Chapter Thirty: More Than You Bargained For

1359 Hours, July 11, 2561. Outskirts of Vettel Keep, Qivro, Planet Sanghelios. Day Nine of the Enemy of My Enemy

I stood outside my own quarters with my stuff at my feet, still reeling. I had no idea what had just happened, or how my husband's demeanor had gone from professionalism and concern a short while ago to this, now.

The quick turnaround left me scratching my head. And I couldn't even ask him about it, because he'd immediately disappeared inside again after unceremoniously dumping the heap by my boots.

So I sighed and scooped it all up, put my clean changes of clothes and spare set of boots back into my duffle bag, shoved my helmet and gloves inside, and hefted it all over one shoulder. Only then did I notice something else glinting in the dirt. I bent to pick it up.

My scuffed datapad.

It was on and a message was displayed on the screen: an official UNSC communique. Although as I skimmed through it, I very quickly realized there was nothing business-like about it. At all.

A frown formed on my face as I reread from the beginning, going slower this time. Ethan had sent it, but that wasn't the worst part. He talked about his feelings again, how he loved me, then mentioned our goodbye.

And a second shared kiss between us - something that had never happened.

When I was done reading and the haze of disbelief and confusion dissipated, I realized the mention of the kiss wasn't just some odd mistake. It was a lie - a very deliberate one. But why my ex wanted to cause trouble for me now, when I thought we'd resolved any outstanding issues between us before he'd left, I couldn't quite figure out.

What I did know was that obviously, Willis had read it, and had reached a very wrong conclusion.

"Will! Listen, I know what you saw. But I wanted to tell you - "

There was a loud noise on the other side of the door, like the pounding of a fist, and I involuntarily took a step back. He was pissed right now. I knew that. And I knew him well enough to realize that even if I managed to convince him to talk, he wouldn't believe a word I had to say.

Part of that, admittedly, was my own fault. I'd planted the seed of doubt. I'd broken his trust once already. He probably wondered why I hadn't just as easily done it again.

It was frustrating, but I'd have to come back.

"Goddammit, Ethan," I muttered as I walked away. "What have you done?"

As most billets were now assigned for the regiment, I didn't have many options of places to bunk down for the night. Having spoken to Sennu already, I went to go find my brother.

I found him out in the perimeter of the courtyard, talking to one of the armor-clad Sangheili guards - or trying to. The Elite's stance was stiff, so I wasn't sure if Mark was making anymore headway in the communication department than I was. At least it didn't involve his spouse.

My older brother spotted me first out of the corner of his eye, and turned to face me. "Nat? Did you get to talk with Sennu?"

"Yeah, but that's not why I'm here. I kind of need a favor."

He folded his arms across his chest and nodded once. "Sure. Name it."

"I...can I stay with you?"

The question sounded lame even to my own ears.

Mark regarded me quietly for a moment before raising an eyebrow. "Yes. But why?"

"Willis..." I trailed off, honestly not knowing how to begin. "Look, I don't really want to get into it right now."

My brother smirked. "That's becoming a pattern with you."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's all just - " I finally released a frustrated sigh. "A lot to process. I need some time."

"All right. You're my sister. Take all the time you need." He glanced over in the direction of the Sangheili living quarters. "I'm over that way. I'll have Sennu bring an extra cot to my room so you can crash."

"Thanks."

"Go ahead and drop off your gear. I won't be back for a bit so if you need a moment to yourself, this is it."

"Got it."

I didn't need to be told twice. He pointed out his building to me and I headed over right away.

I had to say the Elites were efficient. By the time I reached Mark's quarters, there was already a spare bed in the room waiting for me, propped up against the opposite wall and perpendicular to my brother's. It was longer and wider than a standard human one - and, like all things Sangheili, higher off the ground - but it would do. It was there that I was finally able to collect myself enough to push thoughts of Willis and I aside, and realize what I had to do next.

A debrief of our ill-fated patrol was in order.

Freshly showered and changed, I stood in our makeshift command tent once again, waiting for my battalion commanders to arrive. Our spooks would be here, too, and Willis, so I wasn't sure how that would go. My brother would finally get at least some of the answers he sought - but most of all, I was feeling oddly nervous about the reception I'd get from my XO, Murphy, and Mullen. Things had gone as far from planned today as they could have, and Sennu had helped me see my part in that. And I'd have to own it.

Delaney filed in first, not surprisingly, and elected to stand on the opposite side of the holotable from me. It was a curious choice, and it only made me wonder if he blamed me for our recon at the ruins going belly-up. I didn't address him, other than a quick nod, and he didn't speak, either.

The other two majors entered next, Murphy standing off to the side with his arms folded across his chest, already looking stern, and Mullen seemed anxious to get it over with, running a hand through his short blond hair as held his helmet low in front of him, standing closest to me. The spooks arrived next, and after waiting an extra few minutes, my husband was still a no-show. I guess that told me enough about where he was at with things.

Though he hadn't been formally ordered to attend, as air commander, his presence was generally expected. No one brought it up, but his absence was noticeable. It hurt yet I did my best to move on. When I glanced up to begin the debrief, my eyes locked with Cal's for a second and he gave me a sympathetic look.

"Everyone, thank you for coming. I know we just did this, but I felt it important to address what happened on the recon today, and to let you all know what our next steps will be."

No more stalling, I thought. I took in a discreet breath.

"As CO of the regiment, my responsibilities include two things, first and foremost: the mission, and your well-being. I failed in both today. Our recon did not succeed, and I did not secure the welfare of many who fought by our side. I acted too rashly and we lost far more Marines than we should have on a simple op. For that, I'd like to apologize to all of you."

Though I kept my voice level, the words weren't easy to say aloud. I looked out at my officers, my senior command group, but tried not to focus on their expressions just yet. I had to get everything out that I needed to say.

"I don't want to offer excuses. I made a bad call, period, and it cost us. Too much. I am going to be more mindful in the future, as I should have been today. I will not push too far when the odds are stacked against us. I will not send any of you blindly into enemy lines again. I will make greater use of our attached air wing, and if needed, gain more intel that way before I send us out again." I shifted my stance a bit and crossed my arms. "My return to command hasn't been without a few...setbacks. I didn't realize until now how greatly my internment affected me, my mindset, and my choices. You deserve a commander you can count on one-hundred percent, and who acts with rational thought, not mindless vengeance. I will strive to be that for you, from now on." I took in another deep breath, steeling myself for the hardest part. "And I assure you, if I find I cannot be that for you, I will resign my post."

A brief silence followed, quieter than I'd ever heard the group be in my life. But I pressed on.

"That is the promise I give to you in return for a second chance," I said. "I know it's not what the Marines we lost today will get. They're gone, and it's my fault, and I will bear that. But going forward, I want to ensure there's still confidence in my command. And if not...it's best to say so now."

The dead silence continued, and though I fleetingly wondered if I would get some resistance - most especially from Major Murphy, who seemed to regard me with his impenetrable stare - there was none. No one hardly even breathed until, much to my surprise, Delaney stepped forward.

"I still want you in charge, ma'am," he said. "We spent a lot time together at War College, and then in-mission on Requiem. I know that despite how things went out there today, you do have what it takes. And I'll still follow you."

"Me, too, ma'am," Cal said then, speaking up. "Without question."

"Mullen?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Murphy?"

There was considerable pause, and I thought I knew what was coming. He'd be the one dissenting opinion, as I wasn't going to ask my brother. But finally our eyes met, and the former Helljumper said, "Your demotion was strike one for me, Colonel. This would be strike two. I'm willing to give you a fair opportunity, so long as you don't strike out."

Not a resounding "yes", but probably as close to one as I'd get from him, and more than I could have hoped for.

I nodded my thanks. "I'll take that. And I won't be asking Commander Cooper, for obvious reasons - " I said with a small grin, and the others, barring Murphy, smiled a bit too. "But I will say thank you, to all of you, and move on." Relief washed over me, if only momentarily, and I jumped back in with what I knew about the situation so far. "Given what happened today, I've asked the Swords for their help. They will be completing a recon of their own tonight, so we should get more solid answers as to enemy numbers and the like. Although, we already know that their presence is formidable, and it includes Prometheans at the site as well. With the Elites' help, I'm hoping we can equal their forces should we decide on a full assault. But that won't be determined until after they return. So I'll have new orders for everyone then.

"And with that, if there aren't anymore questions, you're dismissed."

I let out another tired sigh once it was done. I was still disappointed in many aspects of what had occurred at the temple today - what we'd stumbled upon, and my own personal failings in the wake of that. Especially difficult was having to admit that in front of Major Murphy and the rest of my regiment's senior staff. All I could do now was learn from it and correct course. Till Sennu's Elite team got back tonight, there'd be no new information.

But even that hadn't been what truly gutted me. It was the fact that my husband hadn't even shown up.

He hadn't been expressly ordered to attend, so he hadn't technically crossed over into insubordination. But he was getting awfully close, and I couldn't afford to have a personal matter between us interfere with the mission. Although I'd been planning to give him the rest of the day to cool off, I now felt I couldn't. We had to talk.

So I walked up to my quarters again - the one I'd been assigned - and waited.

"Willis, open up. Now."

Surprisingly that's all it took. I think he knew his absence earlier would get my attention.

He looked out at me wearily at first, only opening the door a crack. "What?"

"You know what, Major," I said in a hard tone. "Whatever's happening with us, you cannot act differently in the field with me. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he replied lazily.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay. That's something I'm not even going to entertain. You do it, or I will write you up if I have to."

"Right. So is that why you're here? To flex your muscle as CO?"

"No. I'm also here as your wife." I softened my tone a little. "Can we talk?"

Willis scoffed at me. "I don't think so."

"Fine. Then you'll listen. I saw the message from Ethan. I know what you're thinking. And that's not it at all."

That seemed to animate him.

"Oh, no? You didn't kiss him again when you two said goodbye?" He laughed humorlessly. "I should've known something else happened. I should've known the second you walked in my office afterward, pretending everything was on the up-and-up now. I'm so damn stupid sometimes."

Despite his words, I tried my best to remain calm and keep my voice steady. "You're not. And I was being honest then. Am now, too."

"Yeah? Then why would he send that? Why would he communicate with you at all, if you hadn't given him some sort of opening?"

"I gave him nothing," I said, biting out each word. I turned then to glance behind me, and although we were far off from the center of the courtyard, where most of the Marines not currently on perimeter watch or patrol were gathered, I didn't want to make a scene - even a distant one. "Can we please take this inside? If I have to, I'll remind you this is technically my place, anyway."

Willis hesitated for a moment before letting me in. He didn't sit, though, and backed off only a bit. He had his arms crossed as he stared me down, but I didn't let his own stance dictate mine. I sat down at the too-tall chair beside the too-tall alien desk in the room, then put my head in my hands.

"I don't know how to explain this to you," I said after a while, lifting my head up again. "I don't know how to explain that he lied in his message, that that's an actual possibility, and that you should believe me." I ran a quick hand through my hair. "I don't know how to tell you how furious at him I am for it. I don't know what he thinks he has to gain at this point, other than to hurt me. To hurt us. But you have to - "

"There's three things I see clear as day right now, Natalie," Willis said tightly, cutting me off. "Any one of which would upset me on their own, but there's three things here." He lifted a finger. "One, you two are back in communication, when I expressly asked you to end that."

"We're not - "

"Two, the two of you kissed. Again. And three, he loves you. Loves, Natalie." He shook his head, glancing away for a moment before turning back to face me. "I can't believe you didn't tell me that."

I raised my arms in exasperation. "Why would I? I don't feel the same. I've told him that, and I've told you, many times. I can't help how he feels. He knew it wasn't reciprocated, I asked him to back off, and he did. I never led him on or gave him any reason to hope I might change my mind. So if after all that, he still felt what he did...I'm not responsible for that, and it has absolutely no bearing on us," I said, indicating Willis and I. "And the kiss? I just told you, didn't happen. Complete fabrication. Everything about our goodbye was platonic. Our communication?" I took my datapad out of my uniform pocket and held it up. "This is the only message I've received from him. I've sent zero."

Willis was frowning now, clearly trying to take it all in. "I just...you didn't block him?"

"I did. On every device I could think of. The one thing I can't block is official UNSC mail, which this is."

"He had to have known about that loophole."

"Yes." I finally felt like we were getting somewhere. I let out a relieved sigh. "I need you to trust me on this. That everything I've said just now is the truth."

My husband stood there silently for a long time. Not even his body language gave anything away. For all intents and purposes, he was stone. Then, finally, he looked at me and said, "I can't."

I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. Like I'd been punched in the gut. "Are you...are you sure?"

Willis shook his head. "I'm sorry, Coop. I just don't know what to believe anymore, and I can't trust your word."

I knew I had to leave then, before I said something I regretted - or worse, broke down. I just gave a lame nod of my head and walked out.

Outside I felt like my world was closing in again. The pain in my chest was sharp and my vision grew blurry. I took a few steps forward before stopping. Then I bent over and puked.

I crouched with my hands on my knees for several seconds, trying to regain focus and center myself. I didn't know how I was going to get through this a second time. I knew I had to somehow, but -

Something dripped onto the ground from my face, catching in the sunlight. I thought it was tears. But when I brought my hands up to my eyes, they were dry. Without thinking, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand.

It came back wet with blood.