The couple of weeks after the Valentine's day prank, James found himself carefully avoiding Lily, being quieter than usual in the common room to not attract her attention. He didn't know why but he had started doing it unconsciously. He looked away when he caught her looking at him and he didn't try to strike up a conversation once.

In the past, he would have been shameless about openly asking her out or flirting loudly and badly, and getting rejected in public. Now he felt that things were different between them. They were older and a lot had happened in their four years of knowing each other.

And now, somehow, by some miracle, they had managed to have two conversations without killing one another, without awkwardness or one storming out of the Great Hall. The first time had been during the first evening of the semester, when Remus didn't show up for dinner. Back then James had been too busy worrying about the whereabouts of his friend to realize exactly who he was talking to, and had completely forgot to try to impress her. The second time had been forced by circumstances planned out by the rest of the Marauders, when Lily caught him sneaking three crates of candies into the school.

Both of the conversations had been effortless, like he talking to an old friend. But Lily was not an old friend. She was a terrifyingly beautiful girl, with a sharp tongue and emerald eyes. She was the most brilliant witch her age, powerful, talented, and so incredibly charming. She also seemed to be the only girl in school to not be into Quidditch players and irresistible pranksters.

She was way out of his league. It was not the first time this thought had occurred to James and it would not be the last.

James started doodling absentmindedly over the one line of notes he had taken. History of Magic continued to be overwhelmingly boring. On his left Peter was dozing off, slouched forward onto his desk. Next to him Remus was taking halfhearted notes while trying to deflect vicious tickling attacks from Sirius and his quill. James looked over at them and saw in them what him and Lily could be.

They were in love, so in love, and James couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before Sirius told him. As per usual he had shown the observational skills of a brick wall by not realizing his two best friends were dating. But now love was all he could see between them. The light that shined in Sirius' eyes when he looked at Remus was far too bright to simply belong in the realm of friendship.

Deep down, James was jealous of them. Not that he would ever admit it, but he often found himself envying their relationship, this incredible bond they shared, that caused them to unintentionally mimic each other's movements and be so perfectly in sync at all times, through the ups and downs. They completed each other wonderfully. James wasn't sure whether or not he believed in soulmates but in his mind, Sirius and Remus were the closest thing to it.

When the bell finally rang the end of class, everyone got up slowly, some stretching, still trying to fight the drowsiness provoked by Professor Binns's voice. James couldn't wait to drop out of History after his OWLs. In the five years he had attended this class he had only paid attention once, during the lecture on the long battle of werewolves for equal rights. It goes without saying that this class had been particularly depressing.

James picked up his pace to match with his friends, trying not to stare at Remus and Sirius, who always walked exactly at the same speed and extremely fast. He exchanged a look with Peter, also lagging behind a little bit as per usual.

"It's those long legs they got, I'm telling you," wheezed Peter, holding his side.

"Pete my friend, one day I promise you we'll get our revenge for all those times they've left us behind," whispered James back at him.

"We better," answered Peter grumpily.

James laughed at his obvious discontentment and the curious stares of Sirius and Remus turned to him.

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Sirius, who hated to be the one to miss out on a joke.

"Oh you know," James shrugged, trying not to smile. "Discourteous giraffes with no respect for other people's physical capabilities."

Sirius and Remus looked at each other before turning back to James in a perfectly synchronized movement. James bit his lip not to laugh and Sirius squinted.

"For some reason I kinda feel like that's a poke at us."

"No idea why you would think that," answered James innocently while winking at Peter.

"Well if Prongs and Wormy are done flirting I wanted to go to the library to finish my essay on the Vanishing Spell for McGonagall," said Remus unconsciously borrowing Sirius's nonchalant tone.

Peter winced at the words and Remus looked away uncomfortably. Sirius and him had been wanting to tell Peter about their relationship, but had been afraid to do so considering their friend's pureblood and relatively conservative upbringing. All week they had been dropping light hints, or vaguely mentioning homosexual tendencies to evaluate Peter's reactions, which hadn't been extremely good so far.

James felt a pinch in his heart upon seeing Remus' worried face. He couldn't possibly imagine how it felt, being scared to be your true self around the people dearest to his heart. Being both a werewolf and gay, Remus belonged to two of the most marginalized communities in the wizarding world in the seventies. He had been sorted into Gryffindor for a reason, thought James with a sad smile.

"Oh no I forgot I had that detention with Slughorn tonight," sighed Peter, unaware of the discomfort he had caused in his friends. "Don't wait for me at dinner, I'll probably be scrapping cauldrons all night til my arms fall out."

"Let's hope not," answered James.

Remus headed to the library and Peter to the dungeons. James and Sirius walked to the common room in silence, which was unusual for them. James tried to think of something to say to brighten the mood but fell short.

His thoughts always seemed to come back to Lily and how much he longed for the type of relationship Sirius and Remus had. One with laughter, bickering and just as much love. One passionate, complicated and so incredibly worth it.

"When did you know?" James was surprised when he heard his own voice rise, he hadn't meant to ask the question out loud. Judging from Sirius's confused expression, it was necessary to clarify. "I mean when did you know you were in love?"

Sirius looked at him for a second before turning back to look straight ahead. His brow was furrowed and James wondered if maybe asking this was insensitive. He was about to tell him to forget about it when Sirius answered.

"I don't know," he said, putting his long hair up in a bun with his wand. "I guess I never really thought of it. I don't think it's one specific moment though."

James nodded in approval but didn't add anything. He wanted to hear about Sirius's opinions and personal experience. He was his best friend after all, but yet they had never truly discussed love and relationship as extensively as they did everything else. It somehow felt taboo to talk about, like it would put a damper on their masculinity. Which was stupid, James thought. And even if it was socially true, masculinity was nothing more than another elaborate construct. Not an actual real thing that could be hurt.

"I guess when I realized I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without him," continued Sirius, profoundly focused, his eyes staring into nothing. "It's cliché to say but it's true. I couldn't stand to lose him."

They exchanged a look and smiled at each other shyly before Sirius shoved James's shoulder.

"Why you asking stupid questions for? It's not like you haven't been talking our ears off since first year about how Evans is your one and only."

"No, I know I'm in love and I'm sure of it. I just wanted to know how it felt to love someone who loves you back."

Sirius made a strange face as he slid through the portrait hole and James realized what he had just said.

"That sounded way more depressing than what I meant, sorry about that Pads, I'm not depressed, just curious. When I see you with Moony.. I just keep wishing I had the same thing with Lily."

"What's stopping you?" asked Sirius, opening the door to their dorm before flinging himself onto his bed. "You two have been somewhat decent to each other lately, so just talk to her! Ask her out to Hogsmeade like a normal person, instead of going insane reviewing every possible outcome like you always do."

James bit his lip and resisted the urge to throw his pillow at Sirius, who was surprisingly right. James did overthink and overcomplicated everything when it came to Lily, but he couldn't help it. Deep down he knew why. It was the only thing in his life he didn't allow himself to mess up. It was the one thing in his life he had to do right.

"It's not that easy."

"Why not?" Sirius had adopted a worried tone that wasn't his. He sounded like Remus.

"What if I'm not enough for her?" James whispered. Sirius got up and sat next to James.

"You don't have to be enough. You just have to be you," he said gently, in the most un-Sirius-like manner. "'The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.'"

James paused for a second, assessing what he had just heard, then laughed and shoved his friend away.

"Thank you Grandma, got any more sappy advice?"

"Piss off, you asked!" said Sirius, looking mildly offended but still laughing with him. "It's from a book Moony lent me!"

"I didn't know you could read!" teased James, opening his eyes wide and pretending to be shocked. He didn't point out the irony in Sirius quoting a book, which was a typical Moony thing to do. Remus and Sirius were slowly transforming into each other and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Shut up I mean it," replied Sirius, shoving back James. "Stop trying to be someone you're not in front of Evans. I can guarantee you that your fake layer of self assurance is not what she wants to see. Stop trying to please her by pulling ridiculous stunts you think she'll like. Allow yourself to be true and vulnerable in front of her, and if somehow that's not enough for her then she doesn't deserve you."

James stared down at his feet for a second, wondering where Sirius learned all this. Of course the wording was probably Moony's but the raw emotion he had shown came from a deeper and more personal place. Sirius had spent his earliest years trying to prove himself to his family, only to understand later down the line that the Blacks were not worthy of him. Trying and failing to gain the approval of a family that didn't know love had shaped Sirius in more ways than one. Of course the situation at hand here was very different, but it was obvious that it reminded Sirius of unpleasant memories.

"You're right. Thank you," said James, squeezing his friend's shoulder with a warm hand.

"Anything for you Prongs."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Sneak into the trophy room with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

So they went on their way, concealed under the cloak. Sirius didn't once ask James about his plan and James didn't once thought about explaining it to Sirius.

The door creaked when they entered but no one was there. Everyone was probably down in the Great Hall for dinner and James had a thought for Remus who was probably waiting for them there. He would perhaps be sad to not have been included but it had been a very spontaneous decision, a spur-of-the-moment type of prank and he would understand that.

After locking the door behind them, James put the cloak away in his robe and headed towards the shelves holding the Quidditch trophies. It only took him a second to find the Quidditch Cup they had won the previous year, red, gold and beautiful, which read "Winner of the Inter-House Quidditch Cup 1974-1975: Gryffindor team led by Captain Alice Prewett"

James vanished the glass protecting the cups wordlessly while Sirius stood behind him watching. He tapped the trophy with his wand a couple of times, and the letters twisted and danced to form "Captain James Potter". With a satisfied grin on his face, he put the glass back before turning to Sirius, who was also smiling from ear to ear.

"May I ask why you did that?" he said, in an amused tone.

"You may."

"Why did you do that?"

"Alice will be so mad I'm certain she will attempt to murder me dramatically sometimes this week. And if I'm lucky and Lily sees it, she will know there's nothing between me and Alice and this whole 'making her jealous thing' will die down like it should have a long time ago," answered James, absent-mindedly tapping the glass with the tip of his fingers. "Besides I always wanted to have my name on one of those things."

"James Fleamont Potter you are a criminal mastermind and the biggest idiot I've ever had to opportunity to meet."

"You love me really."

"I do."