Updated *4/25

Míria's Pov

"Fuck my head hurts. I don't remember drinking last night," I groaned and sat up assessing the damage I probably did.

Alright, missing one boot nice. Hoodie ruined. Pants muddy. Life...fucked.

"Well great, now I'm going to have to get this dry cleaned," I huffed and stood up. Brushing myself off and my surprising dry hair back I looked around. Forest? Ooh Míria Míria Míria you slammed back something wild huh.

I don't remember falling asleep here but I'll never understand the dumb things drunk Míriaell does. Like that time I somehow found Chris Evans house knocked on the door and flashed him. THAT! Made the news. What can I say? I love a good popsicle.

Focus MiMi. Alright let's think of what happened last night. I let out a shaky breath as I thought about Miss. G again. The second voice was not of this world, I was sure of it. But I never thought of anything being out of this world.

I looked around and noticed the sun was now out so I had some light to work with. I'm not entirely sure where I am and I have no cellphone so this sucks.

Shit did someone kidnap me? Oh man I was roofied wasn't I. Damn you Bill Cosby and your trend setting ways.

And damn Miss.G one minute we chilling the next she dies. Like not fair I wanted to go first and now she's up there. I looked up at the sky in thought for a moment then laughed before glancing at the dirt. She's probably in hell.

I finally decided to look for my one missing shoe and find a little rabbit nibbling on the end of the lace.

I'll tell you now I'm not an animal person, but even I could've handled this better.

"Okay Bugs let the fuck go and nobody gets hurt," I cooed and reached for it. I yanked it away from the little guy only to trip over a rock into mud.

Now I don't usually curse but.. who am I kidding

"Fuckity fuck fuck. My fucking god what the fucking fuck fuck," I screamed out.

"Oh my dear quite the language you have," a tall ass giant man took over me.

Now a bitch is 5'7 and I know that's not short but this dude was tall as fuck. And all he was wearing was this grey cloak and a grey pointy hat. Man was dudes naked under there?

"Excuse me man. I'm Míriaell but my friends call me Míria and I don't know where the hell I am but I do know my ass is stuck in mud," I huffed.

Tall dude chuckled lightly and pulled me out the mud like I was a feather or something.

"Hello Míria, I am Gandalf the Grey. Welcome to Middle Earth," he smiled kindly.

"Gandalf? The grey? Okay if this is some sick joke Miss. G is playing on me I freaking swear! Or are you one of the guys who kidnapped her? Only hell Im losing it," I muttered sitting down on a log. Let's think of all the drugs I did last night. Coke, Harry bean, good ol Mary, X..I'm kidding I'm kidding. A bit?

Now that I was truly looking around me I noticed I wasn't in a normal forest with trees, there was actually a path a bit off. I was utterly lost.

"My dear you seem confused. Come night fall is coming shortly and I have a important meeting with an old friend. You may tag along and find food and warmth. And possibly some answers for your questions," Gandalf tsked then walked away.

"This was my mother's doing huh? A new form of rehab? Well jokes on her sober is a word that is not in my vocabulary," I smirked and stood on a trunk before that bitch Bugs came back with more friends.

"Yo Gandy wait up," I screamed chasing him down.

While walking with Gandalf he filled me in our destination. Now at this point this all sounds like a huge prank G is playing on me or maybe even my mother. Or still going with the rehab idea. But how'd they'd get fucking Dumbledore to host I have no idea shouldn't he be off stealing babies and sending kids to take care of murderous Michael Jackson snakes. Get it cause no nose? No? Tough crowd.

But from what I could tell Gandalf might just be an old man who's kidnapping me, that or a drug dealer. He seems like he's stoned to the highest of skies. Maybe he can help a girl out.

"..And that is why I'm going to Rivendell," Gandalf finished.

"Sounds great honestly Gandy but why would you guys be pissy over a little ring? See when I heard the plot to the movie it didn't make sense but now that I've met someone who seems to be re-enacting it, it just sounds even more dumb," I shrugged.

"Hey do you have a phone on you? I would like to call my mother a Thanos loving swine for putting me in this weird ass rehab reenactment retreat"

"I don't not know of this fone you speak of my dear, but I would wish you'd take this a bit more seriously. The world as we know it is at stake," Gandy groaned.

Swear he face-palmed too.

"Whatever you- oh wow," my mouth gaped open as I stared up at the most gorgeous castle looking shit I'd ever seen.

It was like a crystal palace but in a mountain, and there were waterfalls flowing everywhere. I was utterly shook. And believe me I don't say shook much as a 25 year old woman I believe I have some maturity. I did same some. And most things don't put me in a state of shookness but this place. Whoever owns this deals serious drugs.

"Gandy," I spoke in awe.

"Yes my dear?"

"Is this owned by a druglord?"

Smack! I whipped around fast. I know this old man did not just fucking clunk me upside my damn head with his over compensated dildo!

"Imladris or Rivendell as earlier mentioned. The last homely home. Come my dear we're just in time. And do close your mouth it's quite unbecoming," Gandy chuckled and shuffled forward with his staff towards a tall pretty brunette. Must be my druglord.

"Mae g'ovannen Gandalf. Ier telwa mellon nin"

Okay what the heck is happening?? What is he saying. Are his ears pointed? Alright breathe, breathe. BREATHE.

I don't always freak out but now I definitely am, because this doesn't seem like a dream anymore or a prank or a kidnapping. This place sure seems out of this world and if it is then Miss. G when I get to hell I got some apologies to make.

"Hello Lady Míriaell I am Lord Elrond." The tall pretty man spoke to me.

This is equivalent of Zac Efron hitting on me, Troy Bolton Zac not that hairy beast we know today.

"What are you a lord of exactly?" Please say drugs please say drugs.

"This realm my dear and you shall be my guest!"

"Like in beauty and the beast! Omg are we going to fall in love. Dibs on being Gaston and you can be Lefou my not so secret secret gay lover. Gandy you be Belle," I cooed.

Lord Elrond of not drugs gave Gandy a what-the-fuck look.

Gandy gave him a she-does-this look.

"Please let my daughter escort you to your corridors," he turned and motioned for a girl to come towards me.

Hey she's pretty.

"Suilad nín enith Arwen"

"Girl I do not speak the French we gone need English Por favor," I laughed as Arwen looked to her father.

She gave him a who-in-the-hell look and he replied with a she-does-this look.

"I am sorry I did not know you spoke common tongue for your skin is fair of that of an elleth," she replies.

"Are we about to have a lesbo moment? Be the Monica to my Rachel please," I smiled widely and hugged the very confused woman in front of me.

"Father..help," she squeaked out.

Alright so knowing what I did not earlier. Arwen is an elf and so is Lord Elrond of not drugs. Gandy is a wizard. And I'm a human obviously. Arwen who I secretly call Snow White has spent the last 7 days informing me of the history of Middle Earth and its inhabitants.

Spoiler alert. They've got these ugly things called Orcs but even they're better than the Kardashians so I'll take it!

I also told Elrond who I may start calling Elmo secretly everything I know of how I got here including before I arrived as well. I laid in my rather large bed thinking back on the conversation I heard between him and Gandy.

"I do not think the young Míriaell is lying to us my Lord Elrond. When I found her in the woods she looked lost and you saw her attire. She even speaks as if she is from another world. I believe she has been sent to us."

"I believe that to be true Gandalf but for what reason. What shall we do should she be against our cause?"

"And what if she is for it. The Vala did not fail us when they sent Evelyn Gavernson to us. She saved Middle Earth."

"And yet she knew how the story would go and still let Bilbo take the ring!"

"For the sake of Middle Earth! What do you want me to do my lord? Send the girl back? You know we do not have the ability."

"Evelyn went back did she not?"

"Yes but at the promise that she would rejoin her husband in the halls of Mahal."

"Gandalf I just do not feel comfortable resting the fate of Middle Earth in her hands. She knows nothing of the story or plot. She does not even know how the story is to end. What value will she be?"

"The same as our hobbit once was."

"Very well she shall join our meeting. Do not make me regret this Gandalf."

What I had got from that conversation is one thing. I'm not going back home and this shit is really happening. I would've preferred the rehabilitation center.

I did also ask Arwen of the story of Evelyn Gavernson that slick old lady. She was a freaking queen married Thorin damn Oakenshield. What a legend. But besides that Arwen has been helping me prepare for a life as a human in a sucky world. What the hell did I get into.

Second chapter done