"And that's it. She came into the bathroom while I was in there; cornered me really. I won't lie, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to get out of there, but nothing happened!" Peter's hands shot up defensively. He didn't want to take me straight home after the party, especially once he learned that I saw him and Gen exit the bathroom together. He brought me to the same diner we talked that one time, eager to explain himself. I patiently let him run over the events, not interrupting or eating while he spoke, which I think he appreciated. "It's no big secret that she's not thrilled that we're dating. She's actually really jealous." I couldn't stop myself from grinning but still refrained from speaking.
"I'll be honest with you, Covey. I have mixed feelings on the whole thing. On the one hand, it's kinda sweet to have her jealous over me; not that she wasn't during our relationship. On the other hand, though…." My dearest fake boyfriend paused for a minute as his hand ran through his hair. His eyes wandered off into nowhere like he was contemplating deeply on the subject. "It doesn't feel as good as I thought it would. Something seems off about it… I don't know what but there's something." I watched him momentarily before finally smiling. My hand reached over to rest overtop his. "Take your time, Peter. You two just broke up a month ago; there're going to be some lingering, confusing feelings still around. No one's rushing you," I tried to sound as comforting as possible. Peter gazed up at me, though he was smiling. "Why are you so patient with all this? Doesn't Gen's jealously bug you?"
My hand retracted and I grabbed my oreo milkshake. My shoulder responded with a shrug. "Because I took some psychology courses and know how human emotions operate? You're still grieving your relationship, Peter. There's nothing wrong with that; it's perfectly natural actually. Hell, my sister and Josh had to leave the city to get over theirs in a healthy way. It'd be bad if I wasn't patient and didn't understand." And Peter grinned at me; he smiled….. "You have changed a lot since high school. There was a day me talking to Gen when we were together would have freaked you out." "I'm not a petty high schooler anymore. I've changed," I mirrored his slightly cocky expression. He waited for a minute before saying anything next, leaning back in his chair.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" "Shoot," I kept sucking down my delicious, artery-clogging beverage. "Why did you volunteer to work at the University's Women's Resource Centre's bake sale?" "Oh right! I almost forgot about that!" My fingers snapped. Better check in with Kitty and Daddy to make sure the cupcakes were actually finished. If not, I'd be up until four in the morning baking- ugh. But I redirected my attention back to Peter, who was expecting an answer.
"Well actually, I'm raising money at the sexual assault booth. All proceeds go to helping survivors and funding the centre." "Oh," Peter hesitated, almost afraid to ask his next question. He couldn't even look me in the eye. "W-why that booth exactly? Is there a reason…. or something?" I gazed up from milkshake to him; this question surprised but didn't shock me. I guess it was going to come up sooner or later. And once again, that tightness in my chest returned. Ok, breathe Aerity; breathe…. Just tell him what you're comfortable with. Only what you're ok disclosing in a public place like this. It's all up to you; all what you want to say.
My lips parted as I drew in a much-needed deep breath. My eyes lowered to my clenched hands now on my lap. "It's…. important to me. It's helps…. knowing that I'm helping others. Call it an act of solidarity." Peter stared at me with the largest eyes. He didn't respond right away, taking his time to digest what I'd just said. Eventually, I heard him breathe heavily. "Solidarity?" "That's right," my eyes lowered. It's nice to feel like I'm not the only one…..
Another pregnant pause. "W-will you tell me, Aerity?" "Not yet," I answered right away. No, I wasn't ready; not right now. "It's nothing personal, Peter. It's just very difficult for me to talk about." Yet another lull in the conversation. I almost flinched startled when Peter's hand suddenly stretched out to take hold of mine. His thumb gently ran over the skin as he stared down at our entwined hands. "You really got hurt, didn't you?" My head replied with a slow, pained nod. It was true; so true….
Peter's grip tightened on my hand- protectively, securely. He gave a little grunt before lightly shaking his own head, staring off into space. "It's a good thing I wasn't there. I would have killed him." "No… no, Peter. It doesn't work like that," I sighed. "Police get involved and it becomes this huge process….." My bottom lip began to quiver as I tried my best to keep myself from tearing up. "That's when I became a feminist; when I realized just how little help there was for me. It's easy for people, especially women, to dog on feminism…. but when something actually bad happens to a woman….." Before I realized it, tears were forming in my eyes' corners. I don't know why I kept talking but I did; I guess I felt comfortable enough to say this to him.
"That's why I'm volunteering at the bake sale; that's why I'm not ashamed to call myself a feminist. Because I want other women, as well as male survivors, to know that I understand and I'm there for them; just like me, they're not alone. We need more feminists in the world, because I've seen how far we still need to go… how much society doesn't value me as an equal yet." Peter didn't speak for a long time after this; he simply continued to hold my hand in his and stare off into nowhere. It was clear that he was obviously thinking about what I'd said, though he didn't know how to reply.
After what felt like an eternity, Peter's head gave a shake as his train of thought came to an end. Still holding tightly onto my hand, he looked me straight in the eye. Or well he did after his free hand tenderly lifted up my chin to make me face him. "Not all of society, not me," his voice was gentle and quiet. "I value as an equal. It never actually occurred to me that you wouldn't be. It just seems so natural and right….." "I know," I smiled through the tears. Peter looked at me and wiped away a teardrop on my left cheek. A sad, enlightened grin also rolled across his lips as we continued to stare at each other.
"You know," he finally broke the silence. "I think I'm a feminist." "You don't have to do that for me." "That's absolutely why I need to do it," Peter's head leaned in towards mine, softly pressing our foreheads together. "Anyone who doesn't value you as an equal has no business with me. You are equal; it's so obvious, I shouldn't even have to say it." "But you do," more tears rolled down my cheeks as my hand came up to wrap around his arm. "People will listen to you because you're a man." Just like they listened to Josh that one horrific night two years ago; his words weighed more than mine, even though I was the victim.
Peter waited, breathing deeply the whole time. "I'll listen to you, Aerity; I'll always listen to you. And when you need to speak up for you, I'll do that for you too." "Thank you, Peter….. thank you." We brought our heads apart so we could look at each other again. Peter smiled at me and I him; our hands were still holding onto each other. "You know," his beautiful voice spoke again, and I swore I could hear Pride and Prejudice scores playing in the distance. "I never thought about it before, but I don't think I could love someone who wasn't my equal. I want a partner, an equal….." "We're equals, Peter; all women and men are." "Yes," his voice was perfect in that moment. "I never thought otherwise." And then, with the upmost tenderness a human can possess, he leaned back over to kiss my forehead for the first time ever. While my eyes widened expressively, his shut; he closed his eyes.