Chapter 4

Alex flipped through the channels on the TV mounted on the wall. She stopped when she found the baseball game starting. Her eyes moved to the door when the sound of the knob turning met her ears. Her eyes darted towards the opening door to find her father entering.

Jerry smiled at his daughter as he closed the door behind him. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

Alex shrugged. She was feeling horrible. She had been stuck in the hospital for almost five days and all she wanted to do was go home. "I'm okay."

"Mom was getting some coffee." Jerry said as he made his way to the chair by Alex's bed and took a seat. His eyes found the TV that projected the Met game. "Woah we've got the bases loaded?"

"And David Wright is up." Alex returned her attention to the TV. She and Jerry both leaned the slightest bit forward at the loud crack of that bat hitting the ball. "That looks good."

"Go, out…out…out…alright! Grand slam!" Jerry shouted enthusiastically, throwing his fists in the air with victory. He turned to Alex and lifted his hand up for a high five, which she granted with a small smile. "They're looking good this year. I'm feeling the playoffs."

"They've got a good team this season." Alex nodded as she watched the player high five his teammates. For a moment, everything seemed normal; she was watching the game with her dad. Then she remembered she was watching it in the hospital and nothing seemed normal.

"We should go to a game. We haven't been in a couple of years." Jerry suggested. He reminisced to when she was little and he'd take her to at least five games a year. Before she really understood what was going on, she counted the planes that flew over the stadium. Once she understood the game, she attempted to count that planes, but would always be distracted by the action on the field. Everything seemed so much simpler back then.

"I'd like that." Alex nodded.

Silence fell between the father and daughter. Jerry broke it after a moment. "I'm sorry I was yelling and fighting with you all the time."

Alex closed her eyes for a moment as she shook her head. "I wasn't easy and you didn't know anything."

"Yeah, but I should have known that something was wrong." The guilt had been eating him alive.

"Nobody knew because I didn't want anybody to know." Alex looked down, taking interest in her nails.

"Did you feel like you couldn't tell us?" Jerry asked. He felt like a failure as a dad. All of this had been going on for two months and he had no idea.

"No, it had nothing to do with you. I didn't even tell Dean or Harper. I didn't want anyone to know. The only reason I told Dean was because he thought I was cheating when he found out about the pregnancy test."

"Alex, you know this wasn't your fault, right? You have nothing to be ashamed about."

Tears glistened in Alex's eyes as she swallowed thickly. She remained silent, refusing to meet her father's eyes. Her reaction spoke louder than any words. Jerry's heart shattered. She was blaming herself. He opened his mouth to reply, but the door clicked open.

Theresa entered the room, nursing a cup of coffee. She smiled at her daughter and husband as she closed the door behind her. "It looks like you can go home tomorrow."

Alex's eyes lit up slightly.

"But you have to continue to recover at home. We're going to start you in an outpatient program. They'll be doing weekly check-ins on your vitals and weight. If your numbers get dangerous again, you'll have to come back here and then you'll be put in an inpatient program."

"Okay." Alex said with a hint of annoyance. "But I'm not talking about what happened…at the party."

Theresa sighed as she exchanged glances with her husband "Mija, what happened at the party is what led to the eating disorder. Regardless of the eating disorder, you need to talk about what happened. Your doctors suspect that you also have posttraumatic stress disorder."

"I should have never told you." Alex snapped bitterly.

"I'm not saying you have to go in your first visit and talk about every detail, but you have to start talking about it a little bit. You can talk about it at your own pace, but you can't keep everything bottled in. We're not doing this to upset you. You were severely hurt and traumatized." Theresa said gently.

"Talking about it isn't going to change what happened." Alex retorted through clenched teeth.

"You're not going to heal from the trauma or the eating disorder unless you talk about it."

"I think it's important to at least talk about your feelings." Jerry spoke up softly. "Like why you think it's your fault because it's not."

"Stop." Alex warned, her voice cracking.

"Alex, this is important. You…"

"I don't want to talk about it because I want to forget!" Alex shouted before a sob ripped through her lips.

Theresa had to hold back her own tears as she watched her daughter fall apart. She moved to her daughter's bedside, placing her coffee down on the nearby table, and taking Alex's hand in her own. "Oh Mija. I wish with all my heart that you could forget, but you and I both know that's not going to happen. It's okay to feel what you're feeling, but you can't keep it bottled in."

"I don't want to do this." She choked out. "I don't want to do any of this anymore."

Jerry peeled his eyes away from his daughter. The sight of her sobbing brokenly was too much for him to handle.

Theresa's heart physically ached for her daughter's suffering. She sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around Alex. "I know. You'll get through this."

Alex buried her face in her mother's chest, soaking her shirt with her tears. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for." Theresa frowned as she rubbed Alex's arm soothingly.

Jerry shifted in his seat. He couldn't stand that she thought all of this was her fault. "Alex, I think we need to make it clear that you didn't cause any of this to happen. You didn't do anything. This happened because of Mason."

Theresa felt Alex tense at the mention of her ex boyfriend's name. "Alex, are you blaming yourself for what happened?"

Alex pulled out of her mother's arm and wiped at her eyes. "I don't want to talk about this."

Theresa frowned as she reached up to push Alex's soft hair behind her ear. "Okay, but your father is right. You weren't responsible for what happened in any way."

Alex leaned back against the pillows propped up behind her. She ignored the words of her mother and returned her attention to the television.

Theresa exchanged concerned glances with her husband. They couldn't understand how they got where they were. Their happy, carefree daughter was broken and they didn't know how to fix her.

Thanks for reading! Not my favorite chapter, but hope you enjoyed. I apologize for the delay. The semester is kicking my butt, but I'll continue to try my hardest to get quicker updates. Review!