"I'm so dumb."
"You're not."
"I can't believe I asked her out again."
"Fine you're a little dumb."
"Sirius."
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Sorry."
They were sitting by the edge of the lake and the sun was setting on the other side of the bank, colouring the water and the sky all shades of pale pink. The castle grounds were empty of students, everyone being busy packing their suitcase and gathering their stuff scattered around the castle across the year.
James's invisibility cloak they used to sneak out laid abandoned a few feet behind them. It was tradition for him and Sirius to meet in this precise spot at the beginning of every summer, to discuss the past school year but mostly to avoid cleaning up their dorm room and leave all the work to Remus and Peter.
"I didn't mean to do it."
"I know."
"It just slipped out."
"I know."
James had not yet been able to move on from the topic of what had happened just a couple of days before and Sirius had been surprisingly patient with him.
"She'll never speak to me again."
"I'm sure she will."
James lowered his head and looked down at the water glowing peacefully under him. He was always sad to leave Hogwarts, but this time he couldn't wait to be on the train taking him back to London. He just wanted to escape the castle, escape the memories and have a wonderful summer with his best friend, playing Quidditch and forgetting about a certain red-headed girl. And a certain greasy-haired guy.
"He called her an 'M-word', Pads. To her face. In front of the entire school."
"I know, I was there Prongs."
"I just wish I could have done something."
"What was there to be done?" sighed Sirius. "I'm actually glad it happened. Now Evans can see him for what he truly is. A disgusting patronising power-hungry aspiring Death-Eater. He's a nasty teenager and he will grow up to be a cruel man."
"You're right," answered James, resting his head on his friend's shoulder. "I just.. I just wish there had been a way for Lily to see all this without her getting hurt."
Sirius snickered and shook his head softly.
"If there is one person strong enough not to be hurt by words it is Lily Evans. Don't worry about her Prongs, worry about yourself."
"Isn't that what I've been doing for the past hour and a half?" James smiled.
"I mean start worrying on how you're gonna get her back."
James straightened up, unsure about what Sirius was saying. His voice was calm and measured and he didn't seem to be teasing him in the least bit. There was a slight frown in between his eyebrows, the same Remus had, as he was staring in front of him at the sun drowning in the pink lake.
"I never had her to begin with. She wasn't mine to lose," answered James slowly. "Besides, she made it abundantly clear that she isn't interested. And that's an understatement."
"She isn't interested in the James you're showing her and honestly I don't blame her," said Sirius, looking away from the sunset to turn to his best friend. "But she would fall in love with the James I know in a heartbeat."
James frowned and shook his head softly in confusion.
"I don't understand what you mean."
"What I mean is you are resisting to love," continued Sirius. "You're so used to receiving unconditional care and appreciation, you can't imagine what it's like to be rejected. You've been adored and it weakened you. It scares you that Lily will see who you are and not love you. So you act like someone else and let her hate you because you're afraid of giving yourself a fair chance."
Silence fell between the two of them. A silence during which James weighed the impact of everything Sirius had said. There was a painful truth behind his words and he needed to hear it. He chose not to.
"This isn't true," he whispered before tearing his gaze away from Sirius's face.
"It is and you know it, James."
A slight breeze picked up, ruffling the leaves in the trees around them and carrying a soft smell of pine and earth. The sun was barely visible on the horizon now and the sky behind them was turning darker. For a while, they listened to the sound of the water lapping at the bank and the birds singing themselves to sleep.
"I did too."
"What?"
"Resist to love," explained Sirius. "I still do."
He extended his legs in front of him and leaned backwards to lay down on the grass. James joined him to the ground a second later, using his hands as a pillow underneath his head, waiting for Sirius to continue down his train of thought.
"With the family I had... I thought loving was a weakness. That being loved was a curse. Then I met you, and Peter and Moony. I realized I couldn't have been more wrong. You're my greatest strength. Letting myself be loved was the best decision I ever made. It's time you do the same."
"How?" said James. "How do you put aside your fear? How do you break down your barriers? How do you embrace the possibility of pain, of heartbreak? How can you?"
"You live and learn, mate."
"Live and learn," repeated James with a smile.
The stars were coming out now. Beautiful and far. Alive. James had never felt so lost. His thoughts wandered about before spiralling back to Lily, as they always did. She was his anchor. No matter how far he drifted, he never did lose her.
"Did you ever try explaining to her how you feel?"
James smiled. Sirius made everything seem so easy. He was two extremes at a time: dramatic and overcomplicated when dealing with his own issues, and logical and calm when it came to his friends.
"I never did actually."
"Yet you're always the one saying communication is key."
"It's different."
"How?"
"Lily knows how I feel."
"I don't think she does," replied Sirius, with so much sincerity in his voice James frowned.
There was no way Lily didn't know he was head over heels in love with her. Despite his best efforts, he hadn't yet mastered the art of restraining his feelings enough so that they wouldn't show. He still blushed like a madman when she was around and the slightest accidental contact between the two of them always made James jump a few feet back, certain his heart would burst.
"I asked her out on numerous occasions, Pads. She has to know it wasn't for the fun of being rejected in public countless times."
Sirius let out a chuckle he tried and failed to pass off as a sigh and rolled to his side to look at James.
"I don't know, Moony tells me she can be pretty thick. At least you two have that in common."
"Don't you dare talk about my future wife that way!" gasped James, faking indignation.
"As your future best man, it is my duty to inform you that you need to talk to her if you want her to know how you feel," replied Sirius with a hint of genuine concern in his voice. "You can't say you've given yourself a fair chance until you are sure she understands your feelings about her. And who knows, she could be in your exact same situation: too in love to function and be a correct human being in front of you."
"Are you aware we are talking about the woman who would rather date the giant squid than me?"
"Mate, while we're being honest here, I would rather date the giant squid than you. I've seen your room. You're a pig."
"What are you talking about?" laughed James, reaching his arm out to hit Sirius's shoulder. "I'm a dear!"
"Was that an Animagi pun? Because if it was, I'm pretty sure I legally have to turn you in to Azkaban for murdering humour all together."
"Oh come on, why do you always have to be so serious?"
"I will kill you right here right now if you don't stop. Don't tempt me," said Sirius with a fairly straight face before making eye contact with his best friend, his brother, and burst out laughing.
Their joint laughter did not die down until a couple of minutes later, when the moon appeared from behind a cloud, shining a soft and delicate light on the two of them. The birds had stopped singing and the only sound around them was their breathing, and the fainter, tender rhythm of their heartbeats.
"I love you."
"I love you too."

"What are you two saps still doing here? Get your asses up and help us pack your shit!"