"James Fleamont Potter!"

The angry voice rose from behind him and James had to admit it felt like deja vu. A feminine and familiar yet accusatory tone, a girl stomping towards him fists closed and an overwhelming feeling of guilt doubled with confusion.

Only minors differences assured James he hadn't accidentally stepped back in time. Lily's red hair bounced behind her as she walked and she appeared to be much calmer than Alice had been. Her expression was more disappointed than enraged and James felt a painful flutter in his heart he had never felt before.

He had always hated disappointing his friend and family, but disappointing Lily Evans of all people was particularly hard for him to stomach.

He was uncharacteristically alone, walking back from the library, his backpack filled with books he burrowed as a favour for Remus, who had already pushed past his quota for the week. Lily stopped in front of him and James forgot how to breathe.

She was truly terrifying, her hair a fire halo around her head, her emerald eyes still point of hurricanes. She was far from being taller than him but her energy and the raw power that exuded from her made James feel a hundred times smaller.

"I thought I asked you to leave him alone?"

James' heart sank. Ever since the adrenaline rush from sneaking into the Slytherin dorm had passed, he had feared this moment might happen. Played possible conversations over and over in his head. But each time, the outcome was not exactly in his favour.

"The rat bit him, you know?"

Lily was furious and she had a right to be.

In this instant, James calculated that his best bet was to pretend he had nothing to do with the prank, so he adopted his thoroughly practised surprised face.

"What rat? Is he okay?"

As Lily frowned, James realized the faked concern was maybe pushing the limits of dishonesty. He truly didn't care about Snape's well being.

"I mean the rat. Who knows what diseases he might had gotten from Snivellus."

James bit the inside of his cheek. Given Lily's expression he would have done better to not add anything. She crossed her arms across her chest and inhaled sharply while James tried to calm his irregular heartbeat.

"You're a goddamn idiot."

Her voice was low and threatening, echoing on the stones around them.

"A selfish self-centred big-headed git," she continued, moving closer to him after every word. "How come only two days after we talked about you being nicer to Sev, he comes up for breakfast with an insane story about his bed attacking him? And why is he convinced you have something to do with it?"

James had stepped so far back to escape Lily's menacing stroll his back his the wall behind him and he was forced to stop. He tried his best not to appear guilty but his collar was suddenly too tight and the temperature seemed to have risen a few degrees.

"His bed?" he chuckled with what he hoped was a confident smile. "How on earth could I have done anything to his bed?"

Lily squinted and James tried to build up his confidence a little bit. She would never hex him, she was a prefect and a bloody great one. She took a step back, scrutinizing his face as if hoping to perceive physical evidence of the lie.

Very conscious of the lack of space dividing them, James took a small breath in and ruffled up his hair, winking at her. He had always been excessively good at faking confidence.

"You tell me! How should I know?" said Lily, shaking her head. "But I believe Sev and he says you did it."

"The guy has been trying to get you to hate me ever since we met back in first year. He'd say anything," smiled James, trying his hardest to channel Sirius' nonchalance and Remus' eloquence. "Slytherin aren't above lying and you're naive if you think they are."

Lily rose a surprise eyebrow and James thought he saw her hand move imperceptibly towards her wand. He hated what he had just said but he couldn't think of anything else to get her to back off.

"James Potter you are a bully and an arrogant prick. I don't need Sev's help to hate you, I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself."

She turned around in such a swift movement her beautiful hair whipped James' face and he was overwhelmed with a sweet smell of apples and the feeling he had to make things right.

"Lily, wait!" he called after her but she didn't slow her pace. "I never touched Snivellus' pillow!"

At those words, she came to a stop and stood still at the end of the empty hallway and James held his breath as she turned around.

"What did you say?"

They were far apart now but her voice carried clearly all the way to James.

"I... I never touched his pillow?" repeated James hesitantly, not understanding why her cheeks were now suddenly flushed with rage.

She came back towards him with the same speed and anger in her step and this time James truly thought she was about to hex him into non-existence.

"Do you swear it's true?" she asked, planting herself in front of him, arms crossed across her chest.

"Yeah," answered James simply, praying Lily didn't know Legilimency.

The answer did not seem to satisfy her and she tossed her hair over her shoulder in an exasperated movement.

"Then how did you know it was his pillow which was transfigured?" Her tone was harsh and her eyes cold, as she waited for a response James could not provide.

He opened his mouth, tried to think about an excuse and came up with nothing. If he was honest with himself, this was not exactly the kind of pillow talk he had envisioned happening between Lily and him.

He was growing more and more tired of this spiral of lies he had trapped himself in, and Lily's furious expression in front of him comforted him in his decision to come clean. First year James had had the right idea. He would never do anything to anger Lily ever again. She was truly terrifying.

Staring down at his feet trying to look remorseful, he sighed and ruffled up his hair.

"Because I'm an idiot. Yes it was me, you were right."

"So you lied," she interrupted him. "You lied to my face."

James risked a glance up and saw the tip of her ears starting to become as red as her cheeks. He didn't know what to say or what to do to get out of this situation. He figured his last hope was that his Marauders would notice he was gone for an abnormally long amount of time and come looking for him. Otherwise they would just have to find his dead body in the morning.

Lily was a lovely and charming girl, but she was also an impatient and impulsive witch, who seemed to hate lies maybe even more than James did.

"I'm sorry Lily," he continued, keeping his head down. "It was a stupid and spontaneous decision. I didn't mean for Snape to get hurt. I didn't think."

Glancing up, he realized once again Lily looked more disappointed than angry. He only had himself to blame for the way she was looking at him, softly shaking her head and pinching her beautiful round lips. It lit up a fire in James' heart.

A fire fuelled by his desire to smooth Lily's furrowed brow. A fire he know would not die down until he'd see her smile.

But in this instant, it seemed as though he needed a miracle.

"Lily I'm so sorry."

"I don't care," she interrupted again.

She tucked a stand of her hair behind her ear and shot him a murderous glare. James was certain she would leave at this point, turn heel and never speak to him again, but something in her attitude was hesitant. She seemed unsure about whether or not to leave and James jumped on the opportunity to justify himself.

"You don't understand, he started it first. He stole my dad's copy of Advanced Potion Making and I.."

"How do you expect me to believe anything you say right now!" Lily exploded. "You lied with a straight face just two minutes ago! All of that because your head is so far up your own ass you can't see Severus is a sweet guy, who actually cares about me. Who listens to me. I thought you were my friend, I thought you had changed. I was wrong. I hate you!"

Golden sparks were flying out of her wand, cascading down her robes to her feet but she didn't seem to mind. Her fists were closed and she looked more beautiful than she ever had. The moment was suspended in time. Jams saw the world in her eyes but Lily only saw malevolent in his.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything. An 'I'm sorry' or a much truer, much quieter 'I love you'. The fire burnt bright in his veins, in every fibre of his being. He didn't say anything.

His lungs were collapsing inside his chest and there was nothing he could do but listen to Lily's words, a truth cutting into his flesh like a million daggers. She was right and it hurt.

Lily's fingers were gripping her wand firmly and despite her apparent desire to hex him, she turned and walked away without looking back. James waited until she had turned around the corner to allow his knees to give up under him.

The pain of his silver scars was back, ardent and unforgiving, but it was nothing compared to the fire consuming him from the inside out. Feeling something wet against his face, he realized, from miles and miles away, that he had been crying. He wiped tears of sadness, tears that were quickly replaced by angry and frustrated ones. He was furious at himself. For his mistakes, for everything he had said and everything he hadn't. For his weakness above all.

What kind of man was he, crying over a girl that didn't love him back? What kind of Gryffindor was he, falling on his knees at the thought of losing something he never truly had?

Forgetting about dinner, curfew and responsibilities, James stared down at the stone under his palms, cold and grey. He tried to find comfort in them, in the fact that they had been laid a thousand years ago and that they would still be there a thousand years after his death.

Perhaps even his children and grandchildren would walk in this corridor, their heads wrapped up in their own problems, unaware they were stepping over James' dried tears. This image made him realize this own insignificance in the great scheme of things. How unimportant was his heartache.

He was so small. So young.

Precipitated footsteps echoed in the hallway and before he could look up he felt himself being suddenly pulled into a tight and warm hug. Moony held him close while Peter wiped his tears with his sleeve.

"We ran into Lily in the common room," explained Remus. "Gave us a piece of her mind. We figured she talked to you too."

"Mental, this one," grumbled Peter despite the warning look Remus shot him.

For the first time in his life, James didn't defend Lily, but gripped harder to his friend's shoulder.

"You can't die of a broken heart Prongs," said Sirius from behind him, slapping the back of his head. "Quit the drama act."

"Leave me alone Pads." James' face was pressed up against Remus' chest and his muffled voice drew smiles around him.

Moony smelled of the forest and cigarette smoke, a familiar and comforting sent James gladly abandoned himself in. Surrounded by his friends, he didn't feel so silly to be crying, not when they brought him such support and love. Ironically it was this thought that made the tears stop.

"I love you guys," he sniffed, pulling back from Remus' hug and accepting Peter's helpful hand to get up.

"He's drunk again," said Sirius with a sarcastic smile.

"Leave me alone Pads."

And James realized one more thing. Lily was not the only love of her life. Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail were too.