CLARKE

To feel her lips on mine again.

In all these years I could never have dreamed of it. Yet if I had tried, If I had allowed myself to go there, I know it would have been exactly like this.

As soon as our lips touch a bolt of electricity shoots through me. They are still a perfect match.

We are still a perfect match.

Fighting the urge to deepen our kiss I reluctantly pull back. Our eyes lock, just for a short second, but long enough to tell me that we share the same thought. The same fear. The last time we parted it took us over a century to find each other again. Why does it suddenly feel we're there again?

I blink my eyes - a pointless attempt to shake off the image of what could be - and force myself to turn around. And then I start running, towards the transport ship... and away from her. I know she watches me go, but I can't look back. If I do I'll never make it home.

And I have to. I have to see Madi. Have to see if she's alright. And maybe, against all odds, if she's willing to leave it all behind.

So I keep going. Through the forest and across the open, deserted field, straight to the Gagarin. The drawbridge is down, though guarded by two of Octavia's heavy-armed men. They don't stop me, as they recognize me straight away, and I ignore them, since I obviously don't care about them right now.

A few steps in I walk into Madi - literally, as she's restlessly pacing back and forth with her eyes on the ground. Only just managing to prevent from being tumbled over, she looks up.

"Clarke! You're safe!" She throws herself into my arms. "Thank God, you're safe!"

"I am. I'm okay," I reassure her. I break our embrace and closely examine her face. "Are you? Is everyone alright?"

She nods. "I think so. I sent out two search parties to find you. The first group just returned. They ran into some kind of... creatures. It was dark, so they couldn't really see. They said it might as well have been some animals. They got away though, everyone is fine. Just some scratches. And Diyoza got a nasty bite-"

"A bite?" I interrupt her stream of words. A flicker of panic crosses my face. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she said she could feel teeth ripping her flesh." She narrows her eyes, looking puzzled. "It's nothing to worry about. Your mom took care of it, she sterilized the wound. Stitched her up. It really shouldn't be a problem."

"It is! It's a huge problem!" I cry out. "Madi, those creatures, they aren't animals. They are Walkers. Dead people turned back to life - sort of. And one bite will turn you into one of them!"

Madi takes a step backward, shocked and confused. "You mean..?"

I swallow. "I mean Diyoza just became a hazard. A real one. We- We have to kill her brain before she turns," I explain, inhaling a sharp breath before I continue, "We have to kill her."

Madi stares at me, aghast and flabbergasted.

"How- How do you know all this?"

I glance around me. Even though we're alone right now people can pass by at any moment. I take her by the arm and lead her into an adjacent room. After closing the door behind us, I take a deep breath and face her again.

"Lexa told me," I blurt out.

"Lexa?! You found another Lexa here?" Madi frowns.

I shake my head. "No. No, I didn't. I- I found my Lexa."

Madi blinks in surprise. "Your Lexa?" she questions astonished. I can see the worry growing in her eyes. "Are you really okay? Did- Did someone drug you, or something? You know Lexa died, right? A long time ago?"

A small sigh escapes me. "Yes, I was there," I breathe. I take her by both shoulders, less gently than I intend to. "Madi, I'm not going crazy. She's here. She... She started over somehow. She's living a new life, with new people. A new name even. But it's really her. Inside and out. It's Lexa."

The look on her face tells me she has a hard time believing me. She seems to try though.

"How is that even possible?" she quietly asks.

I let go of her and heave another sigh. "I don't know! She doesn't either. She remembers her life, even her death, but nothing much after that."

For a moment Madi keeps silent, and so do I. I understand. It's a lot to wrap your head around. She's the first to speak up, taking me by surprise when she does.

"The City of Light," she states.

"What?"

"The City of Light. That's where she's been."

Now I'm the one to frown. "But that can't be. I pulled the kill switch. I destroyed it!"

"No, you didn't. You only changed the purpose," she corrects me. "You brought the living back. The ones with the chip. But The City of Light was not just a place for the living, was it? It's a place for the deceased as well. Not all of them. Just the-"

"-Nightbloods," I finish her sentence

Madi nods.

"Who told you all this?" I ask her, but she stays quiet, her lips pressed together. "The Flame," I answer my own question.

Once again she just nods.

Feeling exhausted all of a sudden I take a seat on one of the benches. Madi follows my example.

"So? Where is she?" she asks me with a hint of curiosity in her voice.

"Out in the woods. She..." I fall quiet and clear my throat. We've reached the difficult part. "She doesn't want to come back. With or without the Flame, she'll be seen as the Commander again. Maybe not by everyone, but still. And she's very certain she doesn't want that anymore. She chooses her new life."

"Over you?" Madi asks, drawing her eyebrows together.

I slowly shake my head. "Not necessarily. She asked me to come with her. Try to settle down somewhere. Without-"

"-us?"

"Yes. No! Not all of you. I told her about you, and you can come. Of course you can come!" I take her hands into mine - firmly, like I don't ever want to let go again. "Madi, you have to come. You need to come!"

Madi surveys my face. "Why?"

"Why?!" I exclaim somewhat bewildered, "Because I can't leave you behind! You're way too young, and-"

"Clarke!" she cuts me off, "I'm not a kid anymore!"

"But you are!"

"No, I'm not! Don't you see it? I'm a leader. I'm their Heda!" She pulls her hand away from mine and waves it around like the room is filled with people. "The people of Wonkru, they listen to me."

"Yes, they do. But they don't take care of you. Not like I do. They worship you like a leader, but Madi, to me you're so much more!" I get up and kneel down in front of her. "Maybe you don't feel like a child anymore. And you know, I get that. But to me you are still a child. You're my child. And I love you so much, in a way they never will."

"I love you too, Clarke," she softly smiles, "But you know I can't come. I have a job to do. People rely on me."

I nod. I do know. I know it's useless, I know there's no way I'll change her mind. So I shouldn't even try.

"Then I will stay wi-"

"But you should go," she interrupts me, sounding very determined. "You should be where you belong, and in the end that's not with me. It's with her."

I jump to my feet. "No! No, it's not!"

"Clarke, I've seen the pain in your eyes when you spoke about her. The tears when you thought no-one could see you. Did you know you talk about her in your sleep? Even after all these years, she has never ever left your mind."

Frantically, I shake my head again. "I won't leave you."

Madi stands up as well. She faces me and I suddenly realize it won't be long anymore until we're actually eye to eye. When did she grow this big?

"Then I'm sending you away," she states. "I banish you."

I open my mouth to protest, but no words come out. Is she for real?

"You saved my life in so many ways," she goes on in a softer tone. "One of them was by giving me a family. It's not just you and me anymore, there are other people now to look after me. Bellamy, Octavia, Niylah, Echo... even Murphy. They care about me, too. I will be okay. For that I don't need to see how much you love me. But I do need to see how much you love you."

Still speechless I just stare at her.

"So go! Go and settle down and have babies and... be happy! You deserve it, more than anyone."

I feel a tear sliding down my cheek and quickly brush it away. "I don't want to lose you," I whisper, fighting the lump in my throat.

"You won't. We've been here before, remember? So let me be the one to say it this time: we will meet again."

She forces a half smile and I manage to do the same. Not knowing what to say anymore I pull her in for the tightest hug.

"Goodbye, Child from Hell," I breathe into her hair, drawing a soft chuckle from her.

"Goodbye... Mom," she murmurs, holding me close, before abruptly pushing me away from her. I let go, press a kiss on her forehead and turn around.

For the second time today I don't look back.

On my way out I grab a gun from the small weapon room. I don't take anything else though. I don't own squat anyway.

Leaving the ship I start to run again. Although I feel heavy with sadness, I can't stop the smile on my face from growing. Beaming, and slightly out of breath, I reach the spot where I left Lexa behind.

She's gone.

... ...