Ch. 12

A few weeks after Halloween they both came to realize that this new found closeness didn't make them anything more than friends. It was an unspoken understanding between the two of them that this didn't change things, it just brought them both comfort and the closeness was an added thing in their friendship. In the weeks that followed they continued to get close and snuggle in the evenings while reading or grading papers. They hadn't shared another night together since the dance.

Hermione was fully recovered from her injury a few weeks ago. She had just had a particularly long day of teaching and after lessons went to get Draco. When she was walking down to the dungeons she quickly rounded a corner and knocked right into Malfoy when he caught her arm to stop her from falling.

"You've only been out of the hospital wing for a little while and you're already trying to get back in?" he said sarcastically.

"You came charging around that corner," she was pulled up and he held her hand for a moment, something that didn't feel awkward after the closeness they had lately.

They walked holding hands for a few steps before Draco let her hand fall. "You need to be more careful Granger," his voice was quiet but serious. He didn't want to see her get hurt like she had the first time.

She didn't answer his comment and they walked to the great hall in silence.

At dinner they barely spoke to one another but they did engage in friendly conversation with their colleagues. Hermione looked at Draco when she was done to signal that she was ready to go and he stood up and she followed his lead.

There wasn't one staff member that didn't notice their pattern of coming to meals and leaving together and all the time they were spending together. They never saw one without the other unless they were teaching their lessons.

On the way back to Hermione's apartment, Draco opened the door for her. She passed him and made some tea while he started the fire. They had worked out an evening routine.

After Hermione came in with the tea, Draco would sit down with papers to grade and Hermione would sit down next to him and snuggle while she graded the papers for her class. When they were done grading papers together, they would go their separate ways for the evening.

After the first night of sleeping next to one another, both had slept much better than alone. In the nights that followed they had gone back to sleeping alone and hadn't talked about that evening since.

"This might sound odd," she tried to talk fast and not look at him in the eyes. "I know we're just friends and that being close to you doesn't change or alter that…" She glanced quickly in his direction, his posture was stiff and she had his attention. "Maybe after everything we've been through, with the war, this is something we both kind of need. Can't that be all this is, what's wrong with that?"

They were both trying to talk themselves into thinking that they had nothing more than a friendship, and what Hermione said made sense.

"As long as we continue not to broadcast…this…" he referenced their arrangement, "I don't want rumors like what happened with Longbottom."

"I couldn't agree more. It should only happen when we're in our rooms so we can have privacy and not have to explain to prying eyes."

"Agreed," Draco sighed as his posture relaxed again.

"Me too," Hermione said as she scooted closer to him, which had become the norm. He reached his arm out to put around her before she could rest her head on his chest. "Draco," she whispered as she looked up into his eyes.

"hmm?"

"I slept so well when we fell asleep together…the night of the dance…" She decided to finally bring up the topic they were both avoiding.

He paused for a few minutes, not sure what to say. "Yeah, me too."

"I can only sleep a few hours at a time before waking up. Sometimes I think that I'm back on the run, or remember something horrible, and it keeps me up. Do you ever have that happen?"

He hadn't shared his thoughts or feelings about those times with anyone, but he knew what Hermione was talking about.

"I know the feeling. I tried taking a sleeping potion but that only kept me from waking up and didn't work out well. I didn't know that was happening to you."

"I was going to ask about a sleeping potion," she mentioned. "But, when I fell asleep with you I didn't feel that way. I can actually rest because I know…" she stopped and laid her head down for a moment.

"Know what?" he pressed.

"…I know that you're here, and that you wouldn't let anything happen to me." She continued to look down.

He was surprised that she felt that way, he was thinking that some of her dreams might even have him in them from his death eater days. He felt guilty thinking about that.

He pulled her into him a little closer and laid his head on top of hers.

He didn't answer. His guilt hadn't ebbed away and he wasn't sure if their closeness might lead to feelings later on. "You don't make any sense to me Granger," his thoughts had pulled him from their quiet moment and his guilt led him back to this memories. "I don't understand how I could possibly make you feel secure when I was present when you were…having the cruciatius curse used on you." He didn't want to say 'tortured' even though that's exactly what it was.

She didn't flinch when he mentioned what had happened, instead she answered calmly. "I never saw you as responsible for that. As much pain as I was in, and as much as you hated me, your face was pained when I looked up at you." She tried to explain.

"The way you looked at me when that was happening, I wanted to do something, I didn't want you to die. You have no idea, or maybe you do, just how close you were to death. If I had tried to intervene at all, she would have killed you." He said as he shivered. "They all often killed for fun, but would draw out the torture as long as possible for their amusement." Draco said in a low and disgusted voice while Hermione shuddered. He usually kept these details to himself but had gotten lost in the moment. "Sorry Hermione," He rubbed her shoulder to try to comfort her.

"I need you to stay tonight," she whispered, her face had gone pale.

"Okay," he reassured her but also felt relief.

He lifted his head up and kept his arm around her. With the other hand he lifted up her chin so she could look him in the eyes. He searched her sad eyes for a second and then lowered his hand. As her chin dropped again he wrapped both arms around her. She took his words and gesture as assenting to her request.

After a short while Hermione got up and started getting ready for the evening. Malfoy got up and walked to the door to get his things for the evening. When he came back, Hermione hadn't laid blankets on the couch, he waited for a few minutes sitting down, warming his hands by the fire while he waited for Hermione.

She came out from her room and stood in the doorway. "Ready?" she asked.

Draco had already been waiting but she still didn't have the blankets. "I've been waiting…" he pointed out so that she could see how unnecessary that question was.

"I was hoping we could be more comfortable, I've made up the bed…" she twisted her hands, wondering what his reaction would be. It didn't make sense to her that they would sleep on the couch when they both had beds.

"You mean…in your…in the bed?" He was stunned. When she nodded hesitantly and slowly, he flatly refused. "No Granger, we can't." He felt like this was a little too much.

"It's more comfortable than the couch! What does it matter if we will be doing the same thing in both places? It's not like we're…involved, Draco." He was trying to think of a comeback as she turned around and went into the bedroom. He hadn't been in there before and had always drawn an imaginary barrier across the doorway.

He sat down on the couch to think. He knew he cared about her and she had shown signs that she liked him too, but as far as he could tell she liked him as a friend, exactly how he liked her, he told himself. He knew what she said made sense but this felt like something he wouldn't be able to come back from. Even if there was no coming back, he had come to depend on her friendship and enjoyed the time he spent with her. If they could help one another to sleep they might both benefit, and she was right, they weren't involved.

He slowly got up and crossed the barrier to her bedroom. It smelled like the vanilla perfume she wore and Hermione was sitting up in her bed with a lamp on reading a book. He took a second to take it all in before talking to her.

"Geez, do you ever stop reading Granger?" his voice was nearly all sarcasm.

She jumped a little "I hadn't seen you come in," she whispered. The bed was still small but both of them could fit better than on the couch. She had two pillows next to each other and was already laying on one as she read. She folded her book closed and got up and stood next to Malfoy.

"All of this makes you uncomfortable," she asked as she put her fingers on his arm. He didn't mind her closeness and he liked her touch.

"No," he returned quickly as he moved up to lightly hold her hand. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?" She was relieved, after talking about the war she knew she wasn't going to sleep well.

He hugged her again and when he let go she grabbed his hand and led him over to her bed. She hopped in on her side and after she got in he followed. She threw the covers over him and smirked as he threw them off his face.

"I see how it is!" He joked as he pretended to shove her off the bed. As she turned on her side she put her arms around him to keep from falling off. He put his arms around her and pulled her in to his chest. Both of them relaxed and after a few minutes he could hear Hermione snoring and feel her breathing deeply. This relaxed him and he reflected more about what they talked about earlier and the times he had spent with the death eaters.

He had nightmares that he was back in his house with the Dark Lord threatening his family, and threatening him. He relived countless tortures filled with laughs and screams, and then he saw Hermione's face. He watched as she refused to talk under torture, refused to be a play thing for his twisted aunt's pleasure, and watched her pay the price. Her body was lifeless on the floor. "NNOOOO!" he shouted as he shot out of bed. He began to feel around in the bed. "Hermione! Hermione!" he reached out for her and put his hands under her arms to pull her up, to make sure she was okay.

"Draco, let go of me!" she had a surprised and sleepy voice as she pushed back against him. He lowered her back into bed, realizing everything had been just a dream. She turned on the lamp and looked at Draco who had tears on his face, his eyes were red.

He swung his legs out of bed and sat on the side, holding his face in his hands. He should have never stayed over, he didn't want anyone to see this side of him.

Hermione got out of bed and came over and sat next to him and rubbed her hand up and down his back and leaned her head on his shoulder. After what felt like several minutes Hermione finally spoke. "Draco," she said tenderly so she didn't rile his moody side, "are you ready to try again?"

"Try again? Don't you get it? This happens all the time!" he began to lash out at her.

"It happens for me too," she tried to explain.

"I see people being killed right in front of my eyes!" he yelled.

"Who was it tonight?" She knew the dreams could change their details.

"What?" he wasn't expecting her to really know how it felt.

"Who died this time?"

"I don't want to talk about this," he said as he got up from the bed.

"It was me?" she said in a calm voice.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." He was no longer yelling and he sat back down on the bed next to her. He took a few deep breaths and slowly turned to look at Hermione, taking in that she was there and that she was okay. She didn't reach out to touch him in case it would drive him over the edge again.

He slowly reached for her with his hand shaking and she threw her arms around his neck and her body into his arms. After what he had seen it was exactly what he needed. He held her tightly for a few minutes while his breathing returned to normal. He picked Hermione up and laid her down in bed and laid next to her again. She waited until she felt his body fully relax until she turned off the light again.