James ran a hand through his wet, tangled hair and slapped his foggy glasses on his face. He had taken advantage of the empty dorm room and taken a long steamy shower. The hot water had relaxed his muscles and managed to phenomenally relieve the permanent tension in his shoulders. He felt relaxed for the first time in a while.
He drew a smiley face in the steam of the mirror before shimmying into his jeans. They were the only muggle clothes he owned, and it was his favourite things to wear when he didn't have to be in his uniform. Sirius had bought them for him over the summer, and it reminded James of the weeks they spent walking around that little muggle village by his house. It was a few months ago but it felt like years.
He messed up his hair with his hand again, checking in the mirror that the water had not flattened his curls too much. He winked at his reflection and unconsciously touched his chest, running his hand along the thick claw marks on his skin.
It had took him a while but he was used to them now. They were permanent, had said Madame Pomfrey. It didn't bother him that much, Remus was covered in those scars and he didn't look any less gorgeous because of them. The only problem was that now James couldn't just walk around the dorm room shirtless like he used to, and he missed that.
He grabbed his towel, threw it over his head to cover his hair, and walked into the dorm room. Sirius and Remus had left for the Astronomy tower a while ago, and Peter had been gone for hours now. It was customary these days, and James had to admit he was growing quite fond of the peace and quiet.
Peace and quiet that was brutally interrupted by the sound of footsteps echoing on their way up the stairs and hasty knocking on the door. James immediately dived to the ground to pick up the first shirt he saw, and it was half-way over his head when the door burst open to a panting Lily.
He pulled hard on the fabric to cover his stomach, but it was too late. She had stopped dead in her tracks and was staring straight to where the scars had disappeared behind the shirt.
"James, what is that?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I asked you first, what is that?" she repeated, pointing to his chest.
"A shirt," he answered simply. His heart was racing and he knew that no matter what he said he was just delaying the inevitable. In his panic, he had grabbed the first thing he could find and it was Remus' shirt he was wearing, much too small for him. The fabric stretched uncomfortably around his shoulders and he feared the slightest movement would tear it in half.
"I know it's a shirt, I'm talking about what's underneath it."
"That would be me, Evans."
"Oh, cut the shit. Those scars are..." Lily paused, speechless, and James couldn't help a smirk. It was not often that Lily Evans was lost for words.
"Impressive?" he tried to complete for her. "Sexy?"
Lily shot him a deathly glare.
"I was gonna say awful," she said calmly. "James, those are not normal scars. Let me see." She took a decisive step forward and James backed up against his bed.
"Are you propositioning me, Evans? Bursting in my room, asking me to take off my shirt? I didn't know you to be this forward."
Lily blushed furiously and didn't reply. Surprised by her silence, James crossed his arms over his chest. Lily loved telling him off each chance she got. So why didn't she?
"What are you even doing here anyway?" he asked, changing the subject quickly because it was clear Lily was uncomfortable.
"Looking for Remus," she answered quickly. "He missed the last prefect meeting when he was away. The Head Girl made the patrolling schedule, I didn't pay attention and I just realized now... We're supposed to do rounds all night next Friday."
"So? Isn't that your job?"
"Next Friday, James," said Lily slowly, and she titled her head, putting an emphasis on her words. "At night."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
James wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. He counted the days again, hoping to have been wrong, but came to the same conclusion. Next Friday was the full moon.
"You know what," James started, his mind racing a thousand miles an hour as he tried to come up with a valid enough excuse. "Remus hasn't been feeling well lately. He might be sick that night, I wouldn't count on him if I were you."
Lily raised an eyebrow at him and James tried to keep his face void of all emotion. He was a terrible liar, he always had been.
"Seriously?" Lily huffed, but she looked more amused than crossed. "James, I know. How have you not picked up on it yet?"
James froze as his heart dropped inside his chest. He remembered to act normally a second too late, and he ran his hand through his messy hair, still wet from the shower.
"Just to be completely sure: what exactly do you know?"
"What happens to Remus on the full moon."
James sat on his bed, closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, trying to control his breathing. She knew. They had spent years covering the secret, burying it deeply, keeping it from everyone. Yet she knew.
"How did you find out?"
"I'm not an idiot."
"I never said you were and you did not answer the question."
There was a pause. James opened his eyes and looked up to Lily. She drew her own gaze away from him quickly as if he had just caught her staring.
"The time he spends in the infirmary," she answered finally. "How thin he is, how tired and restless he gets around the full moon. The scars on his face and on his hands. James, you... you have the same scars." There was a question disguised in her word and James desperately wanted to ignore it. But he knew he couldn't.
"Our scars are nothing alike."
"They're the same."
"You know what I mean," interrupted James before she could go on. "They don't carry the same pain. I could never feel the way he feels and I could never hurt the way he hurts. Our scars are nothing alike," he repeated and this time Lily nodded as if she understood.
The curiosity burning in her eyes was tinted with indescribable sadness.
"What happened?" she whispered, and her eyes were locked on his face. James could tell she was doing everything she could not to stare at his broad chest where she knew the scars stretched under the thin fabric.
He couldn't stand the intensity of her gaze and the tight shirt restricted his breathing too much. Before he had time to think it through and realize what a terrible idea it was, he got up and tugged the shirt over his head in a quick motion.
He was standing shirtless in front of Lily and his heart was beating out of his chest. The scars lifted at every breath he took, curling around his collarbone, running across his abdomen. Lily took a shy step forward and she was so close James stopped breathing.
Her eyes were oceans he couldn't afford to get lost in.
"James," she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. She seemed incapable to tear her gaze away from the scars. "How did you not die?"
She lifted her hand and, from the tip of her fingers, traced every curve and every edge of the claw marks the wolf had carved into his skin. James shifted on his feet and his muscles moved visibly on his chest, sending a more than flustered look on Lily's face. He cherished the blush that spread on her cheeks more than life itself.
Her hands were too close to his hammering heart.
"I'm too stubborn to die," James smiled, because he didn't know what to do or what to say and because Lily was staring at him too intensely and because she was too close, much too close and he couldn't think.
Her fresh fingertips on his boiling hot skin were nothing compared to the way she was looking at him. There was a deep, profound softness there, along with something heavier, grounding her, something she seemed to be desperately trying to conceal.
Breathless, he saw, or perhaps he wanted to see, her eyes moving slowly over his face, lingering on his lips.
It was an electrifying feeling, running through his entire body, blood buzzing with energy. His thudding heart was so loud he worried she would hear it and laugh. He twisted his hands behind his back, tempted as he was to reach for her and stroke her worried lips.
She was too close, much too close and she was breathtaking.
Their eyes met, and for the first time, Lily seemed to realize she had closed the distance in between them. Her eyes widened for a split second and she took her hands off of James' chest as if she had been burnt. She might have been, James' blood was fire in his veins.
"I should go," she whispered, and she took a step back.
James nodded in agreement. Lily's expression was undecipherable.
"I'll cover for Remus Friday night." James' low, raspy voice made Lily blink. She nodded slowly before taking another step back and heading towards the door.
"Evans?" Lily stopped dead in her tracks and looked back, as if she had wanted nothing more than for him to call for her, hold her back.
"I know we hate each other," James continued. "But we're friends, right?"
Lily had a sad smile and the words fell from her lips with an ease James could never have achieved.
"Yeah. Yeah, I like to think we are."
She left but her perfume lingered in the room, and if he closed his eyes, James could pretend she was still here.
Whatever he might feel about Lily's confusing behaviour, he kept his word, and on Friday night he said goodbye to his friends as they headed to the Shack under the cloak. He had borrowed Remus' prefect pin for the occasion and had even tried to wear his uniform correctly.
Because he could not stop thinking about the way she had looked at him. He had always been terrible at guessing what she was thinking and that would probably never change. But no matter how much he thought about that day in the empty dorm room, it truly seemed like she had wanted him to kiss her. And he hadn't then, but perhaps tonight he would.
This simple thought send the blood rushing to his cheeks and he wiped his sweaty palms on his robes. He shifted on his feet as he waited for Lily at the bottom of the staircase to the girls' dorm.
Perhaps he was just twisting things around in his head. Perhaps he wasn't remembering the moment just right and perhaps he had just seen what he wanted to see. But if there was the slightest of chance he was right- how could he ignore it? It was everything he had dreamed of for the past six years. She was.
He took a deep breath in and his hand flew to his hair. He couldn't appear nervous. He didn't even know if he truly was, because all of this, a night alone, it felt meant to be.
But then again, he might have been reading into things. He was the one who offered to fill in for Remus, she didn't ask him to. And the way she had smiled when confirming they were friends- easily, comfortably, as if there was nothing more between them. But James had to believe there was. He just had to.
She was driving him mad, that girl. And he loved it.
He smiled as she walked down the stairs towards him, a wide, goofy grin he couldn't help.
"Hi," she said softly.
"Hi."
"You ready?"
"Yeah."
She looked stunning. Her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and she was wearing gold earrings he had never seen before, perfect compliment to her shining emerald eyes. Her makeup was more sophisticated than it usually was for prefect duty but James couldn't hold it against her, not when he himself had spent half an hour touching up his hair in the mirror.
The way she was dressed and the shy smile she sent him finished convincing James that there was more between them than she cared to admit. He could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice. Something in her attitude regarding him had changed.
It had been a slow transition, that was why he hadn't noticed it at first. But now the icy tone she had reserved only for him all these years had melted and she no longer looked at him like she was just waiting for the opportunity to strangle him. When they argued, it was with a passion neither of them could ignore. Little victories.
"We're taking the same route, yeah?" asked James as they slid out of the portrait hole.
"Yep. Dumbledore doesn't want anyone alone in the corridors after dark. We're always supposed to do our rounds with a partner."
"Oh." It confirmed what Remus had told him and James could not be happier about it.
"Are you disappointed?"
"Not in the least." He grinned at her and she looked away, trying to suppress a smile.
Together, they got down to the second floor, from where they started walking to the Astronomy Tower. Once they had checked the parapet, they climbed down the stairs and headed to the Ravenclaw Tower.
Apart from the few light-hearted comments and polite conversations, most of the rounds were made of side-way glances and comfortable silence.
Their hands brushed against each other, once, twice, while they were walking. Then James couldn't pretend he wasn't doing it on purpose any more. But he couldn't help it, the electric feeling rushing into his arm each time their fingers made contact was addictive.
He could feel his heart growing bigger and bigger inside his chest at every second, his stomach twisting into a knot. Lily's lips were coated with a light pink gloss and James couldn't stop his gaze from returning to them each chance he got.
"Not through there," she warned him before he turned into a large hallway in the third floor. "There's an armour in there that trips everyone coming through at night. We're taking the next corridor."
"Really? I want to see it now," smiled James, making a mental note to add this usual piece of information on the Marauder's Map whenever Peter decided to give it back.
"Trust me, you don't," laughed Lily. "You'll wake up the whole castle with loud clanging, it is not discreet."
"You're just giving me more reasons to go now." Unable to repress her smile, Lily swatted him on the arm and he walked away laughing, making a point of walking backwards so he could see her rolling her eyes at him as she followed him.
She titled her head adorably when she looked at him and the corners of her mouth lifted just a little bit. He would give everything he owned to stay in this moment forever.
Suddenly, a noise, just around the next corner, made them both tear their gaze away from each other.
"Did you hear that?" Lily whispered, drawing her wand.
"Yeah! Did you?"
"Yes I did, you idiot, I asked you first!"
James drew his wand too, and took a few hesitant steps towards the source of the sound. Lily cast a Lumos and walked up to the corner decidedly, before James grabbed her wrist and pulled her back behind him.
"Don't!" he whispered vehemently. "It might be dangerous, let me go first."
Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief but she didn't insist.
"What are you guys doing?" Mary stepped out from the shadows and James felt the tension in his body melt away at her sight.
"We should be asking you that!" protested Lily, sighing with relief. "We're patrolling, you're the one who's out after curfew."
"Right," Mary smiled knowingly. "Since when is Potter a prefect?"
James and Lily exchanged a panicked glance, trying to come up with a reason for his presence here that wouldn't seem too outlandish to someone who knew them both.
"You know what, don't bother finding a decent enough excuse," said Mary after a few seconds of awkward silence. She looked amused and her eyes were shining with a mischievous light. "I didn't see you and you didn't see me, right?"
"That's not how it works Mary," said Lily. "I'm still a prefect and you still have to answer me. Where are you going?"
"Down to the kitchens," replied Mary immediately, and a smile grew on her face. "I want to see if the house-elves can make the same Cauldron cakes that they sell in Honeydukes. They're Peter's favourites, I want to make it right with him. I miss him."
James tried not to notice Lily's subtle side-glance at him. Peter and Mary's relationship had been what had started his last argument with Lily, and each of her words still rang clearly in his ears. It had been a heated discussion he was not ready to forget.
And now, Mary was coming back to Peter, looking to apologise. James repressed a triumphant smile. He knew very well it wasn't his battle, he couldn't help but feel he had won that argument over Lily.
"Cauldron cakes are the right way to Peter's heart," he nodded approvingly. "But the house-elves won't make it for you right now, they're all cleaning the common rooms at this time of night."
"Shit. I knew I should have gone sooner. I waited forever for Marlene to fall asleep."
"Or you could always go to Honeydukes directly," said James, before biting the inside of his cheek. He immediately regretted the words that had come out of his mouth.
"How?"
"Gunhilda of Gorsemoor Corridor," said Lily before James could reply. "Behind the statue, right?" She turned to James and he nodded slowly, unsure of how she knew, and if he should pretend he had no idea what she was talking about. "I caught you sneaking out of there with an entire crate from Honeydukes once, ring any bell?"
"Oh," he remembered suddenly. "Yeah."
"Just out of pure curiosity," started Mary. "If one were to use the passage, what would one need to know?"
James bit his lip. He didn't like giving out Marauder's secrets, but, more than anything, he wanted to see Peter happy. And right now, Mary looked so determined to make it up to him, so happy and so in love, so he really couldn't get in the way of that.
Lily shot him a questioning look, to which he answered with a small nod. She turned to Mary with a little happy bounce.
"It's on our path! We'll take you and James can show us how it works!" Her voice was filled with childish excitement and James couldn't help himself but laugh at how happy she looked. She seemed genuinely thrilled at the prospect of Peter and Mary getting back together, and that told James she probably didn't mean most of the things she had said about Peter, on the day of their fight.
I just don't trust him!
Those words had left James feeling uneasy. He had brushed them off comfortably at the time, but somehow they kept coming back to his mind, each time Peter sneaked out the dorm when he thought everyone to be asleep. Each time he stuffed the Marauder's Map in his pocket and left the common room, each time he disappeared. It happened more and more often. And James hated that Lily's words stuck to his brain like this.
Mary's hand had slipped into Lily's comfortably and they were walking together down the corridor, a couple steps in front of James. He looked at their intertwined fingers with a longing he couldn't help. Lily's hand, white and small, would fit so perfectly in his. Her peachy skin would be so soft against his, and all it would take to know that feeling would be for him to wait until they were alone, and hold out his hand the same way Mary had.
Of course that was a daydream. Of course Lily would never take his hand. But he allowed himself to live just a couple more seconds in that perfect moment of anticipation, in that moment when everything was possible.
Lily turned to look at him over her shoulder and James immediately snapped out of his reverie.
"Pick up the pace, James! You're the fastest Chaser in your team, how are you so slow on the ground?"
James' snarky reply died on his lips when he saw the happy crinkles at the corner of her eyes. He jogged awkwardly to catch up with the girls and Mary shot him a curious look as soon as he got to their level. She then looked back at Lily, confusion still plastered across her face.
"Since when do you call him James?"
Lily's lips parted a little and she stared into nothing, as if she had just been caught in a lie and was thinking about the best way to get out of it.
"You always called him Potter," continued Mary as they climbed a flight of stairs. "Potter this, Potter that... it was constant at one point, when did you switch to his first name?"
Looking immensely confused, Lily did not reply, her lips still parted slightly and her brows furrowed.
"So... she talks about me then, huh?" asked James to break the silence, nudging Mary with his elbow.
"So much," sighed Mary. "It's exhausting. Please stop pissing her off every two seconds, I can't keep hearing about whatever shit you were up to during the day when I get in my dorm. It's supposed to be my peace and quiet zone but lately it's just been the Lily-Evans-complains-about-James-Potter-zone."
Lily, having finally emerged from whatever trance she was under, rolled her eyes at Mary and swatted her arm.
"She's exaggerating," she said to James. "I really don't talk about you that much."
It's constant, mouthed Mary, and James laughed wholeheartedly at her annoyed expression. Lily threw her hands in the air in a defeated gesture but there was the shadow of a smile on her lips.
"Sounds like you can't keep me off your mind, Evans," James wiggled his eyebrows at her, trying to imitate Sirius' perfect eyebrow arch.
"Oh piss off, your head doesn't need to get any bigger."
Visibly trying hard to contain her laughter, Mary hooked her left arm through Lily's, and did the same on the other side with James, so they all walked arm-in-arm.
Both Lily and Mary were witty and smart, and James naturally held back and let the conversation happen, preferring to focus on the blush on Lily's cheeks and his hammering heart. He didn't remember the last time he had felt so happy.
He had been wrong to be so mad at Mary for what she have done to Peter, he realized. They were kids, they were all kids. Mary was young and carefree, dumb sometimes, brilliant often. Insecure, but always honest. He was grateful for her, and for the way she was bringing him and Lily together, past their fight, past the awkwardness, past everything. No hard feelings.
When they finally arrived in the third floor's corridor, James drew his wand and tapped the back of the statue.
"Dissendium." The secret passageway opened up on the hunched witch's back, revealing a short stone slide. Amazed, Mary opened wide eyes as Lily nodded at James appreciatively.
"Thank you! I owe you one!" Mary rushed to James and planted a kiss on his cheek before he could even move. She did the same with Lily, and disappeared down the tunnel with one last look behind her.
"Goodnight, love-birds!"
Lily's face was almost as red as her hair when James turned to her. He thanked everything he knew for his darker complexion, that made his own blushing much less apparent.
"I can't believe her," said Lily finally.
"I can't believe you. I never would have thought you'd let her go, nevermind help her break the rules."
"I told you before and I'm telling you again: I'm not the perfect goody-two-shoe everyone thinks me to be," she smiled and scrunched up her nose adorably. "I break rules all the time, I just never get caught. Unlike someone I know," she added with a wink that made James' knees weak.
"Of course you never get caught, you're the prefect!"
They grinned at each other and went back on their way. They walked for a while, did rounds around the castle more times than they were supposed to, and they talked and they laughed and they had so much fun James even forgot to kiss her.
And had James not been too caught up in Lily, and had Lily not been too caught up in him, perhaps they would have heard, in the distance, the howling of the wolves and the screaming of their prey.