A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.

(A/N: Warning, minor references as usual to my other works.)

The Warper News Network (the series)

September 2019

WNN: Warper Spotlight

(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)

The camera opens with Lazuli sitting next to a coffee table across from another chair.

"Welcome to "WNN Warper Spotlight". Joining Lazuli on tonight's program will be one of the newer Level 10 Warpers to have emerged: one Desmond Bishops." Krillin said off-camera as the camera pans to Desmond in the other chair.

"Mr. Bishops, you said you came here to dispel the so-called rumors of your war on the trafficking rings of the multiverse. Care to explain the situation for our audience?" Lazuli said astute and stern.

Bishops responds, "Well to put it simply, the claims made against me aren't exactly true as while yes, I have attacked a few operations in the past, they were merely jobs I took for means of bounty hunting and to give my apprentices a preview of what they should expect from the future. And in regard to the recent death of one Remy Adrian Jase, I had no part in killing him as I was forced to play bomb squad during the moment in question, as seen in the most recent episode of my show."

The cyborg host taken his response methodically forming her question coming to a decision.

"And your official state on the matter is?" Lazuli asked as Bishops answers, "Look, I know I can't take on all of these brackets, not even close. I also recognize that people deserve to get some well overdue karma on certain characters, which some of these services provide. But if anyone tries to muscle in on my territory, I am damn well gonna make sure that they don't walk out of it with their lives intact."

"Of course, the multiverse is an endless place, and territory is important for a Warper looking to plant their roots. The various wars of the Frost clan and others of the past are proof of this." Lazuli said in an assuring manner which seemed to relax him.

That was before she goes into a more serious tone saying, "But there is something else that we must address that's just as serious."

Desmond simply asks, "This is about the Rei clones that I liberated to build up my forces for the eventual siege of my Geo Front, isn't it?"

The blonde female cyborg answers shaking her head as she confirmed his fears.

"Mister Bishops, you made quite a scene by sending a bit of Rei clones to the Order." Lazuli said as he nodded "Your actions have gotten you good press...by the Social Justice Warriors."

"I don't think that's a good thing, isn't it?" Desmond said sheepishly.

"No, not at all. That means that everyone else is more likely to hate you. Others are saying the Reis were a bribe. But I'm here about facts. The fact is those 51 clones have scattered and ended up in...interesting scenarios." Lazuli said crossing he arms.

Desmond defended his choice saying it was better for them than to end up under Gendo's thumb.

"Yeah, about that...two of them were adopted by Pinkamena." Lazuli said as Desmond balked before she added "And another is seeking Joshinari Blackthorn to train her."

"And the rest?" Desmond asked fearfully.

"There's a Rei that joined the Integra church." Lazuli said positively before adding "And two others were spotted heading towards CN-Zen Kuro."

"But the others?" Desmond asked again.

"We don't know, but we haven't heard anything new yet. We can only assume the best for now. Besides, what's stopping Gendo from buying more Rei clones?" Lazuli answered while asking a question of her own.

"Wait, you can buy Rei clones?!" Desmond said in absolute shock of his own lack of information.

"Of course, you can buy Rei clones, it's been a practice since the late 90's. In fact, our sources state that your Gendo recently purchased a batch of them to replace the ones you stole." Lazuli answered while looking at her folder of information and adding "And it seems he...had them...customized...oh, joy."

Desmond meekly asked how exactly where they customized before the cybernetic blonde could her answer.

"Sadly, we can't reveal that, you'll just have to find out for yourself. Although I don't think that your Gendo cares what the as he would call them "plebs" think of his new Reis." Lazuli says before looking at her watch, "And sadly, that's all of our time. Joining me next time will be the Jubei Kibagami of Earth Dimension NJSR-812-Sigma as he discloses his involvement in the recent raid that kept a multiversal Shrek outbreak from becoming widespread. Thank you for watching and enjoy the rest of your day."

-WNN-

The cameras stop rolling as Bishops approaches Lazuli now outside of the studio.

"There has got to be a way I can salvage my plans, right? I am begging here." Desmond asked only for Lazuli to roll her eyes.

"I'll tell you if you have some dignity, you're a goddamn 10th rank for Christ's sake." Lazuli said glaring at him.

"At this point, I can't really afford pride or dignity since I'm getting support from the damn SJWs, and my plans to bolster my forces for my endgame on NERV is starting to fall apart." Bishops responds before waiting to hear what the blonde cyborg had to say.

"The easiest solution is keep your cold war going. Gendo is a man of ego and pride, isn't he? He wants to keep this cold war going to prove you wrong. If anything, your plan has not exactly fallen apart, but has gotten complicated. The easiest solution is just straight up kill him and do a hostile takeover of NERV, but you want to actually fix everything. So, you'll just have to deal with this cold war until you can kill him at the earliest you can." Lazuli said with a sigh. "He can't make a move against you directly, so bank on that. Keep building allies to back you up, you'll need them. You want to up your survival rate? Build a clan."

"A clan?" Bishops asked. "But I don't have any family."

"You literally didn't think to adopt a Rei as your own." Lazuli said as Desmond facepalmed. "It would have been a start."

"Excuse me, I wanted to ask if you could point me to the station manager." A voice said.

The two looked over to see Rei in a suit with a briefcase. Lazuli nodded leaving Desmond behind to lead the Rei to the manager.

(A/N: This was co-written with me and DSX before I give the final edits and added the ending scene. I figured the interview deserved to come out in full and it would be funny to explain the invasion of Reis all over the verses.)