The week following his first detention rapidly became insufferable for James. Word had gotten out that he was the responsible for the Great Firework Incident and the Slytherins now saw him as target to take down as well as a blood traitor. To make matter even more complicated, the rests of the houses now idolized James, and if he didn't mind the countless notes of admiration nor the occasional applause, the large groups of first and second year girls following him around everywhere, giggling every time he so much as looked at them, was getting embarrassing.
"Kill me now," he whispered as he sat down next to his friends he had just joined in the library.
A few girls had followed him from the hallway and had gathered in between bookshelves, talking in loud whispers and watching the Marauders over the books.
"What did I ever do to deserve this?" James complained for the hundredth time this week.
"Only what the entire school wanted to do to the Slytherins for a long time now," answered Remus, not bothering to look up from his book. "Or admitted responsibility to it at least. Slytherins have been particularly obnoxious this past month and you gave them a correction in front of everyone. It's a big deal. You're the school's hero."
"But we did that together," whispered James vehemently.
"Which nobody knows," interrupted Peter.
His face didn't bear the usual smile he reserved for James, which alarmed the latter immediately.
"I mean... not officially but people have to know we did it together, right? We do everything together!"
"It's not just that Prongs," sighed Remus, finally closing his book to turn to James. "You've also, well... changed a lot over the summer."
"What do you mean?"
Sirius, who had not seem to have paid attention to the conversation at all, suddenly got up and walked away, leaving his own book open on the table. James turned and stared at him as he walked out, incapable to decipher his expression.
When he turned back to Remus and Peter, extremely confused, Remus' cheeks were a light pink and Peter had buried his head in his book. They both seemed so uncomfortable they couldn't bring themselves to look at James in the eyes.
"Guys?" he said, now slightly afraid. "What's going on?"
"This is the worst conversation I've ever had to have," said Remus, shaking his head slowly.
"Yeah, you're on your own," replied Peter immediately. "I can't stay here for this."
He got up, packed his bag and left as quickly as Sirius had. Remus was twirling one of his blond curls around his finger, like he always did when he was nervous, and James ruffled up his hair because he didn't know what else to do.
What was he about to learn? What was so bad even his two best friends couldn't stay by his side? James' mind was racing as he went over the events of the past week, trying to remember everything that had happened. Whatever it was he had done, it was clearly threatening his relationship with his friends. He had noticed Sirius being more distant this week, but he had accounted it on the stress he was under dealing with the insufferable Black family. He had never thought it might be his fault.
"Moony, what the hell is going on?" James said, a little louder than he should in a library, which triggered a few giggles from the girls behind him. "What do you mean I've changed?"
"Nothing worth worrying about," Remus sighed. The redness hadn't left his cheeks. "You're just taller. And your shoulders are... broader. So girls are more likely to notice you now. Especially since you've just done to the Slytherins what everyone has been dreaming of doing for years."
James stood a little straighter and stuck out his chest almost unconsciously. Was that what was causing Remus to blush so hard? And why Peter and Sirius had deemed necessary to leave the room?
"Moony..." he started, trying to get Remus to look at him directly. "This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
"Well, I'm glad you think it is. I hate everything about this conversation."
They both laughed uncomfortably and James pulled out his new potion manual from his bag before realizing he wouldn't be able to concentrate and closing it.
"Pads looked mad, didn't he?" he leaned on the table and whispered to his friend.
Remus showed no sign he had heard him and just kept on reading as the blush on his cheeks extended to his neck. James insisted.
"Is he? Mad?"
"No. He's just being dumb, now leave me alone."
"Never. Why is he being dumb?"
"Because," sighed Remus as he closed his own book resolutely. "He's jealous. He thinks that because... well, because now you have more.. muscles, well, he thinks I'm attracted to you!"
That last part was barely audible and James would have missed it had he not been able to read lips.
"Which, for the record, I am not! Not at all!" continued Remus much louder this time.
"Not even a little bit?" asked James, pretending to be offended.
"Shut up. This is too weird and I'm not talking to you about this any more."
James smiled. He had never seen his friend blush this much before and he had to admit that however awkward that conversation might have been, his self-confidence had now sky rocketed. Of course he knew the years of Quidditch training were bound to pay off and manifest in his appearance, but it was nice to know other people were seeing it too.
He wondered if Lily had noticed. Then quickly put her out of his mind. There were more urgent matters, Sirius was probably sulking in a remote part of the castle and James felt it was his duty to talk to him.
"I'm off," he declared, putting his book back his in bag as if he had been in the library for more than five minutes. "Catch up with you at dinner."
"Wait!" whispered Remus urgently, stopping James dead in his tracks. "Don't tell Pads I said what I said. Please? Or I will never live it down."
"Dear ol' Moony, I've never been one to keep secrets from my brother, have I?"
And with that, he left Remus to his unfinished homework and blushing cheeks.
Thankfully he still had the map on him from the evening before, when he made a pit stop to the kitchens on his way back from Quidditch practice and needed to know the coast was clear. It didn't take long for him to find Sirius on the map, his dot remaining still by the lake. He was alone, and James wondered for a second about Peter's whereabouts before spotting his and Mary McDonald's dots in a second floor closet.
"Good for you, Wormy," James whispered to himself, smiling. If he really thought about it, it shouldn't have come as a surprise. Peter had brought up Mary's name a few times this week.
But how could he have not noticed? James shook his head slowly, disappointed in himself. He had been so distracted lately, running around from classes to Quidditch practice to detentions, he hadn't even realized that Peter had a girlfriend and that Sirius was sulking.
Promising himself he would make it up to his friends, he shivered in anticipation of the cold waiting for him outside and headed down a flight of stairs taking him to the castle grounds.
"Hey James, wait up!"
The girl's voice made him turn. Marlene was running down the stairs behind him, and for a second James was surprised to see her alone, as she typically never went anywhere without her best friend Mary. Then he remembered about Peter and the second floor closet and smiled.
"I was hoping to catch you! Where are you headed?"
"Hum, down by the lake, Sirius is waiting for me actually."
"No wait, this is important!" said Marlene impatiently, flicking her wavy blond hair to the side. "I just meant to tell you the first game this season won't be against Slytherin after all."
"What?" James stopped dead in his tracks, Sirius and his sulking momentarily forgotten. "Why?"
"I guess McGonagall decided tensions were running too high between our two houses for now," sighed Marlene. "So we're playing against Ravenclaw, which means we have a week to completely revise our strategy, because the Ravenclaws have a tendency to play sneaky and we need to be prepared for them."
"No, they can't just change the line up at the last second, that's ridiculous!"
"Well, that's what I said!"
They both suddenly fell silent, face to face and united in their outrage. James ruffled up his hair and Marlene bit her lip. Somehow they were united in their nervous ticks too.
"I'm going to McGonagall," he said, finally tearing his gaze away from Marlene's worried face. "To make her change her mind. We stand no chance against Ravenclaw so early in the year, that's insane!"
He turned around, determined to give his head of house a piece of his mind, as respectfully as humanly possible, but Marlene grabbed his arm and held him back.
"It's useless. I've tried, believe me I was in her office for thirty minutes, arguing and negotiating but she won't hear any of it."
"So what do we do?"
He felt defeated. He had to get to Sirius and reassure him about everything, somehow convince Peter to talk to him about this new girlfriend of his, try to find a way to not feel awkward around Remus after the conversation they'd just have, and on top of it all, fix the worst of all Quidditch emergencies. The build-up of everything he had accumulated in the past hour came crashing down and he felt the anxiety rush inside his chest.
"Hey don't worry about it!" Marlene's firm grip on his arm turned into a gentle squeeze. She had probably read the concern on his face and he tried to not let that bother him. "We'll figure it out. Make a new plan. Force the team to work twice as hard. Even go all Alice on them and hex them if we have to!"
James laughed and the anxiety faded a little bit. It felt good to know someone else missed Alice as much as he did.
"Yeah, that sounds good."
"Want to go over a new strategy with me later?" she said, her hand still on his arm. "Hogsmeade's trip is this weekend, and since Mary is going with Peter I'll be all by myself. So if you want to grab a Butterbeer with me at The Three Broomsticks you would save my Saturday. And our chances of winning that next game."
"Yeah absolutely!"
Marlene's face lit up and she gave one last reassuring squeeze at his arm before letting him go.
"Great! See you there then!"
"See you!"
James couldn't help but stare as she walked away. He had never noticed how beautiful and genuine her smile was. Nor how her long hair bounced behind her at each step, just like Lily's.
Snapping out of it, he headed back to the castle grounds. He couldn't bear the thought of Sirius being mad at him for one more second. They hadn't talked at all this week, he realized, and the feeling that he had let his friend down deepened, insidious and brutal like a punch to the gut.
He hurried on his way down to the lake. He missed Sirius. That was the root of everything. Sirius was his pillar, his best friend. This past week he had been insanely busy, trying to act like the adult he was supposedly turning into and juggling responsibilities in a way that hurt him and the people around. Even the most important thing to him.
He spotted Sirius in an instant. The sun was setting in front of him, highlighting his lean silhouette and casting a golden light on everything around him.
"Alright there mate?" James asked in a croaked voice once within earshot.
Sirius didn't turn around or even made the slightest movement, even as James sat down close to him. They sat in silence for a while before James took upon himself to start the conversation.
"Moony told me why you were mad."
Sirius gave no sign he was listening but somehow James found that encouraging.
"And he said you have nothing to worry about. I mean, he is very attracted to me, but he likes you more, I guess."
"What?" Sirius's head turned so quickly James feared he might have pinched a nerve in his neck. "What the hell are you talking about?"
He looked so genuinely confused James suddenly questioned everything Remus had told him. Apparently having his relationship being threatened by James was not remotely on Sirius's radar.
"Well, Moony told me you were jealous because you thought he liked me!"
Sirius burst into an uncontrollable laughter and took a while to calm down, while James waited patiently besides him.
"No, no, no, that's hilarious but no, you're not his type, of course I never thought that."
"I don't know why that would be so hard to believe but okay," mumbled James, slightly offended.
"Well, that's not why I'm angry, Prongs."
"Why are you angry then?"
Sirius turned back to the lake and his face bathed in the golden light cast by the sun. He looked more sad than angry, truly.
"You went being my back. Took all the credit for yourself for the fireworks. We did that together, and the fireworks were my idea but for some reason you wanted everyone to think it was all you. And I just don't understand why."
He frowned and James lowered his gaze. Not in a million years could he have imagined that it had bothered Sirius. But yet again, he had not paid attention to anything this week.
"I thought..." he started to explain. "Well, I thought that if word got out that you planned an attack on the Slytherins, Regulus would tell your parents. And I thought it was better to avoid another Howler from Mrs. Black bursting in the Great Hall like last month, or in the common room like last year."
"Yeah, I could spare the embarrassment," sighed Sirius, the shadow of a smile twisting the corners of his lips.
"That's what I thought. I didn't see it as taking credit for your ideas, it didn't even occur to me! You're my brother. Everything I have is yours. And I don't want to have the spotlight if it means I can't share it with you. I'm miserable without you."
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you."
"I'm sorry I allowed that to happen."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, and everything felt like it was back to normal. With Sirius by his side, James knew he could tackle any of his problems head on. Suddenly his anxiety was gone.
"Did Moony say anything about going to Hogsmeade on Saturday?" asked Sirius, breaking the silence naturally. "He has prefect duty but he was supposed to bribe Lily into covering for him."
"No, but since Pete is going with Mary, I think it might just be the three of us if it works out. Oh and Marlene."
"What? Wait, backtrack here a little bit, Wormy's going with Mary? Mary McDonald?"
"Oh so he didn't tell you either!" exclaimed James, frankly reassured he wasn't the only one left out by Peter. "I thought I was the only one who didn't know, Marlene told me just a few minutes ago!"
"No, he didn't tell me!" Sirius looked impressed, although perhaps a bit surprised. "But good for him! Now, what was that about Marlene?"
James ruffled up his hair, suddenly uncomfortable.
"Nothing, we're just meeting her at the Three Broomsticks, because she'll be alone and she wants to talk about Quidditch strategies."
"Wrong," said Sirius, with a meaningful smile and that look he had in his eyes when he understood something before everyone else. "You're meeting her alone. You got yourself a date, Prongs, my dear."