Year 6: The Broken Pieces of my Heart

Chapter 59: May 2017

The morning of May 2nd, Victoire's seventeenth birthday, Victoire woke up with a strange emptiness inside. At first, she wasn't sure where it had come from. But when she crawled out of bed and emerged from behind the curtains of her four-poster bed to find Kara, Brianna, and Dominique waiting for her with presents and way too early in the morning birthday cake, she realized what was wrong. May 2nd had always been about Teddy.

For as long as Victoire had been at Hogwarts, her birthday hadn't been about presents or birthday cake, but about watching out for Teddy and making sure he was doing alright. For the first time in a long time, Teddy wasn't there. Victoire didn't need to spend the day keeping her eye on him, comforting him, or even thinking about him. For the first time, Victoire could celebrate her birthday properly.

She tried. She gave it a valiant effort. But celebrating her birthday at Hogwarts just felt strange to Victoire. It felt like she was living someone else's life. It wasn't a day for her to be the center of attention. She didn't like having everyone looking at her the way they were. She'd always hated her birthday, but today it just felt even more wrong.

After suffering through the opening of presents and the eating of birthday cake before breakfast, Victoire showered and got dressed for the day. She was pretty sure she'd pretended to show appropriate gratitude and hoped it would be enough for the day. Because all Victoire wanted to do was go to class, do her homework, and try to make it until tomorrow.

When Victoire arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast, Joe was waiting for her and her friends at the Gryffindor table with Jonathon. And suddenly Victoire realized that Joe would expect her to want to celebrate her birthday too.

Ever since the Hogsmeade date, Victoire and Joe had spent more time together. It hadn't been too long, and they hadn't made anything official quite yet, but they were headed down the path to being a proper couple. And as her almost boyfriend, Joe was sure to have something special planned for her. Something special that Victoire would want no part in.

"Happy Birthday!" Joe exclaimed as Victoire sat down to breakfast.

Victoire forced a strained smile onto her face. "Thanks," she said. "But it's not a big deal."

"It's your seventeenth birthday, Victoire," Joe pointed out. "You're officially an adult now. That's a pretty big deal."

"I guess," Victoire shrugged, not really feeling it. It wasn't as though she could suddenly do anything she couldn't do before. All the same school rules still applied to her. Sure, the summer would be fun, when she would be allowed to use magic freely, but inside the castle walls, she was still considered a child. "But nothing's really changed."

"You can take your apparition test," Jonathon volunteered.

"Big whoop," Victoire muttered, grumpily stabbing a piece of toast with her fork.

"Is everything alright?" Joe asked, sounding concerned.

Victoire shrugged. "I guess I just don't like my birthday very much," she said. "Which, by the way, there's no need for you to do anything special for me. We can just pretend it's an ordinary day. Albeit a sad one, but still just an ordinary day," she added, referring of course to the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts.

"You got it," Joe nodded, surprisingly alright with Victoire's request. "Just an ordinary day."

Victoire was surprised that Joe accepted her request so quickly, but also a little relieved. At least she wouldn't have to deal with a disappointed almost boyfriend all day and she could just try to make it through unscathed.

Care of magical creatures was Victoire's first class of the day, so once she and her friends had finished their breakfast, they said goodbye to the guys and headed down onto the grounds. It was much more pleasant having an outdoor class now that it was warmer. Over the winter, Victoire had continually wondered why she had chosen to take a class that required her to freeze her ass off multiple times a week, but then she'd remember that it had all been Kara's idea in the first place.

They had just started learning about griffins, and were still in the note-taking section of the unit, so once they arrived in the care of magical creatures clearing, Victoire claimed a particularly flat boulder as her desk and settled herself on the grass.

The lesson wasn't particularly interesting. They took notes about diet and behavior for a little over and hour, and then Victoire had a free period until lunch which she used to start her care of magical creatures homework.

At lunch, Victoire found her mind drifting to Teddy more than usual. She supposed it made sense. He'd always been her main concern every year on this day, so why should this year be any different? But they were no longer a part of each other's lives, as Victoire kept reminding herself, so she really needed to think about something else.

It was just really hard.

After lunch was potions, which Victoire went to alone. It was another theory-based class, this time learning about the mechanics of brewing the draught of living death. It required much more concentration than the lesson on griffins, and Victoire found herself able to forget about Teddy for at least the length of the class.

After potions, Victoire had free periods until the end of the day, so she returned to the library to complete her care of magical creatures homework and start her newly assigned potions readings. She kept on going until dinnertime, at which point she packed up for the day and headed to the Great Hall for supper.

If her friends were acting weird at supper, Victoire didn't notice anything. She was too focused on her meal, trying not to wonder if Teddy was alright, and whether he had anyone to comfort him today or not. When she'd finished eating, Victoire thought she might call it an early night and get some sleep, but it seemed that her friends had other ideas.

"Come on," Kara insisted as Victoire tried to slump back to Gryffindor Tower. "Let's go to the sixth year lounge. That way we can hang out with Jonathon and Joe. You know, since Joe's not allowed in our common room."

"Yeah, and who knows? Maybe Stanley will be there too," Brianna added.

"I don't know," Victoire shrugged. "I'm really not feeling it today. I just want to crawl into bed and forget about today."

"Come on, we won't stay out too late," Brianna insisted. "It'll be fun. We'll have a few rounds of exploding snap. You know you love exploding snap."

"I do love exploding snap," Victoire agreed. And she did feel a bit guilty shutting Joe out so much that day. "Alright, maybe just a few rounds."

The three girls made their way to the sixth floor, and as they got closer, Victoire started getting a strange feeling. The hallway was much too deserted for this time of day, and it was much too quiet. They should be able to hear noise coming from the lounge – conversation, movement, something.

"Where is everyone?" Victoire wondered.

"I don't know," Brianna shrugged. "I guess it's just a quiet night."

Something about Brianna's response had Victoire feeling a little suspicious, but she didn't have time to dwell on it, because they had just reached the open door of the room and as Victoire walked inside she was suddenly bombarded by a chorus of people screaming 'surprise' and jumping out from behind furniture.

"Merlin's pants!" Victoire cried, jumping in surprise. "What's going on?"

"It's your birthday party," Joe exclaimed, moving towards her from inside the room. "Do you like it?"

"Do I like it?" Victoire frowned angrily. "Are you kidding me? Did you listen to anything I said this morning?"

"I know you said you didn't want anything special, but I figured you were doing that thing girls do where they say one thing and mean another," Joe responded.

"Well I wasn't," Victoire said, crossing her arms. "When I say things, I say what I mean. And when I said I wanted today to be an ordinary day, I meant that."

"I'm sorry Vic," Joe said, realizing that Victoire was more than mildly annoyed. "I just figured – everyone wants something special for their birthday."

"Well I didn't," Victoire declared. She felt tears springing to her eyes and tried to hide them. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay here."

Spinning around and pushing her way past Kara and Brianna, Victoire bolted out the door and down the corridor, not knowing where she was going but knowing that she just couldn't be in a room full of celebration and fun right now.

She eventually found herself at the foot of the West Tower, and even though she knew it was a terrible idea, she started climbing the stairs, heading up to the top.

When she reached the top, she breathed in the cool spring air and looked around at the familiar room. There was nothing interesting up here – it was just an empty round space really. But the memories it held made it feel full.

Victoire walked to the middle of the room and sat down cross-legged, staring up at the sky. It was early yet, and the sun hadn't finished setting, so Victoire settled in to watch the sunset as she thought about the times she and Teddy had spent up here.

As she thought about her and Teddy's past, she found her mind wandering back to the present. Where was Teddy now? Was he alright, or was he miserable and alone? Victoire had always understood Teddy in a very special way. She knew how this day made him feel, and she knew in her heart that if he was feeling the way he'd felt in previous years, that he would need something. Something he might not be able to get anywhere else.

Reaching into her bag, Victoire withdrew a blank piece of parchment, her pot of ink, and a quill. Taking a deep breath and centering her mind on Teddy's needs and not her own, Victoire began to write.

Dear Teddy,

I know we're broken up, and normally you probably wouldn't want to hear from me, but I felt I had to write you this letter today. Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I've stopped caring about you, and I know how difficult it can be for you sometimes.

I'm not writing this letter to try to get you back, or because I think it will change your mind about us. I'm writing it because I want you to remember that you are not alone. You have tons of people in your life who care about you. Your grandmother, Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny, all the Weasleys really.

As for your parents, you are absolutely allowed to grieve for them. Just because you never knew them doesn't make their loss any less. If you haven't cried today and you need to, don't hold it back. Feel what you need to feel, and remember that nobody has the right to tell you how to feel.

I hope you're well. I miss you.

Victoire

She contemplated signing the letter 'love Victoire' but decided against it. She didn't want to send the wrong message and certainly didn't want to make the letter about her instead of about Teddy.

One she was satisfied with it, Victoire descended from the West Tower and slowly made her way to the owlery. It was a long walk, and Victoire revelled in the solitude. As she walked, Victoire thought again about the surprise party. It had been a nice gesture. In fact, Victoire kind of felt bad about the way she'd left. Joe had clearly wanted to do something special for her and she'd just yelled and run away. It's not as though anyone really understood the reason Victoire didn't want to celebrate her birthday.

The further Victoire walked, the worse she felt. She'd wasted an entirely good day hung up on thoughts of Teddy and his wellbeing when she should have been living her own life. Teddy had been the one to end things. He'd been the one to walk away from Victoire, not the other way around. He'd made it clear that he didn't want her to be a part of his life anymore, and here Victoire was, still pining after him. Because if Victoire was truly honest with herself, that's what she'd been doing all day: pining. Teddy could handle himself. He didn't need Victoire sending him encouraging letters. And if he did, he'd forfeited that right months ago.

Stopping in her tracks, Victoire looked down at the letter, then back up at the path ahead, and made a snap decision. She ripped the letter in two, then in four, then in eight, and then threw the pieces in a nearby scones, letting them burn up in the fire.

There, she thought to herself. No letter, no problem. She would go back to the common room and she wouldn't think about Teddy anymore.

Turning around, Victoire changed routes and started to head up to the seventh floor. There wasn't much left of her birthday, but she was determined to at least try to enjoy it. She would have to get used to the whole ritual of receiving presents, eating cake, and having everyone paying attention to her. It would be an unfamiliar experience, but one that Victoire hoped she could learn to love.

She arrived in the common room and felt immediately nervous. Kara, Brianna, and Jonathon were all seated in a circle of chairs, and Victoire could tell that they were upset about how things had gone down at the surprise party. She approached slowly, feeling them out, hoping they would be forgiving.

"Hey guys," Victoire said hesitantly.

"Oh, Victoire," Brianna said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "So nice of you to join us."

"I'm sorry," Victoire said immediately. "I shouldn't have run out like I did."

"Look, it's fine that you didn't really want a party," Kara said. "But you could at least have pretended to enjoy it. If not for us than for Joe. He was pretty upset after you left."

"Do you know where he is?" Victoire wondered. "I'd really like to apologize."

"I think he went back to Hufflepuff," Kara replied. "I doubt he'd want to see you tonight either."

Victoire sighed. "I don't want to go to bed with this hanging over my head," she said sadly. She hated going to bed with unfinished business. It made it difficult to sleep, and she always felt terrible the next morning.

"You know, I actually think he might be rounding tonight," Jonathon mentioned. "I remember seeing his name on the schedule."

Victoire checked the time and saw that she still had enough time to catch Joe if she hurried.

"Thanks Jonathon," she said, jumping up and heading for the portrait hole. "I'll be right back."

Victoire practically sprinted to the prefect's lounge, desperately hoping to catch Joe before he left for his rounds. It wasn't quite curfew yet, which meant that she stood a good chance. Usually the prefects didn't start their rounds until curfew officially started, for obvious reasons.

When Victoire arrived in the prefect's lounge, she was at first disappointed because she didn't see Joe anywhere.

"Victoire?" seventh year Hufflepuff prefect April Sanders said in surprise. "You're not schedule to round tonight."

"No, I'm just looking for Joe," Victoire responded. "Has he left already?"

April shook her head. "No actually, that's who I'm waiting – oh there he is!"

Victoire spun around and there was Joe, standing in the doorway of the lounge.

"Joe!" Victoire said. "I just wanted to – "

"Well don't," Joe interrupted her. "Just go back to your dorm, Victoire. We can talk tomorrow."

"But I want to talk about this now," Victoire insisted. "Look, I'm sorry about running off, but in my defence – "

Victoire stopped herself. In my defence was a terrible way to begin an apology.

"I'm sorry," Victoire said simply. "I wasn't trying to be rude or ungrateful. I was just dealing with some stuff."

Joe shrugged. "I get that," he replied. "But if you were struggling with something, you know you could have told me about it."

Victoire wasn't so sure about that. "I don't know if we're quite there yet," she admitted. "We've only just started… hanging out. I don't want to move too quickly."

"That's fair," Joe nodded. "And I'm sorry too. In the future, I'll try to listen when you say things, instead of assuming you mean something else."

Victoire smiled. "Thanks," she said, appreciating the acknowledgement from Joe that they'd both messed up today and it wasn't just her.

"So… do you want your birthday present?" Joe asked.

Victoire blushed. "You didn't have to get me anything," she muttered. "And I certainly don't deserve it after how I was today."

"Of course I was going to get you a birthday present," Joe practically rolled his eyes. "And people don't deserve presents, they just receive them."

Without waiting for approval, Joe reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped package. Reaching out, Victoire took it and slowly unwrapped the packaging to reveal a small box.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You need to open it," Joe replied.

Victoire popped the box open and found herself looking at a pair of beautiful earrings.

Victoire immediately started shaking her head. "This is too much," she insisted. "You shouldn't have done this."

"You really don't know how to accept a present, do you?" Joe laughed, refusing to take back the earrings. "Just say thank you and then wear them tomorrow."

Victoire shook her head to clear it of all the voices telling her she shouldn't accept the earrings. "Thank you," she said obediently.

"Alright," Joe declared. "Now I have to do my rounds, so I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Victoire agreed.

There was a moment where Victoire thought they might kiss, but then April cleared her throat, demanding that they get a move on so that she could get her rounds over with. Stepping away, Victoire walked around Joe and said goodbye as she stepped out into the corridor and began to head back to the common room. It was after curfew now, but nobody would stop her as long as her prefect's badge was pinned to her robes.

That night, Victoire slept soundly.