MADISON?

To my dearest children,

How long has it been? I lost count of the amount of days we haven't been together. I can't even remember how many letters I've written you. But I know this will be the last one.

They are coming. Like always. They are coming, and once again I can't do anything other than run. If I want to live I need to run. It's that simple. The only thing is, I don't want to anymore.

I don't want to take one more step further away from the two of you. 'Cause whichever direction I choose, I know it will be the wrong one.

You are still out there. I know that. A mother can tell. You two are strong, and smart, and hella courageous. You've always been. So I have no doubt that you are getting through. That you are still standing tall in this horrible world. And that you are trying to make it a little less horrible, in your own wonderful ways. I just hope above all that you are okay, too. I hope that you managed to build something - something worth fighting for, something that makes you happy. And I hope that you're still together. You make such a strong team.

I want you both to know that you are always on my mind. Not a day goes by without me thinking of you.

Of my sweet boy. My moon child. For so many years I believed that you weren't ready for this world, while all this time the world wasn't ready for you. You were miles ahead of all of us - always. And it saved me, more than once. I just didn't realize it at the time. How you tricked us in believing it was the other way around.

And my beautiful daughter. I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. I don't think I ever told you this, but it had been raining for three weeks straight. But then you came into this world and just like that it stopped, and the sun came through, and to me it has been shining ever since. Even on the dark days - when you were there, my sun was shining. I lost that feeling the day I lost you, but I'm holding on to believing that you're brightening up someone else's life these days, and that thought warms my heart like nothing else.

I've always been so proud of the both of you, and wherever life has taken you and in whichever way you're handling it, I still am. The proudest of all!

I really want you to know that, just as well as what comes next.

I've been looking for you. For years and years. I've been everywhere and beyond. But this world, it's so big, and so empty. So around the time I arrived here I gave up. I got here, to this god forbidden town, and I couldn't anymore. Couldn't go on, couldn't go back. All I could do was accept the fact that I failed, and hope that - against all odds - you would be the ones who would find me one day. Find any of my traces. Any of my letters. I wrote you so, so many letters.

So I'm here waiting. I'm not going anywhere - not anymore. I stay here where you can find me. Even if that means you won't make it in time. If it means this will be the end for me, sooner or later.

Today tells me it's going to be sooner.

People are packing. Boarding their boats. They're calling for me, telling me to hurry. To join them now that I still can. But I won't. Whatever is coming for me, this is my final destination. I hope you can find it in your hearts to understand me.

I love you both so much, but enough's enough.

M.

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