This is a fan made story. I don't own the rights to the Protector of the Small series, any of its characters belong to Tamora Pierce… Much to my disappointment. This goes AU about midway from the book Page. Fair warning. Constructive criticism is welcome but if you don't like it simply because you don't like the line of thinking, please don't attack me for it. This is mostly centered on Joren. This is also a slow build Kel/Joren.

Author's note: I am going to try to keep this part of how they meet again as true to the story as possible but with more insight into Joren's thoughts rather than Keladry's and then it will really begin to diverge in some ways, though not all.

Spring 455

Page Keladry of Mindelan stood on the curtain wall sketching the ground between the palace's Least Gate and Corus. She had been up there for some time before noticing she had company. Joren had apparently seen her on the curtain wall when he had come in through the gates earlier. Why he had chosen to join her left her quite confused. His behavior was also a bit off. He seemed completely at ease, watching her sketch, he hadn't even bothered to draw her attention to himself.

"I thought you were afraid of heights," Were the first words out of his mouth.

The confusion in his voice caused Keladry to put on her Yamani mask and she blankly responded, "I am."

Joren shifted, realizing he had offended her and attempted to recover from his mistake, "You don't act like you are." He realized after he said it that his tone wasn't right but brushed it off.

"Well, that's something," Kel responded sarcastically.

Figuring that as he had already poked the sore spot he could figure out if Sir Paxton was right in his reasoning, "If you are afraid, why do it? They won't test you on it in the little or big exams." Joren tried to make his voice sound reasonable as he asked, hoping he sounded merely curious.

"My lord will, when I receive punishment work, or the gods will the next time I need to help someone where height is involved. Just because I won't be tested in the exams doesn't mean that it isn't still a problem I need to face," Kel informed him. Joren had to hold back a smile at the idea that his knight-master was right about the girl's reasoning.

He watched her quietly for a while, debating on how best to apologize. He had already messed up a bit by poking at a weakness that he had mocked in the past. Then a thought occurred to him and before he realized it, it was pouring from his mouth, "Why do any of this? It isn't needful. Did someone tell you that you had no chance to marry?" Joren was almost too used to asking questions with how much Sir Paxton had encouraged it over the past few months. He, however, was instantly regretting asking it, although he still wished to know the answer. After all, she was rather pretty in her own sort of way.

Kel's hand jerking, smearing what she was working on told him that she was unsettled by the question and a part of him, one that was now much quieter than in the past, felt a jolt of excitement from getting a rise out of her. Her making a face as she moved to fix it only made that feeling grow, even as Joren felt guilt for asking something so personal.

"It's not true. You'd be a pretty thing, in the right clothing…" He figured he could try to fix it, so it didn't sound a bad as it had come out. He hesitated before continuing. "You'd make a fine wife for one of those big fellows- Cleon, for instance. He seems fond of you. How about Lord Raoul? He can certainly afford a wife. You could settle down and raise young giants."

He smiled half-heartedly, even as he suggested those men a part of him that he had been trying to suppress rebelled and made him feel extremely uncomfortable at the idea of the girl paying attention to other men. The part that got excited about getting a rise out of her seemed to agree. He also noticed the incredulous look coming from her, as if in disbelief.

"It's so kind of you to worry about my marriage prospects," Kel replied, her face once more blank and her voice equally so. "Has it occurred to you that I don't want to marry?"

Before he could stop himself, the part of him that was now in full blown rebellion in himself and the part that wanted another rise out of her united and he found his mouth moving of its own violation, "Nonsense. All women care about marriage. Even the Lioness scraped up a husband, though she had to dig through the middens of Corus to do it." He felt horror wash through him as he realized he had just insulted Keladry's hero. He fought to keep his emotions from showing and could only hope he managed it, for all that he felt heat flushing his face. A third, recently more active part of his brain started kicking the other two parts for making him look like a fool and his apology seemed less and less likely to be accepted.

"If you say so," Kel replied and returned to her mapping, ignoring him.

He hesitated, she obviously wanted nothing more to do with him but at the same time he still needed to apologize. After a few more moments of silence, his logic won out over the other two sources of emotion, if he didn't apologize now, there was no telling if he ever would get the courage to do so.

However, the other parts of him weren't going to make it easy, "I'm-sorry- for-everything." Joren finally managed to blurt out in a barely coherent sentence, his lack of true self-confidence shining through. The expression of surprise on Keladry's face as she looked at him caused two parts of him to crow with glee and the rest of him feel the sheer weight of embarrassment of how his apology came out.

"Excuse me?" Kel asked causing him to freeze in his spot.

He was about to flee from the embarrassment, but her statement made him think she hadn't fully heard what he had said. For a few horror-stricken moments, he stood frozen as the different parts within him warred within himself, but he managed to keep his face relatively straight, even if he did feel a light blush creeping up his cheeks. Eventually, he managed to compose himself enough to give a proper apology, like she deserved, "I said I am sorry. For all of my previous behavior that is. Sir Paxton has taught me a lot in the past few months and I- I have begun to realize that how I, and others, treated you was wrong." He looked away, aware that he was blushing in full now.

Kel stared at him in shock. She had thought that she had misheard him at first but his reiteration and even elaboration made it quite clear that he had truly apologized. After a few seconds she paused before asking, "Why now? What could have changed so much in the few months that you were gone to have made you have a change of heart?"

"Sir Paxton… He doesn't tolerate or turn a blind eye to the kind of behavior that I exhibited here at the palace. He has been very diligent in my education on the matters of chivalry," Joren stated, he felt there was no need for her to know that Sir Paxton's efforts had been worthless until a god had shown him his fate if he followed his old path. It was one he was determined to avoid, even at the cost of his pride.

A cautious nod of acceptance was his reward for his effort, and he did his best to maintain a composed manner as he walked away from her even though one part of him danced with glee at her accepting his apology and another part warning that he would have to prove that he was serious with his actions, not just words. It wasn't until he reached his rooms in the Squire's wing and carefully closed his door that he let all the emotions sweep over him. He allowed the feelings to flow over him and briefly wondered if this was how Keladry felt all the time behind her blank mask. If so, he really couldn't blame her for keeping them locked away from the world, especially with people like him and his friends around to torment and pester her.

This thought caused him to pause. His friends had always followed his lead when it came to bullying others. Zahir ibn Alhaz had stopped participating in the hazing in their fourth year of page training, so he might be alright to maintain a friendship with. Thinking on it, he realized that Zahir had stated that he found their behavior childish and distasteful. Vinson of Genlith however, he realized, it was now a distasteful thought that he could have ever been close friends with him. While he had bullied, it had mostly been taking a tradition too far.

Vinson, however, liked to make the younger pages suffer. It was unlikely Vinson would grow out of his cruel ways. Joren decided he would have to be careful in the future when it came to the Squire because the Genlith family held power, they were as old of a nobility as the Stone Mountain family. He decided that he wouldn't antagonize Vinson openly unless it was a matter of honor, his or another's.

Garvey of Runnerspring was a bit of an uncertainty. He was always more of a follower than the other two had been. Joren debated before figuring that he would have to see how Garvey behaved before making any decisions. With this thought, he realized the fact that he had managed to once more gain control over his emotions by focusing on something other than the cause of them. He smiled a little. His father had always discouraged even the slightest sign of feelings, saying that they were a weakness. Sir Paxton, in comparison had shown him that it was ok to feel emotions, just not make them obvious to the world to see. He realized now that his suppression of emotions made it all the harder for him to control them now.

It was also at this point that he came to the realization that he had been make a lot of those realizations about himself of late. He could only hope that the more he learnt the more control he regained over his life. It seemed to him that the more he learnt about the things he should know, the more he realized he had no idea about other things equally important. To say it was unsettling was an understatement. This reminded him that he should report to his knight-master and perhaps continue reading the latest in the books he had been assigned to read by him. He also remembered that he would need to complete a report for the training master on what he had learnt while under Sir Paxton's care. He chuckled a little at the thought since he knew that Lord Wyldon would be startled to find that he had been studying about lady knights.

Author's Note: Yes, I am aware that Joren has become a bit OOC but let's face it, if he actually was faced with the blunt fact of death there is little likelihood that he wouldn't do everything possible to avoid it. Also, I believe that this is the Joren hidden behind all the bluff and bluster. I have found that the more egotistical a person is, the less self-confident they truly are. They like to put others down in order to rise themselves up.