He saw Lily in the common room, on his way back from their disastrous encounter that had left him broken on the floor. If Lily was in any way impacted or troubled she didn't let it show, as she was laughing and dancing with her friends to a muggle song coming out of an enchanted backpack. She looked happy. As if nothing upsetting had happened just minutes before.

The Marauders stared in anger and disapproval but James looked away and just kept walking. The last thing he wanted was to cause a scene.

They regained their dorm and didn't speak of the incident again, and James was more than grateful for that. Remus had obviously been very clear about no wanting to hear any Lily related comments from Sirius and Peter.

James went straight to bed, not bothering to take off his clothes or even his shoes. He threw his blanket over him and listened to the others get ready for bed quietly. It was still relatively early and James knew for a fact none of them had had dinner, but for some reason all of them seemed determined to respect the atmosphere of mourning that reigned in their room.

He tried not to think about Lily. About her eyes, her perfume, her smile. He failed. He dreamt of her.

She was taller in his dream, more fierce. More beautiful in a way. She didn't look at him once, but she kept laughing coldly as she danced, getting further away from him at each breath he took. His feet were like stuck to the ground and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move.

Then the tone shifted. What felt like a dream suddenly started to adopt accents of reality and he felt himself shivering, both in his dream and in his bed. They were in a house. The furniture looked familiar but the layout not so much. The carpet was soft under his feet and Lily's laugh had turned into someone else's. It was the most terrifying sound James had ever heard, and it seemed to come from all around him. Cruel and chilling, it echoed through time to mix with another sound, just as upsetting. A baby was crying.

James felt his heart tear into two. He still couldn't move, everything was blurry around him, everything but the omnipresent feeling of danger, surrounding him, swallowing him. Suffocating. He couldn't breathe. A woman's cry filled his ears, then a flash of green light blinded him and in one swift motion he stood upright in his bed, drenched in sweat.

The sun was just peaking above the horizon and his usually unruly hair stuck to his forehead. He reached for his glasses and slapped them on his face before looking around the room, his gaze bouncing on everything he could find, familiar objects that could help his steady his breathing and lower his heart rate.

"It was just a dream," he whispered to himself, but the words felt empty. He didn't believe them. It felt like something more than just a dream, something he couldn't explain. And he couldn't find in himself the courage he needed to dig deeper, to try to see further.

The few next breaths he took drained him. Forcing himself to get through the adrenaline rush was exhausting, and it felt as though he had barely slept for a few minutes instead of the entire night.

The silence that reigned in the room was deafening, sharply contrasting with the cacophony of his nightmare.

Purposefully ignoring his growling stomach, James got up and dressed himself. He let his mind wander and his feet carry him, and he was not in the least bit surprised when he raised his head and found himself in the owlery.

Although his parents had always insisted, he didn't have an owl that was just his, and preferred to use the school ones. The reason he told everyone was that he could barely take care of himself so he couldn't be trusted looking after a pet, even as smart and independent as an owl. The real reason was that he had been traumatized by the death of his parents old owl, when he was still a child. He had such a hard time dealing with loss, and he just didn't want to put himself in the position of caring for anyone who had a risk of dying before him. It was selfish and he knew it.

He called a school owl that came down its perch and landed on his shoulder. James had no letter to send yet but he got a piece of parchment and his self-inking quill out of his bag and just started writing.

'Mum,

i know i usually send my letters on sundays but i thought i would write to you today because i miss you and i know you understand me. i had a nightmare tonight, not a regular one, but one like the ones i used to get when i was small. it's okay though and im completely fine now, but it just made me realize what an incredible mom you have been to me even though i would wake you at every hour of the night.

school here is going perfect, sirius feels better than he did at christmas and we're all having fun and being exemplary pupils, remus makes sure of it.

i love you, give dad a kiss for me,

your James'

He tied the letter to the owl's leg before sending it off and going down to the Great Hall for a well deserved breakfast. His friends joined him quickly after that, starving from having missed dinner the day before. They didn't question James' absence in their dorm as they woke up and just greeted him by patting him on the back uncomfortably.

It was very clear that they didn't know what to say or how to act around him and James hated it. He needed everything to be the same. Nothing had changed, really. He was maybe sadder than usual but an awkward silence surrounding him at all hours was not exactly necessary nor useful.

A discreet flick of the wand under the table was enough for his friends to be covered in the pumpkin juice that filled their glasses just a second ago. Sirius let out a roar of indignation before shaking himself vigorously like a dog. Peter seemed mortified and looked left to right to try to catch a glimpse of the culprit.

"Who..." he started, his eyes as wide as plates.

"James," answered Remus with fake disapproval.

And in an instant, as if nothing had ever happened, the tension between the four of them vanished. Sirius and James engaged in a playfully violent spoon duel while Peter laughed and Remus rolled his eyes. McGonagall gave them both detention for using magic at the breakfast table and disturbing all the other students and Peter rolled with laughter under the table at Remus' expression.

They left for class arm in arm, talking loudly over each other as they always did and drawing every stare as they went down the halls.

When they arrived in front of their classroom, Remus sneaked off unnoticed by the others, and James was the only one who saw him walk over confidently to the group of girls standing by the door.

"Prongs! I'm talking to you!" Sirius called his attention back to him. "I feel like it's been years since our last big prank, my blood is itching. What do you think we should do next?"

"Uh?" answered James distractedly. "Don't ask me, Wormy always has the better plans."

Grateful, Peter blushed and squirmed before nodding approvingly and making a list of his ideas. James used this distraction to turn back to Remus, in a seemingly heated discussion with Lily.

James bit his lip. Whatever they were talking about, neither of them looked particularly happy with each other, and it meant a lot considering those two had always gotten along, ever since first year. The only thing James could do was hope they weren't arguing because of him but because of some prefect related issue. Although deep down he knew it wasn't true.

James was so focused on the pair and on trying to make out what they were saying by reading their lips, he failed to see what was going on around them. Or rather who was approaching with his usual hostile sneer, greasy hair and jealousy. James didn't see him until it was too late and his Moony was on the ground, shaken by the blast that had thrown him to the ground.

Unfortunately, James wasn't the only one to have witnessed the scene. A violent growl rose from behind him, and suddenly, almost instinctively James found himself using all of his weight and strength, struggling to keep Sirius from jumping on Snape and strangling him.

Shocked gasps and screams of protest came from all around, as it became clear for everyone that the Slytherin had just attacked a Gryffindor prefect, totally unprovoked. James faced away from the scene, too busy trying to keep his friend from doing something he'd regret.

On any other occasion, James would have easily been able to have the upper hand on Sirius physically: he trained for Quidditch almost five times a week now, and his muscle mass was most definitely impressive for a sixteen year old boy. But the amount of rage coming from Sirius seemed to double his strength and James could barely hold on.

"Tell me Lupin, what's worst?" Snape asked in a drawling voice. "Being a fucking werewolf or having such a queer boyfriend? Or does it not matter when you're as monstrous as you?"

Hearing these words, it took a fraction of second for James to let go of Sirius and race him to get to Snape. His mind was blank, his wand forgotten in his pocket. His instinct told him to punch and he was going to listen. The only thing he wanted was for Snape to suffer. To hurt him as much as he hurt his friends.

A deafening detonation echoed in the hallway, but this time it was James and Sirius who were thrown against a wall by the force of the blast. A thin veil of protection had appeared, separating them from Snape, and Lily was standing in front of it, wand out.

She turned to Snape, who had also been hit by the outburst of magic and with a low, hostile voice she articulated:

"Severus. I can't take points from you but rest assured Slughorn will hear about this. You know how he loves me. You know he'll give you detention everyday for the rest of the year if that's what I want. Remus did nothing to you, so how fucking dare you use such words? Call a werewolf the sweetest boy I've ever met... There isn't a bad bone in his body, but you.. you intolerant, bigoted, miserable prick, I want nothing to do with you! Get the fuck out of here."

She was slowly and menacingly moving towards him, and golden sparkles were flying out of her wand, in the same manner they had just the day before in a much different context. James had been broken-hearted but this time he was triumphant. Lily was seeing the truth behind the honeyed words and dead eyes of her best friend. Finally.

Snape fled as soon as Lily's spell lifted, his cape floating behind him like the wings of a bat and Sirius grunted upon seeing him get away with what he had said so easily.

Lily then turned to James and Sirius, her voice still sharp as a blade, but with a softer look in her eyes.

"Ten points from Gryffindor. You are not children and you are expected to be in control of your emotions no matter how outrageous the provocation is."

Remus sighed as he got up and offered a helpful hand to help Sirius back to his feet. James could feel the tension still present in his friend's body and Snape's voice still rang in his ears: "queer boyfriend". Lily had managed to defuse the werewolf insult quite brilliantly, but the homophobic comment still lingered in the air. James had no idea what to do so he just crossed his fingers and prayed that no one heard nor paid attention.

"Tell Flitwick I'll be in Slughorn's office," said Lily before turning heel and walking away from the whispers that filled the corridor.

James had never been more in love with her.