"Thanks again for the facemask. It made my skin so nice and smooth!" I told Josh as we ran on the track. "No problem; I know what you like." "You most certainly do," I smiled over at him. Admittedly, it felt good to hang out with Josh again. It wasn't awkward like I worried it would be; it ironically was like nothing had changed between us. I guess that's to be expected; we'd been so close for so long- it's hard to alter a settled bond like that. He treated me just the same; as his dear best friend. I in turn, did the same. It was almost like that conversation the other night never happened; he certainly didn't bring it up, and not in an uncomfortable, avoiding way either. We just ran together; like two best friends, we ran and talked for about an hour or so.
By the end of the hour both of us were sweaty and heaving for air. Josh and I rested our hands on our kneecaps, desperately gasping for air. Then, with an open mouth, Josh grinned up at me and I him. We broke out laughing at each other's face; guess all those essential oils were nice and sweated out of my system now. Great. But Josh found it more funny than anything, and you know what? So did I. "We're out of shape," he laughed. "Yes; yes, we are." "We'll work on it for the rest of the summer and when we back in Edinburgh." "Sounds good to me." Still smiling, we returned inside to get changed.
Josh and I rode our bikes home; my favorite mode of transportation. I developed an adoration of bike riding in Amsterdam, and Josh was more than willing to indulge me. I had left it beside the bleachers when I sat under them; kinda of surprised that Peter didn't see it. We rode all the way back, stopping in front of my place first. Josh got off his bike and came over to help me off mine, even though that was unnecessary. But what can I say? I love chivalry, so I let him; I always let him. Josh held my bike and smiled over at me with a sappy, wide grin; in a nice way. I looked up at him, also grinning happily.
"That was fun." "Yes, it was." "I'm really glad I'm back." "So am I," I said honestly; Lucas said to be honest at all times and that was the truth. Josh was of course, pleased to hear this; his free hand rose up to tussle the back of his hair. "So, I was wondering if you and Kitty would like to watch a movie tonight?" "Tonight?" It's not that I had plans; the exact opposite actually. Peter hadn't called me back, which meant that until he did, I was totally and entirely free. "Yeah, I'm free; let's do it. Do you wanna come over maybe around seven?" "Sounds good," Josh's grin widened. We stared at each other in a quiet bliss for a few seconds; soft, peaceful seconds. He looked at me just like before, which made me feel good. And in that moment, I was so thankful that I didn't lose him when he and Margot broke up. Not him; not Josh- not my best friend. He made me feel comfortable just by looking at me.
The peace couldn't last forever though. We both flinched as a familiar jeep rolled up in front of my house. Josh didn't recognize it, glancing at it confused. "Who's that?" He asked me, still watching it curiously. Uh oh, I internally braced myself. I'd forgotten that Josh and Peter hadn't seen each other since high school, when Josh found me crying at graduation and Peter- with Gen- leaving the room. Ooooooooooh boy, this was going to be fun, my eyes shut.
The jeep shut off and a confused and slightly alarmed Peter emerged. He looked from me to Josh with wide, alarmed eyes. "Uh, hi?" "Hello?" I don't think they recognized each other right away, sounding more puzzled than upset. "Wait," Peter's fingers snapped together; he caught on first. "Sanderson, yeah?" "Yes? And who might you….. oh wait," a look of stun washed over Josh's face. "Peter? Peter Kavinsky?" He pointed at him, almost in mild disbelief. Well this was going well so far; at least they didn't need me to introduce them. Sigh, but I should; I know it's the right, moral thing to do. Particularly if I want to keep the peace.
"Peter, you remember Josh from high school?" "Yeah, the dweeb." I immediately frowned. No, that's not the right thing to say, "Peter". "I see you're still the pompous jock," Jock also scowled, evidently unimpressed. My eyes peered over at him through their corners. I know Josh; I'm sure he meant to say "jerk" but refrained in my presence. Peter still looked insulted however. "Taking Aerity home?" He didn't bother to hide the venom in his tone. Oh Peter…. "Like any best friend would. Got a problem with that?" Josh didn't sound much better either. "Not at all," he clearly did. "So long as she gets home safe, that's all that matters." "I couldn't have said it better myself." Uh, hello? I'm standing right here, guys.
"So, how long have you two been hanging out?" "We're not "hanging out"; we're dating," Peter viciously corrected. "Courting; you're courting, genius. Don't they teach you what words mean at….. where does he go to school?" Josh leaned over to ask me. "Berkley's," I answered, not looking either in the eye. "Berkley's, really? How'd you manage that?" "Josh," ok, that was kind of rude. He would have never said anything like that in junior or senior high school but he'd grown a bit of a back bone since that incident…
"What about you? Popping in for a quick visit before you up and leave again?" "Peter!" What?! It's literally only been like a minute and they were already hostile. Knowing that Peter was a bit more aggressive, I chose to go the Josh-route to lower the tension. I gazed at him with begging eyes, placing my hand on his arm in a pleading fashion. Oh, Peter did not like that. But Josh turned to me and got the message. His face softened and he returned his eyes back to Peter, trying to be kinder this time. "That reminds me; I wanted to thank you, Kavinsky. Thank you for looking after "my" girl while I was away."
Oh, Josh… My eyes shut in pure agony. Ok, I wanted you to help me but that's not the way! How's that gonna keep the peace? And since when am I anyone's "girl"? I'm a woman, may I remind you; not something to be tossed around like a football. Peter had this tint in his eyes like he wanted to tear Josh physically away from me in that moment. But, being the immature high schoolers that we are- inward eyeroll- he decided to play along. He stuck his hands into his pockets and repositioned his posture with attitude.
"It was no trouble at all. That's my job, after all; to watch over "my" girlfriend." Oh great! Now we're playing the "girlfriend" card. Come on, guys; we're too old for this. Grow up! "You shouldn't use the word "girlfriend" so loosely," Josh countered darkly. "Especially when it's not true." "How would you know?! You disappeared for a whole month." "You disappeared for six years." Oh damn… "Watch who you're throwing stones at there, buddy. One month verse six years isn't even a contest." "What did you just say?"
"Guys!" I finally broke; I'd enough of this stupid, pointless jealously. And might I remind you once again: I'm standing right here! "This is dumb, and petty, and immature! Josh!" I turned to face him straight on. "This is immoral; you know it is. And Peter," my head shot over in his direction next. "You just said that you respected my autonomy. Well, this is the furthest thing from that!" "But Aerity!" They both chimed at once. Oh my god, I licked my lips as I stared off into nowhere, shaking my head slightly. They're going to try and defend their actions now?
"Aerity, this guy is no good for you. See? He even says you're dating when you're not. How's that respectful?" "It is because we are dating. We even have a contract." "Oh yeah; cause all good relationships start off with contracts," Josh's eyes rolled. "At least I didn't date her sister for two years." "At least I didn't date her ex-best friend for eight." "This is none of your business, Sanderson! Look, I'm ok with you being friends with Aerity, but keep in mind the word "friend" when you hang out," Peter's arms crossed defiantly. "Oh?" Josh chuckled coolly. "You think that's how it works? You're calling the shots now?"
"Oh my god, you guys….." I rubbed my forehead in agony. Well, there's only one way to settle this. As my beloved Lucas instructed: honestly is the best policy. "Ok, look. Here's how it goes," this caught both their undivided attention, as they blinked over to me in surprise. "Neither of you have any right to be jealous." "Uh, I think I do." "I'm not jealous, Aerity; I'm concerned." What is this?! Was logic just tossed out of the window today? Sucking in a deep breath to steady my nerves, I went on. "I gonna give you the full story, so please listen closely. I had a crush on Josh first and wrote him a letter." "See?" Josh smirked in victory- prematurely. "Then I fell in love with Peter in high school and wrote him a letter." "Boom!" Peter grinned at the now frowning Josh. These guys!
"You broke my heart, Peter, when you chose Gen over me at the end of high school." "But I….!" "I'm not done," I didn't hesitate to interrupt. "I moved to Europe with Josh, where our friendship started to blossom. Then he got together with Margot and we remained best friends. Then Margot broke up with Josh, and he- with my full support- left the city to get over her in a healthy way. During that time, Peter and I reconnected and…." I sucked in a big, big breath. "We got into a fake relationship to keep Gen off his back." Only it looked like that didn't work; big surprise. "We had to call it "courting" for morality sake. That means that Peter and I aren't tied together; you can court multiple people at once." "You can?" This looked like news to Peter, but I didn't care at the moment.
"Look, the thing is that both situations have put me in a real weird spot. Josh," our eyes met. "The full truth is that I love you; I sincerely love you as my best friend. I couldn't imagine a life without you. But I don't know if that's the extent of my feelings; I could feel something more for you, or not. And I know I have no right to ask you to wait for me while I figure it out; that's something I would never do. You are free to do whatever you wish in the meantime; all I ask is that you stay my best friend please. I can't lose you….. I can't." "Aerity!" Josh's eyes were gigantic. With that out of the way, I then turned to face Peter.
"Peter, all I can say is that I have feeling for you; I really do." "C-Covey!" "But…. I also know that you're still getting over Gen, and I'd never ask you to rush that. Just like I expect you to be patient with me figuring out my feelings with Josh, I will do the same for you. We can stay in this relationship if you want; if it helps you, but realize that a piece of me belongs to Josh. I may choose him in the end; I don't know yet. Neither of you have to choose me; I'm not asking for that either. All I ask is that you two understand my feelings and the position I'm in; I don't feel like either of yours because you frankly haven't made it clear what you want. I can wait; that's fine by me. But if you make me wait, you can't be jealous of each other."
Peter and Josh simply stared at me for a minute. Then, to my surprise, they blinked to each other; their expressions much softer this time. "You still jealous?" "Yep, very. You?" "Yeah," Peter's head nodded thoughtfully. What?! My jaw literally dropped open in utter disbelief. Wha-…. How….. Did either of them just listen to word I just said?! They both chuckled at my dumbfounded reaction, releasing some of the tension ironically. "Thanks for your honesty, Aerity." "Yeah, thanks. It was really nice to hear, minus the whole part about Sanderson." "Likewise," Josh shot him a glare before blinking back to me.
"Is that… really how you feel, Aerity?" "Yes, that's how I feel about both of you." Josh and Peter eyed one another again; if I didn't know any better, I'd say the hostility was disappearing from their eyes. "So what do you think?" "I think the ethical thing to do is to respect her feelings and not push her into anything." Well, thanks; that's a nice thought. Although you're saying "she" like I'm not standing right here, Josh! Peter nodded in agreement. "In other words, may the best man win?" "Yep," Josh grinned playfully up at him. Wait, what? What's happening? The two men shook hands affirmably before turning to smile at me. I…. I don't really know what was happening at the moment. Where'd all the anger and hostility go? And they're still jealous? Still?! I felt like I had entered the twilight zone, especially when Peter announced that he wanted to come over for our movie night tonight….. W-what…. Why am I so confused all of a sudden? How'd this even happen!? Questions I never got answers for.