Josh and I sat on my front porch in the moonlight. It was ten thirty at night but who cares. We're adults; we can stay out as long as we want, provided we're in a safe location. We didn't say much thus far after that extensive embrace. Though I did notice Josh keep peering over at me from the corner of his eye; his smile kept growing each time. I think he was happy to be back; I certainly was. All that fear, all that anxiety I had before seemed to just vanish into thin air. I just felt so happy, calmly happy at the moment.

I don't know what the cue was, but after some time we looked at each other in unison; we looked and smiled. "It's good to see you again, Aerity." "Likewise, I missed you so much," I heard my mouth say without my brain's permission; not that it wasn't true. This caused a pleased little grin to curl in the right corner of his mouth, which he hid with his hand. Then he reached beside him to pull out a little gift bag I hadn't noticed before.

"Uh, here. I brought you something from the coast." "Thank you," I took the bag, immediately opening it. Inside were two Lush products: a Rosy Cheeks facemask and Handy Gurugu hand lotion. I glanced up to Josh in delighted surprise, which I guess he took as his cue to explain himself. "Well, I know how much you love their facemasks and you wear more hand cream than anyone else I know." "Josh," my grin widened as I set the bag down on my lap. "It's perfect. You know me so well." "I'd like to think I know you better than anyone." This, for some reason, made my grin begin to fade. He spoke with such sincerity and knowing our history, I was inclined to believe him; though I don't know how that made me feel exactly. Not bad but….

The fastest moment of silence passed before Josh's head turned forward and his hands clasped out in front of him. "I guess…. you'd like an explanation." "It would be nice," I admitted. "I'm sorry, Aerity; you have no idea. I didn't mean to…. well, I suppose I did considering that I did, but I didn't want to cut contact with you. It's just…. my mind was in such a weird place at the time. Do you know….. did you send me that letter you wrote back in ninth grade?" "I guess that deserves an explanation too," I let out a long sigh. "No, I didn't send the letters out; I don't know who did. I didn't even have the address to where you were staying. It's really bizarre now that I'm saying it out loud…" Hey yeah, that's right. Neither Kitty nor I had Josh's temporary address, and Daddy would never do something like that. It couldn't have been Margot because she wasn't in the country. Huh….. that's the oddest thing.

Josh waited patiently for me to continue, which I did seconds later. "Josh, you gotta understand that I wrote that letter in the ninth grade. I never meant to send it…. even though I put them in addressed envelops." Logic actually dictates otherwise. "Regardless, I am so so sorry if it made things harder or more complicated for you," my eyes scrolled over to him. "I know you went away to get over Margot in a healthy way, and I fully respected and supposed that decision. Granted, I was…. flattered by the flowers; I really was and thank you. That was so sweet." I didn't notice Josh blink in confusion at me. "What flowers?" Not that I heard that either; I was too wrapped up in my apology.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, and especially not at a time like this. I couldn't live with myself if you thought that I sent that letter on purpose," I looked him straight in the eye. "I would never do a thing like that; not to you." Josh observed me for a long moment until his head gave an unconscious nod. "I know…. I know you wouldn't do something like that. I knew that it must have been a mistake of some kind but….." Again, his eyes rolled out into nowhere thoughtfully. "When I read your letter…. I'm not gonna lie, it was really hard. I was so confused and still missing Margot like crazy…. I mean… I guess what I'm trying to say is that the reason I didn't call or text you is because I was so confused and hurt. I needed some time away from everyone and everything where I could just think; think and heal."

My head also instinctively nodded as my eyes began to drift off thoughtfully as well. "I understand that. It must have been a really hard time for you; I can see why you wanted some quiet time to yourself to think." A lull in the conversation followed. Josh's gaze eventually made its way back over to me. "I still have it….." "What?" I blinked over puzzled. "Your letter; I kept it." "Really?" I don't know why this surprised me so much; it should be obvious that he kept it, shouldn't it? The faintest grin started to bloom across his lips, as if to be remembering something pleasant. "I actually really like it; even back in junior high, you were so poetic." "Haha, I've gotten better in later years I hope."

"I didn't… I didn't even look at your letter again after I received it; not for a couple of weeks. But then I re-read it- I'm not really sure why. Then I re-read it a third time, then a fourth. I was reading it almost every day in the last week before I came home." This caught my undivided attention, though I didn't dare interrupt him. I simply stared at him with the widest eyes. His were off into space again as he chuckled to himself softly. "It's funny…. I had no idea you felt that way. I thought you always just saw me as a friend; a best friend of course, but still. You were always so supportive of Margot's and my relationship." "You were happy," I answered; short, sweet, and to the point. And honest- can't forget honesty.

Josh's lips parted a tad as he sucked in a deep, deep breath. "What about now?" "Huh?" "How… how do you feel now? A-about me, I mean?" "Josh," my eyes grew more, if that were even possible. W-why was he asking me this now? "Do you….?" His piercing stare met mine. "Do you still feel the same? Even a little bit?" "Josh, I….." What should I say? My hand instantly rose up to my pounding chest. I should be honest….. I should tell him the truth…. But what is the truth? I don't know….. I don't…..

"I don't know," I blurted out, like an utter moron. Of course I flinched in surprise at the own words coming out of my mouth. Well, at least it was honest. Josh looked hard at me for a second. "You're not sure?" "W-well, the truth Josh that…. no, I'm not sure. I don't know how I feel about anyone at the moment. I'm just so confused." "Hey, hey, it's ok," his broad hand stretched over to land securely on my shoulder. "You don't have to decide anything tonight. You can time your time with this…. we can take our time." We? We…..

In that very instant, Peter's face zoomed through my mind. That's right, Peter! I still have to tell him about…. oh boy. "Um, t-there's something I have to tell you, Josh." "Ok?" "Uh….. erm…. uh," my hands kept fiddling on my lap nervously. Josh noticed of course; a hint of worry tinted his expression. "It's ok, Aerity. Take your time; you can tell me anything." "I know…." I knew that better than anyone, and it didn't make the situation easier. Ok! I summoned up all the courage I had in my twenty-four-year-old body. Here it goes!

"Do you…. remember I texted you about Peter Kavinsky?" "Kavinsky?" Josh looked as if he was trying to recall the conversation. "You mean that guy we went to high school with? The dick you ran into at the mall?" Uh oh; this wasn't a good sign. "Uh, yes. Um, you see, while you were gone, we sort of reconnected." "Reconnected?" His eyebrow rose suspiciously. "Did that jerk try and talk to you?!" His voice was immediately filled with panic. "We met at the diner and just sorta…. started talking. Actually, to be honest….. I kind of… wrote him a letter too." "You did?" Oh man, how his eyes widened. "It was back in high school before he started dating Gen. Naturally, he was…. also really confused. He wanted to find me and tell me that he was currently dealing with his lingering feelings for Gen and that it would never happen between us."

"Oh," Josh sounded super, super relieved, making me glance up to him. "Well, that's not too bad. As long as he was polite about it; or as polite as someone like him can be. Either way, it could have been worse." Worse? Like what? Him actually asking me out on a date? Speaking of which…. "Um, that's not the end of the story….." I bit my lower lip apprehensively. "W-what do you mean?" Josh's expression immediately firmed up into a series of worried lines and wrinkles. "He recently broke up with Gen and….. well, like you he's having a hard time getting over her. Plus, she's apparently not making it easy for him either. She doesn't respect his decision like you respected Margot's."

"What does that have to do with you?" "Well…" Oh god, I hate this. I knew this moment was coming and I dreaded it now more than ever. "We sort of got into a fake relationship to get Gen off his back," I winced my eyes shut while I said this; I couldn't bear to see the horror on Josh's face. "Aerity!" "It's not a real relationship! It's not like that!" "How could you do that?!" Obviously, Josh didn't care if it was real or not. "You hate playing games with other people! That's not who you are." "I know…. I know. Well, technically we're a couple but nothing serious or concrete!" My hands shot up defensively. "We're just…. courting; that's all."

Josh gave me a look like he didn't know what to do or think. He just kept staring at me with those large brown eyes of his. The silent was almost unbearable; I was thankful when he chose to break it, regardless of what he would say. "You're not…. in love with him still, are you?" "No…." I mean, I don't think I am. I definitely have feeling for Peter but that wasn't the same as love…. he was still into Gen, after all. Josh nodded, giving off a relieved aura once again. "And you're just courting; not officially dating?" "Yes, though I doubt any Americans would know the difference."

"Ok," Josh nodded his head affirmably. "Ok what?" "You can stop courting him now." "What?!" This caught me off guard. I knew he wouldn't be happy, but this was totally not his decision. Still, he was firmed-faced as always. "Why would you continue? I'm back; I'm here now." "That's not the point! Peter and I have become good friends while you were away. And might I add that you were the one who left." "You supported that decision!" "I didn't expect you not to text or call me for three weeks!" I retorted loudly. "And yes, I know why you did, and I understand. But my life kept moving here, Josh. I missed you; I missed you like crazy, but Peter helped the time pass." A little too quickly, if I'm honest.

"You don't get it, Aerity. A guy like Peter doesn't deserve you. He dated Gen for eight years; it's not a fair playing field." "You dated Margot for two years," I countered. "With you at our side! Don't forget, Peter chose Gen over you at the end of high school." "That's not really fair. He… wanted to contact me but I told my family not to give him my address or phone number." That was a really dumb, petty move that I think about it. "Aerity….." Josh sighed.

Neither of us spoke for a while after this; I think we both were feeling pretty bad at the moment. We must have been, considering that we kept our eyes locked onto the ground. Eventually however, I was the one who talked next. Despite everything, nothing could erase the happiness that his returning brought me. "Josh, I did… really miss you. Time passed quickly; I won't deny that, but… I did notice that you weren't here." "Aerity." "So, did you…. did you manage to get over Margot? Properly, I mean?" "Yeah," he sighed intently. "It was one of the hardest months of my life. And I won't lie, I still feel something for her….. I still love her in this weird, detached way." "I'm not surprised," my eyes lowered softly.

"But Aerity….." His gentle voice made me gaze up at him again. "I should tell you that… hearing that you might still have feelings for me….. I'm happy; so, so happy." "Josh?" "It's a two-way street, you know. You feel like I've always been there for you, but really, you've always been there for me too. Whenever I'm with you… I feel so calm and content. That's why I wanted to see you first when I got home." Oh Josh….. my eyes began to feel a little heavy. I think I was realizing the gravity of the words he was saying. "You don't… love Peter, but you don't know how you feel about me," Josh's own eyes lowered a bit. "Josh, I must be honest with you. I do…. feel something for Peter." "But you also feel something for me too, right? That's why you didn't say "no" to me just now." My mouth opened but no words came out. Oh my god, he was right. The memory of our foreheads pressed together at the bus station passed through my head. He was so right…

"Aerity," Josh's hand rose to brush some stray hands behind my ear. "Josh….." "All this time I've wanted to see you, to be there for you." "You've always been there for me, Josh. That never changed," I grinned softly. "Even if you and Peter have become "friends" over the past month, nothing could ever break our bond. You are my one true best friend." "Yes, I am….." He was…. He's always been my best friend these past six years. His head came forward to rest against mine tenderly. "I could care less about Peter, but please…. please let me stay. Let's see where our feelings take us, ok?" Josh… Somehow I had a feeling that Peter wouldn't take kindly to this but I couldn't just leave Josh like that. Not after everything we've been through and my potential love for him….. "Ok."