Author's note: it would be interesting in the comment section if you guys noticed any small details or easter eggs I added in for chpt 9 just so I know someone got it or not. Guess I will mention them here:

-shawarma: post-credit scene reference

-stark saying it's not the end of the world: avenger end game reference

-sleepover rant: fanfic ships in avenger universe of fanfics (frankly, there are a lot of them and not that they are wrong, but they sometimes deviate from the character way too much)

-blue waves: title of this fanfic here has obvious double meaning: blue waves in Loki's mind that are slowly encroaching and the blue wave emitted physical in the real world

For the next one, if someone gets all of it, I will be impressed.

Welp, enjoy.

Chapter 10

Loki blinked his clear green eyes, once and then twice more. Then slowly, he tried to get up but realized his arms would not move despite his will to move it. With rising panic, he twisted his head left and right.

"Where am I?" Loki croaked dryly. His mouth felt bloated, coated in dry blood and his tongue tasted like iron with a tear in the middle. His voice did not betray a hint of anxiety but his eyes that searched the room in the medical lamp light overhead told a different story. Banner moved the light away from Loki's eyes.

They all have spent considerable time with unconscious Loki whether they liked to or not. The first thing they realized Loki was wearing glamour. Yet without magic, Loki was skin and bones; bones jutted out of the skin like a stretched leather filled with stitches, bruises and cuts all below the neck. Loki had shadows under his eyes which were made even more prominent against his sickly pale skin with throbbing hair-thin parasitic blue veins. To top it off, marking of fingernails deep in his palm as if he made them to prevent from screaming in pain. Loki was a sad sight to see.

However, from Loki's calm demeanour, he did not realize his glamour was gone.

Suddenly, Thor came into the view and grabbed him violently.

"I have him!" Thor said anxiously. Not knowing what to do next, he just stared at Loki, waiting for a miracle. Loki's expression shifted from placid facade to plain annoyance. "What are you doing you oaf. Let go of me."

"What, so you can kill us?" Stark remarked.

Loki narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "No, of course-"

Memories flashed in front of his eyes. Loki cringed at the destruction of the city, his mocking threats toward Avengers and the most embarrassing amplification of his insane pride as he demanded the humans to kneel. He gasped at the weight of the memories and the terror of his insane actions.

Loki curled his thin fingers anxiously. "How many did I kill?" Loki asked hesitantly. He had to know, to make sure.

They were all silent for a moment. Then, Banner spoke up somberly. "Black Widow said you killed about 80 people in 2 days and 74 in the New York Attack. Plus 100 of other casualties we can't identify the bodies of or missing people in the areas you showed up in. Who knows how many others since you arrived on Earth?"

"I'd say between 500 to 600." Stark guessed roughly on top of his head. "Based on my rough calculation at least. You have been here for a while and if you killed 80 people in 2 days..." he trailed off, realizing his estimate did not help.

Loki looked up at the ceiling, not meeting any of their eyes. "I see."

Stark clasped his hand loudly, drawing the attention back to himself. "OK, Meeting, right now, outside of the door."

"But didn't you want me to hold Loki down?" Thor asked.

"Well, change of plan." Stark hissed. "Let's go." Stark gestured to Bruce and Bruce followed behind him. Thor looked at Loki, shrugged, and then followed, leaving Loki alone in the blindly lit medical bay.

"OK, so the sleeping beauty is awake." Stark said. "I didn't actually think that would work," Stark shrugged as he looked at Banner. "I know we are both geniuses but it was a theory for goodness sake. Anyway, we have another problem. How the hell do we know he is not lying to us? It could be an another act." Stark he stared at the camera that displayed Loki in the medical bay suspiciously.

"We don't," Bruce said honestly.

"I believe he is not lying," Thor said, trying to convince the two. "His eye colors changes from blue like the gem to green. Loki I always knew had green eyes. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"So what if he's eye colour changed? That could be due to the light! It doesn't prove anything!" Stark shouted. Being a man of science, it was obvious he needed proof before he could let Loki out to roam around the very tower he destroyed. That was most logical, most rational and most practical. Yet, didn't Stark become Iron Man to no longer tie down to practicality? After all, putting the war criminal in jail was practical and rational. He thought he left that behind in Afghanistan. "Ugh, I need a drink and then pass out."

Stark glanced at the state Loki was in. He has lost weight considerably since last time they have seen him trapped in the glass prison, but even then, Loki must have been wearing a glamour. For a moment, the heatwave of anger rushed from his head down to his fist. He remembered Agent Coulson's death. How he died tragically and unfairly.

It didn't matter if Loki was controlled; people were dead. People who will never return.

Yet, who was he to judge? Didn't he kill people too? From the time when he sold weapons to the present now, he has always killed people, he knew. The only difference was it didn't weight on his mind, he told himself often, or it was for greater good, the Greater Good. But at night, they haunted his nightmares.

This time will be no different. Stark still felt rattled by Death that had him almost in its grasp. But, such emotion was also from the weight of Death he had carried out in the past, the present, and perhaps in the future made him unable to think except to drink.

Banner spoke up. "I don't think he's acting. He asked how many people he killed. If he was still controlled by the gem, would he really care?" He also glanced at the monitor. "But I think we should keep him without magic, just in case."

"Yeah, he can't do much without his magic." Stark agreed, then with uncertainly, he asked. "Right?"

"He can still crush your throat just as easy as crunching a paper," Thor shrugged.

Loki felt numb.

He was free from the control of the mind gem, but he could still feel the imbedded gem eating away his body slowly like a disease.

The room was quiet; the ceiling were too high and Loki felt small in the room, once more tied up and helpless. Looking around, he found himself staring at a mirror just across from him on the left. He finally realized how he seemed: thin, haggard, and scars all of his body. He also realized for the first time, he was bare. He couldn't help but start shivering, either out of the coldness of the white room or for something else he did not want to name. He desperately reached for magic to cast illusion upon himself, but felt no spark.

What are you without your magic?

Another feeling of hollowness settled down on his chest. Without his magic, the mind gem would continue to eat his body without slowing down.

There were no other choice for him. There never were often, Loki thought. Then he bite his lips and broke his thumbs.