A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.

(A/N: Warning, minor spoilers for FusionFall Infinite, ahead. And if you're reading this by the time, I released the fourth chapter, this will provide context.)

The Warper News Network (the series)

March 2019

(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers, who's lately been rather reserved.

"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! Introducing Male Kale…I mean Broly BR." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set.

Broly sat in a business suit with Erasa priming herself before putting away the makeup.

"Welcome back, warpers, to another edition of the WNN. Let's get started with the hard hitters." Broly said looking over at Erasa.

"A sad day for fans of the Crystal Squadron as scandal broke in the last weeks of February. "Sadie Killer" Sadie Miller and the "Crystal Hypocrite" Pink Diamond were arrested for crimes ranging of illegal sex trafficking, extortion, murder, bribery, attempted sexual assault, and interference on a protected planet." Erasa said seriously.

Images flashed up in the corner as Broly took the lead.

"Allow me to explain for those who you don't, typically warpers would not get pinned for extortion or murder, but those two chose to do these crimes on a protected planet owned by the Amoral Ace, Joshinari Blackthorn." Broly said before getting assurance from Erasa that he did not mess the facts.

"The trial was a fiasco that led to many taking a hit. Ryker Blackthorn, who was proven innocent of involvement, took a pelting from The Zooman Recuse Group, the SU-Critical community, and PAWG (People Against Wicked Gems). Ryker gave no comment. I pity the guy. He just got married, and he has to deal with the fact that Pink was trying to get her mitts on the Zoomans, and Sadie was caught manipulating one to into her pants." Broly said with disgust.

Clips of the trial were shown, and it was shown Sadie and Pink Diamond could feel the glares of the Crystal Squadron.

"Considering only now, it's been discovered that Sadie's pretty much a predator. But we digress, the trial ended with Pink Diamond making a deal with the Order and Joshinari, while Sadie got slapped with a maximum sentence as the Todachi Warper Women's Prison." Erasa said with a shudder.

"I know that Pink did not commit any sexual crimes, but let's be honest, she was clearly planning it. She got lucky that the most she was slapped with was bribery, extortion, and attempted murder. Also doesn't help she's stupidly powerful. Knowing Ryker, it was between keeping Sadie or Pink, and Pink was more useful." Broly said astutely.

Erasa was surprised by the analysis, and even Sharpner gave a look of surprise behind the camera.

"Well moving on, in CN-Zen Kuro news, crime across Asia has come to a gradual decrease due to the world of My Hero Academia merging with it in recent times. I'm not surprised. Apparently, thanks to medical improvements, All Might can use his buff form for eight hours a day. Pretty sure only those with a death wish want to be something stupid enough to warrant All Might's attention." Erasa said relived.

"In other news, Ryo is still at the bar with Season 3 revealing the return of Pikachu and May from previous encounters. Sadly, Pikachu has been arrested for drunk driving and assault with the company at odds whether to server ties with the star." Broly said before closing up. "And that's all the time we have."

"It is?" Erasa said looking down at her watch. "Crap! It is quitting time, I need to preorder some new games. But shouldn't we talk about the news in politics?"

"Erasa, I barely know much about that, and it sounds boring. Can't we just skip it?" Broly asked getting up and walking away.

"Well, I did have some material…but…hey wait, I'm not closing out alone!" Erasa said chasing after him.

"Finally, it is Sharpner time!" Sharpner said turning the camera on him only for the feed to go to static. "Oh, come on!"

(A/N: So, Broly and Erasa could be a thing? Debatable considering, I don't know if I want him and Cheelai to be a romantic pair or a familial relationship. Regardless, this one was a bit rushed considering I didn't realize it was March until when I came home today. Time flies.)