Death was a weird cold thing, the first time I had encountered it, I was seven. A bird had died of some injury , it had breathed its last right in my hands, as I'd saved it falling from the sky.
I had been unable to eat anything for days, unable to look at my hands for weeks, fearing that I'd see its blood still on my hand.
Then I had seen a fish die in the school aquarium.
The similarity that both incidents held was, that they left me cold, chilled to the bone. It scared me, I couldn't comprehend things properly, couldn't feel things for days, it just chipped on my soul as if something in me fell comatose for days until something or someone challenged it to wake up.
The first time it had been my mum and and second, the girl to be punched by me, at school, it wasn't that I hadn't been called a stiff ever before, but that day I'd had enough .
The incident of the day had basically been a shock. Unexpected. Uninvited. Just happened. He was alive a moment, not the next as I stood helpless in the backdrop stunned to the shell.
The woman though I wondered what went on in her mind. Killing a human in such cold blood and not stopping to look twice at the corpse that lay all cold and still, was shocking.
I did not know when or how I reached the compound, one moment, I was on the train which seemed to last forever and then, there I was at the front entrance of the dauntless compound.
The next time I bothered taking in my surroundings, I found myself sitting at the high edge where Adrian and I had last spent hours, just enjoying each other's company, but now all seemed to weigh down upon me.
The moments stuck I'm my mind playing and replaying like and unending reel.
The man colliding into me, staggering away and then, whimpering, moments before his death. Those memories more haunting than the lifelessness of his eyes.
'I could have saved him, I could have fought,... instead I ran.'
'He could have lived to see another day had I just been brave enough.'
'He would have wished that I save him.'
'I failed to save him.'
DPOV
I waited half an hour before I went looking for her. She was supposed to report at the gym for today's training. We were lacking time and she needed to work harder to keep her scores up. Things were at stake.
Enquiring from people, I came up with nothing, Ivan had no idea as well. It was on calling Adrian, I learnt that she'd been out with her friends and he was trailing them. This allowed me to calm down, as I retired to my room, called Alberta to provide her with updates regarding the mission. Hoping that she'd be interested in suggested changes and enhancement to be enforced in the plan.
By the time I was done with the briefing, it was only 8 pm. So deciding that it was safe for a while, I pushed my bed from over the tiles, removed, the loose tile from the floor and dug the box out.
'Dear Dimka,
How did you grow so tall, I need to know the secret. You know, I asked Karo but she said she doesn't know, but both of you are tall and I want to be tall too. You see, it'll be easier to tease Vika that way.
Does Olena add any specific serum in her meals to add to your height?
And also that the...
By the time I finished reading the letters, it was around 1 in the morning. I couldn't sleep. My world, my past playing right in front of my eyes.
Putting things back in place, I left my sanctuary,( hoping to find something in the cafeteria) , feeling a lot better than I had in days. While I wanted to cry, her words always had a way of cheering me up and I longed to hear them again sometime.
Eating whatever I could get, I decided to spend the night at the other room, cross checking details of the plan, but what I'd not expected was someone keeping an eye on my hidden spot.
I noticed their slight movement in my hindsight, carefully backing away, I decided to deal with them first. On reaching the place and expecting to find them gone or perhaps an ensuing chase, instead I met the person sitting curled up, quite near the edge, rocking back and forth in their position and just a moment later I realized who it was.
I was shocked. She was supposed to be with her friends. She was supposed to be having fun. She should have been asleep by now. How had she ended up here?
"Rose." I whispered.
"Rose." I said, trying to keep myself calm.
"Rosemarie."the continued silence irked me to no end . And her rocking didn't stop either. It was as if she wasn't even listening to me.
Tapping on her shoulder, I'd expect to get her attention, but she didn't react .
Kneeling down beside, I carefully, put both my hands on her shoulder, to stop her from rocking, she simply stopped without any resistance.
"Rose,.. Rose...". I shook her a little.
"Rose..." I almost pleaded. "Look at me, novice... Look up." No attention, my words were falling on deaf ears.
"Rose, can you please stand up?" I spoke neutrally, still no reply.
"What happened?" she didn't speak. "Is there something I must know?", no reply. "Did you see something?", "Did someone hurt you?"I guessed.
No reply at all.
"Lets get you some help." I said grabbing her hand, as I tried to get her to the infirmary, but she wouldn't move. Folding in upon herself she looked so small.
Noticing her shiver, I finally decided that it had been enough. "Infirmary now." I said picking her up, but the vigorous shake of her head surprised me. So far she had been all deaf and this whisper had drawn her attention like a magnet.
"You don't want to go to the infirmary?" I questioned and she shook her head, nuzzling it in my duster. "The dorms then?" At these words she started whimpering and unable to decide where to take her, I took her to my room. She had been here once, so it probably wouldn't shock her and moving away from the main compound building seemed to calm her down.
I had half a mind to let others know, perhaps call Alberta and Sonya to see what was wrong. But I couldn't call them here and taking Rose to my dorm room at this hour seemed like a bad idea, for there were members out on patrols and others that did roam about the corridoor at the late hours.
Setting her lightly on the bed, I noticed her shiver yet and covered her with blankets. When settled in, she resumed rocking back and forth with her head resting on her knees. The sight scaring me in a way, that I hadn't been for a long time. The last time I was this scared, I had lost her.
Shaking my head I tried to keep myself in the moment, taking up two packets of the chocolate mix, I set to make her hot chocolate. It often seemed to calm most people down.
Observing her, I wondered as to what could have happened. Multiple scenarios playing in my mind, none fitting. The horrific scenes playing through my mind, something I'd never wish upon anyone, not even an enemy, and just thinking of Rose suffering from any of it was too excruciating.
Gently setting the tray with the chocolate mug in front of her, I waited for her to atleast stop moving. Look up. Speak something. But no.
"Rose, please have some of this. Rose."
I said, stopping her by her shoulders.
"Please tell me what happened?"
"Rose, tell me." I begged. Just to hear a word from her.
Then, her rocking resumed and, I waited, waited for what felt like hours, occasionally calling out her name.
Finally, losing all my patience, I moved the mug, and sat in front of her.
"What do you want? What do I do?... Speak... Do something."
I tried to get her to stop moving and at it she looked up at me.
Just that action brought me relief and the next filled me with dread.
Her eyes that usually reflected the spark within her, filled with spirit and dancing with mischief, were rimmed in red, glistening with tears and dull. Oh so dull!
I don't know how long I stayed there that way, looking into her eyes. Hoping to see the spark return. Brushing stray locks from her face,looking for the missing thing I couldn't put my finger on.
I tried to move away on realizing how close we were, thinking that I was intruding her personal space, but she caught me by surprise by swiftly tugging me towards herself. Her lips upon mine.The swiftest and lightest of kisses on my lips. She held me close, looking at me, just staring and moments later, as if she'd read my mind, she tilted her head to the right and leaned in.
Enraptured as I was, I followed her suit, unwilling to move away. I met her halfway, my lips meeting hers with equal fervour, as we battled for superiority. My hand, moving to cup her face delicately as the other rubbed soothing circles on her neck. We took our sweet time, none willing to pull away and when we did, we rested our heads against the others, as she kept her eyes closed and I let my hands linger where they were.