All's Fair in Love and Pet Names
"Sweetums."
"No."
"Honey."
"Nuh uh.
"Honey lumpkins?"
"What the hell? No."
"Darling."
"Generic. And no."
"Boobear."
"… I think I just threw up a little."
"Don't be dramatic."
"I'm serious. If you ever call me 'boobear,' I'll file for divorce."
"Inuyasha!"
"Hey, you've been warned."
"Listen here, dog-boy: it's every new wife's sacred duty to find the right pet name for her husband."
"Which kami gave out that dispensation? Cuz I've got a complaint to make."
"And I'm going to find yours, just wait and see! How about… dumpling? You like dumplings!"
"I also like being regular, don't mean I wanna be called Shithea—"
"Stud muffin."
"Oi, you're not listening to me—"
"Hotcakes."
"Kagome, stop."
"Waffles."
"Wha—?"
"Sugar pie."
"Are you just hungry?"
"… I mean, a little. But if you don't like the food theme, I can try something else. Sugar…um… daddy?"
"… I think I really did throw up that time."
"Yeah… that was pretty bad. Okay, scratch that one. Um… Old Man?"
"How about we avoid anything that makes me sound like the creepy old uncle nobody wants to invite for the holidays?"
"Okay, fine. I'll think of something better. Something so good it'll knock you right out of your socks!"
"Uh huh. My socks are quivering."
"How aboooouuuuut… Lambykins?"
"… Kagome…"
"Puppykins?"
"Fuck no."
"Mud Puppy."
"Stop with the 'puppy' shit. First I'm a grandpa, now I'm a toddler. Damn, Kagome."
"All right, all right. So you want something more macho?"
"I want you to give it up already."
"Just who do you think you married, huh? I'm not a quitter!"
"Ugh…"
"How about… Beefcake."
"Still hungry?"
"Hot Toddy."
"Ain't that a cocktail?"
"Bulldozer."
"… a little, microscopic, tiny bit better…"
"Silver Bullet?"
"… I don't hate it…"
"The Silver Wonder?"
"Eh…"
"Thundercat!"
"… cat? Really?"
"B'doodleykitten!"
"Okay, these names are taking a huge step backwards. Let's go back to the 'bullet' idea…"
"My Uzzie Wuzzie."
"… You know what? Fine. Fine. That sounds great… baby."
"… now, Inuyasha… I know you know that I don't like it when couples call each other 'baby'. It's so infantilizing."
"Oh? Hn, all right then, Old Lady."
"Inuyasha…"
"What is it, Princess?"
"Oh my God, don't even start—"
"Okay, Poopsie."
"Ew ew ew!"
"Don't like that, Jigglypuff?"
"Hey! Just because that was my favorite Pokémon in middle school, doesn't mean—"
"Tch, who do you think you married? That's still your favorite Pokémon."
"… ahem. Be that as it may, it doesn't mean I want to be called—"
"Keh! Fine then, Tootsie Roll."
"Don't make me file for a divorce."
"How could you say that to me, Sugar Lips?"
"OKAY, OKAY! I surrender! Are you happy now? I surrender! No more pet names!"
"Promise, Gummy Bear?"
"Ugh! Yes, I promise!"
"Good. Glad to hear it, Sugar Lumps."
"Watch it, Puppykins."
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A/N: Apparently I can't leave the dialogue challenge alone.