Don't feed the Trolls

The next morning as the company was preparing to break camp, Lexi went around to each of the dwarves and apologized for the previous night.

Most took it well and told her not to mind.

A few looked at her a little stony-faced.

Dwalin told her outright that she had no business being on the quest at all.

Ori asked if she would teach him about learning a new language. He had an interest in English.

Kíli asked her to apologize to him in Khuzdul. That earned him a glare from both herself in Fíli.

Fíli listened to her patiently and then drew her into an embrace she was loathe to break free from.

Finally, there was only Thorin left.

She wondered if she just skipped him, if anyone, including himself would notice. However, she knew that it was no good acting cowardly; she wanted to be brave.

She approached Thorin as he was attaching his pack to his pony.

"Ahh, your majesty. A moment?"

Thorin paused, tightened one more strap and then turned to look at her.

She seized the moment to speak. Keeping her gaze somewhere around his beard, she began, "I just, ah, wanted to say, um, how sorry I am that I spoke Khazdul to you. I, ah, will never, um, do it again."

Thorin sighed and Lexi worked up the courage to look him in the eye.

"You are the Amrâlimê of my nephew. That means you are my niece." He reached out and placed a hand on her head, like a benediction. "Alexandra, welcome to the line of Durin." He dropped his hand, turned around and mounted his pony. "Let's move out."

Lexi hurried back to where Bertha was waiting. She might have shed a few tears of relief along the way.

"Why does your pony have braids?" asked Kíli, looking puzzled at Bertha's mane.

Lexi, nerves strung taught from her conversation with Thorin, began to laugh uncontrollable.

She was sure a few of the dwarves wondered if she was starting to lose her mind.

What followed next was what Lexi later called the 'honeymoon' period for herself and Fíli. They might have been constantly surround by a company of loud, smelly and often disgusting dwarves, but they also had the heady start to what Lexi also later called 'their epic love story'.

They had many months of travel ahead and so they had lots of time to learn about each other.

During the days, Kíli, Fíli and Lexi often rode together and the brothers regaled her of their childhood pranks and stories. Kíli did most of the talking. Fíli was the quieter of the two, which made the times he did speak up more precious to her. She learned about their mother Dís and figured out on her own that the Dwarrowdam must have the patience of a saint while rearing the two of them. They talked of the Blue Mountains, of their excitement and awe when their uncle Thorin came to visit. They talked of weapons training which sounded very exciting.

She and Kíli would sometimes have archery competitions while riding; picking an object ahead to shoot and then gathering up the arrows when they passed. The brothers said they were impressed with her skill. She knew she wasn't as good as Kíli, but she was proud that she could hold her own.

At night, they took to training her and Bilbo with sword, dagger and axe. Both Bilbo and Lexi learned slowly, having no muscle memory to call on. It was all new to them. After a time, most of the company took an interest in their evening sparring and took a turn at training them. After all, there wasn't much else to do. The result was a bit of a mish-mash of style, but no one could deny that Lexi and Bilbo were improving with time. Bilbo and Lexi also enjoyed sparring with each other, though the dwarves often accused them of hold back and not taking it seriously enough. Which was probably accurate.

Kíli, Fíli and Lexi's primary campsite tasks were watching the ponies, gathering wood and sometimes Lexi would assist Bombur with dinner preparation. Fíli and Lexi's favourite task was gathering wood. Once they had gathered enough to keep a fire throughout the night, Fíli and Lexi would head out for 'one last collection'. Kíli would tactfully stay behind and join the company, who had collectively and tacitly agreed not to notice that the young couple would disappear into the woods for much longer than necessary. Often, they arrived back to the campsite much later, without any sticks and distinctly rumpled appearances.

Fíli wryly stated that he'd never pictured himself 'courting' in the dark and cold woods with a company of dwarves hard by. It did limit their physical intimacy. Lexi was, unfortunately, easily chilled and for safety, they daren't go too far from camp. Lexi joked that while they were travelling, they'd never make it past the short stop. Fíli didn't understand the reference, even after she tried to explain it, but it always made her laugh at herself when she said it, and that made him laugh, so she kept saying it. Despite all that, they still managed to get into some epic kissing sessions accompanied by some over the clothing action.

One day, about three weeks in, it started to rain and rain and rain. About halfway through the day, Fíli caught Lexi shivering uncontrollably under her cloak. He pulled their ponies off to the side and helped her off Bertha. He redistributed his packs onto her pony and then lifted her up onto his pony, Mungo. He climbed up behind her and wrapped his cloak around both of them and set off again, leading Bertha. Lexi warmed up enough to stop shivering and even to doze a bit against his chest.

She felt safe, warm and loved.

"We'll camp here for the night." Thorin announced, pulling up his pony. "Fíli, Kíli, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them." Thorin instructed. "Óin, Gloin, get a fire going. Bombur, Alexandra, get dinner started."

Gandalf was displeased with Thorin's choice for camp. "A farmer and his family used to live here. I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the hidden valley."

As Gandalf and Thorin started to bicker about the next leg of their journey, Lexi helped Bilbo get his pack off his pony.

Suddenly Gandalf stormed past, muttering about spending some time around the only person who made any sense, himself. "I've had enough of dwarves for one day."

Lexi and Bilbo looked at each other. "Is he coming back?" Bilbo asked Balin, who was next to him. Balin didn't look too hopeful about the wizards return.

"I'm sure he will." Lexi reassured Bilbo, while not being sure at all. After all, Gandalf did just disappear like that sometimes.

"Come on Bombur, we're hungry." Thorin called out.

Lexi hurried toward Bombur with knife, cutting board and sack of vegetables in tow.

Bilbo paced the campsite, worried about Gandalf's return. "He's been a long time."

Attempting to distract him, Bofur ladled out two bowls of stew and asked him to 'Take them to the lads'.

Lexi watched Bilbo trundle the two bowls off towards where the brothers had pastured the ponies, and then turned back to where she was heating water for dish washing.

A short time later, Fíli came bursting onto the campsite shouting, "Cave Trolls! They've got Bilbo!"

There was a pregnant pause and then the whole company sprang into motion.

"To arms!" roared Thorin.

The company seized their weapons and rushed after Fíli, who was leading them back into the woods.

Suddenly, Lexi was alone at the campsite.

She looked around and then with a jolt, threw her handful of dirty dishes down, grabbed her bow, quiver and the knife that she'd used to slice up the potatoes and chased after them.

When she arrived at the troll's fireside, a battle was raging. It was chaos. She looked anxiously for Fíli and saw him hacking at a troll nearby. She nocked an arrow and shot at the head of the troll. It bounced off.

"They're thick-skinned creatures!" bellowed Bofur as he ran past her.

Lexi discarded her bow and took up the knife and hesitated. She really wasn't sure diving into the fray was the wisest option.

One of the trolls stumbled back towards her. She seized the moment and tried to hamstring him. The knife broke on his achilles. "Oh for the love of…", she breathed in frustration.

"Bilbo!" called out Kíli and the whole company came to a halt.

The trolls had Bilbo stretched out, quartered, threatening to tear him limb for limb if the company didn't capitulate.

Bilbo looked terrified.

A horrified Lexi looked to Thorin. Thorin stabbed his sword in the ground in submission.

Lexi let out a sigh of relief.

And that is how she ended up tied up in a sack, carelessly tossed on top of some of the dwarves. What was worse was that some of the poor dwarves were tied to the roasting spit, being roasting in front of Lexi's outraged eyes. Thankfully, both Fíli and Kíli were in the pile with her.

The trolls were having a disgusting difference of opinion about how to best eat them. "Squash into jelly." "Perhaps raw." It was an atrocious conversation.

Thankfully Bilbo was thinking fast on his feet. After a misfire of a suggestion that the dwarves be skinned before eating (what was he thinking?), he smartly tried a different tact, suggesting that they were "Infected. Riddled with parasites. It's a nasty business. I wouldn't risk it. I really wouldn't."

"Brilliant!" Thought Lexi, trying to wiggle around to see if the trolls believed him.

"We don't have parasites!" yelled Kíli, obviously outraged at the suggestion, "YOU have parasites."

Lexi elbowed him as hard as she could, just as Thorin booted him. She could practically see the lightbulb come on over Kíli's head.

"I have giant parasites! Mine are the biggest parasites," all the dwarves started describing their collection issues.

Lexi was still trying to work her way around to get a good look at the trolls and Fíli when Gandalf showed up and cracked the hillside, exposing the trolls to sunlight and turning them to stone.

They were saved.