LEXA | ALICIA

We wait for another three days, since we want to be absolutely sure that Diyoza is okay after her treatment. It's the only way of telling us the Flame makes no significant difference and can indeed be safely removed.

Yet the waiting doesn't mean we're just sleeping in late and play house in the meantime, although I do make sure I absolutely relish every minute in which I can get to be alone with Clarke, crack a stupid joke, or simply breathe and be me, knowing all too well things will be very different soon.

On day one we talk to Abby and Raven. We decided after careful consideration that it's too soon to tell anyone else at this stage. After all we're not even sure yet if we can actually proceed the way we want to. Nevertheless my decision stands, and my message to our first two confidants is clear: "I will take over from Madi. When we get back to the ground, I will be their Commander again."

"Their?" Abby asks, narrowing her eyes and creasing her forehead.

"Well, yes," I answer her with a reassuring smile, "I'm well aware that quite a batch of the survivors are original sky folks. Including you two. I don't feel in any position to tell you what to do, let alone to follow my lead."

Clarke shuffles forward to the edge of her seat, her eyes darting between the two of them. "You can though," she adds.

"And why would we want that?" The cynicism in Raven's question is hard to miss.

"I can't answer that for you," I reply truthfully. "From what I've been told I understand many have spent a long time together, Grounders and Skaikru joined as one group. Forced by the calamity that struck them, but thereby also connected."

"Says who?"

"Let me ask you this," I go on, ignoring Raven's question, "Did anyone leave? Since you guys made it to the ground again, and set up camp there?"

She shrugs. "Not that I know of."

"And why's that?"

"I dunno," she mumbles, "You'll have to ask them."

"And I will, when I'm down there," I nod. "But for now I assume that they formed bonds with each other. Over time they set their differences aside, while working together. Living together. Hell, surviving together. By now these people know how to rely on each other. And that's worth a lot, especially in a strange new world, one that's full of danger. Not many people would trade that comfort and security for a fully independent - but also very risky - life."

Abby clears her throat. "You're talking about Wankru, the people in the bunker. But not everyone lived like that. We had a bunch of people up in space-"

"Which was already a mixed group," Clarke interrupts her mother.

"-and then there are the Eligius prisoners," Abby continues undisturbed, "We don't know yet what they want, or what even to expect from them."

I nod again, slowly, as I'm starting to organize in my head. Things clearly aren't the way I left them. "Those prisoners, they're all still asleep?"

"All but Diyoza and Shaw," Abby answers. "It's not intentional. It's just that... well... they might be trouble."

"Also it's Diyoza's call, and she happened to be a little distracted from the very first day on," Raven further explains, as her eyes leave mine. "You know, getting bitten while searching for you," she tells Clarke with that specific tone in her voice I'm sure by now she reserves especially for her. Clarke shoots her a look, making Raven raise her hands in apology. "Sorry, old habit."

"Okay, I'll talk to Diyoza then," I go on, while mentally adding the What to do with two dozen jailbirds? question to my to-do list. "My point right now is that I completely understand that many didn't stay just because Madi told them to. Cultures have mixed, but believes haven't. Grounders still believe in the Flame, and at the same time everyone else probably never will. I can't see any reason for wanting to change that."

Raven leans forward, resting her elbow on the table between us, and her chin up on her palm. She gazes at me with an examining look in her eyes, before asking inquisitively, "Do you?"

I frown. "Do I what?"

"Still believe in it?

"I uh-" I fall quiet, realizing - and not for the first time - that I find the subject more complicated than I initially thought. In my head it's been all clear for a while now, but at some moments I can't help feeling like I'm betraying something, or someone. Maybe even myself? I rub my neck like my muscles are suddenly tensed, while in reality it's my way of connecting with something that's been long gone.Right then I feel Clarke's hand underneath the table, softly stroking my knee. I swallow.

"I don't," I admit. "I mean I don't believe in the myth of it any longer. In the rules and the rituals that are believed to be necessary. Essential even. Or in the guidance it's supposed to give. But the abilities, the power of the device itself, well, if someone can't ignore that, it's me. After all I experienced it for years. I just didn't recognize it for what it is."

Abby tilts her head, squinting her eyes again. "Which is?"

"Some kind of artificial intelligence," I shrug. "Something I would never have understood before, but I'm now able to, since as Alicia I grew up learning about similar technology. Plus Clarke told me about all your discoveries after I..." A shaky gasp sneaks up on me, but doesn't stop me. "She explained about the technology behind it. And I do believe in that - in the technology-part. Admittedly, I'm actually quite interested in all that."

Raven shoots up straight. "You are?"

"Of course I am! The Flame is connected to the nightblood, right? And the nightblood is clearly connected to the virus that's eating us alive - or is making us eat each other alive, I should say. I mean, if we really found a cure here-"

"Uh uh," Abby stops me, shaking her head. "A vaccine, maybe, but not a cure. One that only protects against a bite. We have yet to find out what will happen when someone just... dies, in any other way."

"Also we have no idea about the effect on the brain once treated. On those... things... growing in there after said bite. There might still be something happening up there, hidden deeply in the grey mass, without causing any symptoms... just yet," Raven wonders out loud.

Suddenly feeling restless, I shift in my seat. "Okay, well, a good start at least. A first step in the right direction. Believe me, I'd much rather dig into all that, than climb back onto a thrown."

"Then why don't you?" Clarke's words tumble out before she can stop them. I turn towards her, a soft sigh escaping me as my eyes find hers. It's not one of annoyance though, just the silent wish this wasn't such a struggle for her.

"I told you, I have to do this," I quietly tell her, "It's f-"

"-for Madi," she finishes my sentence with me. "I know."

We keep staring at each other for a few moments, sharing a sad smile, before I turn back towards Abby and Raven. "But you on the other hand..."

Raven leans back in her chair again, crossing her arms over her chest. I check the still defensive-box in my head. "What about us?" she asks in a sharp voice, yet with a touch of curiosity.

"Well, like I said, you're free. I mean it, I'm not going to keep you here, or anywhere else you don't want to be. So the question I'm asking you, as I will ask everyone else, is: what do you want?"

I pause to let my words sink in, and as I do a silence falls upon us. Abby is the first to break it.

"I- I think I want to stay up here. To create more vaccines, but also..." As she falters her eyes search for Clarke's. I could be wrong, but I think I spot both guilt and apology in them. "I'm sorry honey, I don't want us to part again, but I- I don't think I can leave Marcus."

Clarke stretches her arm, reaching over to take Abby's hand in her own. "It's okay, Mom. I get it," she reassures her, continuing after a quick glance at me, "I really do."

With her lips pressed together Abby shows her daughter a thin yet grateful smile. She releases her hand, then turns to Raven. "What about you? Will you help me?"

With a pensive look Raven tilts her head up a little, like the answer to that question is written on the wall behind me. She nods, though hardly visible. "I want to focus on the science too, much more than on the politics." Her gaze drops back to our eye-level, flicking between Clarke and me. "That's more your game, anyway."

Abby sighs in relief, presumably because - as Clarke has told me - she kind of feels like a mother to Raven as well. (Which kind of makes Clarke and Raven sisters, which kind of explains the constant bickering between the two of them.) "So you'll stay here with me?"

"Actually..." Shifting in her seat Raven slowly unfolds her arms. "Actually I think I feel too limited up here. If you really ask me what I want, and I'm starting to believe you do, I'd say I want a real chance to figure this out. I want specimens, equipment, a real lab... a sparring partner with a brain crazy enough to keep up with me." She glances at Abby. "No offense."

I suck in my lower lip, biting it as I think about what she's saying - or asking?

"Okay," I slowly nod, "Would be easier if you'd just wanted to be a Walker Slayer, since there are plenty of job opportunities in that field, but yeah, okay."

For a second Raven's eyes grow wide before she suddenly bursts into laughter. "Okay?" she hiccups, "What? You decide to be the Commander and with that you can magically arrange anything you want?"

I know she's scoffing at me, but I still can't help but grin along.

"You didn't know I was Harry Potter's class mate?"

"Harry who?" Raven and Clarke ask in unison.

I shake my head. "Never mind," I chuckle, before looking at Raven again - still smiling, but no longer laughing. "No, I do not know any magic. I just hear what you say and I want to think along. I really do want to work together, Raven."

"Alright then, I guess I'll take your word for it," she returns my smile, "Any clues where to find any of this?"

"I'm afraid not," I shake my head again. "The last time I saw some kind of a lab was in High School, which wasn't just a poor rip-off of a real lab, but is also all the way back in L.A. In this area I'm almost as new as you guys, so I'm just as lost."

This time it's Clarke who leans forward, her forearms on the table and her fingers making a steeple as she often does when she's plotting things out. "We might be all new here, but we know some people who are not."

We look at each other as if on cue, our eyes locking instantly. "You're thinking about Magna, aren't you?" I frown.

"I am, yes," she nods. "Unless you think she wouldn't help us again?"

"I don't know, I guess there's only one way to find out. She did tell me she would be there for Raven too, if needed, so I guess it's worth the try."

"She did, huh?" Raven comes in between, but I keep my focus on Clarke. After all, Raven wasn't wrong: this is our game.

"We could ask Madi to send Echo again?" I suggest. "Though it still feels weird to trust an Azkeda spy."

Clarke flashes me a smile, one that shows understanding as well as reassuring. "We can, I promise. In fact, I even believe we can ask her ourselves. Tell her about you. Assuming everything works out, she'll go and bring Magna back with her to a whole new situation. One in which you are the Commander again. I think Magna deserves to know that before she assents to come along or not, after all she did for us."

"I agree," I nod, and with that we conclude our first close-to-official counsel.

... ...

Not wanting to waste any time we radiocontact Echo straight away. When we're absolutely sure it's just her on the receiving end of the line I inform her about the fact that I've taken over from Madi.

As soon as she understands the full meaning of this the tone in her voice changes dramatically - a clear heads up what to expect from the other Grounders once they find out. The choice to stay or go really is theirs, but moments like these make me doubt that people will indeed go, leaving me with a group of at least a hundred... and triple as many when the non-Grounders feel the same way.

I swallow, trying to force myself not to think about that part yet, and ask Echo to find Magna at Oceanside. I try my best to make it sound like a favor instead of an order, though I know she won't take it that way. Although commanding still comes surprisingly natural to me I realize it might take a while to get comfortable with it again. And honestly, I don't even know if I want to.

Most of all I make sure she gets my message - I'm asking Magna to help me find a laboratory, a professor of any kind, anything or anyone science related really, but the fact that I'm the Commander now doesn't mean I'm summoning her; in the end it's her own free choice! - and will deliver it in that way, and that way only.

"Oh, and tell her it's actually for Raven!" I mention right before we disconnect. Something tells me that might make a difference.

The next day I learn more about Abby's Marcus, who turns out to be Kane and who I actually met a few times back in the day, and who's now kept in cryo, because he's badly injured.

I also sit down with Colonel Charmaine Diyoza, who unlike Echo is clearly not familiar or impressed with Grounder culture, including its view on leadership. I can't say she doesn't act respectful towards me, but she's not shy to admit not understanding Madi's position one bit - after all, how are all these people following a child ?! Her words feel more like a sincere wondering than an insult though.

As Diyoza is a leader herself my first question to her is if she plans on staying one. Cause if so, I'd say: it's a big world out there, so gather your people and wander off. (Oh, and the best of luck.) I'm not saying I'm not striving for democracy, but it simply feels too soon to have two captains on one ship. Yet if she doesn't want to be in charge any longer, she's of course more than welcome to stay and try to find her place in the micro-world my people are already starting to create on the ground, and that will be under my command till further notice.

Diyoza doesn't answer me right away, what I actually like. She just listens, chews it over and weighs her options, until she tells me at last that she needs even more time. To my slight relief she agrees that we won't wake up her men till she figures out what she considers best, admitting that "they can be quite a handful."

We do the count. We still have thirty-six people in cryo-sleep, including Marcus Kane and the prisoners, who will all stay in this comatose state for now.

We wake up everyone else. Twelve men and women in total. These people, together with Abby, Jackson, Raven, Shaw and Niylah, are the first ones to be offered a bone marrow transplant - now simply called The Vaccine. The treatment is completely voluntary, but everyone accepts it. Everyone opts for protection. The only one who hesitates is... well, me.

I struggle with a strange and rather unexpected resistance from the moment the question is raised, a resistance that I find difficult to accommodate. Clarke and I have words about it, our first fight since we found our way back to each other.

I hate it. I hate that I even have to think about it. I hate that it brings me back to my past, to what being a Nightblood meant for me - a curse that I couldn't escape.

But above all I hate seeing the fear in Clarke's eyes, the fear that I might not do it.

So I do it.

Of course I do it...

At the end of the third day everyone is treated. I have to admit I'm amazed we pulled it off in such a short time, since the proces is way more complicated than just getting some shots. But with everyone joining we also quickly gained more donors, which - as it turned out - helped a lot.

Which leaves us with only one more thing to take care of: the Flame.

Just like Diyoza, Madi has recovered to full health, so there's no need to wait any longer. The moment when Clarke finally removes the device feels almost intimate. It's just Madi, Clarke and me. My family, it hits me when I watch the two of them, this is my family... and not like Strand, Lucy, Al and the others have become my family. This is the family I actually want to play house with - like, for real.

The moment is too short to lose myself in though.

"Alright, I believe this is yours." Clarke's voice pulls me back to reality. She briefly looks at me over her shoulder while lifting her hand in the air, the white-bluish chip carefully held between her thumb and forefinger. "You want a treasure box to keep it in... or rather a hammer to smash it?"

"Neither," I answer as I watch how she covers the cut in Madi's neck with a Band-Aid. "Madi, how do you feel?"

Madi rolls onto her back and looks up at me. "I- I think I feel... light. Even though I could never actually feel the Flame, I do feel like... like a heavy backpack is taken of my shoulders." She grins sheepishly. "Does that make any sense?"

"It makes a lot of sense," I grin just as wide. Whatever happens next, I'm already glad that she is relieved from this burden. "If you feel alright, do you think you can try and find Raven for me?"

She jumps off the bench with the energy that fits a twelve-ish year old. "Sure. Be right back!" She's gone before I can even thank her.

I turn to Clarke again. "Okay, part two," I smirk foolishly as I sit down on a chair and pull my hair up, exposing the skin underneath. "No worries, we'll get back to your question in a bit."

Clarke mumbles some words underneath her breath. I can't hear them, but I know her well enough to recognize her impatience speaking, which I actually find pretty endearing. I giggle.

Instead of joining my laughter, she takes a firm hold on me. "Sit still."

"Yes, ma'am," I chuckle.

"Lexa!"

"Okay, okay, I will!" I take a deep breath and sag my shoulders. "Alright, hit me!"

Clarke lays her hand on top of mine, then softly tilts my head forward until my chin touches the hollow between my collarbones. She reaches out to take a clean scalpel from the table next to me. Two seconds later I feel how she makes a shallow incision in the back of my neck.

"Is it deep enough? It will leave a scar, will it?" I ask her without trying to move.

"I think so," she answers as she dabs the blood for a minute with some cotton wool. "It's closing up already. See, just a few drops."

Her hand returns in my field of vision, showing me the cotton wool with the little blood I lost. It's black, and it doesn't feel like mine.

Clarke is already moving on, tossing away the cotton and picking up a black sharpie. "Don't! Giggle!" she warns me again.

The tip of the marker glides gently over my skin. It tickles, which makes me gasp. I quickly bite my teeth. "Sowwy," I murmur.

"This won't take long," she says from behind me. I can tell by the sound of her voice that she's smiling. As soon as she's done she leans closer and presses her lips against the drawing on my neck.

"Clarke, it's not dry yet!" I shriek.

"It is," she smiles against my skin, "It won't come off. In fact, it will stay with you just as long as I will..." She takes my shoulders and turns me towards her, our faces now only a few inches away from each other. "...for infinity!"

"God, you're so lame," I snort, but my belly is backflipping and I know that she knows.

"Fine, act all tough, if that's what you need to get back in Commander Mode," she shrugs nonchalantly, "but I know you like it."

She slowly moves her hand back to mine, the gentle touch reminding me that I can let my hair down again. Her fingers rake through it and start toying with one of my locks. Her eyes never leave mine. The playful sparkle I spot in them makes me melt into a puddle.

"I like you," I surrender. Not giving her a chance to celebrate her victory I pull her close for a kiss. One that I can't finish the way I want to, because Madi and Raven walk in on us.

"What's up?" Raven asks with a clear intention to get straight to it.

I get up from my chair and face her. "Raven, did Madi tell you we got the Flame out?"

She shakes her head. "Not yet."

"Well, we did. But I'm not going to take it - which is something you can't tell anyone."

"Not even Gaia?"

Clarke and Madi already taught me that Gaia, Indra's daughter, is the new Flamekeeper. I take a stern look at her. "Not anyone," I emphasize.

As she raises her brows in anticipation I can tell she's intrigued. One corner of her mouth shows a bit of a smile. "You're going to destroy it, aren't you?"

Now I'm the one to shake my head. "Nope... I'm going to give it to you."

Her eyes grow wide, just like Clarke's, as I can see from the corner of my eye. "Why- why would you do that?"

"Because the way I see it this thing is kind of a memory drive. Not a simple USB stick, but still, it has to be some kind of storage device... right?"

"Right...?!" Raven slowly nods, still clueless and waiting for more.

"So it must contain a lot of useful information. Hopefully even some information that can help you understand all that is happening on the ground right now. And that can help you find that cure."

Clarke exhales, telling me the penny has dropped. "Because Becca's memory is on there as well!" she exclaims.

"Exactly," I can't help but smirk a little, before turning back to serious, and to Raven. "At least that's what I hope for. Which means that if this thing is ever going to help any of us, it's going to be you, since you're the one looking for answers."

Blinking a few times Raven forces herself to break her stare. "And... you trust me with it?"

My lips curve into a smile. "I do. Though you have to promise me three things. One: you can't tell anyone about it, at least not till you find the right people to work with, and to trust. Two: it can never ever be implanted again, not even in times of despair. I'm giving you this for science and science only."

Raven nods without debating me. "And three?" she asks instead.

"Three: if you manage to crack it and there happens to be a file on there with my name on it then you stay away from it. Not a single peek! Got that?"

Her gaze lingers on me for a moment, then moves to Clarke, then back to me. Right then her eyes grow big again, flicking between the two of us twice more, each time a little faster. Finally focusing on me again she pretends to shiver in disgust.

"Oh believe me," she groans, "I wouldn't look if they'd forced me!"

... ...

The flight down is even worse than the one up, because now I'm also terrified of crashing into the ground. But my fear appears unnecessary: Raven and Shaw prove once again to be excellent pilots by making a perfect landing, one that only comes with a light thud.

Once released from our seat belts and harnesses we all make our way towards the exit. Just like three days ago I'm wearing war paint and heavy Grounder clothes. With some regret I left my gun barrel behind. Instead I carry two swords, crossed on my back. Madi found them for me, together with some other stuff, including a scarlet scarf which we have sewn on the left shoulder of my coat. Instinctively I pull it over my head, searching for the protection and comfort it used to give me.

A hoodie avant la lettre.

At that moment Clarke shows up next to me. She trails her fingers down my arm and takes my hand. I squeeze hers in return.

"Ready for Resurrection Day?" she quietly asks me.

I turn my face towards her. "Oh God, they're going to call it that, aren't they?"

"Probably," she giggles before looking back at me. Our eyes find each others. As always I find calm in the infinite depth of blue.

"Are you ready?" she asks, no longer laughing.

I nod. I am.

Drawing in another long breath I take a step forward, towards Madi. I lay my hand on her shoulder. "Alright strisis... it's showtime!"

Shaw takes the cue and pulls the lever that opens the heavy door. We all walk outside, Clarke and I right behind Raven, Shaw, Madi, Niylah and Diyoza. On the other side Indra en Gaia come to meet us as soon as our feet touch the ground.

"Heda! It's so good to see you again, and in such great health," Gaia cheers with enthusiasm. Indra, on the other hand, retains her familiar coolness.

"Welcome back, Heda," she tells Madi with a short nod. "Your tent is ready. You'll find your throne in there, next to your personal belongings."

"Thank you, Indra, but I won't be needing that," Madi replies.

"What do you mean? Of course you do!" Gaia cries out. "We should have arranged it right after your ascension, but in those final days there and our first ones here-"

Madi raises her hand, making Gaia fall quiet right away. "I mean I don't need it, because I won't be sitting on it. I'm not your Commander anymore."

They both frown in confusion. "Then... who is?" Indra asks cautiously, an alarmed look creeping across her face.

Madi knows simply answering that question isn't gonna work. Instead she takes a step aside, making room for me to step forward.

"I am," I tell my old friend.

As soon as their eyes move from Madi to me they both stare at me in complete disbelief. With eyes like saucers and their jaws open they look at me like they're watching a ghost.

"No, this... this... can't be," Indra stammers. She takes a small step closer to have an even better look. "L- Lexa?!"

I confirm with a single nod.

It's enough to make Indra kneel in front of me before I can stop her. Gaia follows her example; her quiet, devoting Hedaaa almost sounds like a sigh.

"I'm very pleased to see you too, Indra!" A grin sneaks up on me and I realize, a little to my own surprise, that I really am happy to see her again. "And you as well, Gaia. Now please rise to your feet and let's move to that tent, so we can come up with the best way to tell everyone else."

I turn to Madi. "I promise I'm soon done asking you for anything, but could you find Bellamy and send him to me?"

She answers by running off straight away.

When Madi is out of sight Indra leads me, together with Clarke and Raven, to what I guess is now my tent. The throne they built in it is such a centerpiece that there's just no ignoring it. I take a deep breath - if I'm doing this I have to do it well - and force myself to sit on it. It comes with some flashbacks, but there's no time for that right now.

"Indra, I understand you have questions. I will try to answer them later on. But first, tell me about our current situation. Where are-"

I can't finish, distracted by the sound of someone wanting to get in, despite Gaia trying to stop them at the entrance, though with little success.

The voice, now clearly a woman's, draws closer and louder. "Trust me, it's alright," she states, "She asked for me herself."

As she lets herself in I can only admit that she's speaking the truth, as it turns out it's Magna.

She approaches me in the casual way she's used to, the way we acted around each other in Oceanside, then suddenly stops herself, blinks, and makes an awkward bow. With her eyes to the ground she clears her throat, mumbling, "Heda Lexa."

I force myself not to laugh. "Magna, thank you for meeting me. Please, stand up and... be you."

She does as told.

"Did Echo explain to you what we're looking for?"

"Yes, her message was very clear, as was her question," Magna nods. "Unfortunately I personally wouldn't know where to find a laboratory. But I do know a scientist who might be helpful. He's quite a genius, though a little odd. His name is Eugene Porter."

A genius, that almost sounds too good to be true. "And where do we find this Eugene? Let me guess... Canada? No, even worse probably... somewhere overseas?"

Soft laughter escapes her, a hint of normal human behavior I embrace wholeheartedly. "It's not that bad," she grins, "He lives in Alexandria, our third community. The one in the north."

I narrow my eyes. "How's that not bad? As I recall we're not exactly welcome there."

"Yes, I remembered those restrictions as well. Which is why Echo, Miko and I took a little detour on our way up here. We visited Hilltop and..." She pauses.

"And?"

"Well, I hope this won't give any problems, but... I told Jesus that you're the Commander again."

Slowly shaking my head, I let out a harsh breath. "You shouldn't have bothered. He clearly doesn't care."

"Well, actually..."

Magna looks over her shoulder to Echo, who's waiting at the entrance. She pulls back the canvas, letting in the bearded man I used to know as Aden. He walks up to me with a firm stride, giving me a hard stare all the while. I return it, intuitively prepared for a blow of any kind. About five feet away from me he comes to an abrupt stop.

Our eyes stay locked for five... six... seven seconds... Around us no one moves. No one makes a sound.

Eight... nine...

I'm trying to read his gaze. I see anger and bitterness, but also something I can't yet define. But it looks like I don't have to figure it out by myself. After what feels like forever he breaks our deafening silence.

His voice is clear and stable, but also surprisingly soft when he says to me, "This doesn't mean I forgive you."

I open my mouth, then close it again when I find nothing to say.

He doesn't even notice, as his eyes are already on the floor... and before I know it, so is his knee.

... ...