This is a fan made story. I don't own the rights to the Protector of the Small series, any of its characters belong to Tamora Pierce… Much to my disappointment. This goes AU about midway from the book Page. Fair warning. Constructive criticism is welcome but if you don't like it simply because you don't like the line of thinking, please don't attack me for it. This is mostly centered on Joren. This is also a slow build Kel/Joren.
Autumn 455
When Sir Paxton informed him that they would be wintering in the Royal Palace rather than the Nond family holding, Joren was elated. Joren knew that in part this was because Sir Paxton's brother would be marrying in the capitol this year, the marriage to Kel's older sister. As such, the whole of the Nond family would be in Corus rather than Fief Nond but Joren could also far more easily evade his Knight-Master's family at the palace, where there were other duties and expectations of him, than that family's own castle.
He had also offered to both Sir Inness and Cleon the endeavor of carrying their letters to Corus for their family members since he would be going there anyways. Sir Inness was surprised by the offer. However, as he knew that Joren had spent some time with Cleon and they seemed to get on well, he assumed Joren might be on reasonable terms with his youngest sister, having little knowledge of her previous years as a page other than the general of her doing well. Kel had never been one to complain about anything and Inness had seen so little of her that he had little reason to suspect that she didn't get along with Joren. As a result, Joren found himself acting as courier for both Squire and Knight. Sir Inness had decided that Joren could well enough carry letters to his whole family to Kel and she could pass them on to the rest of the family since they would all be in Corus for Addie's wedding.
For the first time, Joren found himself proud of something that he could actually claim was more than luck. Two others, both of whom had a previous, very valid, reason to hate him, had found him worthy of being trusted. He had truly earned their trust. It hadn't been given as a matter of course because of his family name or rank, it had been earned. He also felt he might have a very real friend in Cleon.
The other squire had been taking time to learn more about Joren rather than simply looked at his family's wealth and fallen into line like Garvey and Vinson had. Zahir had been the only other person to do that. He actually had continued his friendship with Zahir, who, the last letter he had received from him, told him he was happy that his friend had grown up enough to realize that his prejudices shouldn't define his behavior. Joren still hadn't told his friend that he really wasn't all that opposed to lady knights anymore. In fact, he felt that if any woman deserved to be one, it was Keladry of Mindelan. The Girl had faced far more adversaries in her time as a page than any boy had, and she had broken through a lot of underlying misconceptions about what noble women were capable of.
It was one thing for a common born girl to join the Queen's Riders or a noble woman to become one of the Queen's Ladies, a group dedicated to following the Queen, even into combat. It was completely different for a young noble woman to go through the extensive and often dangerous training required to become a knight. Kel had gone above and beyond the expectations of everyone at court. Lord Wyldon had even shown a concealed amount of pride over the girl, even if it would kill him to admit it.
This is how Joren spent much of the journey south, pondering Keladry of Mindelan without even realizing how frequently his thoughts focused more on her than on his own sense of accomplishment at being worthy of trust or many other things he had proven of himself over the past year. In fact, when they reached Corus, the first thought that ran through Joren's mind wasn't that he would be able to show Kel his level of 'improvement of character' as Sir Paxton called it, but rather that he would now have the perfect excuse to seek her out in private.
He debated briefly about when he should deliver the package of letters while they rode through Corus but Joren eventually realized that due to inner city traffic, by the time they reached the palace, they would have just enough time to get their horses brushed down and fed before having to immediately cleaning up and going to the mess hall. This knowledge resulted in him deciding to give the letters to Kel after they had eaten.
When he entered the mess hall, most of the pages and squires were already present and seated. He had two options when he got his food. He could sit with Vinson and Garvey, who had as it turned out, not really changed at all and Joren rejected that option out of hand. The other choice was to sit with Faleron of King's Reach and Yancen of Irenroha. Zahir wasn't coming back for the winter, his knight-master deciding to stay on the southern Tyra border.
Joren barely hesitated before sitting at the table with Faleron and Yancen along with a few of their friends. He put himself at the far end of the table but knew that the move was being noticed by more and more of the pages and squires as the mess hall slowly fell silent. Joren may as well have declared that he preferred his enemies to his former friends. Sure, he could have sat with some other group of squires but Joren had decided that if he wanted to make a point, it would have to be obvious. Besides, he at least knew these squires, the others were almost knights and had never had much to do with him.
In the end, by the time Lord Wyldon arrived and spoke the daily prayers, Joren found himself the focal point of the majority of the attention of the mess hall. Joren made an actual effort to completely ignore all the stares, knowing full well that people would have questions that he had no intention of answering. Instead, he opted for total silence during the meal. This earned him even more confused looks. In fact, if he had to guess, the only people to not pay any attention to his 'odd behavior' was the people who were friends with those he had chosen to sit with. Likewise, Faleron seemed equally indifferent to his presence.
By the end of the meal, however, Joren was almost prepared to scream. Vinson had spent most of the meal talking rather loudly about what happens when the future head of a noble family loses all sense of morals. Lord Wyldon had instructed Vinson to be quiet twice and the third time ordered him to report to him after the meal. Garvey may not have joined in the vocalization over Joren's apparent defection to the other side, but his glares spoke volumes and Garvey was liberal with them.
Over the course of the meal, Joren thanked his lucky stars that at least Vinson's and Garvey's behavior probably advanced his cause with Kel and her friends. He was also grateful that his father had no wish to spend time in the capitol outside of the political season which normally occurred in the summer. He could only hope that his lack of retaliation would keep him from too much hostility but knew better than to expect much as he knew Vinson and Garvey far too well to assume for that to be the case.
When he finished his meal, Joren made a slight display of himself by holding his head high as he returned his tray and left the mess hall with an even pace. He knew the difference between pride and arrogance now and he knew that he had to show he was proud of his choice to distance himself in such an obvious manner. However, once he was out of the mess hall, it was all he could do to not flat out run back to his rooms. He forced himself to maintain a semblance of calm as he walked through the palace halls.
Back in his rooms, he resolutely went about unpacking all his things. He sighed after he put the last of his small task away. He then collected the stack of letters for Keladry and prayed she was alone when he got to her rooms. His hopes were of course in vain. Queenscove and Jesslaw and Faleron were all there. To his surprise, none were as hostile as he would have expected them to be. They were more awkward than anything, if he had to put a label on the way they behaved.
"I just came to deliver these. I offered to carry them for Cleon and Sir Inness since we were coming back to the palace and they weren't," Joren stated, handing over the letters and hoping to make a quick escape. He still felt extremely awkward around Kel and the looks from Queenscove in particular made him want to fidget.
Kel however didn't allow this to occur, "That was nice, thank you." Though her words were simple, Joren felt the full weight of the fact that it was probably the first time she had held no suspicion when talking to him.
As a result, he froze briefly before finally responding, "No problem. It was only natural, after all. It wasn't like we were going out of our way or anything." Joren felt like a complete fool as he said it, knowing that it had a tone of arrogance that he didn't want to present anymore.
Kel merely raised an eyebrow before shaking her head and finally letting him leave with a simple, "Still, it was kind, thank you."
Joren took this chance to escape but was still in ear's reach when he heard Faleron speaking, "What was that about?" the only squire in the group asked.
"He claims he's changed. As far as I have seen, he has too," Kel replied simply.
"I suppose he could have changed," Queenscove spoke sarcastically. "I myself have noticed my growing resemblance to a daffodil."
After a round of chuckles, Joren chose to remain within range of hearing wanting to know how the conversation would go, "You do look a little yellow around the edges. I hadn't wanted to bring it up." Kel's voice sounded serious which forced Joren to hold back his laughter, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping.
"We daffodils like to have things brought up. It reminds us of spring," Queenscove's voice was equally serious.
At this, both Kel and the boys in her room burst into laughter. After they calmed, Kel turned it back to seriousness though, "No, seriously though. Joren did do something really remarkable last spring. He and I both overheard… a maid being accosted by Vinson about a week before Vinson left. You remember the marks on his face. Well, the maid had fought, but neither of us saw who she was. I managed to rescue her, and she fled. Joren was up in his rooms and overheard the incident. Well, because I had no proof without the maid, I went to Vinson's rooms and told him that if I even so much as heard of it happening again, I would report him to the Temple of the Goddess.
"Anyways, Joren pulled me into his room after overhearing the conversation and offered to report it to Lord Wyldon since it would be far more credible coming from him as Vinson's friend. He really did too. That is why Lord Wyldon and Sir Nualt have been watching Vinson like a hawk. They couldn't do anything about it because there wasn't any proof, but they still believed him and are keeping Vinson under a close eye," When Kel finished, the others were completely silent and Joren decided it was time for him to leave.
He had to control himself and not run back to his rooms but when he reached them, for the first time he truly allowed himself to examine his feelings for Kel. He had to admit to himself that his feelings were more than a fleeting infatuation. He was going to have to be honest with himself. He had no other choice at this point and over the past few years he had become more and more focused on her.
Once the prejudices from his childhood were torn away after his encounter with the Trickster, his obsession held no hostility towards her. If anything, it would be best described as admiration of her strength of will to go through so much adversity to reach her goals. He and others had made it extremely difficult for her, but she seemed to almost excel under pressure.
Joren also thought about the beauty that she displayed in her actions. Her horse was a true menace to any other person and yet, seemed to adore her. She had never taken the easy route. Besides, pretty much everyone knew that the dog, Jump, he had heard it called, was pretty much hers. He figured she must have rescued it at some point. Just as she had gone about rescuing other pages from him, Vinson and Garvey during her first two years as a page.
She was also rather nice to look at when in she wore dresses to dinner. Joren's mind froze there. He thought she was pretty. Well, not pretty in the common sense but attractive. He started to pace as he analyzed this thought and then asked himself how long he had thought of her as attractive. He was unsettled to realize that even when he had first seen her, she had held a certain draw to her. The stubbornly blank expression holding a true strength he had never learnt. He eventually pushed that thought away.
He briefly debated avoiding her but dismissed the idea realizing that if months away hadn't done away with his feelings it wasn't likely that they would vanish with avoidance. He likewise couldn't just go and confront her with them. She was only thirteen and he was barely on the cusp of turning sixteen. Neither of them was prepared for a real relationship. In fact, they wouldn't really be able to face any of the responsibilities of such a relationship until they had both obtained their knighthoods anyway.
Joren hadn't failed to notice that he had skipped over the fact that relationships take time to build and went straight to what was expected of a fully formed relationship to produce. This thought brought on another moment of panic. If he ever wanted his feelings to reciprocated, he would have to earn her heart in return. Just as he was about to fall into a panic attack, he heard a chuckle in the room.