Year 6: The Broken Pieces of my Heart

Chapter 56: February 2017

It was nearing the end of February, and Victoire still felt sharp stabbing pains in her heart every time she thought of Teddy. She was still spending most of her time confined to her bed, and the rest of her time safely tucked away in her head. Her friends were being supportive, but there was only so much they could do for her. And they had lives to lead too – they couldn't putt their stuff on hold for Victoire forever.

But then one morning, as Victoire was getting ready for classes alongside her four roommates, Caitlin said something that really stuck with her.

"Is this seriously all because of some guy?" she asked, not bothering to be quiet about it. While Kara and Brianna had continued to tiptoe around Victoire, and Raina was mostly quiet to begin with, Caitlin had only tolerated Victoire's depression for the first week or two and then had decided that she was fed up. Today was a continuation of a series of morning protests of Victoire's behavior, but this time much more directed at the reality of Victoire's situation. "Are you really so pathetic that you can't function without a boyfriend?"

At Caitlin's words, Victoire stilled. She'd gone over Teddy's breakup speak time and again in her head, replaying it over and over, trying to figure out what she could have said or done to stop it from happening. And with Caitlin's words, Victoire suddenly found herself right back by that stream, sitting on that rock, listening to Teddy rip her heart out. And suddenly she heard his words with new ears.

Teddy had been right. She had wrapped herself up in him so completely that she had reached the point where breaking up with him had caused her to basically stop living. Sure, she was still eating and sleeping and breathing, but that was it. She had lost everything that she was. She barely spoke to her friends anymore – she had no idea what they'd been doing these past months. Her prefect's badge had been revoked. She hadn't played exploding snap or truth or dare in ages. Her nails were pathetic: bare, jagged, and overgrown. She had become a shell of the girl she'd once been, and all because Teddy had broken up with her.

"No," Victoire said then, surprising everyone in the room. It was extremely uncommon for Victoire to say anything these days, and even when she did, it was usually in response to something she couldn't get away with a shake or nod of the head with. "I can function without a boyfriend. I don't need a guy to give my life purpose."

For a moment, nobody said anything, too shocked by Victoire's declaration. It was more words than she usually uttered in a week, and the content was more than she'd had to give in almost two months.

"Could've fooled me," Caitlin finally said, shrugging, grabbing her bag, and heading off to class. Raina followed close behind and then Victoire was left with only Kara and Brianna.

"I can't just sit around and mope for the rest of my life," Victoire said, her sudden epiphany not over. "I need to get back out into the world and make something of myself."

"Are… are you sure you're ready for that?" Kara asked nervously. After being depressed and lying in bed alone for so long, this was a rather sudden change. "Maybe let's take things slow."

"No," Victoire shook her head, which was clear for the first time in a long time. Gone was the fog that had been muddling her mind, gone was the black abyss that had been her future. Suddenly, Victoire could see all the endless possibilities that stretched out before her. "I can't waste another minute. I have to start living again."

Leaving a stunned Kara and Brianna behind, Victoire barrelled down to the common room and out into the hallway, on her way to her first lesson, potions.

When she arrived in the classroom, she sat down, got out her textbook, and then fished around her bag for her notes. She couldn't remember what they'd been covering these last couple of months, but she was sure once she reviewed her notes, she would be able to catch up quickly. Unfortunately, she couldn't find them in her bag and surmised that she'd left them in the dorm.

With a sigh, she took out some blank parchment and readied her quill. She would just have to pay extra close attention today and try to keep the thread of the lecture. She had a free period after this, which she would spent revising so that she would be properly prepared for next class.

She realized many of her classmates were staring at her strangely and she met their stares, frowning at them in confusion. What were they so concerned with? Did she have something in her hair? She didn't get the chance to ask anyone, because Professor Abbott-Longbottom started the lesson, and suddenly Victoire was faced with a new problem.

She had no idea what her Professor was talking about. She was going on about Jobberknoll feathers and sopophorus beans, as if Victoire had any idea what they were supposed to be used for, and apparently they were preparing to brew an elixir to induce euphoria? Victoire thought they were supposed to be studying antidotes.

She raised her hand a few times with questions, much to the surprise of her Professor for some reason, but it quickly became clear that her questions were things she was supposed to know by now, and she eventually stopped asking, realizing that she was going to have a lot of studying to do to get caught up with the class. It was like everything she'd learned the past few months had flown right out of her head.

When the lesson was over, Victoire was packing up to leave, in the hopes that she could find her potions notes somewhere and kickstart her memory on what they were learning, when Professor Abbott-Longbottom stepped up to her desk.

"Victoire, I wonder if I could speak to you a moment, privately?" she asked.

"Sure," Victoire shrugged, following the Professor to her office right next door. The third years were starting to file into the room for their lesson, but apparently whatever Professor Abbott-Longbottom had to say was more important than starting her third-year lesson on time. "Is everything all right?" Victoire asked, once she was seated across from the Professor.

"Well frankly no, it's not," Professor Abbott-Longbottom replied. "Victoire I can't imagine this can come as a surprise to you but… you're failing potions."

"I'm what?" Victoire frowned. How could she be failing potions? She'd always been good at potions.

"These past couple of months… well I'm not sure what it is you've been dealing with, but you haven't turned in any assignments, and when we brewed the volubilis potion you sat at your desk and stared at your cauldron for two hours. I've tried to talk to you about this before, but you just didn't seem to care. You seemed different today, more aware. I figured I'd give this another shot."

"I haven't been doing my assignments?" Victoire frowned. She tried to think back over the past two months, but everything was such a haze. She knew she'd been spending most of her time in bed, and she'd been disengaging from the world whenever she'd left the tower, but she'd still figured she'd been doing her schoolwork.

"I've offered you extensions, extra help after hours, but you didn't seem to care about any of that. You've been extremely non-responsive. Your friends said you were going through something and needed time, but we were starting to worry that you were never going to snap out of it."

"Wait, we?" Victoire asked.

"Victoire, you're not just failing potions," Professor Abbott-Longbottom informed her. "You're failing herbology and care of magical creatures as well."

Victoire felt like someone had just dumped a bag full of the heaviest metals in her lap. Failing everything? What had she been doing the last two months?

"Is there anything I can do?" Victoire asked.

Her Professor considered her for a moment. "Well I can't speak for Professor Longbottom or Professor Hagrid, but as for potions, I'm sure we can work something out. You'll need to come to the after-hours lab and brew me a volubilis potion, and I'll want an essay going over every ingredient we've studied since the start of term, indicating their uses, properties, everything. I'll want to see that you're committed to catching up and that you've learned what you missed these past months. If you give me that, and the work is good, I'll forget about the missed assignments."

"Thank you so much," Victoire said in a rush. "I really appreciate it, and I'm so sorry about these past two months."

"Just show me you deserve this second chance," her Professor replied. "Now I have a class to teach, and I think you have some other Professors to talk to."

Professor Abbott-Longbottom was right. Though Victoire did have Herbology later that day, she hurried to the greenhouses immediately in the hopes of catching Professor Longbottom early. He was in the process of teaching a class, but it was a practical lesson and he was mostly just walking around the room supervising as his first years poked and prodded at their bouncing bulbs.

"Victoire!" he said in surprise when she knocked lightly on his door. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Victoire asked.

"Can it wait until break?" he wondered, glancing at the students and then back at Victoire. Before she could answer, he seemed to rethink his question. "Never mind, we can talk in the hall. I'll just leave the door open."

He stepped into the hallway and Victoire immediately jumped into her already prepared speech about how she had only just realized she was failing, and was extremely sorry for her performance these last months, and how if he would just give her a chance, she'd love the opportunity to redeem herself and her grade.

Professor Longbottom considered her for a moment, but like Professor Abbott-Longbottom, was happy to give her the opportunity to bring her grade back up to the O it had been the previous term. He gave her even more work than her potions Professor though, and as Victoire headed down to the grounds to speak to Professor Hagrid, she found herself wondering where she was going to find the time to catch up on all this work.

Professor Hagrid was similarly eager to let Victoire bring her grade back up and by lunchtime, Victoire had a very long list of academic tasks she was going to have to get started on right away.

When she entered the Great Hall, she noticed that Kara and Brianna were already seated and she headed over to join them.

"Hey guys," she said, sitting down and loading her plate with food. Suddenly she was extremely hungry.

"Hey Vic," Kara said carefully. "How're you doing?"

"Alright," Victoire replied. "I'm so behind on classes. Did you know I apparently haven't handed in an assignment since term started? What in Merlin's name have I been doing with my time?"

"Mostly sleeping," Brianna replied matter-of-factly. "Ignoring the world around you. Wallowing in self-pity."

Brianna's words were like a bucket of ice water being poured over Victoire's head. Had she really been that bad all this time? She'd thought she was handling things. Sure, those first couple of weeks, she knew she'd been a wreck, but ever since then she'd thought she'd been on the mend. But from the way everyone was treating her, it was like she'd come back from the dead.

Victoire was about to say something in response, but out of nowhere, Jonathon Cadwallader sat down next to Kara, kissed her on the cheek, and then grabbed a bite of sandwich.

"So defence was the absolute worst this morning," he said, his mouth still full of sandwich. "We're supposed to be learning patronus charms, but obviously Derlid can't bring actual dementors into the school. So he cast this spell on the room that made everyone super depressed, and nobody could manage any magic because we were all so sad and it was practically impossible to think of something happy. It was the worst. And he's going to do it again every class until we get this. So now I'm just dreading every defence class."

"That's rough," Kara murmured, reaching for his hand and interlacing her fingers with his. "But you'll get it. Just think of the happiest you've ever been, and picture it in your mind before he casts the spell. Don't let him take it away."

Jonathon smiled and this time the two kissed on the lips – just a quick kiss. Victoire's mouth practically dropped.

"Uh… does someone want to tell me what's going on?" she asked, feeling extremely out of the loop.

"Oh, right," Kara said, jumping a little bit when Victoire spoke. "Well, um, Victoire… Jonathon and I are actually dating."

"You are?" Victoire asked, eyes widening. Of all the pairs in the world, this was one she never would have expected. "When did that happen?"

"First, I'd like to ask something," Jonathon interrupted. "When did she wake up?"

"What do you mean by wake up?" Victoire asked before Kara could answer.

"Well, you've pretty much been sleeping through life the past two months," Jonathon replied with a shrug. "We'd pretty much written you off at this point. Didn't think you were ever going to come back."

"You wrote me off?" Victoire exclaimed, directing this one at Kara and Brianna.

"Of course not," Kara shook her head, casting an angry look at Jonathon. "We just weren't expecting you to come back full force so… suddenly."

Victoire sighed, realizing that none of this was her friends' fault. It was her fault, for allowing herself to check out for so long. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just – this is really weird for me too, okay? I can't really remember much of the last two months."

"We get it," Brianna nodded. "It's cool. Just, give us time to adjust to you being back, alright?"

Victoire nodded. "So you two?" she asked then, nodding at Kara and Jonathon.

"Oh, right," Kara said. "It's been about a month, I guess. Since I've been covering your prefect duties, we started spending a lot of time together, doing rounds and such. And it just sort of… happened."

Victoire nodded, feeling an unexpected sadness at the thought that one of her best friends had started dating a guy and she'd had no idea it was going on.

"What about you Brianna?" she asked, turning to her other friend. "Anything I should know about?"

"I slept with Stanley Towler," Brianna replied. "But I'm not dating anyone or anything."

"You slept with Stanley Towler?" Kara asked, clearly unaware of this fact until now. "Brianna, why would you do that? Isn't he dating May Enlow?"

"And this is why I didn't tell you," Brianna muttered, rolling her eyes at Kara.

"Okay," Victoire said, taking a deep breath as she tried to process all the information she was receiving. "Anything I should know about Raina or Caitlin?"

Brianna shook her head. "Raina's still married to her plants and her fertilizer, and Caitlin's still married to Quidditch."

"Although Caitlin and Adrian have been getting rather cozy lately. I think there might be something there," Kara added.

"Thoughts, Jonny?" Brianna asked, her question directed at Jonathon.

"For the last time," he groaned, as though this was a common problem. "Do not call me Jonny, and I have no idea whether Adrian is interested in Caitlin. All he ever talks about is Quidditch, and if he was going to confide in someone about liking a girl, it would be to Cameron, not to me."

Kara, Jonathon, and Brianna then proceeded to segue into a conversation about the other boys in sixth year and the various antics they'd been getting up to that week. Victoire felt so lost, she didn't even try to join in the conversation, and nobody tried to include her. When she finished eating, she just got up and left without saying goodbye, figuring that nobody was really going to notice anyway.

She hadn't realized just how completely out of it she had been these past months, and now that she was aware again, she was feeling an acute sense of loss. Sure, she still had her friends, but she had no idea who they were anymore. She didn't even know Kara had a boyfriend, though she was convinced she'd sat next to the two of them countless times over the past few weeks. She was unable to join into conversations anymore, because she had no idea what was going on with anyone, and she had no idea what was going on in any of her classes. She might as well have been sick in St. Mungo's all this time for the involvement she'd shown so far this term.

VvVvVvVvVvV

Victoire was completely unsurprised to find that she had no notes for any of her classes since the start of term. And after the day she'd had so far, it was just icing on top of the cake. With a sigh, Victoire set herself up in the library that afternoon and set to work trying to learn everything she'd missed, starting with herbology, since she had it later that day.

She didn't get very far – certainly not as far as she wanted – before it was time to go to class. Then she spent another painfully long session of sitting in class and having no idea what was going on in the slightest. It was only slightly better than potions, because now at least she understood why she had no idea what was being taught.

After class, Victoire set herself up in the library once again, working until it was almost curfew, and then swinging by the Great Hall for a snack before heading up to the common room. She'd intentionally skipped dinner, not wanting to be the fourth wheel with Kara, Brianna, and Jonathon yet again, and feeling strangely like she didn't really fit in with her friends anymore.

When she got to the common room, her friends were working on assignments and invited her to join them. She politely declined, being exhausted and needing the solace of her bed.

When she reached the dorm, she immediately collapsed on top of her bed, pulling the curtains around her and cocooning herself in her blankets. It had been a long hard day, and she was mentally completely drained.

All day, she'd been pushing away thoughts of Teddy, having had so many other things to worry about now that she had decided to live in the world again. But now that she was alone, with nothing else to distract her, memories of him flooded back and Victoire felt herself start to cry again.

In the end, Victoire cried herself to sleep, mostly over Teddy, but also a little bit over the life that she'd so carelessly thrown away when he'd broken up with her. She couldn't believe the hold she'd given him over her, the power she'd given him to completely ruin her life. And now she wasn't sure she would ever get it back. But she knew she had to try.