Note: TWD universe in this fic is canon until somewhere towards the end of 9x07 (So Magna's group did arrive in Hilltop, but they never had the search party for Eugene, and Jesus - as we all know by know - never died). At that point in canon Rosita's pregnancy wasn't mentioned yet, which gave me the opportunity (and made me decide) to not let her be pregnant in this fic at all.

ROSITA

FOUR WEEKS AGO

As I wait for her on the sidewalk I watch how she gently closes the front door behind her and just as quietly makes her way towards me. I can't say I know her after the two times we've met, but I'm pretty sure she looks different this morning. Tired and absent.

"Rough night?" I ask when she's close enough.

"Something like that," she mumbles. I don't get the chance for more questions. Squaring her shoulders, she looks at me and already goes on in a stronger voice, "So what's the plan for today?"

"We're going to clear the traps we set out," I explain as I turn around and start walking towards the gate. Lexa follows me closely.

"We're collecting mice?"

Without slowing down I tilt my head to give her a look. "Please, tell me you're joking?"

She gives me a half-shrug and pulls a face. "I'm trying to."

I shake my head while moving on, deciding I'll let this one go. I'm not really the humor-me kind of girl, especially not before sunrise, but I'm sure there will be plenty more options for her to find out about that, and to realize it's a waste of her breath.

"Hey, don't worry, I know you're talking walkers here," she goes on when I stay quiet, "I'm actually quite familiar with them, you know?"

"Good," I nod. "So how many have you killed?"

"Walkers? I don't know. A million?"

She sounds breezy, like she's just talking about the weather, but for some reason I don't think she's kidding.

"Alright," I continue my questioning, "then tell me this. How many people have you killed?"

This time she doesn't answer straight away. When she does, her voice sounds slightly different.

"Too many."

"Why?" I ask, "Why did you kill them, I mean?"

She looks at me, narrowing her eyes. "Is this some kind of test?"

"Yes," I say, catching her off guard with my straightforwardness. "So you'd better answer me. Unless you don't want your sword back before we head out."

As she keeps our eyes locked for a moment Lexa seems to weigh her options. Then she inhales deeply, slowly nodding like she actually understands what I'm asking.

"Fair enough," she says with the slightest hint of a smile. "I've killed for survival. To protect myself, or the people I care about. I've killed out of mercy. And-" She falters, and I can tell she silently debates herself whether to move on or not. She does. "And I've killed out of revenge," she quietly adds, in a way that makes me believe this is something she'd rather forget about.

It makes me think back of the time I went after Negan. Not my best move, but boy did he deserve it. Our gazes cross again.

"An eye for an eye, right?" I grimace a smile.

"That's what I used to believe," she confesses with a small sigh. "Before I got some new insights on the matter."

This time I'm the one to nod in understanding. We continue the rest of our short walk in silence.

Once we reach the gate Aaron and Daryl are already waiting for us. They both take a look at Lexa as soon as we join them. Daryl seizes her up. "You're ready to go out there?" he asks her, his voice low as always.

"Depends," she answers him, while turning to me. "Did I pass the test?"

The corner of my mouth quirks up, just a little, but enough to keep me from building some suspense. "For now," I state, "Now let's see what you can actually do with that sword of yours."

... ...

THREE WEEKS AGO

Feeling like I've been on my feet for at least a month I drop myself on the couch and close my eyes. The house is all mine, and I relish the peace and quiet that comes with it. Within seconds I can feel myself drifting off. That is until a sudden knock on the door forces me to wake up again. I moan, get up and move to the door to open it.

It's Lexa.

"Hey," I yawn, still sleepy. "We're not on duty tonight, are we?"

She shakes her head. "No, don't worry. I just came from the council meeting and Gabriel asked me to stop by your place on my way home. He wanted me to tell you he won't be home till late."

"Alright," I nod, "thank you."

"No problem." She mirrors my smile, just briefly, then turns around to walk away.

"Hey, Lexa," I call after her, stopping her in her tracks, "You wanna come in? Tell me about the meeting?"

Spinning on her heels she faces me again. "I don't want to interrupt anything."

I scoff playfully. "Too late for that!"

She laughs, then follows me into the house, where she takes a seat on one of the kitchen chairs, while I get the both of us a glass of fresh-made juice. As she takes a sip I hop onto the counter.

"So how did it go?" I curiously ask.

During one of our nights on the wall Lexa told me she wanted to discuss a certain part of the woods between our four settlements to build one for her own group of people. I couldn't think why Gabriel and Michonne, as well as Jesus, Ezekiel and Cyndie would mind, since that's not really an area that offers us many resources, but I liked the fact that she has the decency to come over and ask. Unlike most others.

"Smoothly," she smiles. "Apparently getting rid of those skin freaks was enough to win you people over."

"Yes, we are very easy to please," I can't help but laugh. "But seriously, I bet they can tell you guys have more to offer than that. Whatever it is though, welcome to the neighborhood."

I raise my glass, and after she does the same, we both take another sip.

"This is good," she tells me as she puts her glass back on the table. "You made it?"

"Hm hm," I hum. "I don't really cook, unless it's camp food, but I do know how to make some cocktails. Including the virgin ones."

She picks up her glass again and spins it around in her hand, watching the ice cubes go 'round. Suddenly, her mind seems elsewhere.

"What is it?" I ask her. "Disappointed by the lack of alcohol?"

Lexa breaks her gaze away from the glass and looks up at me again.

"No. No, that's not it. It's just... the taste brings back some memories. It's a lot like the juice my mom used to make. Or at least..." She falls quiet again, then mumbles underneath her breath, "...or at least who I thought was my mom."

I'm not sure I heard correctly, but since it feels like those words weren't meant for me in the first place, I don't ask any further. Which she seems to appreciate.

She clears her throat. "Anyway..."

I watch how she swiftly finishes her drink, forgetting about my own for a moment, and how she gets up as soon as her glass is empty.

"I should go," she says. The doubt in her eyes doesn't match the steadiness of her voice. "I promised Clarke and the others to be home for dinner."

"Sure." I jump off the counter to walk her to the door. "Unless..."

She lingers and bobs her head, waiting for me to continue.

"Unless you wanna hang out a bit longer. We could play some Gin, or something? I mean, it's still pretty early."

A pensive look crosses her face, followed by a smile. A real one, one that shows relief, and gratitude. At least that's what I think it is.

"Yeah," she nods. Her smile grows wider. "I'd like that."

... ...

TWO WEEKS AGO

"I just don't get it. Why the sudden change? I thought we were doing fine!?"

Gabriel's hand rests heavy on mine. I pull away.

"It's not sudden, Gabe. I've always been some kind of unsure. I just couldn't pinpoint it. So I let it be."

"And now you know? You figured it out?" He raises his brows, and I wonder how something that's actually so clear can be such an enigma for him.

"I did," I nod, "I realized that doing fine is just not good enough for me. Even with the world turning upside down, we should never settle."

He doesn't respond. Instead he gets up, paces around the kitchen, then leans onto the counter; the palms of his hands flat on the surface and his back towards me.

"It's Siddiq, isn't it?"

I slowly exhale, trying to keep my patience. After all, this is harder on him than it is on me. "It's not Siddiq."

"Anyone else then?"

"No! My God, is it really so hard to understand that people can decide to end things without there being anyone else? That being happily alone is better than being miserable together?"

I can't help it. I'm raising my voice, even though he doesn't deserve it. But this is exactly it. The not understanding. The need to explain how things work. How I work. Not just now, but all the freaking time. He's not a bad guy. He just really, really isn't mine.

Turning around to face me again, he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I made you miserable."

"You didn't," I reassure him. I get up, walk towards him and take his hands in mine. "You didn't make me miserable, but I will be if we'd go on, ignoring this feeling I have. And then I would make you miserable, and you don't deserve that."

For a second I expect him to pull away his hands, but he surprises me by softly squeezing mine. "So you're doing me a favor? Well, thanks a lot."

"You're welcome," I mirror his forced little smile. I know he's being sarcastic, but who am I to take that away from him?

He finally lets go off my hands and sits himself back on his chair. "Now what?"

I watch him scratch his head, like we're dealing with a case of higher mathematics. But we're not.

"Now I'm going to alternate Michonne and Lexa, as my shift is about to start. And then I'll go to Aaron to hijack his sofa."

Shaking his head again he sighs. "You don't have to. This is your house, too."

"It's not though." I show him another weak smile, one that I know is filled with both sadness and relieve. "It's never really been."

... ...

LESS THAN A WEEK AGO

"I like your cap. Did I tell you that already?"

I didn't notice her come up, being lost in my own thoughts for a moment, but the sudden sound of Lexa's voice pulls me back to the here and now. I tilt my head to look up at her, yet our eyes don't meet as she's still examining my army cap.

"I used to have one just like that. Or well, almost," she goes on. "Lost it ages ago, though I don't remember where."

I nod in recognition. "I thought I lost mine, too. But I found it back when I was getting my stuff at Gabriel's the other day."

For some reason I pause, expecting her to jump in with questions about our break-up, like pretty much every other Alexandrian who I've talked to this week, but then I realize she's new in town and probably couldn't care less. She doesn't ask anything, and I go on. "It's old and pretty worn out. Not worth wearing anymore, really. But it somehow felt like that one piece I needed to find myself again. To be me." Hearing myself ramble, a sudden snort escapes me. "Shit, I sound like shrink material."

When she joins my laughter, the sound of our snickering breaks the dead silence of the night as it echoes against the chimneys around us.

"Nah, you don't. Not more than any of us, that is," she grins. "And hey, sorry for interrupting - again! I didn't expect anyone to be up here, to be honest."

"That's alright. You can sit if you want. Unless you came here to be alone, then you're out of luck. Me and my friend ain't going nowhere."

"Your friend?"

As she narrows her eyes in question, I raise my hand and show her the bottle I'm holding. Another chuckle falls of her lips.

"Where did you find that?"

"What?" I pull my most innocent face. "You're saying you never kept anything for yourself while scavenging?"

Still smiling Lexa slowly shakes her head and lowers herself to sit down on the warm asphalt of the roof. I offer her the bottle. She gazes at it with a hint of conflict in her eyes.

"I really shouldn't. It's been ages."

"Sounds to me that's exactly why you should," I shrug.

She doesn't fight me, but takes the bottle instead, puts it to her lips and takes a huge gulp. Coughing, she checks the label, then gives the bottle back to me. "I feel like there's a theme here," she says, pointing when she notes my puzzled look, "More gin."

I laugh again, then suddenly fall quiet, giving her an intense look. "Lexa? I... I need to ask you something."

Staring back at me, she uncomfortably starts to shift around. "What?"

I lean closer. "Do you wanna be my gin buddy?"

She snorts, yet her expression shows more than just amusement.

"What's with the relief?" I ask, sitting back again, and still smirking, "Scared that I was gonna propose?"

"No," she answers, "Just that you were gonna ask some complicated question. Where I'm from, where I've been..."

I frown. "How's that complicated?"

With her eyes now lingering on our wide view over DC, she stays quiet for a moment, before mumbling, "It just is."

I offer her the bottle again, since she looks like she needs it. She gratefully accepts it.

"Don't worry," I reassure her, "I wasn't gonna ask you any such questions."

"Why not? Anyone else would."

I shrug again. "I don't know. You just don't strike me as someone who appreciates them."

She cocks her head, while handing me the bottle. "Thank you," she smiles, though with the softest sigh. Something tells me she's not just talking gin here.

We stay silent for a moment, an unspoken feeling of understanding between us. Then I brusquely take another sip, before raising the now half-empty bottle. "To gin buddies! And to going forward!"

"And to finishing that bottle," she adds, already stretching out to take over from me again.

I can agree with that, not minding the fact that it's keeping us stuck on the roof a little while longer. We don't have anything else to do than wait till night turns into day again, anyway. We take our time, not wanting to get completely wasted, and keep chatting about random things we like. Music, movies, nothing that really matters, but for some reason all things from before the world went to hell. Almost from another life. It's not necessarily sad though. Just... melancholic.

"We did loose a lot, didn't we?" she breathes. I turn my head to look at her, as we're now both lying on our backs, watching the stars above us. Her question sounds rhetorical. I answer it nonetheless.

"That's a fact. But you know what's the good thing about that?"

She faces me. There's curiosity in her eyes. "What?"

"This." I tap my finger against the visor of my cap. "The fact that there's also a lot to find back."

She squeezes her eyes, seemingly giving it some thought, then nods. "That's true."

"So, what are your plans? Thinking about staying yet?" As I ask the question I realize I want her to answer yes. Truth is I haven't really had a friend to hang around with like this since Tara left for Hilltop. Something I wasn't aware of missing this much until right now.

Lexa averts her eyes to the sky again. "I wouldn't mind," she sighs, "But I've got to build that settlement, remember? There are people out there waiting for me."

I furrow my brows. "But why? Can't they just start without you? Hell, live without you?"

She sits up, and I do the same, making my head spin. I try to ignore it, too intrigued by her story. But she's not going to give me any answers.

"Who said you and your people even want us to stay?" she asks instead.

"Uhm, I don't know," I cry out, pulling a face. "Maybe because you guys are fun, and tough, and helpful. And did I say fun already? I haven't seen Eugene this cheerful in months. Maybe even years!"

"You're just saying that," she scoffs. Before I can argue with her she gets up on her feet and starts moving towards the edge of the roof, sighing, "God, I miss big cities like this."

I quickly get up, too. "Lexa, get away from there!"

"It's okay," she calls over her shoulder, "I'm used to heights, I'm not afraid of them."

"Maybe not, but you're not completely sober either," I tell her, carefully following her. She might not be scared, but that really makes only one of us. Yet afraid or not, I quicken my pace without further thinking when she takes it to the next level and starts to climb the railing. "Come on!" I exclaim, hearing the panic in my voice, "Don't do that!"

Her foot is already on the third bar. "Calm down, I'm just gonna sit h-eeeey!"

Her scream fills the air as I pull her arm with more force than intended, making the both of us fall backwards. She lands half on top of me.

I don't move. Instead, I just stare at her. At her face this close to mine. If this was a movie I would probably kiss her now. Or she would kiss me. Or we would kiss each other.

But of course this is anything but a movie. Even though it very well could be. With the scenery, and the moonlight, and the pretty girl. Did I really not notice before how pretty she is? Cause she is.

Damn, she is.

Those lips. And cheekbones. And eyes - the greenest and deepest I've ever seen.

It's not that I've never been attracted to a girl before. Though I can't really remember the last time. And I really, really didn't lie when I talked to Gabriel. There wasn't anyone else. And there still isn't. But that doesn't mean there could be. At least for the night...

Without fully realizing it I close the gap between us, slowly, giving her the time to react, in whichever way. But she doesn't move. Not towards me, but not away from me either.

"What are you doing?" she whispers.

"I'm not sure," I breathe. "Do you need me to stop?"

Keeping our eyes locked, she swallows. "I- I'm not sure."

We stay like that for another five, six seconds - completely still, with her breath warming my face and her eyes telling me a thousand things at once. We stay like that until I can't bear it anymore.

That's when I move in. And she doesn't move away.

And our lips find each other.

... ...