Journey Amongst the Stars

By Lumendea

Chapter Forty-Six: The Death of Spock: Fare thee Well

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of the spinoff material and I gain no income off of this story, just the satisfaction of playing with the characters.

AN: Do not read this in public. Wait until you are home with tissues and ideally a blanket to snuggle into. There is no plot twist here, there is no last-minute rescue or change of course. There is only what I warned you about with the title and it will likely hurt you.

…

The Doctor and Jack disconnected a large portion of Spock's interface in only a few minutes. The steady hum of the sonic screwdriver was not the reassuring sound that it usually was. Spock's voice interface was the first thing disconnected, and without his voice there, Rose couldn't help but feel that he was already fading away.

A few members of the crew came by in small groups. They didn't stay long or get in the way but eyed the pod with glassy eyes. Some saluted before heading back to their stations, and the sound of alarms in the corridor reminded Rose that the Enterprise was still under fire. The ship shook twice while the Doctor and Jack were working. Rose had to fling herself forward to keep the pod stable, so Spock's crystal didn't disconnect. It was tough, but on top of everything else, Rose couldn't risk it.

Jack hoisted up the frame that they'd pulled out of the pod, which contained Spock and carried it onto the TARDIS. Before Rose could move, the Doctor took her hand and gently pulled her back into the time ship. Jack held on tight to Spock and the frame while the Doctor set the coordinated. Neither of them tried to talk to her, but she caught them glancing her way. The desire to reassure them was suffocating, but Rose knew that they wouldn't believe it.

She was a time traveler. This shouldn't be so shocking. Everyone she knew except Spock was dead three hundred years into the future except for the Guardians. It was a part of time travel and yet… yet it was still shocking in a way she hadn't been ready for. Stupid.

They landed, and Jack hoisted the frame with a huff and hurried out. The Doctor stepped close to her and extended his hand to her. With some hesitation, Rose took it and followed them out into the alien ship. None the less, she wondered if she should just wait inside. But they might need another set of hands. She followed them out to the master terminal room.

In a frantic scramble, the Doctor pulled open panels on the control computer and tugged out shelves of crystals. He snapped instructions to Jack in long sentences of technobabble that Jack seemed to understand. Rose couldn't help a bit of fascination at watching Jack and the Doctor mount Spock's interface frame against the computer. His crystal lit up and pulsed as the Doctor pulled a series of burned-out crystals from the computer and tossed them on the floor. Jack rushed into the TARDIS to get something and returned with a coil of wire a moment later before vanishing inside again.

"Rose," the Doctor called. "I'm sorry, but I need your hands."

She stepped forward and held the edge of Spock's interface as asked and watched silently as the Doctor pulled more bits and bobs from his coat. Wires were taped to Spock, and Jack returned with small odd little crystals that the Doctor promptly smashed into small chunks and tossed into a panel. Rose had no idea how that was supposed to help but wasn't interested in asking.

Spock's crystal was glowing. It was a soft pulse. She'd rarely seen it thanks to him always being tucked out of view. A faint buzzing in her head warned of an oncoming headache from holding back her crying. The pulsing continued, but Jack and the Doctor were busy adjusting the control computer. Rose didn't know how much time they had left.

Did Spock feel anything through his crystal body? There were suddenly so many questions occurring to Rose that she'd never asked him. What kind of friend had she been to not know these things? He'd helped design his interface and never said anything about touch, but now…

"Okay," the Doctor said. "We're linked up." He looked over at Rose as the flickering of Spock's crystal suddenly sped up. "The upload is starting."

"Can he talk to us?" Rose asked softly.

"No… he's, Rose, he can't spread his focus like that right now. I'm sorry."

She dropped her eyes. It wasn't the Doctor's fault, but she didn't want to look at him right now. There was too much of a chance of her saying something that she'd regret. This hurt. It wasn't the worst hurt of her life, but it was painful none the less. Rose couldn't hang back any longer. Jack and the Doctor were done. She needed to try and reassure Spock. At least let him know that she was here. There were no cameras here, no microphones. For all he knew, they'd plugged him in and left.

Her fingers trembled, but she spread them across the smooth crystal surface and dropped her telepathic barriers. Rose hesitated, but only for a moment. The soft glow in the Xylok crystal was fading fast. She reached out to Spock, desperate to catch the last moments of his awareness.

'Rose?' the voice was cool and echoed in her mind.

'I'm here,' she returned, focusing on words rather than her emotions. 'I'm here.' She prayed that this wasn't going to hurt him.

'I know.' Rose thought she could hear the smile in Spock's voice. 'You always have been. Ever since that first moment when I was reprogrammed.'

'Sorry about that.'

'Sarah Jane was always very honest with me about why it had to happen. The being I was after could always understand that.' Somehow, his voice was warm in her head, still retaining the British accent that he'd picked up from all of them. 'I regret the harm I caused that day, even if I do not remember doing it, but I am glad that I met you.'

'I'm sorry we couldn't find another-'

'Do not blame yourself. I have told you that I am at peace with this.'

'Spock.' Rose tried to think of what to say, but couldn't.

Instead, she let her emotions bleed into the fragile connection, relying on empathy rather than articulation. The crystal warmed beneath her hands, and a cascade of feelings washed over her. Then she understood what Spock needed. Gasping for air, Rose felt a fool. She'd known that he was fond of her and the other humans, but she'd never really understood. She'd been too young that day when she'd wiped the Xylok's memory to understand what she had done. Rose had broken his old life and created a new one.

'I am proud of you,' Rose said firmly. 'Very proud, Spock.'

'Thank you, Rose Tyler.'

'No, thank you. I never would have made it this far without your help over the years. I am so proud of everything you have done and everything you became. You're a good person, no matter your shape or how you started, you are one of the best beings I have ever know.'

He was slipped away now. The soft pulse of emotions were fading fast. Rose kept her eyes closed. She didn't want to watch the computer flash to life, knowing that the cost was Spock's life. Tears were rolling down her face, but she stayed. She kept her hand in place, and her mind connected with his.

Then Spock pushed her away, a strong shove, and she gasped. Her eyes opened, and she had only a moment to wonder why he'd done that before the crystal went dark under the hand. She tried to hold back the sob, but it burst free along with a rush of tears. The computer hummed with life, and more lights than ever were glowing. It was probably a good sign, but it only hurt.

"I've got you," Jack whispered. His arms were warm around her, and he was the only thing keeping her on her feet. "I've got you."

Jack led her into the TARDIS. The Doctor was checking the system over, making pleased noises that she didn't want to hear. Some part of Rose knew that she was wrong for being upset that it worked, angry that Spock was going to save everyone but himself, but she was. And she felt justified for it.

The Doctor followed them in a few minutes later and looked at her. He said nothing though Rose could sense that he wanted to. It was a useless struggle to rebuild her telepathic shields right now, and she only hoped that her storming emotions weren't hurting him.

"We can look outside now if you like," the Doctor said. "The ships are starting to turn." His offer was neutral. It was her choice.

Rose found herself going to the doors. Someone should bare witness. The soft glow of space wasn't comforting, but the Doctor had placed them where Rose could see the fleet and Athena beyond them. The ships turned slowly, but from the open doors of the TARDIS, she could see the change in their trajectory. Engines fired on the back and as a single unit, all the ships were slanted to the side and began to head away from Athena. They'd fly right past the planet. The people down below might be able to see them passing overhead like shooting stars.

Rose swallowed and watched the light of the engines fade into the distance. Neither the Doctor nor Jack tried to move her away from the doorway. The Doctor just stayed close by, the heat of his body reassuring against the cold of space beyond the TARDIS's shield. Rose felt like she should say something, but didn't know what she could say to mark the moment.

Spock might already be dead, or he might not be and just be beyond reach as he faded away. Schrödinger's Xylok. He would have liked that. Shaking her head, Rose closed the doors and exhaled slowly. The tears had stopped for now, but she was sure that they'd be back.

"Why don't you go to the library," Jack offered behind her.

Rose nodded. She was drained. There was no energy to argue. Straightening up, Rose rubbed away the tear tracks on her face and walked down the main corridor. Her phone was heavy in her pocket. Rose knew it was possible for her to call the younger Spock right now and hear his voice, but that was a dangerous notion. Her phone stayed where it was.

The library was warm with a fire already going in the fireplace near the sofa. The thick and comforting smell of old books surrounded Rose, offering comfort. Slumping down onto the sofa, Rose let the soft cushions nearly swallow her up. The library was quiet save for the soft ticking of a clock somewhere. There were soft voices near the door, and Rose knew it was only a matter of time before at least one of her boys came in. It was the Doctor who came in first and sat down beside her.

"Is it okay if I touch you?" he asked softly.

The question surprised Rose. She nodded quickly, turning her face towards him. Guilt and worry were apparent on his features, and Rose felt a stab of remorse that her sorrow had made things worse for him. He made a soft shushing noise when she opened her mouth to apologize and pulled her closer. Resting her head on his shoulder, Rose inhaled slowly, and some of the tension drained away.

"I'm sorry, Rose," the Doctor said. "It's never easy to lose a friend." He spoke from experience, so much experience that Rose's heart shattered a little more. "He was brave and compassionate. Spock saved so many lives today."

"I know." Rose's words were weak, but the Doctor must have heard them because he shifted her even closer. "Still hurts," she admitted. "We weren't- I mean, Spock wasn't my best friend or anything like that, but I cared about him. I relied on him many times for help, and he was always there for me. I'd never thought about what would happen to him down the line. Stupid."

"Not stupid, human," the Doctor said. His voice was tight. "It's hard for you, with your lifespan," the words seemed to pain him physically. "To imagine another species living so long past you."

Raising her eyes to his, Rose understood what he was saying. His blue eyes were sorrowful and drinking her in as if she was going to turn to dust right in front of him. There was nothing she could think to say. Instead, she leaned against him and closed her eyes, leeching his warmth for comfort. The Doctor wrapped his arms around her and held her gently until Jack entered the library and set a tray of tea down on the table.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said. "But, I tried doing your British thing of making tea to cheer you up, and I need reassurance that I managed."

A giggle escaped Rose, and she raised an eyebrow at Jack. "Are you afraid you failed to boil water?"

"There's more to it than that."

"Yeah, but even you couldn't have messed it up too badly."

"He could have," the Doctor chimed in.

"Rude," Jack huffed. He slumped into the armchair and pouted. "Very rude. See if I'm nice again."

"You've ever been nice?" the Doctor snarked.

Rose knew they were trying to cheer her up and pulled away from the Doctor to play mum and make the tea to everyone's preferences. Still, she was grateful for it and the plate of biscuits. There were a lot of feelings to deal with, but for now drowning them in tea and sweets seemed like a fine idea to her. There were good days and bad days when you lived on the TARDIS, and while a planet and millions of lives had been saved, Rose knew she'd remember this as a bad day.