Mary blinked in surprise at the sight of the tabs that Sam had left open for her as he made her a smoothie at the kitchen counter. Slowly she started to go through the tabs one by one.

"Prenatal yoga?" Mary asked, looking up at him. "Is that regular yoga just pregnant?"

"Kinda, there's more precautions and safer positions for the baby." Sam told her, handing her a smoothie. "Also since you eat like Dean you're going to need to add a lot more vegetables into it."

Mary bit back a retort that she was his mother and instead took a sip of the smoothie. "Are you going to try to do the same to Dean?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "I've been trying to get him to eat right for a couple years now, it's only working minimally."

Mary smiled at that, leaning in a bit more. "But its working?"

Sam grinned at her sheepishly. "I've figured out that when he's focused on something he'll eat whatever I give him." he confessed, laughing softly. "So I give him fruits when he's doing something else and he eats it."

Mary laughed at that, drinking her smoothie. "Mischievous." she teased. "You're dad was like that too." at the mere mention of John Mary felt the tears gather in her eyes and she quickly looked back towards the laptop again.

Sam choose not to say anything about that, maybe he did want to ask but didn't push her. "There are a few places in town that has pregnant options, the yoga place in town, and there is a small midwife office there as well if you want that."

"I didn't do a midwife with you two, I don't intend on it now." Mary told him with a smile, the tears thankfully disappeared for now. "Just...a couple of things."

Sam nodded and sat down at the table with her, watching her intently. "What?"

Mary let out a small breath. "The obvious, no more hunting." she said. "A lot of things are going to have to change, we're going to have to get baby things as well. And..." she hesitated but then pushed forward. "When I was pregnant with you and Dean, it was hard pregnancies, I had to go to the doctor a lot and towards the end it was mostly bed rest. There were sometimes talks about having a c-section before the nine months because the pregnancy was causing so much stress on my body."

Sam swallowed hard and reached out to take her hand in his, squeezing it slightly. "We'll make sure that the bunker is well stocked with everything you need." he assured her. "And we have Cas here so if there is something, he can heal you before we get you to the hospital."

Mary nodded, squeezing his hand back, taking a deep breath. "I just...I wish that..." she glanced to the side again and felt her throat close up slightly as the tears sprung forward again. Her voice broke and she managed to whisper out, "I wish that John was here."

Sam nodded as well, rubbing his thumb against her hand. "Me too." he said softly. "I wish that he was here a lot."

Mary wiped at her eyes with her free hand and tried to will herself to compose herself. "I heard a bit when you guys were talking." she said quietly. "How...how was he? When you were growing up?"

Sam hesitated and then let out a deep breath. "He was...he tried his best but sometimes...it felt like...he had to put being a hunter before being a dad." he said slowly. "And I get it, I do. Back then I hated it for him but now, looking back and knowing what I know, he was just trying to keep us safe the best way he knew how and sometimes...it meant being a hunter."

Sam tightened his grip on her hand. "We fought a lot about that, a lot, and...when I was a teenager I was pretty sure that I hated him but...I always also loved him and I just wanted him to understand and..." he bowed his head for a moment. "He was terrified that something would happen to us and I guess he didn't know how to properly say it so he didn't and..."

Sam cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "He's not going to win the best father of the year award and there were times that I did want to punch him but...I love him and I understand him a lot more now."

He looked up at her and managed a small smile, she could feel him trembling slightly and she gripped back at him tightly. "He was strict and he was tough but he loved us so much. Even when I hated him the most I always knew that he loved us."

Mary nodded and took a deep breath. "Before that, when it was the four of us, he was...so soft. So gentle." she said. "He was scared to death about being a dad, sometimes he was afraid to touch you and Dean because he didn't want to accidentally hurt you."

Sam smiled at her and entwined their fingers together slightly. "I don't know how I'm going to do this without him Sam." she whispered.

"We're here for you, all of us." Sam told her. "We're going to help you with whatever you need and we'll do everything you want us to. We're here for you mom."

I do not own Supernatural.

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None of this is John hate.