Just like that, Mercy was gone. Peter knew where she was; felt where she was. He didn't do anything about it, however, because he knew deep down that if he tried to bring her back to camp, to him, she would simply leave again. And again. And again.
He had felt her try to go away before, a great many times in a great many creative ways. Nothing like this though – like a string attached to his heart that snapped. The connection between diminished and eventually disappeared – or so he thought until he finally built up the nerve to face her again, after so many decades. Was it the time it took for his heart to mend? It felt wounded still, as if the scar left by the whip of that string would never truly fade but instead stay raw and sensitive.
How many times had Felix mentioned her name and lived to regret it? He wanted out now, out of this never-ending pain and the vicious circle they were both trapped in – and if Peter and Mercy were in that circle, everybody else was too. They were the life and blood of Neverland, whether she believed it or not. She was as much a part of this place as Peter was.
She would be angry once she knows the truth, angry at him for not telling her sooner. Peter had been trying to come clean for days now, and she stubbornly refused to hear him out. The sad thing about all of this was that he couldn't blame her for despising him. He had broken his word to her, although he didn't intend to. He had come back on a promise that was very important to her, and he had betrayed what little trust she had in him.
No one had ever trusted him like she had. The Lost Boys followed him blindly, ignoring his true nature and never going against his wish, but Mercy wasn't a sheep. Mercy knew his evilness, she knew his nature, and she still chose to place her future in his hands – for whatever mad reason! He was thankful for that. He was. But when he had had her entire fate between his hands, he realized he had no idea what to do with it. Something so fragile, so easily breakable…
And in the end, he had broken it. How was she supposed to react? Of course, she would be furious, feel backstabbed, and hurt. Mercy retreated far into the forest, never to be seen again by Peter – not in the flesh anyway. He couldn't help but spy on her sometimes, conjure her picture in the spring, too see if she fared well. She fared well, for someone who lived alone in the woods with a broken heart and no hopes left.
He remembered the absence of glimmer in her eyes, the shocking realization that he had taken away the fire that used to burn so bright behind those lively eyes of hers. He couldn't leave her like that, all lonely and miserable. And if he couldn't remedy to her sadness, then he would bring someone who could. Someone who was the first of a long series of Lost Girls.
Like an absent parent who worried for their child, Peter doted on Mercy without counting, not realizing that it didn't solve the problem. That he was only avoiding doing what it really took to help her out of her loop.
He was doing it now. He would tell her the truth, and free her – finally.
"I'm afraid I have to insist," Peter uttered to Mercy's outrage.
Couldn't he see that it was no time to play games with her? She was long done with his shenanigans, she wanted nothing more to do with the one person who dangled a carrot in front of her eyes for an entire decade before finally revealing that it was but an illusion the whole time.
Peter Pan would never deceive her again.
"What is wrong with you?!" Mercy snapped, spinning on her heels to his gaze with her furious, flaming eyes. She strode up to him, to better defy him, chin up, standing in his personal space.
She raised her hands, ready to start one of her infamous rants with wild hand gestures and whatnot. She would spit venom and fire at Peter all day and all night if that was what it took to make him understand – truly understand – that she simply never wanted to see him again?
However, at the last second, before she could spit out the first hurtful word, she froze and sighed, changing her mind. There was no point to this, was there? They have been there, done that. Yelling, crying, fighting, hurting each other. It never worked, why would it be any different now?
Mercy bit her lower lip and slowly lowered her hands. Her fists unclenched and she sighed deeply, so deeply a sob escaped too. She didn't know what to say anymore. She had used up all the words she knew to try and tell Peter her reasons. She was now tired of justifying herself. Why she wanted to leave. Why she wanted to stay. Why she never wanted to see him again. Why she still came to talk to him. Why, why why…
Eyes closed, she took a shuddering breath, holding back tears that she couldn't bear to shed in front of him. Instead of letting fall to her sides, Mercy's hands gently lay open on Peter's chest, making him suck in a breath.
"Is this what you want Peter? Leading the same life for all of eternity, stuck on an island most people think imaginary, with a flock of Lost Boys at your beck and call?" she asked softly, demanding honesty.
"With you, yes," he told her, making it so much worse than if he had lied and just sent her on her way. His hands grabbed her wrists when he felt her slowly pull away. "Please, Mercy... I only want to tell you the truth. Why I didn't let you go then…"
And in this moment, it really did feel like he was pleading for mercy... Her ribcage ached. Her heart's relentless hammering made it hard to focus on anything else than the dull feeling in her chest and the uneven beating. It was a question that had haunted her for longer than she cared to admit, but she was beyond caring now. It did not matter what his reasons were, the fact remained that he broke his promise to her.
"I'm don't care." She shook her head without looking, tearing her gaze from Peter. He flinched and loosened his grip on her. "Keep your truth."
Mercy immediately pulled away, before letting herself being tempted by his promise of a sweeter future. She couldn't hear anything but the fast pulse in her temple now, and she blinked a few times to chase away tears. When stepping away from him she raised a hand and flicked it exactly the way he taught her to, and out of the sleeve of her tunic appeared a glowing blue flower.
It kindled the same kind of emotion it did so many years ago, when she had given him a farewell flower, thinking that he would open a passage for her to leave.
"This is goodbye, Peter," she somehow managed to say, although her voice was unsteady at best. She turned around and walked away before doing something she might regret.
His hand shot out to grab her wrist.
"It will never be goodbye, Mercy. Not for us, not on Neverland. You should know that by now," he said, desperately trying to get her to just listen to him. "How can I make you understand? What can I say?!"
"It does not matter what you say, Peter. Nothing you say will ever ring true to me anymore, and you only have yourself to blame for this."
She hated the slight waver in her voice, the tremor betraying her emotion. She had trusted him – what a foolish decision that was! Unbeknownst to her, he had won her trust, her loyalty, her friendship and affection… Those fragile feelings that need nurturing or else they diminish and die. How she wished she had never felt any of them. Even that fateful day when he had silently begged her to stay during what she thought were her last few hours on Neverland, even then, she had been torn.
Torn between the familiar, long-standing goal of going back to where she came from, and the new, unsettling tug in her heart that urged her to stay. A terrifying feeling that she did not trust and had ignored. What would her life be now if she had told him she decided to stay? Would he have forced her to go? Was everything a game to him, and was this his way of winning? Simply by not letting have the last say?
"But, please, go ahead and tell me the truth that burdens you so. At least one of us will feel lighter after this pathetic reunion," she spat at him, eyes wet and tongue sharp. No tear fell, but her heart was stuck in her throat, she felt as though she was about to retch. "This is the last time I will be humoring you, Peter. Make it worth my while."
His entire world was spinning and distorting. There was nowhere to hide, nothing more to say but the plain truth that Peter had kept from her for so long. Many times did he regret not telling her right away, many times did he wonder what would have come to pass if he had made a different choice.
Peter Pan never fails. But Peter Pan had failed – he had failed Mercy. And that was the biggest regret of his centuries-long life. He had found his equal, the one person he never wanted to disappoint, and he hurt her the most of all.
"I had every intention of being true to my word when we made that bet," he began, voice raspy from the emotion, his mad eyes not settling anywhere for long. Why was it so hard to meet her big, sad eyes? "I only wanted a chance to prove to you that you could be home here. But I would've respected your decision, not matter what it was."
Something in the way he said it, in the way his hands moved as he tried to explain himself, told her it was the truth – so far. He looked at his wits' end, she had never seen him so fidgety and beside himself. And for what? A life-long argument between them? Had she missed something all these years? Mercy's confusion didn't diminish with what he said next.
"I should have called it off as soon as it happened, but…" The words got stuck in his throat, his mouth was open but the sounds wouldn't come out. When he finally looked at her, their eyes locked and they could both see how much hurt and longing there was behind their façade. "But I… I couldn't… I didn't know…"
"As soon as what happened?" she cut him off, sensing there was something important he was holding back.
"I was hoping I could still make it right. Maybe you would choose to stay, and this all wouldn't have mattered at all…" he kept explaining without giving any real explanation, without telling her what he wanted to tell her. How was she going to react? He couldn't bear to see her walk away once more. He couldn't bear another few decades of warmongering between them.
He was tired of fighting her. He never wanted to fight her in the first place, not like that, not as enemies.
"Stop circling around the truth, Peter. I'm listening to you now, like you wanted. Don't make me regret not killing you instead."
Killing him. The thought had crossed her mind on several occasions, for different reasons. First, she wondered how to kill him. If she was even capable of killing him. Was she powerful enough? Was she determined enough? Would he fight back? And if he did have the upper hand, would he kill her?
"You can't leave, Mercy."
Now he was just repeating himself. Those were the exact words he had used so many years ago. Mercy grunted and walked past him, bumping into his shoulder with every intention of walking until she reached the sea and never seeing him again – in this life or the next.
"You don't get it…" he sighed. "Mercy-"
Her foot froze mid-air, unmoving even as her brain ordered her body to walk forth.
"Stop this!" she demanded, looking over her shoulder to glare at him. "I am exhausted. I will not waste any more of my time on you."
"Mercy… It wasn't my decision. I had to save you one way or another, this was the only way, the only way…" None of Peter's rambling made sense to her, but the hairs on her arms stood on end, and a shiver ran down her spine, shilling her to the bone. Suddenly, she had an ominous feeling.
"What have you done?" she asked slowly, regaining her ability to move and facing Peter once more.
"When I found you, it was almost too late!" Peter sank to his knees, and the movement startled Mercy. Peter Pan would never kneel. "It was the only way, if I had known of another, I wouldn't have done this, you have to believe me."
"You're scaring me, Peter." Mercy reached a tentative hand out towards him, brushing against his arm as she joined him on the ground. What could be so horrible a deed that Peter was in this state?
"You cannot leave, Mercy. Not because of me, not by my choice." There was a long pause, and Peter finally looked up. His eyes begged for her forgiveness. "If you leave Neverland, you'll die."