Chapter One: State of Things

1800 Hours, May 9, 2561. UNSC Chariot Naval Air Base, Desmond, Regent State, Planet Mars. Inner Colonies. Prologue to the Enemy of My Enemy

I was never one to wait around for something to happen. I made things happen.

It's what made me good at my job. It's why I'd earned a battlefield promotion to lieutenant colonel at thirty, and became a full colonel just three years later. Now, though, having recently turned thirty-four, I wasn't so sure anymore what I'd be in the coming weeks. Maybe nothing at all.

Why?

Because three months ago, I'd had my command taken from me, and I now awaited news on whether or not my place as an O-6, as CO of my regiment, was ever going to be given back. Technically, my whole career in the Corps was on the line.

So in the meantime, I couldn't just sit still. I had to do something, even if my hands were currently tied in terms of dealing with my former charge, the Marines of the 52nd Combat Regiment. Until this investigation was over, my professional life was effectively on hold.

But that didn't mean I had to be.

I'd had enough downtime lately to last a lifetime, and while that had been welcome at first after what had quickly become the hardest deployment of my life - to the Outer Colony world of Puget, a cold, unforgiving block of ice full of Prometheans and rebels - it had eventually become too much. I'd had so much of my world shattered there - what with my time as a prisoner of the rebs, a split with my husband of nearly fourteen years, and setback after setback mission-wise, all of it culminating in a shocking accusation that could go either way. Along with all that, I was suddenly alone and had too much time to think, and so I hadn't had a happy voyage back to my home planet.

Everything was new to me now. It was the first time I'd been without Willis since I was seventeen. Sure, we'd gone through deployments separately before - even long ones, spanning months and years - but this was different. There was no reunion to look forward to, no reconciliation in sight. It was painful and lonely, and I was still having to come to terms with that, too.

Tomorrow would make everything official on that front - my estranged husband and I were going to finally meet to discuss the terms of our separation. A separation which was, at least in part, tied to the reason I was being investigated under Article 134 in the first place: I'd cheated.

Not physically. Nothing beyond a one-time reciprocated kiss in a moment I'd felt most vulnerable, after my internment and the death of a friend and an unexpectedly cold and hostile reception from Willis via COM. But those were just excuses, and I knew that. The truth was I should have never gotten close to Ethan - my ex, who'd rescued me from the rebel facility - in the first place. I'd brought this on myself. It was on me.

And now I had to face the consequences. Not only in my marriage, but in my career as well.

The reason for my eventual split from Willis had been two-fold, though - we had both contributed to that, as his lack of support and understanding after what I'd endured had made me angry and distrustful, while my momentary indiscretion with Ethan had made him turn away. That, we'd fucked up together, and though the purpose of our separation - rather than divorce - was to see if we could bridge that gap again, heal those wounds, I wasn't so sure what the outcome was going to be.

So, yeah. I had a lot going on lately, and nothing to do, and too much time to think. So I decided to go to the firing range on base - as a form of distraction and therapy.

I walked in dressed in my civvies - boots, dark gray pants, a white vee-neck shirt, and a dark red jacket - rather than my uniform, and signed in with the staff sergeant near the armory. Then I picked out a pair of sound-dampening ear muffs, ballistic glasses, and a magnum pistol; grabbed a couple of mags; and went into the firing area.

"Colonel Cooper!"

I turned around to come face-to-face with Navy Lieutenant Caleb Lloyd, one of my good friends - and a spook. I gave him a small smile.

"Hey, Cal," I said, walking over with the unloaded pistol in one hand and a mag in the other, with my ear protection hanging around my neck. "How's it going?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Good. Although I know why you're asking me. You know I'm not supposed to divulge any - "

I waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Can't tell me about my own regiment."

He stood staring at me for a moment. Slowly, a sly grin started to form on his face. "Not officially, ma'am, no." Turning his attention away from me, he continued, "I'm not supposed to tell you that we finally got a new replacement in for Major Harris."

Lloyd walked over to one of the firing sections as he said that, and I settled in in the lane beside his.

"Yeah? Who's that?"

"A Major John Murphy, goes by Jack. I did a little background digging on him. He's a former ODST, which is a little unusual. Apparently suffered some kind of accident a while back that made him no longer eligible for orbital drops. But he's still qualified for regular grunt work, so they sent him over to us."

I nodded. "Might be difficult to deal with. Still sounds great, though. Clearly he's got experience, which we need."

"Yes, ma'am. Should be good having him take over for Captain Norfolk."

"It'll definitely be nice having a full roster of battalion commanders again." I finally slapped the mag inside the pistol, cocked it, and aimed it at the first target - just a paper one, to start. "I have to hand it to Darren. He did a pretty decent job. Just think he could use a little more time under his belt before he moves up permanently."

"Yes, Colonel. Murphy seems like he'll do well mentoring him."

I lowered my gun and glanced over at my friend. "You've met him?"

"Not in person. But as you know, my homework is more thorough than most."

"Of course."

I put my ear muffs on then and popped off a few shots in quick succession, driving neat holes into the paper target's head. It didn't surprise me that I felt a spike of adrenaline as I did so - the anger was still there, underneath the surface. Not only for what I'd endured during my time as a prisoner, and on deployment, but for the state of my marriage now, too.

And the ever-present sharp pain of not having my family whole.

I paused to reload. Then, keeping the gun down, I pulled off the ear muffs and said, "Anything else? How's your wife been taking all this?"

Something in his expression changed. "Oh, you know. She's fine and doesn't complain. It's a lot for her to take on the top position in your absence, for sure, but she's good at what she does." He gave me a sideways glance, almost nervous. "There's...other news, though."

"Well, let's hear it."

His slight grin grew wider as he turned to face me. "We hope to have you back soon, Colonel, so someone else doesn't come in from outside to take over."

"What? Why?"

"Dani's pregnant."

I stopped in the middle of messing with the pistol's sight, smiling a little myself now. Trying to keep the hurt at bay, for my friend. "Wow. Congratulations. Your very own kid, huh? How's Alexis taking it?"

"She's excited to be a big sister. She's the only other person we've told so far."

"Guess I'm honored, then. Thanks."

I knew his stepdaughter loved Caleb like a father, even called him dad. It would likely be a big adjustment, seeing as she'd been an only child up to now. But I could see this bonding his family even closer, and I was genuinely happy for him.

Something must have shown on my face, however, because when I turned back, his smile waned.

"I didn't even ask - what's going on with you? No change yet with Major Hawk?"

"Nope. Not yet," I answered solemnly. "On top of that, it's his turn with the kids today, so it's just been...kind of miserable." I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. I really am happy for you guys. Although you know this puts the regiment in a bind, given my circumstances."

"I know. Plus she's only just recovered from that bad hit she took on Puget." He looked at me then, setting his own weapon down. "But what can I say? We're home, and we've finally fully settled into married life, and...I thought about what you said to me, about being a parent to a kid who's wholly my own." He shook his head. "I love Alexis, and to me, she's my daughter. Always will be. But I guess after what happened to us, getting captured, and thinking we might die in there...I didn't want to lose my chance."

"I get that."

I understood only too well - it was a fact only the two of us shared, a horror we'd experienced together. We'd been good friends before that, but our bond now was special, deeper. I considered him my brother, and after he'd been the only one to see me through a very tough time with Willis on Puget, where I'd been a mess and could see no way out, I knew the feeling was mutual. Cal would always have my back.

"I also remember what you told me," I said then. "When I...was feeling like there was nothing else left in the world. That we had to go through that process of breaking down in order to come out better on the other side." I chuckled, but it was without humor. "To be honest, I feel a little like I'm going through that again now." I took in a deep breath. "This hearing...it can make or break my career, Cal."

"I know."

"I didn't even...shit. It was one kiss. A moment I wish I could just...go back and fucking erase."

"But life doesn't work that way."

I snorted. "No. It sure doesn't."

He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Cooper."

"It's fine. I made my bed, and now I'll lie in it."

I picked up my pistol again and pulled the fresh mag out, no longer interested in shooting rounds at fake targets. Something I'd thought might be a fun way to ease some tension just...didn't seem worthwhile anymore. "Anyway, I think I'm done for the night. Congratulate your wife for me, okay?"

"Will do, Colonel."

I forced myself to put on a smile. "And enjoy this. It'll all be over before you know it, and Alexis and that kid'll be grown."

He smiled back. "So I've heard. Take care, ma'am."

As was the case for the past month since returning from the Outer Colonies, I didn't get to go home tonight. I never did anymore. I'd let Willis stay in the house we'd been in before we'd left, just to keep things familiar for our brood. As for me, I was in an apartment off-base now, by myself, except for when I had the kids. It was smaller than the main house, with three bedrooms - one for myself, one for the twins, and one that Gabriel technically shared with Logan, although my youngest son more often slept with me. He supplied me with my weekly dose of cuddles, and it was a time I truly looked forward to. At nearly eleven, Gabriel was beginning to get too embarrassed by the affection, and the twins, now seven, didn't seek as much anymore, either.

Little Logan was close to two now, though, in just a couple more weeks. I could hardly believe it. My baby boy was a baby no longer.

With that bittersweet realization, I walked in the door and sat on the couch after flipping on the lights. Even after a month here, I still marveled at the quiet. Whether in combat or at home, there'd always been the sounds of...something going on. Weapons fire and explosions, or the chaos of a four-children household. Now it felt...empty. Like a life not being lived.

After a time I shook off the somber thoughts and activated the holoscreen in the room. I wasn't really interested in watching it; I just needed some noise in the background so I didn't get lost in my head.

But it was as I was staring at the screen that I felt the crushing loneliness again. I missed my kids. I missed my husband.

This sucked.

I realized then that I couldn't go on like this. I'd spent most of my life with someone - I didn't really know how to live on my own. I needed a companion.

That's when it hit me, and I smiled a little at the thought.

Tomorrow, I was going to get a dog.