CHAPTER FIVE
I can't just sit around and do nothing; I need to get back out there and talk to her. She found the letter I left for her, I'm certain of it. And if I'm right, I have a feeling she'll come back. I just have to make sure I'm there when she does.
I look at my watch and realize it's almost noon. The few times I saw her by the oak tree, it was always around the same time. If I leave now, I can get there early and make sure I'm there when she shows up. I put on my sneakers and quickly make my way downstairs. I'm about to open the door when I hear my father call out my name.
"Kelly!"
"Hey Dad!" I say, turning around to face him.
"Where are you headed to?"
"Some of the guys are getting together for a friendly basketball game, so I thought I'd join them."
I immediately feel bad about lying to him. But I can't exactly tell him where I'm really going. I'm still not sure this mission will actually lead me to find my mother, so there's no way I'm going to hurt my father even more than he already is.
"Did you need me for something?" I ask.
"No, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I've been so busy with work lately, we haven't had time to really hang out together."
Now I feel guilty. My dad is undoubtedly feeling lonely. And here I am, practically running out the door. My father needs me; I should be there for him.
"Hum, sure… I can stay here with you if you want."
"Well… I can just feel the excitement" he replies with a smirk.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to sound bothered by the idea of hanging out with you. You're right, we haven't really talked in a while" I tell him as I walk back towards him and sit down on the couch. "How are you, Dad?"
"I'm doing ok… just tired."
I instantly feel a knot rise inside my throat as soon as I hear my father's words. I know exactly why he's exhausted, and it has nothing to do with his busy work schedule. The real culprit are the constant nightmares he battles through, night after night. Although several years have gone by since the tragic day he lost my mother, the agony left by this huge void has never softened; it continues to ravage my dad's heart. I just wish I could bring him some relief… a sliver of hope.
"Dad, I heard you say Mom's name in your sleep last night" I say as he sits down next to me.
"Oh, Kelly… I'm so sorry you had to hear that…"
"No, it's ok. I miss her too. I mean, I have no distinct memory of her, but she's still a part of who I am."
"Well I can't argue with that" he tells me, affectionately squeezing my shoulder. "You remind me of her every single day. Your kind heart, your tenacity, your incredible commitment to your sister and me… you inherited all of it from her. Your mother would be so proud of you, son… just as I am" he adds, his voice thick with emotion.
I lower my head as I feel the tears sting my eyes. I can't bear to see my dad in so much pain, it's tearing me up inside. I desperately want to alleviate his sorrow, to heal the searing wound left in his heart by the loss of the one and only love of his life. I know I initially thought it would be best not to tell him about my quest to find her and bring her back to him, but I just can't handle this grief anymore. I've decided; it's time to let my father know that my mom is out there, trapped in the other place.
"Dad… do you ever wonder if…" I say before my sister comes barging in through the front door.
"Hi sweetheart!" my dad greets her.
"Hi Dad" she replies with a smile. "Kelly, can I talk to you about something?" she then asks, turning her attention to me. "It's really important."
"Dad and I were actually…" I start to say before she interrupts me.
"This can't wait" she replies, discreetly glaring at me so our father doesn't notice.
"Is everything all right?" my dad asks.
"Yeah, I just really need to talk to Kelly" she responds.
"But…" I interject, determined to continue my conversation with my father.
"It's ok, Kelly. We can talk later" he says, patting my shoulder. "Your sister clearly needs you more than I do."
He gets up from the couch, walks over to where Diana is standing, and gently kisses her forehead.
"I'll see you kids later" he tells us as he walks up the stairs.
Diana and I both wait in silence until we hear my dad shut his bedroom door. Then, we quietly make our way outside.
"How did you know I was going to tell him about Mom?" I tell her as soon as we are standing on the porch.
"Really?" she asks, raising an eyebrow. "Are you forgetting who you're dealing with?"
"Right…" I reply, expecting her to flash her glowing purple eyes at me. "Look, Diana… Dad needs to know Mom's out there, mourning our loss just as much as we are mourning hers."
"I agree, but not now… we need to find her first. I won't let Dad lose her all over again if this turns out to be a mistake. I can deal with the hollowness I feel inside… but I won't let my father suffer any more than he already has."
"Your father? He's my father too! He's going through hell every night and day, just trying to be brave for us. But I know that deep down, he's drowning… he's about to reach rock bottom, Diana! We need to pull him back up before it's too late!"
"Kelly" she tells me, putting both her hands on my shoulders. "I get that… believe me, I really do. But think about it; say you tell him that Mom is alive out there, in the other place. And that we somehow get through… how do we know she's still…" she says, her voice fading down to a whisper.
My sister is probably the strongest person I know; she rarely lets her emotions get the best of her, even when she is clearly upset. But now, as I see her eyes fill with tears and her chin begin to tremble, I realize she's still human… like the rest of us. I immediately wrap my arms around her to comfort her. Seconds later, a sob escapes her mouth, and it is all I need to hear to start crying with her. We hold each other close for a long moment, not uttering a single word. We don't need to speak as we both know exactly what the other one is thinking, but not willing to admit out loud; our mom may no longer be alive. Not because she perished at the hands of Zerstörer all those years ago… but rather because she died of a broken heart.
I feel Diana loosen her embrace as she lifts her head to look at me. Her eyes are still flooded with tears, but I also notice something else… something I've never seen in her eyes before: fear.
"What's wrong?" I ask, dreading her response.
"If Dad discovers Mom was alive all along but that she died because we couldn't get to her before it was too late… it'll crush him. Not only will we need to mourn Mom all over again, but we will also lose our father. We can't let this happen, Kelly. We simply can't."
I nod in agreement. Diana's right; Dad can only find out about this if and when we find our mother… alive. Losing her once was tragic enough; I won't put him through the excruciating trauma again. Or should I say I won't add to the unbearable sorrow he's already dealing with on a permanent basis.
I suddenly remember where I'd intended to go before my dad intercepted me on my way out. I bend my head down to look at my watch and realize time is quickly running out.
"I need to go" I tell my sister.
"Where?"
"To catch the girl who's going to help us find Mom."
"I'm coming with you" Diana says, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand.
"No" I reply before she can say anything else. "I need to do this alone. I have to gain her trust, and…" I hesitate.
"What are you implying, Kelly?" she responds, clearly offended by my words.
"Don't be mad, but… we both know how intimidating you can be sometimes, especially with people you've never met… I just don't want to risk her running away and never coming back. This girl may be our only hope to lead us back to our mother."
Diana stares at me for a long moment, undoubtedly weighing the pros and cons of letting me go through with this plan on my own. Her eyes flicker to their purple glow, and then quickly back to their light shade of blue. I expect her to start listing the numerous reasons why I shouldn't do this alone, but instead she throws her arms around me and holds me tight.
"You be careful" she whispers in my ear.
She finally lets go of me and steps back. I notice her eyes have filled with tears again.
"I will" I tell her as I lean forward to gently kiss her on the cheek.
I then turn around and start running as fast as I possibly can.