Shunshin no Shisui was kind of a badass… seriously.

The man was a bona fide lady killer, a deadly ANBU agent, and an all-around smooth operator.

(He'd also like to add that he'd been called a "sex god" on multiple occasions by a not insignificant number of repeat bed partners).

He liked to think of himself as a Kakashi 2.0. - ultra cool, super suave, and not easily phased.

Shisui liked to think he'd pretty much seen and heard all there was to see and hear in his 28 years of life, especially after what he'd survived over the past twelve months.

But this...

This was above his pay grade.

He'd been asked in advance to say a few words at the reception, given his close friendship with the bride and groom.

Knowing Itachi's staunch sense of propriety, he reigned in his usual X-rated brand of humor for something more light and family friendly.

He also kept his remarks to a minimum, knowing how irritating it was when people dragged out this sort of thing when all everyone really wanted to do was party and get wasted (himself included).

But just as he was about to peace out and hop back to the open bar - he noticed his crotchety Idaina-obaa on the side of the stage urging him to hand the microphone over to Sasuke, presumably so he could share a moving tribute of his own to his beloved Nii-san and new sister-in-law.

The problem was, Sasuke wasn't watching him.

In fact, the little shit wasn't paying attention to the stage at all or anyone else in general, because he was too engrossed in a conversation with his hot medic.

Thankfully, Naruto noticed what Shisui was trying to do. And, ever the helpful guest – he gestured for the microphone so he could hand it to Sasuke off stage.

So Shisui did, crouching down to pass the mic – which the blond promptly shoved in his best friend's face.

If Izumi was anything other than an elite jounin and the new matriarch of a noble shinobi clan, she would have dropped her champagne flute.

Her free hand reflexively shot out to grasp her new husband's larger one, when they suddenly heard the voice of her little brother-in-law BOOMING across the gardens.

She swallowed hard before stealing a glance at Itachi, and knew there was no way she misheard what she thought she just heard given the slight widening of his eyes.

While Itachi may have seemed like his usual composed self on the outside, the sudden tightening of his grip around her hand and the minute blanching of his face said it all.

At that moment, the groom sincerely wondered whether he'd done his otouto a disservice after all by discouraging their parents from pursuing an omiai for him.

He recalled his Okaa-san's distressed plea:

"But Itachi-kun, something must be done. Sakura-chan isn't going to wait around forever, and Sasu-chan is so like your father… He will never consider another, and at this rate – without an omiai, my baby will end up all alone!"

At the time, Itachi really didn't think it was in Sasuke's best interest to try and arrange their marriage. Knowing Sakura-san, he figured that: (1) she'd probably find the process completely archaic; and more importantly (2) she'd want Sasuke to pursue a commitment of this magnitude of his own accord.

But somehow, Itachi had a feeling that having Sasuke yell out, "HAVE MY BABIES" (plus choice expletive) over a microphone at his wedding reception probably wasn't what Sakura-san had in mind.

The young clan head pondered the ramifications of his foolish brother's latest romantic blunder.

While he felt terribly that Sakura-san had to experience something so embarrassing, the doting older brother in him still hoped/wished/fervently prayed to every Kami there was that whatever just happened between Sasuke and his girlfriend wouldn't devolve into some unsalvageable wreck.

As for his new wife, well… if her razor sharp eyes read the situation correctly (which they always did) – for the first time in her life, Izumi legitimately wondered whether Uzumaki Naruto would live to see another day.

Sakura couldn't believe it.

She wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but she was a relatively good person, right?

She resisted the urge to clutch her elegant updo and pull out her infamous pink hair by the roots.

She wasn't so horrible, was she? Yes, she'd killed people before, but she was just fulfilling her duties for the sake of the village! At her core, she was a medic first and foremost.

That's right… she dedicated herself to saving lives and helping others!

So why was it, when the love of her life was finally saying the words she'd waited fourteen years to hear...

DID NARUTO HAVE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP AND SEND THE APEX OF ALL HER ROMANTIC ASPIRATIONS STRAIGHT TO HELL?!

Sakura willed herself to take deep breaths.

She thought about her poor Sasuke-kun, and saw how anxious all of this made him. She noticed the violent flush clinging to his ears and the way it crept down his neck as he spoke; the way his palms were sweating, how his usually smooth voice hitched as he struggled to find his words… and the silent desperation in his dark eyes as he fought to lay bare everything he felt in his heart.

She, of all people, knew how excruciatingly difficult it must have been for him to muster the courage to say what he was trying to say… and in a public setting, no less.

So why, WHY did Naruto have to shove the microphone in his face at the very moment he said those words?!

One minute, she was tearfully basking in the most heartfelt disclosures she'd ever heard… and the next minute, she heard the frantic sound of her boyfriend's voice amplified over the mic –

"HAVE MY BABIES, FUCK!"

Sakura's heart sank. Because this sort of thing had never been Sasuke's forte.

Fearlessly leaping into a bloodbath in the heat of battle was one thing…

But expressing himself verbally in any capacity beyond his daily bickering with Naruto was an entirely different story.

Which is why she'd been solely focused on him during his little speech. She refused to look away from him; she wanted her soothing presence to serve as the anchor he needed to express what he was trying so very hard to say.

Then she wondered – what else might he have said if he had continued on?

What QUESTION might he have asked if he hadn't been interrupted?!

Sakura's blood froze at the realization. At that moment, nothing else mattered... because all she saw, all she felt, was MURDER.

If, by some slim chance, anyone attending that wedding reception didn't already know about Haruno Sakura's monstrously violent, hair trigger temper before…

They certainly knew all about it now.

"NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

ONE WEEK LATER…

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.

.

So it turned out, Naruto survived Itachi-nii and Izumi-nee's wedding reception after all.

Barely.

Looking back on that crazy night, he couldn't deny that for a split second, he saw his life flash before his eyes. And if it wasn't for Shisui-nii and his former sensei's lightning fast reflexes, he probably would've been pummeled to an unrecognizable pulp from the sheer force of his female teammate's mighty fists.

But everything was all good now, because Teme and Sakura-chan were getting married!

All's well that ends well, right?

Granted, it's all everyone in the village could talk about... and Ino swore it was the worst proposal she'd ever heard of, if not the shittiest proposal to have ever been made in the history of proposals.

But whatever.

Naruto knew Sasuke through and through. He was, after all, his brother from another mother.

They were Team 7, and while they may not have shared DNA – the undeniable bonds that he, Kaka-sensei, Sakura-chan and the bastard had with each another were forged in blood, sweat, tears, and hard earned trust.

And that was just as legitimate and indestructible as the bonds Sasuke had with his clan.

Which is why even though Teme seriously sucked balls at talking about his feelings – Naruto knew there wasn't a single cell in his best friend's stuck up body that could ever be insincere when it came to Sakura-chan.

Admittedly, when pressed to consider the details - Naruto conceded that shouting at your girl to have your babies maybe wasn't the best way to go.

I mean, he knew Sasuke didn't exactly have a way with words... but who knew the bastard would spit that out?

Maybe it would've been better for him to just let out a few grunts instead. Sakura-chan would've known what he was getting at. She was good like that.

He knew people were kind of freaking out about how shit went down, but they needed to calm their tits. He really didn't see the point in overthinking any of this.

After all, this was Sasuke– so why was everyone acting like they expected him to wax poetic all of a sudden?

In Naruto's all important opinion, it didn't matter what he said, because nothing would've changed the bastard's awkward delivery.

'Cause that's just who he was.

The only thing that mattered, was that he got his proposal out somehow – and that he and Sakura-chan were happy...

Which made Naruto and Kaka-sensei happy.

Because while it was plain to see that Teme was snobby, grouchy, totally un-funny and way-not-as-handsome-as-his-fangirls-claimed: it was also completely obvious to all and sundry that Sakura-chan was undoubtedly the one true love of Sasuke's life.

And you didn't need some fancy doujutsu to see that.

Mikoto dutifully took her husband's flack vest and handed him the casual haori he preferred to wear at home.

After changing, his wife had him sit on the engawa outside their bedroom suite so he could enjoy the good weather along with his evening tea.

Nearly two weeks passed since their heir's wedding. Madara finally took his last breath three days after Itachi and Izumi were married, and while he was laid to rest in the clan's private burial grounds – he also received a public funeral, pursuant to the Shodaime's last will and testament.

Apparently, Senju Hashirama desired Madara's passing to be observed by Konoha as a whole; a deeply sentimental gesture that Tsunade chose to honor.

Even in death, Hashirama wanted to ensure that his best friend was recognized as a co-founder of the village, and the co-architect of their long held childhood dream.

In addition to the village-wide memorial service that was undertaken to commemorate Madara's passing, Uchiha customs required seven additional days of mourning for any former clan head.

Now that the Uchiha had finished observing all of the clan's mandatory funeral rites for Madara, the Godaime sent a message to the main house stating that she wanted to discuss certain matters pertaining to Sasuke and Sakura's engagement.

As Sakura's sole living parental figure, Fugaku and his wife felt they owed Tsunade an apology on behalf of their son (for failing to seek her permission before asking his girlfriend to marry him… among other things).

Frankly, Fugaku still had a hard time understanding how Sasuke's frantic outburst at his brother's wedding reception could possibly count as a legitimate proposal.

The boy hadn't even prepared a ring, for Kami's sake.

I mean, don't get him wrong. He was relieved that things worked out. Fugaku was nothing if not self-aware, and he knew that while Sasuke had the very good fortune of being the spitting image of his mother – he also had the grave and very real misfortune of inheriting his father's emotional constipation.

In short, the boy was a hopeless disaster when it came to romance and needed all the help he could get.

Contrary to what most people assumed, Fugaku was not against his younger son's relationship, nor did he find Sakura's civilian background disqualifying.

Truthfully, he couldn't blame the boy given what a stunning creature his female teammate had become.

And beyond that, she was an absolute hellion in combat. They called her the pink demon; a kunoichi with monstrous strength who possessed a level of chakra control and an acumen for medical ninjutsu that surpassed her master, a Senju.

Fugaku knew all too well that the men of the main house had always been drawn to power, and this the Godaime's protégé had in spades.

Which is why he and his wife decided not to ask any more unnecessary questions, and just thanked the gods that little Haruno was so understanding of their youngest son's romantic ineptitude.

"Well Anata, was Tsunade-sama upset that Sasuke had not sought her permission beforehand?"

Fugaku shook his head. "She never raised the subject."

"What did she want to speak about, then?"

The Chief thought back to his meeting earlier that afternoon at the Tower.

Tsunade was already buzzed by the time he'd arrived ("It's five o'clock somewhere, Fugaku!") and immediately started chatting about Itachi and Izumi's wedding.

Which admittedly... made him squirm a little.

But to his surprise, the Godaime was really only interested in gloating over Sakura's outburst.

"People always say I taught that brat everything she knows. But did you hear that scream? That was alllllllllll her."

Fugaku fought the urge to roll his eyes. Who in Fire Country hadn't heard it?

Sakura's howl for Naruto's head was nothing short of terrifying. The Chief inwardly marveled at how such a guttural, blood curdling scream could come from such a small person.

He also recalled the insane speed of her arm as it shot out towards her blond teammate…

Had it not been for Hatake's quick thinking and his nephew's body flicker - little Haruno would have snapped Naruto's neck, or blown his brains clean out of his skull with her tiny fist.

"Although, that wiry arm of hers still wasn't as fast as your nephew's shunshin… She needs to work on that, stat."

Fugaku had no words. Her apprentice nearly beheaded their Nine Tails jinchuuriki, and that's what this woman took away from it?

Apparently so, because she couldn't stop chuckling at her own remark. It was clear from Tsunade's smug grin that she'd thoroughly enjoyed witnessing the near violent exchange.

Nodding with a fully satisfied look on her face, she'd quipped, "You know… you and Mikoto really know how to throw a party. But I didn't call you in here just to shoot the shit and exchange pleasantries."

He wasn't sure he'd characterize what they were just talking about as a "pleasantry", but wisely remained silent.

"I want to talk about Sakura's dowry."

Mikoto's onyx eyes widened. "A dowry? What dowry?"

Her husband nodded. Knowing that Sakura's parents were both deceased and that she did not come from a clan, Mikoto and her husband didn't expect a dowry at all.

But he was informed that the Hokage had set aside two trust funds of equal value for Kato Dan's niece and her younger apprentice.

"But Anata, the Godaime is the last of the Senju… even after all her debts were repaid, she must have been left with a considerable sum."

"Indeed."

After reluctantly dropping Sakura off at Yamanaka's for a "girls' sleepover", Sasuke headed back to the compound for dinner.

While he'd initially hoped that his fiancée could join him, maybe it was just as well given what he wanted to discuss with his Nii-san.

After serving her husband first, Mikoto turned to her new daughter-in-law. "Have more wagyu, Giri-no-musume-chan… and matsutake kinoko."

Izumi blushed at her mother-in-law's updated term of endearment, as she shyly accepted the extra pieces of richly marbled beef and sautéed mushrooms that Mikoto piled onto her plate.

Shisui shamelessly pouted, sticking out his lower lip like a child. "Oba-chan, what about me?"

"Bring home a bride, then we'll talk."

Shisui grumbled, but quickly turned giddy as his auntie placed generous extra servings of beef onto his plate as well.

Fugaku pursed his lips.

No wonder that boy is such a carefree lecher… Mikoto spoils him too much.

Turning once again to her daughter-in-law, Mikoto reminded her, "And when you go home later tonight, don't forget the nanakusa-gayu for your mother."

Izumi didn't have a chance to offer an immediate response as she was in the middle of chewing her food, so her mother-in-law continued.

"I made it with a blend of herbs that Sakura-chan had delivered from Suna. She specifically chose them for their excellent anti-inflammatory properties."

Izumi's heart swelled with appreciation for this kind gesture. Once a matriarch, always a matriarch.

While Mikoto no longer held the official title, Izumi knew that this selfless woman would never stop fussing over and worrying about every single member of their extensive clan.

Izumi was also well aware that herbs imported from Suna's famed greenhouses were very expensive. Sakura-chan was well known and beloved in Wind Country for having saved Kankuro-dono's life from a dangerous poison, and it was no secret that the Kazekage's household occasionally sent her rare medicinal herbs as a token of their immense gratitude.

"Okaa-san, those herbs must have been difficult to come by. My mother wouldn't feel right taking such a thing, when Sakura-chan had them delivered for you."

Mikoto smiled her concerns away. "Nonsense. She specifically mentioned that Hazuki-san would benefit from these herbs. Even though her hip might not bother her anymore, we cannot be too careful. It wouldn't do for her to re-injure herself."

Izumi finally nodded in acquiescence. Sakura-chan's heart was as big as the ocean was wide, and the young matriarch was overjoyed that soon her family would be able to call this sweetheart one of their own.

When the meal was over, Shisui thanked his favorite auntie with a big kiss on the cheek before teleporting away, while the newlyweds were sent home with a container of nanakusa-gayu for Izumi's mother.

Sasuke joined his older brother after letting his Kaa-san know he'd be taking after-dinner tea at Itachi's new marital home, while Izumi went directly to her mother's to drop off the porridge.

Given that his otouto was the one who initiated the visit, Itachi looked to him as he steeped their tea.

Why was he... fidgeting?

No matter. He'd get it out of him eventually. In the meantime, Itachi decided to open up the conversation with a few updates he thought Sasuke might find interesting.

"So, I trust you already know that our parents declined Sakura-san's dowry, in accordance with your wishes."

Sasuke nodded. Of course they had. While the Godaime's offer was certainly generous, the clan didn't need the money. And most importantly, he found the notion of accepting any form of payment for his marriage to Sakura repulsive at best.

And he'd told her as much.

When the Hokage informed Sakura that she'd be granted custody of the funds upon her marriage whether it was used as a dowry or not, Sasuke made it clear that she should do whatever she wanted with it.

"Sakura-san and I had a meeting with Tsunade-sama this afternoon…"

Sasuke arched a brow ever so slightly. Sakura mentioned the appointment with her Shishou at the Tower, but never said anything about his Nii-san being there.

"… to discuss what she wishes to do with the funds."

Was that it? Sasuke just shrugged.

"You seem wholly disinterested, otouto."

"It's her money. She can do what she wants with it, we don't need it."

As far as Sasuke was concerned, she could buy a mountain of jewelry, a closet full of shoes, a lifetime supply of anmitsu, whatever. He didn't care.

"Sakura-san informed us that she intends to use 100% of the funds to establish a public children's trust; an entity that would provide free medical care and mental healthcare for indigent children, or children who were otherwise at-risk."

Sasuke sat stone still, completely stunned. "Orphans..."

Itachi tilted his head in confirmation. "Do you know what inspired her to do this, otouto?"

Sasuke could only stare dumbly in response.

"Sakura-san said she shuddered to think what Naruto-kun's childhood would have been like had Okaa-san not extended her protection to him growing up. She recognized that our mother's considerable influence as the Uchiha matriarch, and her insistence that Naruto-kun was always welcome at the main house served as an example not only to the other clans, but the civilian sector as well."

Itachi poured their tea before he continued.

"In her professional opinion, Sakura-san believes that absent Okaa-san's efforts, there would have been a high likelihood that the harsh circumstances of Naruto-kun's childhood would have taken a considerable toll on him, physically and mentally.

She cited the Akatsuki's invasion, and questioned whether the criminals known as Yahiko, Konan and Nagato would have harbored such anger and resentment if they had access to mental healthcare when they were younger to help them work through their childhood trauma."

The young clan head took a deep breath and gave his little brother a minute to absorb all of this information.

"Sakura-san wishes to call this entity the "Senju-Uchiha Children's Trust" in honor of her master, who set aside the funds in the first place… and our mother, who had the wisdom and compassion to help the young man she loves and regards as a brother during his formative childhood years.

Incidentally, it is Sakura-san's hope that name recognition alone will go a long way in facilitating future fundraising to keep the work of the trust ongoing."

Itachi inwardly chuckled at this last point. His clever Imouto-to-be really had thought of everything.

"Of course, Tsunade-sama and I have offered her our full support. Sakura-san hopes that extending the trust's work beyond Fire Country's borders will help build good will between Konoha and other hidden villages… and help bolster the fragile peace we enjoy now."

Sasuke was reeling. He never felt so much intense pride before, not even for his clan.

For the first time ever, he thought his heart might actually burst from his chest from all the love he felt for his incredible fiancée.

At that moment, Sasuke knew that even after a thousand lifetimes together, she would never cease to amaze him. Every time he thought he had a handle on her intelligence, her humor, her compassion – she would surprise him and blow all of his expectations out of the water.

Like she did now. Only Sakura would think to use an unexpected, once in a lifetime inheritance of this magnitude to serve the most vulnerable... In consideration of their best friend and teammate's difficult childhood, in honor of her mentor who taught her everything, and the benevolent wisdom of his own mother.

Of course she thought of every detail and exigency. Sakura even considered the possible political ramifications of this undertaking.

If Sasuke was any other man, he might have shed a tear.

There would never be anyone else for him, and he didn't think he could ever feel more proud and grateful that his child would have such a mother.

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"Sakura's pregnant."

A/N: Hello everyone! First, I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well.

Second, this amateur derp could not be more grateful for all of the incredible support you've shown for this silly AU.

I know I've been more vocal than most about reader engagement, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for responding in kind and leaving the most uplifting and encouraging comments.

All of your feedback lit a FIRE under my butt to try and get this chapter 7 out as quickly as possible. I've gotten so many wonderful ideas from hearing your thoughts, and your reciprocation TRULY MEANS THE WORLD to me.

So, thank you once again to everyone who took the time to leave me a comment. And for those readers who've followed and favorited the story, but haven't left a review - kindly remember that clicking a favorite or follow button is no substitute for leaving written feedback.

Thank you all again for your readership, and I hope to see you at the next chapter~!

xoxo, Birk