Chapter Summary: How's Eren dealing with his father's death? And with Levi's presence, will things get better or worse?

A/N: Okay, so this is mostly a depressing chapter since the main focus is Eren and his inner suffering. But when Levi comes into the picture, things are bound to take a different turn!

Enjoy!

~~Eren Jaeger~~

It's just like a regular day of late spring.

The sky is clear. Snow white clouds floating here and there like cotton candies. There's a nice warm breeze blowing, signaling that summer is on its way. The air is light and fragrant.

A beautiful day.

Well, not for me.

If it was any other time, I'd have been ecstatic to go out; maybe have a picnic with Armin and Mikasa. I'd be closing my eyes and inhaling the sweet aroma of the season, enjoying the way my hair gets messed up by the wind. I'd be lying on the ground and searching for familiar shapes in the puffy clouds, picking up wild flowers for mom, probably singing some forgotten tune.

But today, it's suffocating. All the color and brightness around me feel like they're mocking me. As if the moment I close my eyes and listen, I'll hear them whisper –

Look around you Eren. Everyone is so happy. But you can't be, can you?

I feel like running away. I feel like screaming my lungs out. But I can't. The air gets heavier by the minute. Like invisible monsters gathering around and closing in on me. They're gripping my throat, cutting off the airflow. I open my mouth and try to inhale.

But. I. Can't!

Armin and Mikasa sit silently on either side of me, unaware of my inner turmoil. Or maybe they know; that's why they're not saying anything. We just sit there, on the small steps of stairs from my house to the ground; me on the last step while both of them are on the upper one.

I ran out of the house the moment they brought in dad's body in an ambulance. That was in the morning. I was wandering around the neighborhood, too riled up to go home and face everything. When my two friends found me, I was in the beach. They didn't say a word, just grabbed my hand and dragged me back with them. I complied without a fuss. But when they tried to pull me inside the house, I refused. I could hear the faint whispers, familiar voices of friends and relatives, discussing the funeral arrangements. And I just couldn't take it, not yet. So I sat outside. And of course, those two stayed with me.

How long has it been, I wonder. I'll have to go inside if I wanna know the time. I'd rather not. I could just ask Mika or Armin, but I don't feel like talking either. I look up at the sun shining brightly. It's probably around lunch time.

My stomach curls at the thought of food. This morning Mikasa forcefully tried to make me eat breakfast, which ended up with me throwing up. I just hope she doesn't try again anytime soon. I'm afraid the result will be same.

I cover my face with my palms and sigh. Their worried gazes linger on the back of my head.

Well, whatever.

It's the sound of car wheels that makes me raise my head after a while. A black sedan. Heading this way. The car seems old, with dents on either door. Probably a rental.

Who could it be? Another relative? Maybe. They've been coming all day.

I sigh.

The car skids to a stop in front of our gate and one of the doors open swiftly. The person jumping out from inside is wearing a plain white shirt with faded jeans and sneakers. Their hair is in that usual ponytail and the glasses are askew from the jump. They look around and spot us instantly.

"Eren."

I watch them dumbly, my brain still working to catch up with the current scenario.

"Hange", I whisper. And that's all it takes for them to rush to my side and pull me in a bone-crushing hug.

I don't hug back. In fact, I don't even realize that I should be hugging back. I just sit there, unfazed, letting them hold me close and whisper words of comfort that don't quite reach beyond my ears.

That's when I notice it.

The other car door. It's also open. And there's someone stepping out.

I see black pants, then a dark blue shirt with the sleeves slightly rolled back. And then, a head full of silky black strands with a neat undercut.

No way! That's…! How–? I-It couldn't be, right?! But… But…

When the person is out of the car and turned this way, I see his face. The familiar scowl, the sharp jaw, those silver eyes.

Levi!

My body starts trembling. Tears prickle at the back of my eyes. My throat feels constricted. I'm scared. Could it be that this is all happening in my head? Have I gone so far off that now I've started hallucinating? I blink once, twice. Hoping to clear my head, but at the same time afraid that he might disappear.

He doesn't.

I keep watching with wide eyes as he talks to the driver and hands him the payment. The car rolls away. He sighs, then turns toward me, watching silently. As if… as if…

As if he's waiting for something…

The conversation from last night comes back to me. I recall how I spent the rest of the night curled into myself, crying silently and wishing he was here.

"I'd hold you in my arms if you were here" – the velvet voice keeps whispering in my head.

Before I know it, I'm up and running.

He grunts quietly when I crush into him, but takes me in his arms without a word. The warmth feels like home, even though this is the first time I'm holding him like this.

"Levi…" I whisper in a broken voice. "Levi…"

"You're here…" I want to say, but the words won't come out.

"Hey brat", he whispers back. I feel his fingers running through my hair, and I can hear the unspoken "I'm here" in them.

A sudden relief washes over me. Like I'm not alone anymore. I feel guilty for feeling this way. After all, I wasn't really alone. Armin and Mikasa have been staying with me since yesterday. Mika even canceled her trip so she could be here. Uncle Kenny's here, along with Armin's grandpa and Moblit. They're helping out mom with everything. And now Hange too. They're all here for me. And yet, it wasn't the same as it is now. It's like I can finally find solid ground under my feet now that Levi is here. It's unfair to feel like this only for him when there are so many others who've been supporting me just as much, if not more. But how can I deny what I'm feeling?

I struggle with the onslaught of emotions. The pain, the loss, the guilt, the relief – it all crashes down on me and I feel myself breaking. I cling to him tighter as the sobs wreck my body and mind. And he lets me, giving me himself to hold on to.

It feels like home.

Levi.

You feel like home.

My eyes have remained closed from the moment I surrendered myself in his arms. Strong arms hold me tightly against a broad chest while I cry my heart out. I inhale and exhale repeatedly, trying to calm myself. And my lungs get flooded with his scent. Hidden underneath the minty aroma of his cologne, a scent that is distinctly him. Fragrant and soothing, like jasmine, with a barely there hint of earth and spice.

His fingers continue to run through my hair, while his other hand moves up and down my back. A touch too soft and full of care for a man of his exterior. And I couldn't be more thankful. He doesn't even know how much I needed him, how much his being here means to me… and yet, here he is!

I don't know if Hange dragged him here, or he was simply worried after hearing me break down last night – and honestly, I don't care right now.

Levi is here. And I can breathe again.

"Eren…"

"Mmm…"

He gently pushes against my shoulders, signaling me to pull away. But I only cling to him tighter. Even though the tears have stopped for a while now, I'm not ready to let go of his warmth yet.

More. I need just a bit more!

I bury my face in his shoulder.

Stay.

Stay.

Stay.

The word becomes a chant, repeating itself over and over inside my head. Perhaps saying it enough times will make it come true.

When he sighs, I feel his breath against my neck. "I'm not going anywhere", the words are whispered in my ear tenderly, affectionately; as if he can hear what I'm thinking.

Reluctantly, I pull away. But as soon as I try to step away from him, he holds my wrist and intertwines our fingers. Strong calloused fingers wrap around mine and when I feel them squeeze, I squeeze back, all the while staring at our joined hands with wonder.

How in the world is he able to do this? To give me the support I need without ever asking, without speaking a single word. It's almost like… like he's reading my mind!

I feel his gaze on me and look up. He doesn't avert his eyes. Rather, they become even more intent. Then, after it looks like he's found the answer to whatever question he was looking for in me, he decides to speak up.

"Where's Carla?"

Without a word, I turn my head to stare at the door that leads to the inside of my house. The voices return almost instantly. Telling me, reminding me – that there, inside that house lays the proof of a reality I'm desperately trying to run away from.

A reality I cannot escape.

Perhaps he notices the distress in my eyes, or the quivering of my lips – because right then, I feel his fingers tighten around mine.

I let out a sigh. "She's inside."

My voice is thick and hoarse from all the crying. It doesn't go unnoticed by anyone.

"Come", he tugs me forward, and I follow without putting up much of a resistance. I don't even know when Mikasa and Armin moved from their position, but when I raise my head, I see them standing in the middle of the lawn with Hange. And for the first time since yesterday, I notice how worn out those two look. Bags under their eyes and skin drained of color – they almost look like ghosts. It's clear from their appearance that they couldn't get a wink of sleep last night.

I feel a sharp pang of guilt in my chest as realization hits me. I was so lost in my own grief that I became blind to everything and everyone else around me. I forgot that I'm not the only one hurting. The ones close to me, they're hurting too!

I'm reprimanding myself for my lack of observation when the hand pulling me ahead stops abruptly. Confused, I turn to look at Levi. But the expression on his face is not quite what I was expecting to see. Narrowed eyes, lips pressed together, body stiffened and muscles strained. I follow his line of vision and see a man coming out of the house. When he turns around to face us, the reason behind Levi's unusual edginess becomes clear.

The person currently walking down the stairs is none other than Kenny Ackerman.

I find myself wondering if Mikasa's told him about Levi; and if she has, what his reaction was to that. But then, I watch his eyes widen comically upon seeing Levi, and my question is answered. Soon after that, his eyes fall on our intertwined fingers, and he gets even more bewildered, if that's even possible. His eyes find mine and I see the obvious questions swimming in them.

Why is he here?

How do you know him?

Who is he to you?

I avert my eyes.

Mikasa, however, senses the situation and decides to take matters into her own hands. She walks up to Uncle Kenny and pulls him by the hand. He's about to say something, to protest maybe, but the look in her eyes is enough for him to understand. So he tightens his grip on the hat he's always carrying around, nods at us once, and leaves. Mikasa follows him, but not before telling us that they'll be back soon.

Looks like they're gonna have a long conversation at home.

Once they're out of sight, the vice-like grip around my hand is relaxed. From the corner of my eye, I risk taking a peek at Levi. He looks angry for a moment, but then his expression softens as he senses my worried gaze. With a barely concealed sigh, he moves closer to me and puts his palm on my cheek. The touch is so light; had my eyes been closed, I'd have thought I was imagining it.

"You okay?" he asks. His voice is gentle and calm, but not full of sympathy and condolence like the others. His words don't make me unnerved or feel pitied, rather they give me a sense of relief – like pulling a claustrophobic out of a sealed chamber, like opening up a window in a dark room.

The pain still remains of course, but it becomes easier to breathe.

"Yeah", I assure him.

I should be thanking him, for coming here, for caring. But I don't. Because somehow, I feel like he already knows. And it's okay even if I don't speak the words. He knows.

"Eren", Armin's voice brings me back to present.

This time, I start walking towards them on my own, pulling Levi with me. He gets startled at the beginning – I can tell – but follows without a word. I walk past Armin and Hange, moving ahead much to their surprise. But I don't stop. I know they'll be following soon.

I can do this. I have to. After all, I can't just run away from the truth forever. So I'm just gonna have to be brave and face it head on. I may not be able to handle it at first. I may break down. But I know my friends will be there to pull me back up. And… Levi too.

So I move forward, with his hand in mine and my friends following closely behind. I walk up the three steps, each one taking me closer and closer to a harsh reality. When I'm standing right outside the door, I hear voices.

"... poor boy…"

"... funeral this afternoon…"

"... so unfortunate…"

I feel a sudden need to run away. My pulse quickens, and I feel like I might throw up any moment. Why?! Why do they have to talk! Don't they understand that talking about it is like digging deep into an already open wound? That it's doing nothing but hurting us even more?

I grit my teeth and suck in a deep breathe, trying to tune out the voices. I concentrate on the feel of foreign fingers around my own. Fingers that are thinner than mine. Bony, not muscular. But not feminine either. More like… elegant. They feel cold against my skin, but not uncomfortable.

Suddenly, there are two hands on either of my shoulder. I turn my head and see Armin and Hange standing behind me. They squeeze my shoulder once, then let their hands fall on their sides. I look ahead and let out a sigh.

Everyone is here by my side. I'm not alone.

I can do this.

A/N: Man! That was tough! Getting an emotion right, especially when you're not familiar with it, is such a difficult thing to do. I kept writing and rewriting the whole scene so many times! Hopefully all that work paid off! XD

I'm sorry that the updates are a bit delayed. There's just too many things happening in my life and I hardly have time to sit down and write like I used to. But hey, I'm trying my best! XP

Thanks for reading! ^_^