A/N: As I promised before, new chapter with a new twist! Will it somehow bring Eren and Levi closer? We'll see!
Chapter Summary: New turn of events. How will it affect Eren's life? And what's Levi gonna do?
~~Eren Jaeger~~
The last exam of the end of term signifies quite a few things.
Exams are over.
Another painful term is done.
One more school year left before I move to college.
And most importantly, two whole weeks of spring vacation.
So obviously, we're all a little elated as we make our way from school to home. Elated isn't exactly the word to describe it, I suppose. Relieved is a much better choice. Anyway, the main point is that we're finally free from the excruciating pressure, and we're reveling in that feel.
Well, at least I am. Not so sure about these two beside me.
Armin is being Armin, the crazy genius bastard that he is. Exams like these are not remotely enough to rile him up. So of course, I decide to ignore him on purpose.
Mikasa's face looks no different than usual, still carrying the same bored and indifferent look. It's kinda infuriating how nothing ever seems to faze her while I go hysteric stressing over exams. I watch her face closely for a while, and the expression is so painfully similar to someone's that I have to avert my eyes before I start feeling that familiar tightening in my throat.
Ah, yeah… apparently, teenage heartbreaks are not so easy to forget.
It's getting better with time – is what I'd like to say. But sadly, life is way crueler than that. It gives you a taste of the unattainable and then makes you stay up night after night just reminiscing over it. Like allowing you to have a sip of ambrosia and then all you are left with is the lingering taste in your mouth and you repeatedly swipe your tongue over and over just to taste it a little bit longer!
Well, that's how it is. Like being stuck in time. Like circling around those two days. Over and over and over.
It won't be like this forever, I know. I'll grow up and out of it as time does its healing. But I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. So for now, I'm just gonna grit my teeth and go on with my life.
My fucking shitty joke of a life!
We say goodbye to Armin when we reach the road to his house. From there, Mikasa and I turn left. We don't really talk much on our way. Silence has always been comfortable with her. But somehow, she seems restless today. I watch her from the corner of my eye for a while before finally letting out a sigh.
"I'll be fine, Mika!"
Really, she worries too much sometimes.
Mikasa looks at me with concerned eyes and I raise my hand to flick her forehead.
"It's just two weeks. Go on your trip with Uncle Kenny", I assure her quietly. Then teasingly, I add – "It's not like I don't know you've already told Armin to keep an eye on me."
She opens her mouth to protest, but smiles instead.
"I worry about you Eren."
Her voice tells me how much she means those words. And I smile.
"I know."
Thank you.
We stop at the junction where our paths divert. She hugs me, whispering a quiet "Take care", and we go our own ways.
Spring vacation begins. Finally.
What I don't expect to find when I get home is two strangers standing in our living room while mom sits on the couch, face ashen and eyes wide. I rush to her immediately, not bothering with the shoes or backpack.
"Mom?" I call softly.
She doesn't respond.
I glare at the man and woman in front of me. They must be the reason why she's like this. What flares up my anger even more is that they look totally nonchalant about it.
"Mom?" I try again. "Who are these people?!"
She turns her head towards me and stares. The empty look in her eyes almost makes my heart stop.
What in the world happened?!
I observe the two strangers closely. They seem to be in their late thirties, both of them wearing suits. The man has black hair in a bowel cut which I would've found funny if not for the current situation. He actually looks a bit sympathetic compared to the brown haired woman, whose face is stone cold and emotionless.
"What did you say to my mom?!" I demand.
The woman sighs and takes a look at me. "You must be Eren Jaeger."
I furrow my brows and nod. How do they know my name?
"I'm Officer Hitch Dreyse from the Ehrmich Police Department", they both show me their IDs and Officer Hitch points to the man beside her. "This is Officer Marlowe Freudenberg."
Officers? From… police?!
I look at mom. She still looks like she's in shock.
"What's going on?" my voice is laced with panic.
"There was an accident near the Ehrmich–Maria highway this morning", it's Marlowe Freudenberg talking this time. "From what we've gathered, the car probably lost control and crashed into a van parked nearby. The driver died on the spot."
I can feel my palms getting clammy with sweat. A sudden need to throw up grows at the pit of my stomach and slowly inches upward. "W-Why are you telling me all this?!"
No. No. Please no!
Officer Marlowe puts his gloves on and takes something out of his pocket. "We found this in the victim's shirt pocket."
A rectangular card inside a plastic evidence bag. Probably a Driving License.
But–
I see red. Not bright. Not crimson or scarlet. More like dark brown.
Dried blood. I realize with a heavy nauseating feeling.
A driving license smeared with blood.
My head feels like it weighs a ton. Why are they showing me this? What do they want?!
And then, he turns it around and I freeze.
The name on the license seems to glow, striking me mercilessly with cold hard truth.
Grisha Jaeger.
I feel numb. Empty. Blank.
Like my mind doesn't know what to feel anymore.
So when I pick up the phone to call Armin, I'm surprised to see my fingers tremble.
"Hello!" he picks up after the second ring as always.
"…" I open my mouth, but no sound comes out.
"Hello?"
I try again. To speak, to make any kind of sound. "Ar…m-min…" I finally manage. But the hoarseness in my voice is so unusual; it makes me visibly cringe.
It's enough to let Armin know something's terribly wrong.
"Eren?" his voice is alarmed. "What happened?!"
What happened?
What. Happened.
"We're very sorry for your loss", Officer Marlowe says after pocketing the evidence.
I watch the movement of his hands silently. The pinky finger on his left hand jolts on its own every now and then. Interesting.
"The medical examination and other formalities should be done within tonight. We'll arrange for the body to be delivered here by tomorrow, along with his other belongings", he pauses, looking at mom and me with concerned eyes. The woman, Hitch what's-her-name, taps his shoulder and motions towards the door. He sighs and nods.
I stay glued to my spot, not moving a finger, not even looking up as they walk out.
"Take care" – is what I last hear him say before they're both gone.
I sigh.
"C-Can you…" I clear my throat, still trying to find my voice and stop my hands from shaking. "Just… just… come over."
"Now?"
"…"
"Yeah sure!" he adds hastily when I don't reply. "I'm coming over right now!"
"… Armin?"
"Hmm?"
"Bring your grandpa with you… And…"
"And?"
I rub my temple with my fingers. "Tell Mikasa too. Tell her to come here with Uncle Kenny."
"Eren… What's wrong?" He sounds scared. Understandable, I guess. "Did something bad happen?"
Another sigh escapes my lips. "Just come over Armin…"
I hang up.
Tired.
I feel so tired.
It's like the tears have dried inside.
The pain and regret seem tangible, clenching and pulling and ripping me apart from the inside. Clawing under my skin, scratching at my bones. I open my mouth to gasp for air. It's no good. The hollowness in my chest suffocates me, begging me to cry, to scream. To do anything to release myself from this unbearable agony. But I can't.
I can't seem to be able to cry.
I lie on the floor of my room, curled into myself like a fetus. As if shielding myself from the outside world would somehow lessen the anguish I feel throbbing in every ounce of my blood.
What a lousy way to deal with reality.
Everyone has gathered downstairs. Armin, Mikasa, Armin's Grandpa, Uncle Kenny. Even Moblit is here. They're with mom, staying by her side and taking care of her. It must be more painful for her, much much more painful. To lose your partner for life – I can't even imagine how horrifying it must feel. I know I should be down there with her. I should be holding her hand, sharing her pain, giving her the support she needs.
But I'm a coward.
The moment I heard them discussing about funerals, it became too much, too real! So I ran, I ran upstairs and locked myself inside, ignoring the calls of Armin and Mikasa. Ignoring them while they stood outside my room and quietly asked to let them in, to talk to them. Ignoring until both of them understood I won't respond and left.
Because I'm a coward.
I can't bring myself to believe that dad is really– that he's–
Damn! Someone please tell me it's all a nightmare and I'll wake up any second and things will be just like before. Please!
Tell me…
Tell me I haven't lost him.
Tell me that fight on his last visit wasn't our last conversation.
Tell me I'll get a chance to say sorry, to tell him how much I love him.
Tell me damn it!
You're a coward Eren.
You've lost him. Nothing to do now.
Useless.
You couldn't even say sorry.
A coward.
A disgraceful son.
The voices in my head keep getting louder and louder. I cover my ears with my palms. It's no use.
Useless. Coward. Disappointment.
My eyes clench shut and I take harsh breaths, lips curling around my teeth painfully. Then a helpless cry forces its way out of my mouth.
Fucking tears still won't come!
It was like a nightmare
It's painful for me
'Cause nobody wants to die too fast…
I barely register the muffled hum of my ringtone, and even if I do, I pay no attention. The ring eventually stops, cutting off 'Reluctant Heroes' by Recon Corps in the middle of a verse. The light from the screen stays on though, putting a momentary break to my blackout. I lie on my back and watch the phone sitting just a few inches away from me.
The screen will lock any moment now, and I'll regain the comfort of darkness.
Only it doesn't.
Because the phone goes off again, the screen shining too brightly for my eyes. I throw an arm over my eyes and groan.
I don't wanna deal with anybody right now. I know what they have to offer. I won't be able to ignore it when they start being careful while talking in front of me, or when their eyes go all sad and teary, as if I'm a fragile soul unable to get back up anymore. I know what I'll see in those eyes. Pity and sympathy. Two things that I hate the most.
Thanks, but I already know how shitty the situation is. I don't need others treating me differently and poking their fingers in my eyes to show it to me.
The fifth time my phone starts ringing, I'm finally reaching out to grab it. Whoever is on the other side is most certainly not going to stop until I pick up. That leaves me with two choices.
One. Pick up.
Two. Switch off.
Of course I'm going for the second option. But then, I see the familiar name flashing on the screen and for a moment I forget I'm supposed to switch it off.
Instead, I pick up.
"Eren!" their voice is high pitched as always; but it's full of worry this time, contrary to the usual cheerfulness.
"Hange…" I can't recognize my own voice.
"Oh Eren… I'm so sorry…" they speak softly. And the obvious unusualness in their voice is more than enough to hit me hard with the cruel reality. "Moblit called me…"
No, no! Don't say anymore!
"I talked to Carla just now. She said you've locked yourself up in your room."
I don't wanna hear it!
"Eren I know it's hard…"
Don't remind me!
"But you have to–"
"SHUT UP!"
The silence that follows is awkward to say the least.
Finally, after a few minutes of struggling, I'm able to keep my anger in check. "I'm sorry Hange…" my lips form a quiet apology.
They stay silent for what seems like a long time. And then–
"Do you wanna talk to him Eren?"
My eyes widen. Even without Hange mentioning the name, I know who they're talking about. To be honest, the thought of him barely crossed my mind after the series of events this evening. But now… now that Hange's said it…
I feel this burning need to hear his voice!
As if his voice is the only thing that can calm the restlessness in my heart right now.
But–
"He won't talk to me." My voice is lifeless, just like the rest of me.
"He will." There's confidence in Hange's voice. I wonder why. "Give him a call."
"I don't have–" I don't have his number. "I don't think he wants to."
Suddenly my phone buzzes, indicating a new text message.
"I've texted you his number", their voice is solid, completely devoid of the sympathetic tone it had just minutes ago. "Call him Eren."
I hear the click as they hang up, then slowly bring the phone down to stare at the screen.
The words "New Text Message" shine before my eyes, testing me, tempting me to open the unread message.
I give in, obviously.
The text contains nothing but a few digits.
His number.
I grip the phone harder and bring my other hand over my heart. It's hammering loudly. I feel the rush of blood buzzing inside my ears. My body feels cold all of a sudden, shaking and trembling out of control even though the weather is warm. When my eyes start prickling, I realize I've forgotten to blink.
What do I do?
What do I do?!
What do I do?!
A/N: What? I said a new twist. Doesn't mean it'll be a happy one!
I'm kinda sad that I couldn't even show a conversation between Eren and Grisha, but well, killing him was necessary for the plot. Now Eren has a reason to call Levi and since we know how whipped Levi is, we can hope it'll be enough to break the ice between them! And of course, gotta thank Hange for always suggesting the best ideas! What would my boys do without you!
That being said, it was very difficult to write about Eren's feelings. I'm not sure if I could capture even a bit of what it truly feels like to lose a parent. I'm very fortunate to have both of mine alive and healthy and tbh I never wanna find out!
You know what to expect in the next chapter! Yesss! The phone call!
As always, thanks for reading! ^_^
OFF TOPIC: Any EXO-L here? Did you guys watch the clips from 0xfesta?! The ChanBaek and KaiSoo killed me! Like seriously, I couldn't believe my eyes! I'm already dying with Tempo and Love Shot and how they're becoming hotter and hotter every time! And now this! AAAHHH! I'm so happyyy!