Hae Soo

She sat at her desk, her phone plastered against her ear. Soo let her eyes wander over the silver picture frames beside her computer, touching the laughing faces of her family. There was one image of the girls, one of herself and Wook, and one of the four of them together.

At the moment, one child was sleeping while the other was watching cartoons and eating ice cream with Baek Ah, giving Soo a bit of time in her office.

Soo traced over Mi's smile with her index finger, watching her wedding ring cast delicate beams of rainbows onto her daughter's face. Wook spoke into her ear and Soo half-ignored his declarations for her to immediately cut So from their payroll.

"Fire him," her husband growled, his voice tired and straining. "He's responsible for this and I can get you a new bodyguard by the end of the month. Fire him. Fuck his credentials- my child got hurt because of his negligence. I'm going home right-"

"Calm down, Wook," Soo snapped. "You're as much at fault as he is. This was Mi's mistake." She continued to gaze at the pictures of her children and sighed at the image of her husband the first time he held Yoon. That version of Wook beamed down at their baby girl. "I can handle a scraped knee and minor injury. You have work to do."

There was silence on the other end and Soo rubbed her eyes before remembering she was wearing makeup. She had been livid after So's initial phone call. Worry and anger had consumed her in an instant, forcing her to retreat the her office once Mi was alright to collect herself. Soo took a few minutes to calm her breathing and go over the different perspective of the incident before calling her husband.

She thought about how soft and sweet Wook's voice was when she passed the phone over to Mi. Their daughter had sniffled and pouted for Wook, skillfully extracting the promise of hundreds of kisses, toys, ice cream, and whatever her little heart desired from her malleable father. Soo had played the devil's advocate and told Mi to settle for a movie day and snacks with Uncle Baek Ah instead of a shopping trip with Daddy.

"I can push my work aside. My child-"

"Is well cared for by her mother," Soo interjected. Her voice rose as her anger flared again. "Wook, if you want to blame my bodyguard for this incident, then you can blame yourself for telling Mi to be brave. Why is it my bodyguard's fault that she got hurt when he was just too far away to catch her? Honestly, everyone wants to blame him for no reason."

She huffed when Wook offered no rebuttal. At the sound of a knock on her door, Soo closed her eyes. "I need to go. I'll call you later."

Wook was the first to hang up.

Breathing deeply, Soo prepared herself to address her lover- not as his girlfriend, but as his employer. "Come in." Her voice was as hollow and tired as her husband's. Her day had gotten too hectic too quickly. What had begun as a quiet morning in meetings with her brother had evolved into tossing around the prospect of firing her partner because of her child's injury.

The door opened and Soo gazed up at the face of regret. She exhaled at just how distraught So looked. He stood before her, his face ashen. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, revealing muscled forearms and tan skin. Hesitantly, he entered the room, padding towards her with slow steps. "You called for me," he murmured.

Soo took a breath before looking him over. He looked at her with warm eyes, but his expression was solemn. So moved to stand in front of her desk and Soo dropped her phone onto the table, the sound of it clattering onto her desk making So's eye twitch. She had no idea where to begin. What would she say? How would she say it?

She met eyes with the full intensity of his gaze and did not look away, staring straight at him. "Tell me what happened, please," she said. After shouting at both So and Baek Ah, Soo did not want to raise her voice again.

So placed his hands behind his back, his shoulders leveling and his stance growing more even. "I was carrying Yoon because she was tired and wanted a nap," he stated. His deep, melodic voice gently bounced off the walls of Soo's office and she listened to him recount his version of how her child had gotten injured.

Mi had already told her that she had intentionally jumped off, claiming that she had wanted to be brave. "Because Daddy said I have to!"

As Soo heard it, her daughter had asked So how to be brave and he had told her that he had been reckless and stupid as a child. She had already given Mi a strict reprimanding for not thinking her actions through.

Now, Soo found herself in the strange position of blaming both of the men in her life for a foolish mistake her child made. Two thirty-seven-year-olds and one seven-year-old… yet Soo felt that- at the moment- she was the only adult. She wondered how much So had beaten himself up over this ordeal. Did he think she would fire him? She would be lying to herself if she said she had not considered breaking their relationship over this.

So continued to speak and Soo listened, her gaze firmly planted on him. "Mi was on the swings and I was watching her. I looked down at Yoon because she began to cry. I told Mi we would have to leave soon and that was when she fell. I immediately brought her here," he said.

The tone of his voice was indecipherable until he began to speak again. "Is Mi alright?" So asked. "Is she going to be okay? Is she… how is her leg?" His voice grew soft and he sounded and appeared genuinely worried.

No matter how much she enjoyed his presence, no matter how much she loved being with him, he was one of the reasons Mi was hurt. He and Wook were both to blame. And while one was out of the country, another was currently in front of her. "She's having ice cream with her uncle," Soo stated. "She only sprained her ankle."

The wash of relief on her partner's face was so faint that Soo knew she would not have been able to decipher it if she had not spent so much time with him. His shoulders visibly fell and Soo saw the same emotion she had felt when the doctor had told her that there was almost nothing wrong with her daughter.

"My daughter is fine and there was nothing you could have done."

"I could have refrained from telling her about my stupid mistakes as a child," So said. "That could have prevented…" Soo raised an eyebrow at his response but only nodded. She exhaled and wondered if this was a sign from the gods. Could this be her easy way of ending this affair? Soo had no intention of ever sending Wang So away but at that moment, it was almost too easy.

"Yes, you could have." She sighed. She wanted this matter to be behind her. Blaming her boyfriend or her husband would not magically make Mi's ankle mend; to Soo, dwelling felt like a waste of time. "But you shoulder as much fault as my husband does for telling her to be brave. This isn't all on you. Mi is alright."

They met eyes and Soo bit the inside of her cheek as So pressed a hand to his forehead and sighed in relief, his strained expression relaxing.

She had not realized how much he cared for her children. She knew he had once told her that he would care for them because they were hers, but she had not known that he would be affected to this extent. Had the trauma from losing his brother caused him to emotionally connect to her children?

"Soo, I'm so sorry," he murmured. "I was… I'll pay for whatever medical bills she needs. If you…" Soo noticed how her lover stumbled over his words, his eyes betraying how shaken he was. She knew what he wanted to ask- what he wanted to say but could not bring himself to.

"So, I'm not going to fire you," she said quietly. Soo ran a hand through her hair and looked away from him. She could not look at him as an employer any longer- not when they knew each other so well. There was bias in her judgement and Soo knew she was being selfish. "This could have happened to anyone, and I apologize for shouting at you... I was just so surprised that Mi had gotten hurt..."

She, who had fired every single bodyguard before him for the most minute of complaints, was now keeping Wang So beside her even though her past self would have cut him away in a second.

"You don't need to pay for anything." Soo knew the monthly salary she gave to So would take a blow if she allowed him to pay for the cost of having a doctor come to her home on the pretext of an emergency. "You have no other obligations for the day. You can go."

When Soo looked up, there was doubt in So's eyes and he looked like he wanted to speak. She paused. She wanted for him to stay. She wanted to hold his hand and for him to kiss her forehead the way he did when they were in private. But their circumstances had flipped in a matter of minutes and Soo could not bring herself to call him back as he bowed his head before turning around and leaving.

Alone, Soo leaned back in her seat and groaned, covering her eyes with her palms. She needed time to herself and something to distract her from the chaos that had engulfed her day.

Staying in her office, Soo worked to take her mind off of the fiasco that she had just settled. Her eyes flitted over documents and her fingers flew over her keyboard as she typed out e-mails and checked over the logistics of the company branch she presided over.

The steady click-clack of keys helped her to forget the past hour and allowed her to focus. Her mind was wired to work and in that moment, nothing could distract her. Soo flew through days of paperwork, easily cutting through the mounds of work that she would have had to finish anyways. She was getting a head start while Yoon slept and Baek Ah kept Mi entertained.

It was while she was signing her name onto a stock agreement that her office door opened and her brother stepped in. Soo did not bother checking to see who it was; only Baek Ah or the girls entered her office without knocking. "You're hard at work, aren't you?" he asked.

Soo hummed in response, completing her signature before snatching her name stamp off of its stand. She grasped the silver and jade seal with ease, her index finger finding the north side of the cylinder. She dabbed it in red ink before marking the Hanja characters of her name onto the document and setting the paper aside to be faxed by her secretary.

"Did you fire the bodyguard?" Baek Ah asked. Soo barely thought before she scoffed.

"No. Why would I?"

She was too focused to completely understand what her brother said, but she gathered something along the lines of: "Strange how this one's the only one that's ever caused trouble or done harm, yet you're not firing him."

Soo merely shook her head. "It wasn't his fault and I don't want to replace him," she sighed. Her stamp was set back into its container. Soo picked up a fountain pen and began marking the papers she had been reading.

"Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Her brother scoffed and Soo glanced up as he walked around her desk and stood beside her, leaning against the table. The older man crossed his arms over his shirt and smirked. "Did Wook bribe you with your own money to keep him? What's so special about this one that he's lasted longer than two months?"

He was a good friend and is an even better partner, Soo thought idly. I like talking to him and being with him. He's funny and smart… I like listening to him and I think he likes to listen to me. We make a good team.

"Oh nothing," she said airily. "Just realized what a supreme waste of time it is for Wook to have to replace my bodyguards every other month. Might as well keep this one."

Soo paused her work to look up at her older brother as he smirked down at her. "Yep. That's exactly why," he stated, seemingly unconvinced. Soo narrowed her eyes at him as he flicked a piece of lint off of his navy pants. "You actually feel safe with this one, don't you? Finally found a guard dog worth keeping?"

While there was some truth to his words, her brother sounded oddly protective and Soo scoffed, turning away from him. She had had enough of the people around her treating her partner as something inferior to them. They were all humans, weren't they? How could Baek Ah assume himself above Wang So? "He's a human being, brother. You would do well not to refer to my bodyguard as a dog."

She glared as her brother raised an eyebrow before nodding his assent, his smile growing wider. "Apologies. That was short-sighted of me. I should be grateful someone is always around to aid my sister and keep my darling nieces safe."

Soo knew Baek Ah was being sincere by the tone of his voice and she immediately returned to her work. "Speaking of your nieces, what's the bigger one doing?" Soo asked. She opened a folder as Baek Ah made himself comfortable on her desk, sitting on top of it.

"Currently, she's compiling a list of toys Dad or I will inevitably buy for her. That or she's sleeping on the sofa."

Soo's pen clattered onto her desk as her glare returned in full force. "Brother, I swear, you need to stop buying them things. You spoil them incessantly."

She pressed her lips into a thin line as Baek Ah's hands met her shoulders. "I'm unmarried and have no kids; I have to spend my money somewhere, don't I?"

Before she could retort that he needed a girlfriend, Soo remembered the years her brother had spent grieving his last lover. The year she married Wook, Baek Ah was also engaged to marry Noh Woo Hee, the daughter of the Daesung Group. But while Soo's wedding had gone on without a hitch, Baek Ah's had not happened at all.

Woo Hee's father's company had collapsed just a few months before the her wedding, deleting a huge percent of the Noh family's money. Penniless, Woo Hee had begged Baek Ah to cancel the wedding, but he had persisted, insisting he had the funds to support her and her family.

It saddened Soo to remember that her soon-to-be sister-in-law was too proud for her own good. She knew their family would have supported Woo Hee, but the woman had refused their help.

A week before the wedding, Woo Hee committed suicide, and the trauma of coming home from work to find his fiance hanging from the ceiling had been too much for Baek Ah.

Having sworn off relationships with women, Baek Ah lived a solitary life- one that the family tried their best to respect.

"Get a dog," Soo said instead.

That evening, Soo walked towards her bedroom after putting her girls to bed and pressing twelve kisses to Mi's knee and ankle. Soo wrapped her shawl closer over her shoulders as she padded down the stairs, making sure her slippers were silent against the wood. The house was dark save for a few yellow lights that showed her the way back to her room.

"Mrs. Hae." Soo turned her head as she heard a voice from the first floor. Stepping away from the stairs, Soo raised her eyebrows at Chae Ryung.

"Yes?" she asked. The governess was dressed casually in a gray sweater and jeans. Soo watched as Chae Ryung cleared her throat.

"I… I noticed Wang So is still here," the governess stated slowly. "If I'm not prying, may I ask why?"

Soo pulled her shawl closer and tipped her head to the side. Her hair fell against her shoulder as she pondered Chae Ryung's question. "He's still here because Mi's injury was not his fault. I strongly believe in second chances and Wang So has not breached my trust."

Chae Ryung walked with her to the master bedroom and Soo nodded goodnight to the governess. She watched her children's tutor walk back to the servants' quarters. Soo closed the door to her bedroom and let her hand linger on the doorknob, feeling the cold metal beneath her fingertips.

"I'd like to be alone tonight," she said quietly.

The shadow that leaned by the door to the balcony stood and Soo turned to face Wang So. He wore a sweatshirt that did not match his sweatpants, but even those looked wonderful against his body. So did not move. "I came to apologize," he murmured.

"For what?" Soo moved to stand by her vanity. She pressed a hand to the cold, flat surface of her makeup stand and looked at So. No matter the time of day, he was always nice to gaze upon. His dark hair fell toward his eyes and his veiny forearms showed from where he pushed his sleeves back. "You didn't do anything."

So nodded and Soo closed her eyes. "For that," he stated. "I should have been closer. I should have-"

"There's no use in apologizing for something you didn't do," Soo snapped. She narrowed her eyes at So and he bowed his head. A pregnant silence rested between them and Soo waited for So to speak.

"If my actions or inactions have caused you to rethink our…" he began. Soo craned to listen to what So thought of their relationship. She wanted to know what he would say. She knew he was just as surprised as the rest of the household that she had not fired him. "If I've given you cause to rethink our arrangement, then I unders-"

"What?" Soo felt her chest clench and she grasped the side of her vanity, completely taken off guard. "Arrangement?" she hissed, anger and hurt filling her voice. In her current state of mind, Soo caught every single word her partner said with an intense scrutiny. She stared at So as he continued to watch her. "Is that what I am to you? An arrangement?"

She wanted to ignore the hurt in So's gaze. The sheen of false hope that glimmered in the eyes that expressed too much compared to their stoic owner. "Isn't that what we are?" So asked quietly. "You're married, Soo. I'm your side piece- the person you go to when your husband isn't around. I know you don't feel for me the way I do you. You're too far for me to touch and I can only have you when you call me." Soo endured each blow his words administered, but she could not fight back- not when his words rang true- not when he was too right to contradict.

Her mouth opened but nothing came. She faltered as his words rang in her mind. When he approached her, she did not move. Soo stared into the pain and regret in So's eyes as his knee touched hers before pulling back. She wanted him to come closer and craved his touch against her skin, but she could not ask that of him. Not now.

"I think… I think we should stop this," he admitted. So's gaze fell away from hers and Soo blinked at the abruptness of his statement. She stared at the side of his face as he looked away. "Whatever you say, I know I'm the reason Mi is hurt and… I'm not good enough for you. We're not balanced," he murmured.

"What?" Soo whispered. She blinked rapidly, trying to comprehend as So's warm lips pressed to her forehead. Rooted to her spot, Soo could only accept the gentle gesture, relishing those fleeting seconds between them. She did not understand his words. Unbalanced? What was so unbalanced about them? What was he talking about?

"We say we're partners, but… but I'm a- a hi-" So stopped and Soo watched him rethink his words. "You deserve someone better than a bodyguard that can't keep his word. Someone better than me." So took a step back from her and Soo watched as he slowly turned away.

"So," she whispered his name. "So."

"Goodnight, Soo."

When the door closed, Soo sat down on the stool by her vanity, her legs losing the strength that had been keeping them up.

Why did she feel so empty? Her heart ached and her hands shook. He was right. They were an arrangement, but why did it hurt so much to watch him walk away?

Soo gasped when she looked into the mirror and saw tears streaming from her eyes. She pressed a hand to her mouth and choked on her sob. Clutching at her chest, she tried to contain herself but could not.

And the worst part was that she did not know why she was crying. She was married and had children. There was no reason she should be hung up over losing a mistake on her part, but all she knew was that she wanted So to stay by her. She wanted him to remain by her side- and not just as a bodyguard.

He was worth too much to her. He had provided her with so much, but she did not know if she had reciprocated enough. She did not know how she felt for So, but it was much more than friendship and went further than casual sex. With him, she felt alive.

But now, he seemed not to want her.

Thank you thank you thank you to my lovely beta reader Krys. You're an inspiration and I love you.