[Lucas: Just be honest with both of them. Sooner or later 1 of them will let u know what's up; u don't have stress over choosing 1 of the other, especially since they haven't told u that they loved u yet…. they haven't, have they?] [Me: No, the exact opposite in fact. They've both told me that they still had a thing 4 someone else; I feel just like extra-girl right now] I had been texting my adored Lucas under the bleachers at the field. As predicted, he was more than a little helpful with my current stress level. In fact, he didn't see why I should be stressed at all; it's not like Josh and Peter were actually competing for my affections or anything.
[Lucas: Then use that 2 ur advantage; just continue hanging out with them like u did before. Something will happen eventually. But I must say that I've been hanging with Peter a lot lately and he sure sounds like he likes u] My eyes lowered a bit as I scanned over the text several times. [Me: Why makes u say that?] [Lucas: Well he never shuts up about u, 4 1 thing; not that it's a bad thing!] [Me: Haha, thanks Lucas. I'll keep u in the loop and follow ur advice; I'll just be honest with both of them about my feelings. If I fall in love with 1, I'll tell them; and if I friend-zone 1, I'll tell them that 2] [Lucas: That's my girl! No 1 can blame u if ur honest and straight forward with them (man, I wish more guys were like u)] This made me smile. [Me: Awe! And I wish more men were like u; ur something wonderful, my fair Lucas] [Lucas: Thanks, cutie We still on 4 War and Peace this weekend? I love that movie!] [Me: Me 2! Of course we r; no 1 will watch it with us] [Lucas: Ha, truth! Have a good run with Josh] [Me: I will, thank u]
Turning my screen off, I held my phone up against my chest. Lucas…. I knew going to him was the right thing to do. He always made me feel better- always. Our conversation ended around twelve thirty; half an hour before Josh and I were supposed to meet at the track. For some reason, Peter still wasn't answering his texts or calls. Gees! It goes from one to the other. But I decided to take a page from Lucas's book and not let it bother me; I'd use it to my advantage instead. If Peter was busy- too busy to tell me what he was up to- then I'd just spend more time with Josh, Chris, and Lucas. I loved them all so much and had to make sure that they knew it; I didn't want them to feel neglected either.
I was contemplating getting up and heading over to the track now. This plan, or rather thought, was interrupted by the sound of some people walking on the bleachers above me. Now you might ask yourself what I was doing under there in the first place; that's a fair question. It was a familiar setting to me in this city. Back in high school, Gen and I would spend hours under the school bleachers; hiding from gym class and finding some privacy to talk about ahem, personal issues. Periods are fun for no one in their teenage years. And I know, I should hate bleachers after what happened with Gen and I….. but I don't. This is one good memory and sensation I carried with me from high school. Plus, bleachers are hard to come by in Edinburgh, so I got to sit under them while I can.
The pair- it sounded like two pairs of shoes- above me didn't seem to notice my presence, which is fine; it happened all the time in high school. Having zero interest in their conversation, I was still planning on leaving until… "I don't know, Peter. It's like you don't have time for me anymore." What the…..? I gazed up, only to steel bars and plastic seat covers. That sounds like Gen…. and she's speaking to Peter! "Literally all you do is hang out with her." Her? Does she mean me? Well, who else could she mean?
"Uh, yeah? Cause we're dating?" Peter voice fell down to my ears in the first time in two days. Courting, I inwardly cringed. We're courting. "Yeah right. You clearly still have a thing for me; that's why you didn't lock the bathroom door at the party, right? You knew I saw you go in." Wait, what is she talking about? Peter said that he wasn't expecting her to join him; she just sort of appeared out of nowhere. "Or I forgot to lock it; one of the two," Peter rebuffed in a low yet kind of awkward tone. "Why are you even with her? Oh wait, I know; she's the rebound because you're still in love with me." I'm not the rebound, I frowned gazing upwards at the two shadows. Peter wouldn't do that to me, would he?
"Look, Gen. I've told you before; I can't be at your beck and call anymore. You can't keep doing this to me. I still….." I think both me and Gen were holding our breaths, waiting for him to complete his sentence. "I'm still struggling with all of this, alright? You're right, I still have feelings for you; strong feelings." Oh…. oh my god. I really don't know why it felt like someone just slugged me in both my cheeks, making them burn a super bright red. Peter told me he felt this way…. he was honest with me; he's been honest with me since the beginning. But…. "Just cuddle up if you get scared. I'll hold you; I'll hold you as tight as you need me to." Peter told me that he still had feelings for Gen, and heck, I might very well have feelings for Josh, but…. Oh my god, I had to cover my quivering lip with my hand. This was painful; this was so painful to hear.
A moment of silence dropped over the two. "Oh," Gen sounded way too pleased; I could practically feel her smiling from down here. I think Peter immediately picked up on the hope in her tone and went in to crush it. "But that'll pass in time. Like Aerity says, the healthiest way to get over someone is to embrace those sad feelings and let time do the rest." "Oh," oh, the venom in Gen's voice just there. "Oh, is that what she said? Little miss "has never been touched in her life before"?" H-holy…. Holy crap, my eyes began to widen in horror. That's right! Gen doesn't know! She doesn't know that I was…. "No, don't say that; you don't know that," Peter retorted. P-Peter, my eyes rolled up again.
"W-what?" The worry she peppered in her question. "You two haven't….?" "No, I'd never do anything like that." "Why not?! You didn't have a problem doing it with me." Wait, they've had sex? Well, I guess we are adults now and it would be a bit much to have asked them to abstain during all their years together. That made me feel less bad about it. "Because she's not like you, Gen." "Oh, are you calling me a slut?" "No! I would never call any woman a slut!" "Really? Since when did you become such a feminist?" "Since I realized that the women in my life me to be so." Whoa! My eyes widened. He actually….. took to heart that talk on feminism we had. He's an ally; a real ally.
Another pause between them. "Do…. do you mean me…. or her?" "All women, Gen," he sounded so incredibly sincere. "….. I'm included in "all women"." "Yes; yes, you are." "Huh….. heh, so many years together and I feel like I'm seeing your soft side for the first time." "What can I say? She makes me softer." Oh boy, more furious, jealous frowns radiating off Gen; I was almost afraid that I'd get burned from her beet red cheeks I imagined her having.
"So, here's some news. Do you want to know why I asked you to come meet me here after your lacrosse practice?" "Not really, no." "A little birdie told me that you were planning on taking Aerity to Paul's beach party next weekend." Paul? Oh yeah, the Princeton party guy. Wait… what beach party? Peter hadn't said anything to me about that. "Chris told you that, didn't she?" "Amy did, actually." Who's Amy? And how'd she know that? Was there like this huge loop I wasn't part of? "Why do you care, Gen? You're going to the party anyway. I can invite whoever I want." "No, no; it doesn't work like that." I confess, I was getting a little tired of her constantly contradicting and telling Peter what was "right" and not. Granted, it was better than her calling him an idiot, but it was still annoying. Peter wasn't stupid and didn't deserve to be treated as such; he goes to Berkley's, remember? But there were more important matters on the table, like this aforementioned beach party.
"That's our thing, Peter; our thing! She can't just waltz in and do all the stuff we used to do." "That's not your call to make, Gen. Look….. I haven't asked Aerity yet, but I'm still planning on it. So you need to back off and respect my decision, ok? I can ask whoever I want; that's my right." Peter, a smile bloomed across my lips. He's right; he's absolutely right. He is a full-grown man and has just as much freedom to choose as anyone else. That's what feminism is all about; humans respecting and supporting other humans, regardless of gender. And yes, I know women in general still need some help in that department- clearly- but this is progress. Peter understanding and valuing his freedom of choice, and asserting it in a healthy, non-confrontational way is definitely progress in my eyes. Too bad Gen didn't think so.
"What rights and choices are you talking about? We're talking about Paul's party, Peter; the one he holds every summer." "No, what we're talking about is my choice to choose to invite or not invite whoever I want as my plus one. You need to respect whoever and whatever I choose, and back off!" Peter started to sound like he was losing his patience with her nonsense. "News flash of my own, Gen; you're not my girlfriend anymore!" "But you still love me! Don't you care about what I want?" She also was growing more and more desperate. "Yes, Gen; I do. But I can't make you happy anymore. We're done, we're over; you are free to go find another guy to be with. And yes, it will kill me to see that, but that's normal! We're adults now, Gen; we can't just take our feelings at face value anymore." Face value…. My lips opened a tad. Once again, my Peter is right….. he's right and so, so smart. I'm astonished sometimes by just how intelligent he is, which shouldn't be surprising at all. Peter Kavinsky was super smart and super correct about this. I knew he still had lingering feelings for Gen, so did he; but he also knew not to take these feelings at surface value anymore… My smart, intelligent, wonderful Peter.