The Warper News Network (the series)
October 2019
(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)
The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers, who's lately been rather reserved.
"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! Introducing Rei and Bulma." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set. "Oh god, they're multiplying."
"Greeting warpers, I am Rei. Welcome to Warper News Network." Rei said as Bulma rolled her eyes.
"Let's get down the big one. Ryder Blackthorn has joined the list of those who have survived being the Gamer. Congrats to him! And a bigger one that he's now a father to a beautiful daughter. The warping world welcomes you Ruri Blackthorn. And she and Ryker's child, Rai, will be the first of the next generation to not receive a bounty by birthday due to the removal of Rebecca's old policies." Bulma rattled.
"In bounty news, a few bounties concerning Fusion Force has been re-administered as the group is being properly recalculated and some of the Crystal Squadron had been updated to which all will be shown at the end of the transmission along with a few others. Speaking of Ryder, Ryker, and their spawns, bounty hunters are getting discouraged to go after them seeing as Akira and Genevieve have actually gotten active wanting to protect their grandkids." Bulma said nervously.
"Mirai Studios is getting back into making more RWBY content and now for politics." Rei said as the footage cut to show a "debate".
The president was tied a chair and gagged as the two sides waged war in the meeting room shooting each other with guns provided by the NRA. The footage shifted back.
"Sorry, that's the footage of last month's debate." Rei said before showing the recent one.
It was pretty much the same thing only the two sides were using their fists. The president wasn't tied up, but he was bleeding out on the floor. The footage changed back to a dry Bulma looking at Rei.
"Anyway….we…" Bulma said before a spaceship crashed into the studio. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Out of it came bounty hunters limping away only to get cornered by Akira and Genevieve themselves. Bulma hid under the desk and dragged Rei down with her.
"So…you thought you could smack my wife's rear?" Akira said cracking his knuckles. "Don't even get up, you're already dead."
"And I think it's time, we close early. See you all soon!" Bulma said panicked.
"But what about…" Rei said before a flood light fall on her. "Ouch…."
Bulma had to creep away with Rei's body only to see that the Blackthorn pair had slaughtered those hunters and dragged off their corpses to claim the bounties. A snap of their fingers and the studio was completely fixed.
"Oh well, I guess we can continue….Warpers are still seeking out Joshinari Blackthorn as he has all be mysteriously disappeared with his crew. We reached out to his family, but they all don't know where he is." Bulma said worriedly. "And in other news, Desmond Bishops is apparently in a cold war with Gendo Ikari. Still…"
"By the way, what happened to the two Reis ending up in CN-Zen Kuro?" Rei said groggily waking up.
"One ended up killed because she landed in Vice in the middle of gang shooting and the other….apparently there's a rumor going around she's working in a brothel."
Before Rei could ask the footage ended only to show with the list of the new and updated bounties.
"The Blackest Gemslayer" Ryker Blackthorn – 3,790,481,200 - 10th Rank – Active
"Shinin' Super Warrior" Garnet Blackthorn – 1,550,400,000 – 6th Rank - Active
"The Immortal Warrior of the Stars" and "Innocent Spawn of the Shogun" Lars and Ashi Barriga – 1,085,500,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Rebellion Ravager/Crystal Hypocrite" Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond – 2,075,000,000 - 9th Rank – Active
"The Oracle's Omens" Saki and Mandy Shadows – 1,150,650,000 – 6th Rank - Active
"Heaven's Survivor" Maylene Shadows – 25,750,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Mistress of Mana" Gwen Tennyson – 225,500,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Sir Shifted" Kevin Levin – 450,000,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Turbo Tornados" Carol and Kaze D. Gray – 1,051,750,000 – 6th Rank /10th Rank – Active
"Lakewood's Rising Storm" Kaio O. Kincaid / K.O. – 50,500,050 – 6th Rank – Active
"The Kunochi of the Full Moon" Enid – 110,550,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"The Telekinetic Terror" Radicles – 110,500,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Retired Badass of Lakewood" Mr. Gar / El Bow – 220,150,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Iron Kappa" Dendy – 150,000,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Fallen Frost Queen" – Frankie Foster – 575,200,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Subzero Saiyan" Elsa Lynn Foster – 24,785,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Samurai of the Coldest Depths" – Mifune Foster – 23,500,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Subzero Sufferer" Shinji Foster – 10,000,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"The Deadly Outsider / The Black Demonslayer" Kenji Victoria Blackthorn – 3,575,000,000 – 10th Rank – Active
"McFarland's Survivor" Megan "Meg" Blackthorn – 2,965,000,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Spawn of Nine Tails" Jerome Shinji Jase – 2,940,000,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Shifting Slayer" Jillian Wilcox – 2,080,998,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"The Electric Amoral Ace" Josho Shadow Blackthorn – 4,580,000,000 – 10th Rank – Active
"Doombringer Dominatrix" Delia Dominator-Blackthorn – 2,047,000,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"The Fallen Swordswoman" Michiko (formerly Motoko Aoyama) – 3,046,800,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Hina Hellraiser" Keitaro Urashima – 1,046,500,000 – 6th Rank – Active
"Shy Sadist Snake" Shinobu Maehara – 990,998,000 – 6th Rank – Active
(A/N: Yes, this is late. Sorry about that, school is piling high. Either way, I want to at least show the new bounties that I missed. I'll deal with the reactions later. See you all, next month!)