floor.
"That man's got a daughter almost as old as you. Do you understand now?"
I sigh.
Yes, I do understand. I understand how wrong it is for me to want a man twice my age. I understand how immoral it is for him to desire someone his daughter could be dating, not him. And I understand that if we let this thing end here and now, it'll be better for both of us. In more ways than one.
But why do I feel a sharp pang in my chest whenever I think of letting him go?
I probably know the answer. But I'm not ready to confront it. At least, not yet. If I do that, I feel like I'll lose whatever little control I have over myself. And I can't let that happen. I don't wanna end up with a broken and unmendable heart.
So I elude myself. It's better this way.
I drag myself to the attached bathroom to unload my bladder. Then I walk over to the basin and splash my face with cold water. I look into the mirror. My reflection looks tired and worn out. Nothing like the usual fresh and energetic Eren I'm used to seeing. I try to force a smile. But it looks so horrifying that I cover the mirror with both my hands.
I take a deep breath. The heaviness in my chest doesn't deplete.
It'll go away. I tell myself.
I brush my teeth, take a shower, then change into a pair of army shorts and a stone blue sleeveless shirt. I'm about to walk down the stairs to have breakfast when suddenly it hits me.
They're supposed to leave this morning.
My eyes shoot up towards the clock.
8:23 am.
I jump down the stairs two at a time, almost falling at the third step and catching myself. Then I'm rushing towards the kitchen. I find my mom humming to herself and making omelets. She turns around when she hears my labored breathing and finds me bending down and huffing, hands on my knees.
"Eren", she sounds concerned. "What's the matter?"
"H-Have they…" Deep breaths. "Have they left already?"
Mom doesn't ask who I'm talking about. She just makes a thoughtful expression before smiling and shaking her head.
I'm about to turn around and rush out of the house when–
"Hold you horses, young man!"
Yikes.
I make a tortured expression, hoping she'll let me off the hook this time. But she doesn't budge. So with slumped shoulders I walk over to the kitchen counter and start making toasts. She notices my mood of course, and comes over to ruffle my hair and peck me on the cheek.
"Go after breakfast. They won't be leaving without meeting you."
I know she's right. She's always right, somehow. And at times it pisses me off. But right now, it actually makes me feel a little better. I heave a sigh and start helping her out. We make toasts and omelets. Mom makes coffee. We sit together and talk about things while having breakfast. Well, mostly mom talks and I reply with 'Hmm' or 'Yeah'. My mind is too scattered to hold a cheerful conversation at the moment.
Mom understands. We finish the rest of breakfast in silence.
By the time I'm done washing the dishes, the clock reads 9:18. I look at mom. She smiles and throws a white jacket in my direction.
"It's cold outside."
I grin in return and pull the jacket over my shirt. I put on my white sneakers and bolt out the door before she can say something about my shorts.
"Say goodbye for me too!" is what I last hear before I'm out of the house.
There's a white car in front of the house. As I walk in through the gates, I notice the driver leaning against the car door and reading a newspaper. He turns his head at the sound of the gates screeching, gives me a once over, then gets back to his paper.
While I'm deciding whether to stand outside and wait or go in, the front door opens and a man in his late twenties walks out with Hange. The man is average looking, with short brown hair parted down the middle and honey brown eyes. He's wearing a plain grey button down with black slacks and leather shoes. Hange, on the other hand, is a little more eccentric. They're wearing a v-neck with navy blue and white stripes and sleeves pushed up to their elbows, faded jeans folded up to just below their knees and white converse shoes.
I watch as Hange seemingly tries to explain something to this brown haired guy, aimlessly flinging their arms in the process. The man looks genuinely worried, with his hands raised in defense and a nervous frown on his lips. I stifle a chuckle.
Hange is scaring the poor guy.
"Eren!" Ah! They've spotted me.
I wave at them, smiling.
"You came on your own!" Hange screeches and claps their hands like their favorite pet dog has just given birth to a cute puppy. "Thought I'd have to go over there and wake you up!"
"I'm not a kid anymore Hange", I laugh it off. But that's not the whole truth, of course. I just don't wanna admit the fact that I actually woke up earlier because my subconscious mind was hyperaware of the fact that he is leaving today!
Yes, I'm an idiot. An indisputably stupid little shit who can't come to terms with his greatly misplaced feelings.
Whoa! Levi's crude mouth is rubbing off on me.
Come to think of it–
"Where is Levi?" I ask while trying to keep my expressions as neutral as possible. But that seems to be a failed attempt since my voice falters at the last syllable. And if the unusual hesitation in Hange's answering smile is anything to go by, I'd say I've also failed to hide my blush and my crazy heartbeat.
"Hange."
Fuck!
I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this.
I am so not ready for this!
I fight the desperate urge to run away. Digging my feet to the ground and keeping my eyes glued to my shoes. I can feel my body trembling ever so slightly. And I silently pray no one notices.
It's funny, isn't it? From the moment I woke up I've been dying to meet him again. And now that he's here, I can't even look him in the eye. Hell, I can't even bring myself to look at his direction!
There's a strange silence hanging in the air. Like the brewing of a violent storm. I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull. He probably thought I wouldn't show up today after what happened last night.
Well, it's his fault for making me fall so hard in the first place.
Someone clears his throat. I look up. It's that man. He looks even more distressed than before. Can't blame him actually. Poor fellow doesn't even know what's going on and has ended up in the middle of an invisible whirlpool.
"Oh right!" Hange intervenes, cutting off the silence effectively. "Eren", they look at me and motion towards the guy. "Meet my man Moblit. Moblit Berner."
"Hello", I hold out my hand. "I'm Eren Jaeger. Hange's friend and next door neighbor."
Somehow it's giving me a feel of déjà vu.
"Oh", the guy, Moblit, looks relieved as he shakes my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Eren."
"Moblit here, is going to be in charge of the house from now on", Hange butts in. "I just finished giving him a tour of the inside."
Oh, so this is the guy Hange was talking about last night. The neighbor in Stohess.
"Welcome to the neighborhood, Moblit", I grin.
He nods his head, smiling softly.
"Hange!" Holy shit! For a moment, I'd forgotten Levi's here. "We're gonna be late." His voice resonates in my heart, making my nerves tingle. My head feels dizzy.
Hange checks their watch and yelps. "Yikes! It's almost 10!" Their eyes dart back at him. "What the hell Levi! We're gonna be late because of you!"
Oops! I know that look. Hange's provoking him again for no reason.
"Tch!" He doesn't even spare them a glance, much to Hange's disappointment. "I'm warning you shitty glasses. It's a fucking six hours drive to Stohess. And if I get even the slightest bit of pissed, I'll kick you straight out of the car without a single fucking word!"
I'm expecting a verbal fight again. But surprisingly, Hange holds up their hands in defense with a sheepish smile. "Okay, okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants!"
For once, Levi makes no retort. And Hange doesn't push him further.
His voice rings in my ears.
"You should know Hange!"
Somehow, the atmosphere around those two doesn't seem as playful as usual. I wonder if it's because of what happened last night.
"Alright!" Thick rimmed glasses turn towards me, as the owner of said accessories grip my shoulders with both their hands. "Take care snotty!" A warm smile. One hand comes up to ruffle my already messy hair. "I met Carla in the morning, but still, tell her I said bye."
"Hange…" somehow, my throat feels tight.
"Now now, don't be a crybaby!" Hange pulls out a card from their pocket and hands it to me. "Here's my number. Now we can keep in touch all the time!"
I eye the business card with Hange's contact information. "But you don't have–"
"I already got yours from Carla", they wink.
I make a face. Of course they did.
"Eren", I look up at those topaz eyes. There's compassion, and a sense of understanding in them. "Believe in yourself. In your heart."
The last three words are said in a whisper, as if they're meant for me and me alone.
I stand still.
"Let's go Levi", Hange walks past me towards the car. I hear them opening the car door and getting inside. The door slams shut. I look down at my hands. My eyes skim over the neatly written numbers. I stand quietly with my eyes lowered, and wait. For him to say something. A formal goodbye. A snarky remark. Anything at all.
But he doesn't say a word.
And then, I hear the sound of another door opening.
My eyes shoot up and I wheel around to see that he's about to get inside.
"Levi!" I shout, without any idea what I'm gonna say.
He halts. That's good. Think Eren, think! Think of something to say! Quick!
Gah! This is bad. My mind is too overwhelmed. I can't think of anything other than the fact than Levi is currently staring at me with those intense silvery eyes. I freeze, helpless under his gaze.
"What is it?" he asks, voice devoid of any emotion.
"Aah…ummm…" Fuck! Hurry up Eren!
I hear footsteps. And soon he's standing right in front of me. If I was frozen before, now I am completely and utterly paralyzed. It's a miracle that I'm still standing on my own two legs.
"I already told you what you needed to know last night", he chews out. His face shows nothing but menace. But his eyes are guarded. "Stay the fuck away from me kid."
"I heard about Isabel!" the words come out without thinking. "From… Mikasa", I finish lamely.
Damn! Why did I say that?! The situation's already tense enough, and now I've made it worse!
Stupid Eren! Stupid, stupid Eren!
He stares at me for a long time. I try to read his expression, but nothing gives him away. Trying to figure out Levi is like trying to find a beautiful painting hidden underneath a blank canvas. If you try hard enough, sometimes you see glimpses of the original. But before you can uncover the whole thing, he paints it blank again.
"Is that so?" he lets out a sigh. "Good. Now you'll know better than to fawn over guys like me."
I look down. His words hurt, but I know that's exactly what he's trying to do. To hurt me, so I can move on easily. So I can hate him. But he doesn't know that I saw his outburst with Hange last night. I know how he truly feels. And I know why he's running away from it.
What do I do? What should I do?
My eyes fall on the card I'm still holding. I look up at him again.
"I–I was thinking", I start with a shaky voice. "Maybe… we could exchange numbers…"
It takes him a moment to register what I've just offered. Then his eyes flare in anger.
"No no! Not in that sense!" I add hastily. "Just as… friends?"
He continues to stare at me. The anger replaced with confusion and bewilderment. I count my heartbeat. One. Two. Three. Four. Fi–
"No."
My counting stops abruptly. And I distinctly hear the snap in my brain as I lose my temper.
"Why?!" I demand furiously. "I'm just asking to be friends! What's wrong with that?!"
Have I told you before? There's a fuse in my brain that gets short circuited pretty easily. Now is one of those frequent occasions. What timing! What a fucking amazing timing!
"Tch!" his scowl deepens. "If you don't understand what's wrong then you're an even shittier brat than I thought."
I stare at him, wide eyed. If it was anyone else, I'd have started a brawl by now without any second thought. But this is Levi. And even though my mind is in a haze of anger right now, I still have some sense left. And it tells me that Levi will not say something like this without a cause. He doesn't make snide comments just to insult someone. Which means he's either trying to knock some sense into me, or telling me – in his own unique way – that I'm mature enough to assess the pros and cons myself.
Of course, I'm in no state to do that right now. But I'm not so blinded by anger to cast it aside either.
So I choose to hold back for now. I ball my fists and press my lips together. Every single nerve in my body screams to lash out, but I hold my ground firmly. I keep my eyes shut tight, afraid of what might happen should they get trapped under his hypnotizing gaze again.
"Eren", I refuse to open my eyes, even when he calls my name.
I feel a soft touch. The pads of someone's fingers brushing over my jaw as if caressing something very precious. I shiver. The fingertips feel cold against my warm skin, sending goosebumps along the way. And yet, it feels oddly comforting.
Slowly I open my eyes to find the source of this newfound comfort. I see long and bony fingers, white as snow against my tan skin.
"Eren", his voice is soft and low, but cautious. I lift my face and he brushes his thumb against my cheekbone, delicate as a feather. His head is bent low, the bangs shading most of his face from my view. My heart clenches at the sight of him. He looks so… worn out. And I'm the one causing him all this distress.
The rest of the world disappears from my sight. There's no Hange waiting in the car, no Moblit standing awkwardly behind me and trying to understand what's going on, no car driver leaning against the front door.
It's just the two of us. Me and him. Him and me.
My hand reaches out on its own, but he senses it and jerks upright. I halt midway. He's looking to the side, refusing to meet my eyes. I retract my hand and wait. All the while relishing in the remnants of the tingling feeling his fingers left on my skin.
I don't count the seconds this time. I simply watch as he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and then locks his eyes with mine.
His eyes are now as blank as his face.
"Eren", he speaks a third time, the tenderness in his voice a sharp contrast to his poker face. "Take care."
And he's gone.
A/N: This is a crucial moment for Eren. He's at his most vulnerable. On one hand, he's shocked by Levi's truth. But on the other hand, his emotions for the man is running deeper than he previously thought. He's just a ball of confusion and anxiety right now.
And that end part of Levi shows that there's more beneath his mask of nonchalance and indifference. We'll get to see more of that soon!
By the way, I'll start using multiple POV from the next chapter. No, not Levi yet! XP
You'll see who's up next. So look forward to it!
Feedback is very much appreciated. Thanks for reading! ^_^