"I don't understand it. This is great!" Josh was enjoying our quick facemask that Friday morning. He had popped in to see me before Peter picked me up; I was already all packed, so we decided to have a fast pampering session. But if you think I was leaving my Lush at home this weekend, you are sorely mistaken. I had everything I needed; indulging products included.
Josh was surprised and a little alarmed when I told him about the party. He kept asking me: are you sure about this? In essence, he understood my fears better than anyone. I had to reassure him, as well as myself, a few times; to prove I kept his concerns in mind, I brought his beaded bracelet with me. I still refused to part with it, even for a day after all this time….. This seemed to settle Josh's nerves- a bit.
I had just removed my facemask whilst there was a knock on the door. "Coming!" I scurried out to the hall, rubbing my face with a pink towel. Peter was right on time, meeting with me a slightly amused grin; his hands were buried in his pockets. "Hey, beautiful. You smell good." "I just did a facemask. Ready to go!" "Huh, not used to that," he remarked following me inside; I guess he waited for Gen a lot. "Guys! Peter's here!" My voice echoed down the hall. "Hey, Kavinsky," Josh emerged from the bathroom bare-faced. "Hey, man. Come to see Covey before we go?" They grasped hands like Peter did with his other guy-friends. "Yeah, she told me about the party," Josh withdrew his hand to rub the back of his neck. His eyes instinctively made their way over to where I was standing in the kitchen. "Hey, quit worrying, Sanderson. I'm not gonna anything happen. Don't need both you fretting," Peter's lips cracked a half smirk. Josh didn't look convinced. "I need you to understand something…" He started to say before I returned over to them.
"Got everything. Ready to go, Peter?" "Whenever you are, chief. Have a good weekend, man," Peter gave Josh a playful shoulder shove. "Hi, Kitty! See you when we get back," he then shouted out to her. "You're leaving already?!" She cried from the bathroom; she was still in the process of removing her mask. "Yeah, it's a six-hour drive to the coast," Peter explained. "Oh, alright. Have fun! Don't get eaten by a shark!" "Not funny," I rolled my eyes, picking up my backpack. "Shall we?" I then grinned at Peter. Without warning, he reached over to pluck the backpack off my shoulder and bring it out with my other stuff. Awe, this couldn't help but make me smile. Josh, on the other hand…..
"Hey, Aerity; can I talk to you for a moment?" "Sure, what's up?" I didn't hesitate to give him my full attention. He looked more…. reluctant now, and I think I knew why. His hands planted on his hips and he gazed down for a second, taking in a silent breath. "You don't have to go if you're not comfortable. I know this must be hard for you." "It is… but Peter's assured me that he'll be close by the whole time. I don't… I don't want him to feel like he has to babysit me; he doesn't…. but….." "You don't feel safe all on your own?" Josh finished my sentence for me. I looked up at him with understanding eyes; sometimes I forgot just how well he knew me, how much we've been through together….. Without comprehension to what I was doing, my head nodded slowly up and down.
Josh's head also nodded; he knew…. he knew. "I wish it was different. I wish you could feel like you could go anywhere and do anything. I wish so much…" "I know; so do I, Josh," I cut him off before he could say anything that would hurt either of us. "He doesn't know, does he Aerity?" "N-no…. he doesn't," my eyes lowered. I want to tell him…. no, that's a lie; I never want to talk about it with anyone, regardless if they already knew or not. It was painful, unbearably painful. "You don't owe anyone anything. You don't ever have to tell a soul again if you're not comfortable with it," Josh brushed a few stray hairs behind my ear. My head lifted up once more so I could meet his gaze; his soft, soft gaze… He smiled- a kind, gentle, sincere smile. And it's then that a realized- or remembered- how dear this man was to me.
This man, this beautiful creature I've had the pleasure of knowing, being best friend's with… "Josh…." "Aerity." "Please know that you are precious to me. Regardless of what happens in the future, please know that I'll still worry about you and want you to be happy, so happy…." "You're precious to me too, Aerity. You're someone I treasure…..." Josh… My eyes fixed onto him, watering the tiniest bit in the corner of my eyes. "I love you," I admitted honestly, truthfully. I've loved him all along; that was no secret, even to me. I was the first to admit it. "That feel inside me, it's real too. I love you, my dearest friend," I heard myself repeat.
Josh merely watched me for a moment before reaching over to take my hand in his. He brought it up to his lips for a kiss; a warm, kindred kiss. Then he looked me straight in the eye again. "I love you too, Aerity Covey; I love the person you are. Whether we're friends or more, I will always love who you are." I feel the same way, I moved closer to his chest coming in for a hug. It was around this time that Peter cleared his throat, and we flinched to see Kitty and Peter standing there observing us. Kitty wore this all-too-happy grin while Peter didn't look impressed; he wasn't outright upset though. I don't know how much they heard, but it obviously was too much, I inwardly groaned.
"Well, if you are done….." "Oh, shut up, Kavinsky. You're going to have her all weekend," Josh shot him a half-hearted glare. "True enough. Come on, Covey; got a long drive ahead of us." "Say goodbye, you two," Kitty chimed, continuing to stare like we were some soap opera. "Well, I'll see you on Monday," I gently pulled my hand out of his. "Yeah," Josh watched me as I turned to leave. I was about to head down the hallway out the front door until….
I felt two strong, familiar arms wrap around me from behind. I didn't have to look to know that Josh was hugging me again, right there in the hall. Kitty squealed excitedly, which we both ignored. Josh just held me closer so to whisper into my ear. "I know you love me, Aerity; you've loved me for a long time now." "Yes…. yes, I have." "And you knew that I loved you too. Despite everything, you're the one thing I refuse to lose." "I know, Josh…." I know. "Then please know this. If Peter's right for you, then I won't stand in your way. So long as he doesn't take you away from me. Whether as my sister or wife, I need you to stay…. stay in my life. I can't lose both you and Margot." "And you won't. Nothing could ever drag me away from you; not you…." Not my beloved best friend who held me through all those panic attacks; who was there for me without hesitation. No, I needed him as much as he needed me; that's how friendship works.
Josh seemed pleased with this as his arms tightened around me affectionately. "Then I can wait. Go, go and have fun with Peter; see if there are any feelings left there." "Josh!" This surprised me, but he simply continued with a contented smile. "In the meantime, I will wait patiently for you to come back and tell me; tell me everything. I'll wait…. Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you." I understood completely what this was… I knew what he was saying, though I wouldn't lie and say that it was a little frazzling to hear. I knew him; I understood him…. I knew that he was telling me that he loved me; truly loved me in the most profound, selfless way. So selfless that he was willing to watch me fly with another, if that was right for me. Just as long as he could come to see me once and a while, to make sure I was ok and happy… He'd hold me and let me go at the same time. He'd let me fly, like a true best friend.
"That's from the Connie Francis song," I remarked in the softest tone, trying not to tremble. Josh chuckled also warmly, pressing me up against him close. "You're not the only one who likes old love songs. I'll wait here, Aerity, till I hear you sigh here in my arms," he said while kissing the side of cheek.