Dean was...there was no other words for what he was doing, he was avoiding getting anywhere close to Millie again.
He couldn't shake it out of his head, the entire scene of Millie blasting and destroying Michael from the inside of his body. He still remembered the searing burn of the grace, he still remembered feeling Michaels screams on some sort of higher plane.
He also remembered Michael latching onto him, intent on taking him with him into his oblivion and remembered Millies touch being the one to bring him back to himself.
His little sister had saved him, destroyed Michael, and then did more in bringing him back to life or whatever it was that had actually been done.
And Dean felt a weird sense of guilt, a weird sense of something he could almost call shame every time he looked at Millie, remembering what had happened.
Michael hadn't wanted to just kill her, he wanted to destroy her. He had wanted to rip his grace from her and use it to tear her apart into pieces. He wanted to make it hurt and he wanted to just...eradicate her completely.
But Millie and mom had struck first. Mom had managed to buy Millie time before she was able to attack Michael and defend her family.
She was a Winchester after all.
But in the end, all that made it hard for him to be able to look at her. He wasn't even sure if she really knew who he was, maybe she still considered him Michael. Maybe she wasn't able to differentiate him from Michael and still thought of him as the enemy.
He could nip it in the bud and actually spend some time with his sister, see what she actually thought about him.
But he was too afraid and he was at the very least willing to admit it to himself. He was afraid what would happen between him and Millie and what she would say or do. He was scared about whether or not his little sister hated him, if she even wanted him to be a part of her life.
He dimly remembered feeling like this before when Sam had been born as well. Maybe it really was nothing more than an older sibling younger sibling type of deal.
Sighing Dean shook his head as he cleaned his guns for what felt like the millionth time. He was avoiding everyone and with the kitchen already cleaned and food cooked, there was one thing left for him, weapon control.
He grabbed the rag and wiped it over, peering into the bullet chamber as he took the brush, carefully inserting it to clean inside.
He stopped when there was a slight padding of feet and then suddenly there was someone tugging at the edges of his shirt.
Breathing out slowly Dean put everything down, taking a moment to wipe his hands clean, and then turned in his chair, looking down.
Millie stared up at him, his plaid shirt rumpled in her hands. "Dee!" she said excitedly. "Up! Up!"
Swallowing hard Dean reached down to take her into his arms, bringing her up so that she could curl up against his chest happily, one hand clutching at his shirt. "Doin'?"
"Cleaning things up." Dean said, needing to clear his throat to make sure he could speak. He froze when she curled up closer to him, tucking herself under his chin.
"Clean'?" Millie repeated, looking up at him. "Dee."
Dean glanced down at her, feeling himself relax more and more from the weight in his hands. "Yeah?"
Millie didn't say anything but slowly reached up to his face, patting his cheek. "Okay?"
"Yeah I'm okay." Dean said with a nod, reaching up to hold onto her hand. "I'm okay because of you."
"Me?"
"You." Dean confirmed with a nod. "Do you...remember what happened? With Michael?"
"Bad light." Millie told him with a nod of her own. "Bad, bad light."
"You...stopped him." Dean said, trying to find the right way to talk to her about this. He had to keep it under PG after all. "And...you helped me."
Millie nodded again, moving slightly to get more comfortable on his lap. "Good light."
Dean swallowed, staring down at her. "You know...who I am, right?"
"Dee." Millie said with a nod and a wide smile. She reached out and placed her hands on his cheeks. "Dee!"
"Yeah, I'm Dee." Dean said softly, smiling at her as he felt a bit of the weight leave his shoulders. Reaching out he wrapped his arms around her and just held her close to him. She eagerly pressed into the hug and held onto him. "I'm Dee. I'm your brother."
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