"It's just a crush...?"

"Just a crush?! Thomas, are you completely out of your mind? He could be your Prince Charming. Your love for an eternal happily ever after! And you are telling me that it is just some 'CRUSH?'"

"Whoa! Pump the brakes, Princey. Thomas hardly knows the guy, he doesn't even know his name, for crying out loud! For all we know, he could be some kind of axe murderer!"

"I mean... Come on guys... maybe my feelings are just... confused?"

"Ah, feelings... The bane of my existence. Why on earth would anyone need feelings is beyond all... well, me. They do absolutely nothing but weigh you down, causing added misery and pressure to-"

"Your feelings are not confused! Thomas hopes and dreams to be in a loving relationship. Like in the fairy-tales, and if you haven't noticed, I am the one who is in control of those hopes and dreams! Here is your chance to -"

"Has anyone even thought about asking Thomas' feelings? Where's Patton in all of this?"

"Yeah... where is Patton?"

I hear my name. Feel my body tugging upward, their words pounding against my skull all at the same moment, mind swirling, chest tightening. Heart... breaking. No matter how hard I try my best to breathe, it always seems to come out in short, shallow gasps of air. It's like I'm a fish out of water. A star without its shine. And a Patton without his... heart all in one piece.

I feel myself being summoned once again, the tugging of my body as if I am getting hoisted up out of a hole in the ground. It hurts. In all of my many times being summoned, they have never been this painful. Never this gut wrenching.

Smile.

Force a laugh.

Pretend you're fine.

Hide the pain.

Hide the fear.

No one

Needs

to

know.

"W-what's - What's goin' on kiddos?" I wobbly rise up, balance a little stilted, as the words painfully dribble from my lips like water hitting rocks. The tickle at the back of my throat seems to worsen and I have to let out a small cough to try and ease it.

"Well, now that the heart has arrived it seems that there is no need for me in the matter." My eyes flitter over to Logan, trying to grasp his attention only for it to fall flat, and feeling my own heart dropping to my stomach. "Clearly I have been thrown out the figurative window. He's just going to cloud your judgement with his... icky, sticky, gooey emotions." Logan grimaces, wiggling his fingers as if trying to get rid of something yucky from them.

Smile.

Force a laugh.

Pretend you're fine.

"Don't be silly, Logan! My emotions aren't sticky... but this is!" I force a giggle, hoping it's convincing enough to fool Virgil into thinking I'm fine, and conjure up a stick. There are a few chuckles from Roman and a tiny snort from Thomas and Virgil. Logan, on the other hand, is glaring at me with utter distaste.

"I am not silly!" Logan snips back, giving a quick adjustment of the tie he is so fond of. "Neck tie! It means I am serious."

Hide the pain.

Lungs burning with the urge to cough, the urge to choke up the flowers that are crawling up my throat only to get stuck half way. Never passing the finish line.

"Patton... I think we need your help." I turn my full attention to the Host, Thomas, and offer a smile. I try to hold off a cough, lungs filling as I keep down the unwanted force to come from my lips.

Instead, I take a deep breath and - "Happy Pappy Patton is your Happy Helping Pop!"

"Patton, these jokes are tediously punishing!" Logan adjusts his glasses, eyes cold as they flicker to mine.

"Did you just -"

"No I did not! Can you cease with the joking?!" He snaps, causing a flinch to rush through my body, tears pricking from the corners of my eyes at his sudden outburst. "This is why we can never take your feelings seriously, Thomas. Morality is not just your moral compass, he is the holder of your emotions. It's clear that Patton is the problem in all of this. In short, Him and I cannot simply be part of the same discussion. You either listen to," Logan lets out an exasperated sigh before continuing, "Your heart. Or, you can listen to the most logical side in the room. End of this illogical dilemma."

"Geeze L, you don't need to say it like that. Patton's just got here and we haven't even heard his side of things." Virgil shifts from foot to foot, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets.

"I hate to say it, but the Virgil is right." Roman adds, glancing over at me with a look a pity.

Hide the fear.

Throat feels dry, almost claggy from the blood I can begin to taste on my tongue. If I stay here any longer it feels as if my heart might shatter into pieces and my lungs pop into nothing but a flurry of flowers.

Blue flowers.

I know what they mean now.

Blue roses.

Unrequited love.

The video ends with me being the last to sink down. And as usual, we all managed to help Thomas come to a rational decision about his new found crush. Eventually... That if he wants to develop it, then he should try and get to know the person more, see what each of them have in common. And if he wants it to be nothing more than a crush, then that's what he has to figure out when the time comes to decide.

"Thanks, Patton..."

I offer a meek smile, though Thomas doesn't seem to notice the lack of enthusiasm. "Happy to help, kiddo!" Thomas grins back shyly and nods.

"You're okay, right? I mean, you just haven't seemed yourself. Logan had no right to say what he did -"

"I'm Pat-tastic! No need to worry about your o'le Dad." I chuckle, trying to keep the petals down.

Thomas gives another nod and I sink down back into my room.

My room is a little darker when I enter, filling with sadness and despair, it's almost blue. Whimpers push past my lips as I try to make it to the adjacent bathroom, locking the door before collapsing in front of the toilet. Tears stream and collect at my chin like little raindrops, splatting into the toilet water as I hack up blood and faded blue petals. knuckles turning white with the lack of blood flow as I grip the porcelain harder, and harder with each retch, heaving out the blood clumped flowers.

A shudder rushes through me, sending chills down my spine, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. I hack the last few flowers up, wiping my blood covered lips with the back of my hand as I stare at the mess before me. Another pain filled sob racks my body, but I force myself to be quiet, keeping each whimper contained. Flushing the toilet, watching the whirlpool until there is no evidence that anything even happened.

Because

No one

Needs

to

know.