"So you told Josh that you loved him?" "Yes, but he already knew that; just like how I knew that he loves me. We've loved each other as best friends for a long time." "Just to clarify, you are talking in platonic terms here, right?" Chris asked as we brought our bags up to the porch of Paul's beach house. Gotta admit, this place was massive just like his mansion of a house. "Course; I don't love anybody romantically now." "Uh, I was talking about Josh. Who's this "anybody" you're talking about?" A sly grin reared in the side of her mouth. This woman, my eyes inwardly rolled. "No one. I've just been…. I've just been thinking about Peter lately; about when we were younger." "You mean back when you looooooooved him?" Chris sat down on the step, holding one of her knees in her hands. I followed suit, planting myself beside her.
"Yes, I've been thinking about that; remembering…" "So why do you sound so unsure about it? That's all in the past; Peter's back in your life now. History's not gonna repeat itself if you do…." She stopped herself before she finished that sentence. But she didn't need to; I knew what she meant. "You're right, Gen; I'm sure you are, but….." "Just wait. Don't rush into anything." My father's words unconsciously rang through my mind. I gazed down at my fingers as they twiddled with each other. Then I let out the softest chuckle, my stare still locked on my hands.
"Heh, did I ever tell you that the last place I saw Peter was at a subway station? It was six years ago, just after graduation….." Chris didn't interrupt, electing instead to wait patiently for me to go on. It took me a second to gather the correct words in my head and mouth. "He was standing on the other platform. He saw me and we just…. stared at each other in this sort of deaflessness. He eventually called out to me and I ran…. I ran away from him," I let my hands fall down, untwining my fingers. Again, Chris remained silent, listening to me intently. "Oh, I loved him so much back then; I was convinced that I'd never stop loving him….. I loved him…"
A pregnant pause fell over us, which Chris honored for a second. "But?" I sucked in a deep breath, taking my time to respond. "But I was wrong. Over the years, I fell out of love with him. I think…. I think it was when I became a feminist; like truly. I realized for the first time that he treated me like crap at graduation; he literally chose Gen over me, he didn't even think about it. I knew I deserved better and swore to myself that the next man I gave my heart to would….. Let's just say I only plan to fall in love one more time. The next man I love is the man I know will marry; my heart belongs to my future husband now. That's why I'm so cautious to fall in love with anyone romantically…. even Josh," my eyes lifted to meet Chris's. She nodded in understanding before blinking downwards a tad.
"That's why you only let yourself love Josh platonically now; you want to be sure that he's the one, if he is?" I nod. "Same with Peter. You've been burned by him before; can't be too careful, especially considering that he and Gen recently broke up." Another head nod. "You're waiting for your husband now? Men are no longer boyfriend material; they're marriage material." "Yes. I probably won't get married until I at least graduate from masters, preferably PhD; but that's it, if I get married at all. I don't want to waste my time writing anymore fruitless letters," I flashed her a smile. Chris simply observed me for a long moment before surprisingly scooting over and wrapping her arms around me. I returned the jester and we held each other tight. Then she whispered into my ear: You smell like flowers. Heh, now where have I heard that before. "It's this Lush order I got."
We stayed like that until an unfamiliar voice interrupted our girl-bonding moment. "Hey, Chris! Can you come give me a hand with this?!" We let go to see some guy I'd never seen before waving in our, or rather her direction. "Coming!" Chris's eyes rolled as she stood up and went over to him. I watched her walk away, letting my thoughts wander off on their own accord. I hadn't seen Peter since we arrived, but I didn't mind this time; it was still light out and Chris was near me. It was actually nice to have a quiet minute after that six-hour drive, which I really didn't mind. It was fun; Peter and I talked the whole way, making six hours feel like one. Still, I enjoyed the quiet…. I enjoyed it, I thought as the warm summer sun shone down onto me there on that porch.
"Look at all the snow, Aerity!" Gen and I were a few of the first off the bus when it came to a stop. Peter, Gen, Chris, and I all went on this year's annual skiing trip…. even though I had no idea how to even put on the boots. But I didn't care; I was just happy to be there with my best friends in the whole world. That, and I didn't have a boyfriend at the time so I didn't have to worry about any of that business, if you catch my drift.
While Peter, Gen, and Chris went skiing with the others, I spent most of my time reading those cheesy romance novel and walking- and playing- in the snow. It was an overall great trip, despite Gen and Peter sharing a room; I chose to ignore that minor detail. They were a couple now, after all.
At around two o'clock or so, after a whole two hours of none-stop reading, I decided that it was time to stretch my legs. Bundling myself up in a winter coat, complete with pink scarf, hat, and mittens, I went outside. Admittedly I didn't go far from the log cabin, but I was still outdoors for some time. I hadn't realized how long since the other skiers came back from their ski run this afternoon. I had just kicked up a pile of snow and landed on my back in a snow-angel position on the ground, laughing hysterically to myself. My laughing was stunned by a snowball to the face.
Quickly sitting up and wiping the snow off my face, I turned my head to see Peter standing there; he was smirking and holding another snowball in his hand. "What'd you do that for?!" I shouted, feeling the effects almost immediately. "Coach said you took off this afternoon. I came to find you." "Find me? I'm like literally within sight of the cabin." "Ok, fine; I came to get you, happy? It's almost dinner time." "And you had to alert me of your arrival by a snowball to the face?" He replied with an even wider smirk, tossing the current ball up and down in his hand. "Whatcha gonna do about it, Covey?"
Growing my own mischievous smile, my hand went fast to grab a pile of snow, only to have another tossed at my head. I retaliated with a messy snowball to Peter's chest. This was followed by more flying snow on both ends. Long story short, by the end of it we were both wet from getting pelted with snowballs. Near the end, Peter even scooped me up and threw me into a huge pile of soft snow. I screamed but secretly loved it; we were both having the time of our lives.
Our little snowball fight ended with both of us laying on the ground, staring up at the sky and breathing heavily. Peter was tired after all that skiing and snow fighting, while I was just out of breath. Then, like someone gave us the same que, we both burst out in a fit of laughter when we had enough breath to do so. "I hate snow," he managed to get out. "Me too," I agreed, still laughing. "Thank god we don't have more of it where we live." "You're so right," again I approved.
"So what'd you do all day, Covey? Finish all those stupid books?" "They're not stupid!" "They kinda are." "Well…. maybe a little. But I still love them! And for your information, I didn't spend all day reading. I spent a lot of it outside." "Outside?" Peter's head lifted up a little. "You mean you've been out here for a couple of hours?" "Yeah, I think so? I don't know what time it is now." "Gees, girl; if you're not careful, you're gonna get yourself sick," I could practically hear Peter's frown without checking. "Oh, that's hypocritical. You've been outside all day." "I've been skiing; not frolicking in the snow." "Well, I can only frolic when we come out here, so I gotta take every chance I get." "Haha, very funny."
My eyes did widen at the sudden feeling of something warm landing on my forehead. It took me half a second to realize that it was Peter's bare hand. He had reached over to place his palm on my forehead….. for some reason. "Uh, what are you…..?" "Just chill, ok? I'm checking your temperature." "What the?! Why?!" This was borderline bizarre to me; certainly shocking. "We both know how easily you get fevers." "Well yeah but….." That's actually something that still happens throughout my entire life; no doctor really knows why but it doesn't happen often, so I don't mind.
After a moment, Peter sighed in relief and retracted his hand. "Ok, you don't feel like you have one." Uh, thanks? But I didn't say this out loud; I was more…. cheeky in my youth. Instead I smirked and gave him those "attitude" eyes. "Since when is it your job to monitor my body temperature, Kavinsky? That's weird, you know." "I just don't want you to get a fever on this trip, alright?" "I wasn't planning on it," I retorted sassily. Peter shot me a look. "So sue me for taking a vested interest in your health." "Why do you care? You're not even my boyfriend." I knew that probably grated him to hear, which is why I said it; something I would never do when I was older. "Would you just let me do my thing?" His eyes lowered onto me intently; sincerity I wasn't used to yet.
"I wouldn't be able to fall asleep tonight if I knew you were sick."