Chapter 4

Nothing crossed his mind as he stared blankly outside the window.

Thick clouds were floating on the dim sky. It looked as if there would be a downpour in any minute.

It was today.

The accolade was set on the same date as their engagement expired. It was the king's decision for the arrangement.

The second Friday of May, that's today.

He didn't know why, but he had wanted to put the date as late as possible. Perhaps he was buying himself time, for considering, for reassuring himself that he hadn't made a wrong choice.

Gunter and Conrad were busy confirming the rundown of the ceremony and telling him when he needed to do or say something. Yuuri appreciated their efforts. If they were not always there for him, he would have lots of trouble finding out the right thing to do. However, he apologized inwardly, he wasn't paying his full attention as something seemed to be occupying his mind.

'Something' was a feeling ... or a thought.

When his mind finally came back to the present time, he realized that he was already dressed in his formal clothes that he usually wore for solemn events.

Though it still looked eight-five percent like his high school uniform.

Gunter suddenly let out a squeak and in the next second, he scurried out of the room with his hands cupped on the mouth.

Puzzled, the double black turned and gave Conrad a perplexed look.

"He went to the treasure room to get morgif," he said, with a knowing smile.

"Ah, I hope it won't make too many strange sounds today," Yuuri commented in an indifferent tone, returned to his previous posture and stared through the window.

Conrad observed the melancholy young man for a while and uttered, "Something is bothering you."

The king wasn't surprised that his godfather noticed it but he wasn't trying to hide it either. Letting out a sigh, he replied, "Yes, you're right." He had wanted to talk about it with Conrad but he found himself having difficulties how he could put his thoughts into words. And it was kind of embarrassing since the matter involved his very much adored little brother.

"About today?"

He nodded initially but shook his head after he had thought better. "Not exactly just about today."

"So, it's about your relationship," he paused as his godson finally looked up at him. "with Wolfram."

There was a brief silence before Yuuri came up with another reply. "I wish I were like you, Conrad." He was always so determined and collected. There seemed not to be a moment when he would ever doubt anything he did. Conrad was the role model which he would always look up to. He hoped he had grown just a little bit like him.

Conrad just kept the smile on his face, waiting for Yuuri to elaborate on his previous comment.

"You won't even frown if the sky is falling on you."

"Well, I think I will run instead of frown if that happens."

And for that he got a thumb-down from the king, "Good try but still a bad joke. Two points out of ten."

"Okay, how about you talk about your problems instead of me telling jokes?"

The young king's lips turned into a thin line at the suggestion. Then, there was another lengthened moment of silence.

"I… don't really know," his dark eyes were downcast. "It's like I'm going to lose something very important but I can't do anything about it."

"You mean you're afraid that Wolfram will leave you?"

"No, he promised me he will stay but…" he struggled to search for words to express himself. "… but I feel like our bond will break at the moment our engagement ends."

"Yuuri," the brunette tried to reassure him and at the same time defended his little brother "you know Wolfram is always loyal and honest to you. He won't care any less about you under any circumstances."

"I know, of course I know it!" he squeezed between his eyebrows in frustration. The answer he was looking for just wouldn't come to his mind. "But that's not what I want..."

Conrad watched as his godson was struggling mentally, groaning and scribbling meaningless circles on a piece of parchment, which was a habit the king had developed lately when he was trying to deal with something he considered an ordeal.

Many things went through his mind while each of the lines appeared. Most of them are about the way Wolfram smiled at him, or how he sometimes gave him sideway glances when he thought Yuuri didn't notice, or gentle looks on his face when he was playing with Greta or kids in the town.

Yuuri was surprised that he could remember Wolfram's each expression at a different time. And he recalled the strange feeling in his heart every time their eyes met.

When he almost filled the whole piece of paper with twisting lines, he looked up and uttered. "Conrad, maybe I have fallen for Wolfram."

Conrad was surprised by the confession. Though he used the word 'maybe', Yuuri's look was solemn and certain. He stared straight at the taller male's eyes, obsidian orbs glittering with determination.

He realized that his godson, his king had already grown, to a man who wouldn't evade the truth by giving continuous denials or neglecting the issue.

This was a good sign, for both the kingdom and the king himself. He couldn't help but smile warmly because of this, feeling proud of his godson.

Seeing Conrad's expression, Yuuri frowned and protested, "Hey, I've a problem here. Why do you look so glad?"

"Ah, sorry," but he didn't sound sorry at all. "I'm quite surprised that you've finally come to terms with it." and even willing to admit it, he added inwardly. Conrad had noticed that the relationship between his king and his little brother had transformed from the original one-sided one to now the reciprocal one long ago. The smiles and the glances they exchanged occasionally were hard to miss.

"I have accepted that I like him for a long time. I've never had feelings like this before and I'm not sure what exactly they are," he crumpled the piece of paper which was full of ink. "but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. It ends before it can even start."

"Of course it matters!" rarely, Conrad exclaimed in a louder voice. He truly wanted his godson and his little brother to be happy. It would be a pity if they misunderstood each other's feelings and decided to stay being friends. They just needed a step closer."You must tell Wolfram this before the end of today, no, before the ceremony."

"What should I say?" Yuuri grumbled with annoyance."Tell him 'Maybe I love you but sorry I'm not sure so we can't get marry' and 'please wait for me though you've already waited for three years?'"

He threw the paper ball at the bin in the corner of the room but narrowly missed the aim. "See? This isn't going to work."

"Well, that's better than saying nothing," he replied seriously, touching his chin, deep in thoughts.

"Conrad!"

"Okay, okay…"he raised his hands as a gesture of telling him to calm down. The warm smile on his face made others difficult to be mad at."Why don't you just try to at least tell him your concern first and see what happens?"

The young king looked at him without any intention to reply. Conrad sighed inwardly. When it came to love, his godson was still too inexperienced. "You'd surely regret afterwards if you don't act now."

Actually, Yuuri knew it. He just needed some kind of trigger, or an excuse so that he could do something. Though he was quite sure that he would be dumped, he still wanted to give it a try.

"Thanks, Conrad, I almost act wimpy again," he grinned, picked up the paper ball on the floor and put it into the bin before he walked out of the door. "See you later."

Must be bothering about something silly again, stupid Yuuri.

Wolfram thought, staring at the sky covered with numerous thick, dark clouds. The clear sounds of his boots stepping on the marble floor were so distinct that they were echoing. He walked through the corridor and then out to the garden, heading to the backyard.

He just needed to get away from his mother and the tailors for a while. He was too fed up with others' compliments on how nice he looked in his knight uniform.

Strangely, he was feeling extremely relieved, like a burden on his shoulder was finally removed, when today had finally come. He thought it would be harder, to let go, to break this relationship which always tied them together. He was quite grateful that the law did it for him.

The white uniform suited him just as well as his old sky blue uniform. Nothing much would change. His men in his team would still follow him and carry out various tasks with him. He wondered how they would react when they first saw him wearing this white uniform. Personally, he was quite fond of it as it symbolized a brand new start of his life.

Yes, a new beginning.

Wolfram couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement growing in his heart. He would be able to contribute to the kingdom, to serve the people and assist the king to rule better without any distractions. To achieve this, he had to be stronger, gain more strength and more control of himself. He did well so far and he was proud of himself.

After the ceremony, he didn't need to be constrained by the rope named 'engagement' anymore. They would be free, free from each other.

After his eighty-five years old birthday this spring, he decided that he would focus on things other than his king. Wolfram wasn't a person who would be miserable and cry all day long like a lovesick girl because of a romantic relationship. Actually, he wasn't even interested in having one until the double black bumped into his life.

It hurt a lot at the beginning, but three years was long enough, he decided, if it didn't work, let go. He would be Yuuri's friend and always be there for him.

He learnt about different forms of love from the people whom he met in those crazy adventures he had when he followed the king. He regarded himself lucky enough to find someone he loved so much. It wasn't necessary to own someone he loved.

He would protect Yuuri with his life. Maybe someday when he had a queen, he would protect her for him too.

The image of a girl with long silky hair, a soft body and sweet smile came to his mind. She would lean onto the king's shoulder and giggle with a voice like silver bells and he would give her the boyish smile while putting his arms around her slim waist. They were so much in love and they would receive everyone's blessing, including Wolfram's with a blissful expression.

The thought still sent a sharp pain to his heart and he could feel his eyes become moist. Taking a deep breath and shaking his head, he guessed it took time to get used to it.

"Wolfram!"

He turned, and found the king who was fully dressed in the ceremonial clothes running towards him from the corridor. The red cape was dragged behind him. He looked as if he had just escaped from his own wedding.

The blonde watched in amusement as he stopped in front of him, the cape almost fell off his shoulder.

"I think you are supposed to be preparing your speech instead of jogging."

"I've finished that already and I really need to tell you something."

The clouds in the sky seemed to scatter a little and a beam of sunlight was shining through them.

"Okay, what?" a bit annoyed, Wolfram put his hand on his hip.

The raven hair king stared at him for a while and said, "You look really cool in your new uniform. White suits you well."

The young soldier rolled his eyes. "That's what you're going to say? Stop wasting my time, your majesty."

"Ah, of course not," Yuuri straightened himself a bit and put on a serious expression again. "Our engagement ends today, but it doesn't mean that our relationship ends with it."

Wolfram shot him a bored look, waving his right hand slightly, "Sure, our friendship will last forever."

What a cliché he mocked himself inwardly.

"No, that's not what I meant," Yuuri said, grabbed his hand just like he did last week. He inhaled deeply and steadied himself before he continued, "I mean... although I'm not your fiancé anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't love you."

Wolfram gazed at him and frowned, he knew that he wasn't going to like whatever Yuuri was trying to convey.

The king wasn't taken aback by his reaction. He looked directly into his emerald eyes and went on, "I don't think I deserve your love because I'm still not good enough. I would be too cunning if I use the engagement to tie you up and get your affection and care."

Wolfram looked at his own reflections on the king's obsidian eyes. For a moment, he felt as if his heart had stopped beating.

The sense of hope in the bottom of his heart scared him.

"From now on, I'm going to prove that I deserve your love and earn it with my own hands," he announced and curved his lips, satisfied with the dumbfounded expression on Wolfram's face.

Yuuri is just confused… Yeah… that must be it...

"No, no…" the blonde finally managed to respond, shaking his head frantically. "I won't accept this. You know, you're just too afraid that you'll lose your best friend and you're too confused so you start uttering nonsense."

Wolfram's heartbeat slowly went back to the normal pace and he was calm once again.

He withdrew his hand from the grip, pulled the cape back onto the right position and patted the king on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Yuuri, I'll always be there for you. You don't have to force yourself to love me. No one should be blamed when it comes to love. I understand that because I've rejected people before."

Yuuri's eyes widened, realizing how much it actually hurt when Wolfram really started acting like a dear friend rather than a fiancé.

His heart was aching again. He knew he deserved it since he hurt Wolfram too much before.

Wolf treats me as a friend now. He may even urge me to find a girlfriend and cheer for me one day.

He felt like crying when he thought of that.

Serve you right, Shibuya Yuuri.

He mocked himself in his head. Closing his eyes for a while, he made up his mind when he opened his eyes once again. Seeing the worried face of Wolfram, he forced himself to plaster a smile on his face.

"Let's go then," Yuuri grabbed the calloused but slightly tender hand of Wolfram. "the ceremony will start soon."

"Er... wait…"

"I'm still technically your fiancé now," the king said without turning. There was an edge of stubborness in his voice. "So I still have the right to hold your hand."

This time, the blonde didn't say anything and let himself be dragged away.

Yuuri tried to engrave this feeling in his heart so that he could share what Wolf had undergone before.

As expected, he was dumped.

But he wasn't going to give up just because of that.